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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » LGBTQA Relationships » I'm bi and I don't know what to do.

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Author Topic: I'm bi and I don't know what to do.
Irish_Queen
Neophyte
Member # 13468

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I recently figured out I was bi. My best friend is the only person who knows about me and she is ok with it. Which is very cool of her! I've always loved my best friend, but now I think I'm falling for her. I don't know what to do.

One night when she slept over we started talking about sex and sexual dreams we had had. We were both getting aroused. (We had perviously kissed a few monthes prior). She had confesed to me that she enjoyed the kiss and was wierded out by it for a while, but was ok with it now. That night I asked her if she would like to kiss again, but she said no. (What does this mean?) Later that night as we were dicussing our sexual dream, I was getting so aroused that i wanted to jump on my friend and make out. But because she had said she didn't want to kiss again or anything. I suddenly got up and moved across my room and currled up in a corner. I told my friend what I had felt. And asked if it was wrong. She said it was alright and that thier was nothing wrong with it.

Regardless of what she said, it didn't stop the fellings I was, and still am feeling for her. I don't know what to do about the problem. I'm very confused. Can anyone help me?


Posts: 6 | From: AL, USA | Registered: Jun 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
lemming
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quote:
Originally posted by Irish_Queen:
That night I asked her if she would like to kiss again, but she said no. (What does this mean?)

This means that she was okay with it after the first time, but she does not want to kiss again. That's what it means - you asked, and she let you know.

quote:
Later that night as we were dicussing our sexual dream, I was getting so aroused that i wanted to jump on my friend and make out. But because she had said she didn't want to kiss again or anything. I suddenly got up and moved across my room and currled up in a corner. I told my friend what I had felt. And asked if it was wrong. She said it was alright and that thier was nothing wrong with it.

And there wasn't anything wrong with those feelings. Fantasies are in our minds; they can't hurt us or anyone else if we don't act on them. People fantasize about things they would never do, and people fantasize about things they would do, but can't or don't. Be proud that you respected the wishes and feelings of your best friend! You did good in a tough situation.

quote:
Regardless of what she said, it didn't stop the fellings I was, and still am feeling for her. I don't know what to do about the problem. I'm very confused. Can anyone help me?

I can really appreciate what you're feeling for this girl, and how frustrating and confusing it can be. You're having strong sexual feelings for her, and you would like to be intimate with her physically, but she does not reciprocate your feelings.

The hard part is, there really isn't much you can do. If your friend does not want to be physically intimate with you, there isn't anything you can do to change her mind, and trying to change it may make her uncomfortable and upset - especially since she has already given you a clear message that she is not interested in anything further.

Crushes suck. They really do. I'm carrying around a couple right now, and the hardest thing is to want someone so badly who doesn't want you back. However, when you've got a clear sign that it isn't going to happen, it can almost make things a little easier - you need to focus your attention elsewhere. Reflect on the things you like about being with your friend that don't have to do with your sexual feelings for her.

If you simply can't get over this crush, it may be time to end the friendship for both of your sakes - suffering with a crush isn't any more pleasant than having someone around who is very attracted to you and who you have no sexual interest in. However, there's hope - just think about all the things you enjoy together that don't have to do with your attraction to her. You can still be friends - if you continue to respect your friend's boundaries which she has clearly defined for you, and if you can deal with this crush appropriately.

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Laurel Lemming
Scarleteen Advocate

"Take a little time for sunshine/Take a whole lot of time for love/...Take your life as it may come, 'cause boy, it'll be gone soon/Take a little time for howlin' at the moon..." - Sam Bush, "Howlin' at the Moon"


Posts: 3156 | From: Austin, Texas | Registered: Jun 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Irish_Queen
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Thanks, Lemming. I still enjoy my friend as a friend, and when we are in public I don't let my crush on her show to anyone. When we are in public it's as if nothing is wrong, because that's our personal problem, not our public. I respect her and she respects me back and I couldn't ask for any better friend.

I want to thank you again, and I'll take what you said into consideration.

- Irish Queen


Posts: 6 | From: AL, USA | Registered: Jun 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Just_Me132
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Member # 13905

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hey, i'm going through the exact same thing you are, and Lemming is right. you should try to concentrate on other things. it's probably easier for me than you, b/c i never kissed my crush. i've never kissed anyone, as a matter of fact. (and i'm 17!!)

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Oh, that i might be forgiven, for future and past transgressions against thou.


Posts: 3 | From: Middleburg, Fl, USA | Registered: Jul 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
perceived thought
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Hey. I have a similar problem to this and was wondering if anybody could help me.

Well, I am a 14 year old guy, and I think that I completely fell for my best friend (a guy). But he is the one that arouses me most of the time, like once when he spent the night at my house, in the darkness, he dropped down his pants and told me to look at his penis. He's also touched me very seductively and softly, but then he just stopped and laughed.

Sometimes, I just want to burst and get all over him, but I really don't want relationships with men.

But I don't know. I don't show my crush in public with him, and it's great being his friend. It's just that he arouses me so easily (when we are all alone at each other's houses), and it's just so frustrating, because I'm so scared of trying anything sexual with him, because he might shun me, or whatnot.

Is it ok to try, even though you are somewhat homophobic (towards yourself) of trying things with somebody of the same sex just because of all the arousals? Or should you try and talk it out with them first, and tell them all that has been going on, and if they want to experiment or not?

Thanks.

-perceived thought

[This message has been edited by perceived thought (edited 07-28-2003).]


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RumpusParable
Activist
Member # 2295

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i'd generally warn to expect this a lot in your lives when you become close to someone in a friendly way.

personally, i've yet to have a friend that i wasn't sexually attracted to -even if i up until that point found them completely unattractive.

becoming emotionally close -even if it's not a very personal type of closeness, but rather a very friendly atmosphere- is the biggest turn on there is...

ah, the difficulties life hands us. but then, i can't complain too much as that's how many a wonderful relationship start. -it's just all the ones that don't flow that way cause such wonderful torment )


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logic_grrl
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If you really don't want to have relationships with men, then sexually experimenting with them is not a smart idea!

And if you're dealing with homophobic feelings towards yourself, then it's really worth taking the time to work through those feelings before you consider getting sexual with another guy.

In addition, it sounds as if your friend's behaviour is pretty ambiguous and confusing, so you have no way of knowing how he'd react.

I suggest you take a look at http://www.scarleteen.com/forum/Forum16/HTML/000431.html , where you asked about whether you should tell him about your feelings, and consider the answers you got given there.


Posts: 6944 | From: UK | Registered: May 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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