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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » LGBTQA Relationships » Do you act differently depending on the gender of your partner?

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Author Topic: Do you act differently depending on the gender of your partner?
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Member # 5460

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This is something I've noticed a bit in my own life lately, so I thought I'd start a topic in here for some discussion.

To lay down a bit of the backstory, I'm married to a MtF transsexual who born male, but transitioned to female about a year after we got married. So, in essence, I'm married to someone who has been both male and female at different points in our relationship. Confused yet? Me too.

While her transition hasn't made so much as a ripple in our relationship, I've noticed a few small changes in the dynamics of how I act now.

Most noticible is how I act when we're in public -- living in a small backwater town in the deep South, being openly queer isn't a good idea, so I usually don't hold her hand, or kiss her, or otherwise blatently act like we're a couple when we're in public. That makes me furious, but that's another story all together.

I've also noticed, though, that I'm much more affectionate verbally now with her. I never used to be comfortable with pet names or things like "sweetie", but since she's transitioned, I've noticed more terms of endearment creeping into my vocabulary, along with some cloyingly sweet pet names.

Has anyone else noticed similar differences in the dynamics of a relationship depending on the gender of the other person? Any other thoughts?

Kythryne Aisling
Scarleteen Sexpert

"The only unnatural sexual act is that which you cannot perform."
-- Alfred Kinsey

Posts: 1685 | From: New York City | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 8592

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i act somewhat different around each partner i have, and some of the different behaviors seem drawn along gender lines, while other behavior differences don't. the differences have become less pronounced the older i've gotten, though. the main difference, for me, is that i'm more likely to openly disagree with men and argue a point into the ground. i'm less combative with women.

just a thought, btw--since you mentioned that you've become less comfortable with physical examples of your love in public because you live in a conservative area, perhaps the increase in verbal sweetness is a way that you're compensating for the change?

Posts: 6 | From: Seattle, WA | Registered: Jun 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 168

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I think that I more often (falsely!) assume that the men I'm with are automatically and at all times interested in sex. When I'm with a woman, we tend to act like friends, and then sometimes are sexual with each other, whereas with a man, it's usually a more-than-friends feel all of the time.

I know that I femme it up more with a butch woman than I do for a man or a not-so-butch woman.

When I'm with a man I'm more likely to talk about women I find attractive than I am to talk about men I find attractive when I'm with a woman.

You were never no locomotive, Sunflower, you were a sunflower!
-Allen Ginsberg

Posts: 1101 | From: San Francisco | Registered: Jun 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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