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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » LGBTQA Relationships » Mom and dad, I have something to tell you - I'm straight!!!

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Author Topic: Mom and dad, I have something to tell you - I'm straight!!!
Member # 12558

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I've just been thinking about it latley and I find it strange that people have to "come out" about being gay. And I think it's sad that we live in a society where everyone expects you to be one way and you have to "come out" and tell them if you aren't that way. Another thing is that people have to determine thier sexuality before they "come out" about it, or even if you just casually tell someone you're straight. How can anyone really determine that they will only be attracted to members or one sex? I wouldn't say I'm bi, but I can't say I'll never be attracted to or have an intimate relationship with a woman. I don't understand how someone can determine that they will only be attracted to and only have relationships with the members of one sex. Why can't we all just be the way we are, love who we love, be attracted to we're attracted to and have intimate relations with who we want. Why can't there be one sexuality - we'll all agree to have sex with humans. I don't know why this all the sudden started rollin around in my mind - I just thought it was interesting and I wanted to share. I really hope this doesn't offend anybody, because it wasn't meant to.

I have a very 'Can-you-start-my-orange?' approach to life ~ Janeane Garofalo

[This message has been edited by ragadyanne400 (edited 04-11-2003).]

Posts: 15 | From: Seattle | Registered: Apr 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Well, I think they're good things to think about.

It is important to realize that sexual orientation and sexual identity are related, but not the same thing. And both can be fluid, though sexual orientation tends to be a little more fixed, whereas identity is totally choosable.

In other words, most people can know, pretty soundly, if they are or are not attracted to given genders. If a woman goes all through her teens and just generally finds she cannot be attracted to men whatsoever but is attracted to a wide array of women, it's a pretty good indicator she that she is not oriented heterosexually, and is oriented, most likely, homosexually. She may or may not want to identify as lesbian and there is no rule she has to. And yes, some people can be very certain they are not attracted to a given gender, or that they do not want to have a sexual relationship with people of a certain gender (different motivators, same choice).

I find the Kinsey Scale is much more useful than the bi/homo/hetero system, because it allows for more variations between those three points, which is more accurate. Most sexology data finds clearly that very few people are Kinsey 0's or 6's, in other words 100% heterosexual or homosexual. Most people do fall within those two poles rather than on those two poles.

I would certainly be more supportive of tossing out tiny boxes for all peopple to fit in, but I think that saying there should be "one sexuality" could be even more tiny and restricting, not less so. But I'd certainly find it interesting to hear you talk about what you think that would entail, how it would effect rights when it came to sexuality and sexual communities and partnerships.

And I certainly degree that any one sexual identity or orientation being assumed a default is problematic.

Heather Corinna
Editor and Founder, Scarleteen

My epitaph should read: "She worked herself into this ground."
-- Kay Bailey Hutchinson

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 12558

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Well I don't think there should be one sexuality as in ok everyone chooses to like both men and women. I just don't think that anyone should have to define themselves or limit themselves to having intimate relationships with only members of one sex. I know people tend to define thier sexuality by what they've felt in the past but really unless you've encountered every woman and every man in the world I don't think you can do that. I just think that everyone should be the way they feel at any given point in thier lives. We shouldn't define our sexuality. I for example have only really been attracted to men in the past and have only had relationships with men. But I don't want to define myself as straight because if I ever was attracted to a woman I wouldn't hesitate to pursue it. I just think it should be accepted and expected that people will be attracted to other people. Don't define it be gender just let it be. If your only with men no one should be shocked or expect differntly, if your only with women no one should be shocked or expect differently and if you are with both men and women no one should be shocked of expect differently.

I would also like to add that I know that it is perfectly normal and acceptable in my mind that people throughout thier entire lives are only attracted to members of one gender ... I just don't believe in defining one's sexuality.

I have a very 'Can-you-start-my-orange?' approach to life ~ Janeane Garofalo

Posts: 15 | From: Seattle | Registered: Apr 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 8684

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I think what you've said is very interesting. However, the reason why people are assume you're straight unless you say otherwise goes back to the very main reason humans have sex: to procreate. Obviously, the only way to reproduce is with one member of each sex. Many religions and many people have a belief that the only purpose of sex is to procreate. So, if 2 members of the same sex are in a sexual relationship, this may be seen as wrong because they're not procreating.

Posts: 41 | From: Canada | Registered: Jun 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Blue Roses
Member # 9928

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I agree that no one should be forced into a definition that doesn't suit them, or be required to define their sexuality, but I don't think we should discourage people from defining theirs if it makes them happy. It can be anything from something to gain psychological stability to a sort of political/social statement. Just so long as people do not react with surprize or dismay to, for example, a lesbian friend of mine commenting "I was randomly attracted to a male in Ohio", the label itself isn't inherently restricting.
Posts: 105 | From: Bryn Mawr, PA, USA | Registered: Sep 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 11950

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i kinda thought about that before, and i always told peopel i was bi, but it'snot really because hey i'm attracted to both boys and girls, it's mainly because i'm more of a 'i like who i like' person, mor ebased on qualities they have rather than appearance, becuase finding someone of your same gender attractive does not a homosexual make. i figure it's jut easier to say bisexual than to explain that i LIKE like people mor for who they are than what they have down under. ok now i'm thinking and im gonna be thinking for days. thanks a lot. :P


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