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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » LGBTQA Relationships » stuck in the middle

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Author Topic: stuck in the middle
Member # 13403

Icon 9 posted      Profile for lilmissrebel04     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
alright, a couple of weeks ago i went to my "girlfriend's" house(the same girl as my last post). We got drunk, and even tho i was a bit drunk i still knew what i wanted to do. so yeah, we had sex i guess. she is so completely wonderful. i like her a lot, well the next day i told my b/ was of course mad, but i told him i now got it out of my system, and at the time i thought i did. well a couple of days have passed and then i got to thinking about how i like her, a lot. i didnt want to have sex with her anymore, but i wanted to be with her. and i always think about her, and even cry b/c i like her so much. i do want to be with her, but i love my b/f too, and i cant talk to him about this, b/c i dont want to hurt him... i just dont know what to do, i dont even know how she feels...i havent talked to her since that night. maybe it was just a one-night stand in her eyes, tho she said she liked me a lot..should i call her, or tell my b/f how i feel? i dont want to miss out on what i feel could be more with her, but i could nvr leave him for something i wasnt sure about. i havent called her since then, b/c i was afraid that i might not be able to forget about her, i was hoping that i could just get her out of my mind by not talking to her at all...but i do miss her. and the fact is, i also dont want to call her b/c i know ive been a real dick to her too, as well as my b/f..b/c i just stopped callin her and everything i wouldnt want to hurt her if she does feel the same way i do...tho i wish she would...what do i do?!?!??!?
Posts: 2 | From: san antonio, texas | Registered: Jun 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
The truth is, there are never any guarnatees with any sort of relationship, and we can never be truly sure about anything in that regard. That's just not realistic. If we think we are 100% sure when it comes to relationships, we're probably kidding ourselves, since we can't control or fully understand what's going on in a whole half of any relationship because there is another whole person involved. So, you never get to be "sure about" most things like this, and leaving a partner should be about what is going on with you and that partner, not you and someone else.

I'm not sure what exactly you had to "get out of your system," or if you were just placating your boyfriend with something you thought sounded good, there.

Here's the thing: you're saying you want to be with a lover, but not be sexually active with her again -- you -- and at that same time you're wondering if *she* thought it was a one-night stand, when what I'm hearing you say is that for you it was. All of that circling is making me awfully confused about what you want and feel.

If your girlfriend is lesbian, and you're talking about pursuing a romantic relationship, chances are, she's not going to be too satisfied with one that is asexual. But you'd have to ask her about that to know.

I'd suggest you do a few things right now: you talk to this girl and find out what she's feeling and what she wants and how she sees all this. But before you do that, I'd suggest you figure out some things yourself, like:

- Can you separate the drama/excitement of all this from what you think you're truly feeling?

- How is your relationship with your boyfriend right now? is it good, or troubled? Might this seem so fabulous because your other relationship isn't right now?

- How do YOU sexually identify, outside the context of this girl completely? is this a whim or is this something you've thought about before?

- How honest can you really be with everyone here, including yourself? How ready are you, for real, for a committed relationship with anyone? In other words, if you aggree to monogamy, can you not get wasted and sleep with someone else?

Heather Corinna
Editor and Founder, Scarleteen

My epitaph should read: "She worked herself into this ground."
-- Kay Bailey Hutchinson

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 10168

Icon 10 posted      Profile for hottie     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Hi i read your post and just wanted to tell you that i went through the same thing last year.
I had really strong feelings grow for a (girl) friend after we had shared a drunken kiss, i had a boyf but couldn't stop thinking about her, so we didn't stop there. I did tell my boyf about the first time but a few months later me and my boyf split up, and i carried on seeing the girl and still am and now i am really happy with her with no regrets.
You need to do whats going to make you happy, the mistake i made was not being honest to any of the people involved, and not being honest to myself.

Posts: 8 | Registered: Oct 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 7535

Icon 1 posted      Profile for sangre_red     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Originally posted by hottie:

You need to do whats going to make you happy, the mistake i made was not being honest to any of the people involved, and not being honest to myself.

i totally agree. do waht you feel is best, no one else can tell you waht that is. & as ALWAYS honesty is the best policy.

Posts: 18 | From: canada | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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