Hi. I just joined, because sex has suddenly become an issue for me! A couple of weeks ago, I thought I'd never have the opportunity to be intimate with anyone. But now I kind of am, and I'm thinking about sex . . .
I decided this belongs in the GLBT forum because it's a lesbian relationship, and I kind of want a queer perspective on it.
The girl I am with is very sensitive sexually, and can't do much for me when I'm pleasuring her. But I really don't care! I'm happy to have the focus on her. Is that weird? She wants to know what I want, but I don't care about what I want. ?
Also, we haven't had sex, and she says we don't have to if I don't want to. I do want to, but I'm worried about STDs. How can I talk to her about this? I'm worried she'll think I think she's slutty. I already asked her if she slept with X___, this guy she dated for two weeks earlier this year. (She didn't.) And she couldn't believe I could think such a thing, so I don't know what to think.
She doesn't label herself, so I really have no idea if she's slept with guys, and I think she's had sex with girls but it feels weird to ask that, because "girl sex with girls" is so vague and all-encompassing.
Finally . . . we're at college, and we leave for home in a few days. She may not feel the same way in September. I can't decide if that means I should take this opportunity to have sex while it is present, or if I should wait because the relationship may be temporary, or if I should wait in the hopes that it will make the relationship less temporary. (I tend to think the last one is a dumb idea, but it also seems very common, what with the whole "he dumped me after I slept with him" thing . . . ) My reasons for having sex with her would be -- I don't know -- a very simple "I reeally want her"!
Whoa, sorry if that was way too much info . . . I'm just kind of lost right now. Your advice will be much appreciated. Thanks.
I was in a somewhat similar situation last year...please wait! And give yourselves some time to readjust after the break before having sex. I didn't do this, and really regretted it. My relationship was somewhat different than yours, and yours probably has a much better chance of continuing than mine did, but there's no harm in waiting until you have more time together ahead of you to take that next step.
Sorry I can't give you advice on how to approach her about STD's and things, but I'd feel pretty awkward, too :-/
quote:Originally posted by Slayer_gurl: To be qute honest, I'm not really sure what you're asking...
If you're talking about sex or readiness to have sex, then no one but you can decide whether the time is right or not.
Yeah. I'm asking for perspectives and advice on my situation, not prescriptions for exactly what I should do.
quote:And lesbian sex is not "vague and all encompassing", for almost everyone it is just as important as "sexual intercourse" (which could vbe very important, or not at all).
Yeah, absolutely it's just as important, but it is also vague. Straight people who are "thinking about HAVING SEX" don't really need to clarify what that means. Queer girls do. Do you disagree with that? If so, why? X_x
I know STDs are still a concern. That is why I mentioned that I am concerned about them.
When it comes to bringing up issues of safer sex, you might consider bringing it up in a very matter-of-fact sort of way, along the lines of "hey, I think it's a really good idea to use dental dams and gloves during sex, because I don't want either of us to take risks with our health." Then you can (if necessary) explain that lack of prior partners doesn't guarantee that neither of you have STDs.
And actually, straight people often do have to clarify what they mean by having sex -- or should, since "sex" is not synonymous with "penis-in-vagina intercourse" -- although it is often used as if it were. Being vague about such things can be a big problem in relationships of any variety, which is why we always encourage people to talk in detail rather than making assumptions or guesses at what something might mean.
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