Donate Now
We've Moved! Check out our new boards.
  
my profile | directory login | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » LGBTQA Relationships » my best friend likes me (so what do i do?)

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!    
Author Topic: my best friend likes me (so what do i do?)
estonian punk cat
Neophyte
Member # 14557

Icon 1 posted      Profile for estonian punk cat     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
okay, let's see if i can do this without making it too long...

i have this friend "tracy" whom i've known since sixth grade (i'm in tenth now). she's always been part of my group of close friends (she's actually one of my best friends), where we're all open and joking about everything. we all hug each other a lot (even randomly), and we're comfortable enough with each other to have played an all-girl game of spin the bottle last summer at a friend's sleepover since it was the middle of the night and we were all bored.

well even before that already, my friends would joke more about how tracy and i would make a cute couple than anyone else (we joke, yeah, but they joke about us two specifically more often). but lately it's gotten kinda ironic.

thing is, i've guessed for a long time that she liked me (as in more than a friend), but lately she's been dropping more hints. like we'll be talking on the phone and she'll randomly (and often) go, "hey, guess what?" and then when i ask "what?" she'll say "...nothing," or "i dunno." once i tried to coax whatever it was out of her and she said that she wouldn't tell me 'cause it was embarassing, etc.

ever since around then things always seem awkward between us. like we'll hug less, and i haven't hung out with just her alone in a while. so what do i do? how do i deal with this?

complications:
one, i'm straight. now i'm not a homophobe, and i've grown up in a culture (the estonian culture) where at our summer camp, for example, all the girls shower together. i don't freak at seeing underwear in a locker room, but i do know that i'm straight. tracy also knows (and cheers on the fact that) i have a guy friend that i truly care for. in other words, she knows i like him.
two, even though i'm trying not to, i'm kinda freaking out. the weirdness is caused in large part by me. we both equally initiate random trips to the mall together, and i haven't done that. i don't hug her every time i see her anymore. see, every time i know someone likes me and i don't like them back at all, i start freaking out and kinda start clamming up (around them). almost as if i'm slowly blowing them off, but to a much lesser degree. i think she's noticed this, too, but doesn't want to say anything (she hasn't even openly admitted liking me, although i suspect she's told one or two of our other, mutual best friends).

so, again, what should i do? even the concept kind of disturbs me, so seeing it play out in real life, let alone mine, is something utterly new, and to tell the truth, it scares me.

sorry for making this so long, i just felt the need to fully explain myself. plus this is a sort-of vent, since i haven't told anyone else about my predicament.

later,
-epc

------------------
I'll drown my beliefs
To have you be in peace

...Just don't leave
Don't leave
-Radiohead, "True Love Waits"


Posts: 2 | From: Baltimore, Maryland | Registered: Aug 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
estonian punk cat
Neophyte
Member # 14557

Icon 1 posted      Profile for estonian punk cat     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
oh, i forgot to add something (even with all that writing):

tracy has had a crush on this guy james for going on (around) three years now. as i'm becoming better friends with him, she seems almost jealous of our friendship, because for her it's really hard to talk to him. but as an example, every time i talk to her online and he's on too, i try to get her to at least initiate conversation with him. more and more lately, though, she seems to get pissed off when i bring him up, let alone try to get her to say hi. and in general, she gives off this air like she's trying to forget about her crush on him. yet when we're out with other friends (like we were today), if james gets brought up she'll revert to freaking out over him. i'm starting to think that she's using him as a coverup. is this notion ridiculous or is it a possibility?

again, excuse the lengthiness. i'm prone to rambling.

later,
-epc

------------------
I'll drown my beliefs
To have you be in peace

...Just don't leave
Don't leave
-Radiohead, "True Love Waits"


Posts: 2 | From: Baltimore, Maryland | Registered: Aug 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Pumpkin_Pie
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 5822

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Pumpkin_Pie     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Well, if she's not willing to talk about her feelings, then there's not a lot you can do.

But you have to realise how messed up and confused this girl, well, at least that's how she sounds to me. She's dealing with feelings she feels she can't explain.


I don't think that the notion of this guy James being a cover up is too far fetched.
I know myself when I was younger and very much in the closet I had many a cover up guy.

I can understand that you're uncomfortable, and I know that being liked by someone you have no feelings toward in that way is one of the most awkward situations and feelings you can experience.

I think the best thing to do is try and normalise everything and try and treat her no differently.

You can't force her to tell you how she feels, and she'd probably resent you for it if you tried.

If she's comfortable that you will be her friend, maybe she'll tell you, and then you can deal with this situation more effectively by being able to be honest and truthful and letting her know exactly where she stands

But you have to show her that you are her friend no matter what.


Posts: 896 | From: Europe | Registered: Nov 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Kara Zor-El
Activist
Member # 14499

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Kara Zor-El     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
This may not be easy to do, but you need to try to find a way to stop freaking out. "Tracy" is not going to open up to you if she starts viewing you as unapproachable.

Maybe you should invite her to the mall sometime and while you're there simply tell her that you've sensed that she's been trying to reach out to you, and that you're not going to pry in her personal life but remind her that she's one of your best friends and that she can tell you anything, no matter how embarrassing, and you're not going to judge her. Leave it at that. You shouldn't try to extract information from her because she'll just get defensive. She needs your love and support.

And there's a chance that what ever her issue is has nothing to do with you. She might like some other girl, or other boy for that matter. She might think that you like her and she's trying not to hurt your feelings. There's a thousand possible scenarios. It's scary for you now because you don't know what's going on. But reality is much less scary and easier to deal with.

Good luck and Goddess-speed,
your friend in cyberspace,
Kara


Posts: 123 | From: New York City | Registered: Aug 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

   Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Contact Us | Get the Whole Story! Go Home to SCARLETEEN: Sex Ed for the Real World | Privacy Statement

Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.

Powered by UBB.classic™ 6.7.3