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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » LGBTQA Relationships » i don't know what to do

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Author Topic: i don't know what to do
SnOoKeY
Neophyte
Member # 11401

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hey everyone.. i kinda have a problem.. in my house that i live in i have my mom, my mom's bf and her bf's son.. common-law i guess u could say.. the thing is that my mom and her bf aren't really even as close as they used 2 be when they first met.. my mom and i just moved in with them in february. but becuz i dont like it here my mom and i are moving back at the end of the summer.. but now that her bf knows that, its like something is seperating them.. well recently me and my moms bf son have been flirting and so on and last nite we kissed and tonite we were foolin around.. and yeah my mom almost caught us.. and now i kno she will be spicious of what me and him do together.. but see both of us both feel that it's " wrong " but we talked about and we came up with the conclusion that becuz were moving back we dont think that they will stay together much longer, also that we think they're slowing beginning to realize how unlike they really are..( we dont know what they really are thinking, but to us this is what it seems like ) should me and my mom's bf son continue or should it stop? we dont consider it incest becuz we're not related and out parents are married.. but still some people have different opinions.
and also.. now that my mom is spicious of us.. how can i hide it? or how can i tell her? but if i tell her im afraid that she will move me out of the house so we arent around each other.. i feel really sick about this, what should i do?

New YoRk MofO
JaMaiCa


Posts: 35 | From: JaMaiCa.. New YoRk MofO | Registered: Jan 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Faeresa
Neophyte
Member # 13184

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I have a similar problem... My mother and father are divorced. My dad has been remarried for quite a long time now. But well, for quite a while, Ive been attracted to him, and I think its the same fer him. Well, IF there WAS something going on.. I should probably stop it before it goes to far right.. I mean, because our parents are married? We are no blood relation, but some people have diff theories about incest.

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Fae
"Quod Me Nutrit Me Destruit!"


Posts: 8 | From: Rogers County, OKLA | Registered: May 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Faeresa
Neophyte
Member # 13184

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okay, my post made no sense there.. by "for a while Ive been attracted to HIM" I meant my STEP BROTHER!! =)
Posts: 8 | From: Rogers County, OKLA | Registered: May 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
SnOoKeY
Neophyte
Member # 11401

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but i think it's different becuz our parents arent married, so really there is no close relation to us.. plus the fact that we both think, alomost know that they won't continue seeing each other after my mom and i move again. ? .
Posts: 35 | From: JaMaiCa.. New YoRk MofO | Registered: Jan 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
lemming
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 33

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You're right in that at this point it's not incest - legally at least - because, you're right, you're no blood relation or even related by marriage.

However, there's a taboo against incest not just for blood reasons. A key factor of incest is often a power issue thing - that's why parent/child incest is almost an extreme version of doctor/patient relations, or teacher/student relations. Whenever there is just no way that two people can be together without one person having something over the other - even when it's brother/sister or between cousins, there are still imbalance issues - that can be a dangerous and unhealthy relationship.

BUT - that's exactly why it doesn't seem like you would be in any sort of incest situation here. You haven't grown up together. You haven't got blood ties or the kind of power imbalance that might result from siblings or parents. You two aren't related at all.

However, you're living in a household in which you are not the Queen Bee. Your mom is. And it really is up to her to decide whether she will allow you to see each other while you are in her house.

You have two options here, right? Keep sneaking around, and hope you won't get caught, or come clean with your mom and risk it, hoping she'll see it from your side. I'm always on the side of the honest move, but it's a decision you're going to have to make for yourself.

Has this helped at all? I'm kind of new to the relationship problems - I only ever answer things in the science-y forums ;]

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Laurel Lemming
Scarleteen Advocate

"Take a little time for sunshine/Take a whole lot of time for love/...Take your life as it may come, 'cause boy, it'll be gone soon/Take a little time for howlin' at the moon..." - Sam Bush, "Howlin' at the Moon"


Posts: 3156 | From: Austin, Texas | Registered: Jun 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
SnOoKeY
Neophyte
Member # 11401

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thanks, it has helped.
i have another question tho.. my mom has kind of caught us.. well she knows something is going on.. she was drilling me with questions for about 2 hours last nite, and i came to the conclusion that im moving out. without my mom. im going to either live with my dad back in the city or with my aunt in the city.. my mom doesnt want to have anything to do with me, and honestly i cant live in a house with someone like that. it just makes u feel unwanted.so im moving back to the city at the end of the semester. do u think that it would be bad if me and my step brother kept seeing each other? he does have his own car so it wouldnt be a promlem for him getting there or anything like that. what do u think is the best approach? i really need some advice on this one. thanks a lot.

[This message has been edited by SnOoKeY (edited 05-27-2003).]


Posts: 35 | From: JaMaiCa.. New YoRk MofO | Registered: Jan 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Truthfully? Pursuing a relationship like that is almost guaranteed to have a very negative effect on both of you and your whole family for much, much time to come if family members are objecting. I'd say in our culture that's bound to be magnified further with a gay relationship.

So, when considering what do do, I'd think about a few things:

- Do you want to build a major rift between you and your family, and your stepbrother and his? It's a very big deal, doing that, isolating yourself from your family for what may be for good.

- Do you understand that even though the two of you are not related by blood, that there are unhealthy aspects to just about any inter-family sexual or romantic relationship (studies and statistics support that very unilaterally), even were members of your family NOT to object? I remind you of that because in your last post, though Laurel brought that up, it seemed to be something you just glossed over without much thought, and I assure you, it's something major.

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Heather Corinna
Editor and Founder, Scarleteen

My epitaph should read: "She worked herself into this ground."
-- Kay Bailey Hutchinson


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SnOoKeY
Neophyte
Member # 11401

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the moving out thing with my mom... its been a thought of mine for a while now.. i wasnt meaning to make it seem like i was doing it so me and my step brother could have a better realtionship.. but me and my step brother have decided to stop everything, 4 now atleast. but the thing is u know when u look into someones eyes and they just kind of like lock there? and stay there? that is what i get with him. ive never had it before adn it kind of scares me becuz its just like i cant look away, like im attached. its weird? why am i doing this?
Posts: 35 | From: JaMaiCa.. New YoRk MofO | Registered: Jan 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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