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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » LGBTQA Relationships » Living down a reputation..?

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Author Topic: Living down a reputation..?
Member # 10052

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When I was 14, I erroneously tried to kiss one of my friends, hoping that she wouldn't mind, and I'd be ecstatic

But as we all know, life does not work as such

I got slapped, and alienated -- And, to make matters worse, we have the usual telling-of-the-friends, which starts rumors, which everyone finds out about, which leaves me a social outcast

Anyone ever had this problem? It hasn't really mattered to me much for a while, I'm shy and withdrawn by nature, but..
After two years with very little human contact other than parents and the internet, one gets lonely..

I tend to lose any possible friends I get, as they hear many rumors (i.e., 'Did you hear about her?...') so I'm wondering -- Anyone else find a way to remove the stigma and actually get a friend , much less more than a friend, without them running like crazed squirrels when they hear about you?

Calvin: Your simian countenance suggests a heritage unusually rich in species diversity.

Moe: What?

Posts: 6 | From: Township 32, Maine, USA | Registered: Sep 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 5822

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Hey Sweetie,

I am in a boat like yours actually. Someone once told my whole class I sexually harassed another girl. It was hard, and I was a bit of a social outcast for a while, but now its yesterday's news and everything is back to normal. Why?

Because I held my head up high and walked into school every day,acted as normal and kept a dignified silence. Remember, you don't need to lower yourself to their level, just ignore them and move on.

And remember, we all make mistakes, and trying to kiss your friend, really, when you think about it, isn't somthing you're going to be losing sleep over in ten years time you know?

Posts: 896 | From: Europe | Registered: Nov 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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I think all too often, things like this seem so awful because when you're in your teens, time feels like it just goes on FOREVER. A lot longer than it actually does.

The point is, for the most part (in very small towns, this is not always the case and there can be bigger roadbaocks), everything like this will pass. People will forget thios stuff, even in just a couple short years -- and a couple years is a very short amount of time, though I understand that it feels like a tremendously long time.

In the meantime, Slayer has the right idea. You go on being you. If you hear people whispering, you can actually be bold and politely whisper back to them, "If you'd ever like to talk to me about that to hear about my side, or find out if that's really true, feel free to ask me."

Same goes with new friends. You have to, I think, give them a good deal of trust to get over that sort of thing themselves. You may doom friendships from the outset if it seems like you're constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop -- peopple can feel that sort of thing, and may interpret that as you being untrustworthy, or, more ironically, YOU feeling reticent about THEM.

And if it's really really bad, and where you are just doesn't fit you and won't, you can look for alternatives. I know in my first high school, I had a horrible time, because not only was I bisexual (in 1983, oh my goodness!), my boyfriend later killed himself during high school, so I recall lots of whispering and such all too well. I opted in time to swap to an arts school which not only better suited my interests and skills and personality, but which also had a group of students who had better things to do during school than whisper about someone who fascinated them (and more times than not, that's what gossip is -- it's people who are bored finding your life more exciting or dramatic).

Heather Corinna
Editor and Founder, Scarleteen

My epitaph should read: "She worked herself into this ground."
-- Kay Bailey Hutchinson

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 10052

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Well.. one of the problems being that I DO live in a small town

So being branded as one thing is going to stick for a very long time here :\

I have the self esteem and confidence of a pack rat, meaning that I wish I COULD say something like nice peoples here suggested but my tongue ties itself in knots when I try to
I might have to try though, hehe, being silent to everything doesn't seem to help :\

Calvin: Your simian countenance suggests a heritage unusually rich in species diversity.

Moe: What?

Posts: 6 | From: Township 32, Maine, USA | Registered: Sep 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 5272

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At least you went for it, petal. Who knows, if you hadn't gone for the kiss, you might have been bitter with regret. Just hold your head up high, and feel proud that you have that much courage.

PS: Nice Calvin quote


Posts: 59 | From: London, UK | Registered: Sep 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 9724

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i just wanted to offer an idea on the "small town" syndrome that we contract as teenagers during high school.

I remember everything around me shrinking in size every year of my teenage years. I mean, suddenly, the city i lived in went from average size feeling in middle school to feeling like a single backyard by the time i was a senior in HS. You will probably insist that you live in the country's smallest podunk, backwater, BFE, hole-in-the-hills sticks part of the boonies but it may just be your new perception on distance and your awareness of the people around you.

one thing people are always telling me and i, in turn, tell others that people don't think about you as much as you would swear they do. Even a town with only 1,000 people is part of an area of several towns in the immediate area, all with people who have lives in other towns and jobs in yet others.

Posts: 56 | From: Michigan | Registered: Aug 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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