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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » LGBTQA Relationships » Terrified of breakup! Any advice?

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Author Topic: Terrified of breakup! Any advice?
KittenKisses
Neophyte
Member # 7980

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I'm ridiculously terrified of rejection and basically losing the people I care about. And in this case, my girlfriend.
I care about her a lot and I truly believe we have great compatibility but lately I've been causing turbulance in our relationship because I'm so paranoid.
I know she means it when she tells me she loves me, but after a short while I begin to doubt that. I always worry she'll change her mind or start to feel less of me and I know I should just relax and accept that one day it may happen (for when it does I won't be able to stop it) But I can't! It bothers me all the time and I know it's starting to bother her. It's making me seem clingy and suffocating and hopefully not obessesive.
I don't mean to be but I really care about her and I've had my share of rejection when I was younger (my father never really wanted anything to do with me and this probably caused my fears today of worrying about why and how people might reject me for no reason.) (It also could account for why I have a -girl-friend...)
My gf keeps telling me that I'm just paranoid and so do I but nothing settles me...I'd hate to lose her for reasons because of my stupid actions.
Is there any advice on how I can overcome these fears? Perhaps someone else has been through this? Thank-you so much.

Posts: 11 | Registered: Apr 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
fly_little_wing
Activist
Member # 8684

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Well, I haven't really been through this with a girlfriend, since I've never had one, but I have been through similar feelings. I have this constant urge and need to tell people I love them, and hug them, and just be reassured of their feelings. I also have a need to talk to these people on a regular basis. Sometimes if I go for many days without talking to people I love, I begin to worry they don't love me anymore, or they've forgotten about me or something. But then they always reassure me they care about me and are thinking about me. This has been especially strong with one of my friends. I only know her over the internet. She's 9 years older than me, and works long hours. She's also gay. Now although we don't feel *things* for eachother, we still say I love you often, and call each other "sweetie" and "cutie", etc, stuff that would probably be uncomfortable for 2 straight girls. But she always reassures me that she loves me, and even when we're not e-mailing or chatting because she's busy, she still thinks of me.
The best advice I can give you is when she says she loves you, understand that she means it. And don't think about a potential breakup. I went through a phase with my friend where I kept getting worried that I'd lose her, because I've drifted away from close friends, and I HATE it when that happens. Just don't think about the negative things, and enjoy the time now. If you're always thinking about a breakup, things won't go very far.
Anyway, I hope things go well for you! Take care!

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And now she's walking through the clouds with a circus mind that's running wild. ~ Butterflies and zebras and moonbeams and fairytales. ~ All she ever thinks about is riding with the wind. ~ When I'm sad she comes to me. ~ With a thousand smiles she gives to me, free. ~ 'It's alright, it's alright' she says. 'Take anything you want from me. Anything.'


Posts: 41 | From: Canada | Registered: Jun 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
froggish
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Member # 6370

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I am so happy to read that others have this same problem! I'm incredibly paranoid - when I don't have contact with my girlfriend for a few days, I start imagining all of the stuff she must be doing and that she's grown to dislike me or something (we're currently "long distance", but only for another 7 weeks)...Of course, it's mostly in my head, but that doesn't stop it from turning into this whole bitter, anxious, ridiculous thing...I also have a problem with rejection and stuff stemming from childhood, so I'm definitely thinking that's what this is all about.
However, I don't know how to deal with it, because when I cry or tell my gf that I'm afraid she doesn't love me, I still don't believe it when she has to reassure me - it's like, what else would she say at that moment? I think it would help if she told me so at random times - but there's no way to let her know that...heh.
Good luck with the paranoias

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~*frog*~


Posts: 41 | From: Chicago | Registered: Jan 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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