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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » LGBTQA Relationships » Being Bi

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Author Topic: Being Bi
Member # 9599

Icon 1 posted      Profile for faeryofcrystlefountain     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I've come out to most of my friends about being bi, but not to my parents, or to my best friend. We've had discussions about bisexuality and she's said that it disgusts her because it's not what God wants. I'm also Wiccan, so she's tried to convert me on several occasions. Sometimes during our convos, when I defend Bi's a lot, she looks at me and asks, "are YOU bi?" and I just say no, because I really like her a lot. Not in "that" way, but she's my best friend. I know everyone says that she'll get over it, but I really dont think she can... Its not like her. When we dont talk about these things, she's the greatest friend in the world. And I just want to be able to tell her. But I dont think I can. Right now I dont see a need to tho, but it would be nice. I guess I really dont have to tell her until I have a girlfriend. But it still makes me feel sad, and kinda ashamed too. What should I do?

It's the time you waste for them that makes a friend a friend unique, in all the world until the end.

Posts: 9 | From: Minneapolis, MN, US | Registered: Aug 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 9384

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Have you considered a GLBT group or student association? There may be people that have dealt with the same issue and their experience may be useful to you. There's a chance that she may know your sexual orientation and is waiting for you to tell her. If you've told most friends, how do you know they haven't told her?? There's a chance the longer you deny it to her, the more upset she'll get.

Posts: 73 | From: Louisville, KY USA | Registered: Aug 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 9599

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Thanks, and I dont think that anyone told her, because she doesnt live in town with me, and doesnt really talk with anyone who does. But I'll try and join the gay straigh alliance at my school, and see if she can open up enough to join to.
Posts: 9 | From: Minneapolis, MN, US | Registered: Aug 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 9727

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Well, I went through a similar situation, so I thought I'd add my 2 cents.

My best friend all through college had no idea I was bisexual. Sexual orientation had come up in conversation once and she very adamantly said that if any of her friends came out and said they were gay or bi she would end the friendship right away because it would be too "weird" or "creepy." So, needless to say, I was scared to tell her, but the time came when I was tired of that same feeling you described of being "ashamed" of this big secret.

I chose to tell someone else first, who was not as close to me, but was also much more open-minded and objective. That helped alot, because it was like proof that coming out isn't the end of the world and I got a lot of support and encouragement from this friend. Perhaps there's someone you feel comfortable talking to, who is likely to be supportive for your first coming-out?

When I finally told my best friend, she was surprised, but very accepting. People may find it easy to hate a nameless, faceless group like "gay people" but when they're faced with someone who they love and care about, I think it puts things in perspective for them. I think if your best friend truly is a friend, she will listen to you, deal with the facts and end up loving you just as you are.

That said, it may not be totally easy at first. Here's a couple obstacles you may hit:

First, if you tell your best friend, you need to be prepared for her to tell a few other people. I was furious when I found out my friend had talked about it with her fiancee and another friend of ours, because I had sworn her to secrecy and I felt really betrayed. But with that all behind me I can see that from her perspective the news was a pretty big bombshell to receive and she needed to be able to talk about it with someone else to figure out how *she* felt. So, it's best if you understand and accept that at the start. Besides, its actually a relief when your circle of friends knows - you don't have to feel you're hiding anything.

Second, you'll have to be prepared to hear plenty of stereotypes and myths and be prepared to do some educating. It sounds like you're probably already doing a lot of this. My best friend still thinks, since I'm still dating a guy, that the bisexuality was just "a phase" and she also likes to insist that girls get "turned gay" by bad childhood experiences with men. Neither are true and I'm still working on her, but, hey, at least I have an open forum to speak my piece now.

Finally, good luck! Take your time and be yourself, and just keep the faith that if you always try to do what's right things will turn out for the best.

Posts: 4 | From: Orlando, FL, USA | Registered: Aug 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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