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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » LGBTQA Relationships » help coming out to a homophobic mother........

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Author Topic: help coming out to a homophobic mother........
Member # 15299

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I'm 17 years old, I'm a Lesbian and I want to come out to my mother but i'm afraid too. My mother is very homophobic, she makes comments towards people who are, sometimes even so that they can hear, she thinks that it's wrong and immoral and she refuses to even think otherwise or listen to people who have other opinions about it than her. I've tried to get her to stop making comments and saying the things that she does because it makes me uncomfortable but she won't. My brother is gay, he came out a while back ago but my mother and him were never close because he grew up with his father and not her and since he came out she hasn't talked to him or about him. My mother and I aren't the closest mother and daughter but we do get along most of the time, although we disagree alot and ague alot because of that. I want to come out to her and tell her but i'm afraid of how she'll react if I do. She's already stated that she "doesn't need another gay child" and it's made me hesitate even more.

If anyone has any suggestions on how to come out to a homophobic parent like her, please help me if you can........

Posts: 1 | Registered: Oct 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 10181

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First of all, sorry that you are going through such a hard time at the moment!
When I read your post, two things really sprang to mind-
Do you have somewhere to go, someone you can stay with if your mum has a bad reaction, which it sounds like she probably will, and are you financially secure?
Because if you're not you might want to think about whether this is the right time to come out to your mum- you don't want to be stuck in a situtation of homophobia where you aren't accepted or happy with no way to get away from it.
Also, if you do feel its the right time to come out to your mum, you should probably try and prepare yourself for her reaction- from the sounds of it may not be good. She may need time to accept this, as it sounds like she hasn't yet fully accepted your brother being gay, and it could be very painful for both of you.
Having said that, good luck whatever you decide, and I hope that everything works out well for you.

Posts: 123 | Registered: Oct 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Blue Roses
Member # 9928

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Can I ask why you feel you want to come out to your mother right now? Because if she's most likely going to react badly, it might be better to wait a while. I know that might feel like being dishonestl, but it may also lead to a better reaction in the long run. I know several people at my college who are waiting until after they graduate and are financially independant before they tell their parents, as then they'll have a place to go should their parents get really nasty, or even just their own apartment to put distance between them to let everyone settle down. I'd also seriously recommend waiting until she gets more used to the idea of your brother being gay...having two (both) children turn out be homosexual when she's already devasted at the first just is not going to be a happy situation.

Do you know any queer people in the area who have come out to their parents with more positive reactions? Because if you really want to come out to your mom now, it might help for her to have someone who's been in the same situation to talk to...PFLAG could also help.

Posts: 105 | From: Bryn Mawr, PA, USA | Registered: Sep 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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