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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » LGBTQA Relationships » Hetro who keeps getting chatted up!

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Author Topic: Hetro who keeps getting chatted up!
bob18
Neophyte
Member # 7848

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Firstly Im hetro-sexual and NO CHACE of Bi!
The problem is that due to having no Male Rolemodels Im very much in touch with my fem. Side and Homosexuals (you lot) keep trying to chat me up!
Just because Im a goth who pretty much LIVES IN his Long Black Jacket doesnt mean Im on the market!
Any thing I can do to prevent this from happening? (without losing the jacket)

Sorry if this is in the wrong place but didnt know where to put it!


Posts: 27 | From: Poole, Dorset, England | Registered: Apr 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
PoetgirlNY
Activist
Member # 168

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Why does it bother you that gay men are flirting with you? If you are secure in your own sexual orientation, just try to think of how nice it is that all these people are attracted to you. I would be flattered. You can just let the guy know that you're straight, and say "no thank you." Anyone will generally back off after that. If it's happening in a way that is harassing, or makes you uncomfortable,and if he doesn't back off when you let him know you're not interested, that's inappropriate, and you have every right to just walk away.

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Limes Are Sublime

[This message has been edited by PoetgirlNY (edited 04-25-2002).]


Posts: 1101 | From: San Francisco | Registered: Jun 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
kythryne
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 5460

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Woah. No need to get snippy here, bob. Homophobia is NOT tolerated at Scarleteen, particularly when it's in one of the forums specificially for GLBT people. Do not make rude remarks like that again.

If you are asked out by someone who you are not interested in, all you have to do is politely decline. Their gender and sexual orientation is irrelevant. However, if you feel compelled to let them know that you are specifically not interested in them because of their gender/sexual orientation, all you have to do is politely say something along the lines of "thanks, but I'm really not interested, I'm straight."

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Kythryne Aisling
Scarleteen Sexpert

"The only unnatural sexual act is that which you cannot perform."
-- Alfred Kinsey

[This message has been edited by kythryne (edited 04-25-2002).]


Posts: 1685 | From: New York City | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
LilBlueSmurf
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 1207

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You do the same thing you would do w/ a girl you were uninterested in. You can't exactly wear a sign saying "I'm strictly hetero" ... It just doesn't work that way. You learn to deal w/ it.

And don't be offended. If someone of the same sex were interested in me that way, i think i'd be more flattered than anything. Then you gently tell them that you're not interested. It's not hard, i promise


Posts: 7168 | From: Ontario | Registered: Sep 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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How do lesbian women deal with herterosexual men making advances towards them? Or heterosexual women who aren't interested in dating at all right now?

They say no. The same way I say, "No thank you," nicely when the Jehovah's Witnesses come to my door.

In anyone's life, they will have invitations extended they do not wish to accept.

And please don't call those of us who are queer "you lot." Honestly, it's rude and offensive.

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Heather Corinna
Editor and Founder, Scarleteen

My epitaph should read: "She worked herself into this ground."
-- Kay Bailey Hutchinson


Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
bob18
Neophyte
Member # 7848

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I would like to say that although it sounds like Im a hohophobe Im not!
Im sorry if you thought otherwise!
But I do say "no thanks, Im straight!"
And they do leave me alone but it justs happens so blooming much that it annoys me.
At thirst yeah I was taking as a compliment,
but it happens every time I go the only night club that plays my sort of music in my area!
I just wanted advise on how to react as its uncomfortable to me (not having much exp.) telling homosexuals "no" and I dont want to seem rude either!
Sorry if you thought I was rude (but thats what I mean (WHAT IS CONSIDERED RUDE))!

[This message has been edited by bob18 (edited 04-25-2002).]


Posts: 27 | From: Poole, Dorset, England | Registered: Apr 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
-Jill
Scarleteen Volunteer
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Rudeness is the same at all times - regardless of the sexuality/age/race/gender/etc. of the person you are dealing with. Just keep that in mind and you'll be fine.

Also, I may be confused but are you being hit on at club that caters to gay men? It is impossible to acertain a person's sexuality simply by appearance but some things can be used as clues - such as going into gay oriented night clubs. I realize that you are simply enjoying the music but I do see how that could give people the wrong idea.


Posts: 3641 | From: Truckee, CA, US | Registered: Sep 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Laura
Activist
Member # 3426

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I think I see where you're coming from, Bob. Unwanted attention can be pretty uncomfortable (no matter what your reason is for not wanting it), and you're certainly not obligated to take it as a compliment every time somebody expresses interest in you.

Do you (or could you) go to this club with friends? Could you and a friend (male or female) pretend to be "together" just for the purpose of warding off unwanted attention?

One of my (single) friends sometimes wears a ring that looks like a wedding band when she goes out. but I'm not sure how well that would go with your goth enemble.

Otherwise, I'm afraid you're stuck saying "no, thank you."

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Question authority, but realize that authority is often right.


Posts: 107 | From: Chicago, IL | Registered: Apr 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
sapphirecat
Activist
Member # 5317

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It's awfully difficult to hear someone's tone in text, but there are a few clues:

ALL CAPS MEANS SHOUTING, WHICH IS BAD! Exclamation marks make you sound annoyed! Throwing "you lot" in there made that particular comment much more personal. (Hey, I'm not gay!) And you can refer to them as "gay"--not only is it shorter to type, but most of them prefer that.

You can still _emphasize_ a certain word in plain text if you don't want to use neato UBB code. (Click the "UBB Code is ON" link to the left of where you type your message to learn about that.)

So anyway, back to your question. If you're in a club that caters to the gay community (perhaps there is a strange quantity of lavender and rainbows there?), people will assume you're not straight, no matter how masculine you appear. So the only way to cut down on the attention is to quit going there or go with a friend.

Hope that's somewhat useful

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Sapphire Cat
Looks won't tell who's living inside.
Artist, poet, programmer, dreamer, and crossdressing bondage kitty


Posts: 235 | From: Louisville KY (St. Matthews) | Registered: Sep 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
bob18
Neophyte
Member # 7848

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The night club that I go to is not a "strictly" gay club but gays are welcome there as everywhere in my area.
I occasionly go with someof my mates (most male) but as we have the same taste in clothes / jackets I dont think that it helps.
Only being 18 I dont think that a ring is very suitable as who would be engaged / married at my age?
I said "you lot" and "homosexuals" because I didnt want to be rude (back fired again) and I know that not all gays like to be called it (from some of my friends (gay friends))!
I would ask them but i feel uncomfotable talking like this 1-on-1.
And as for using CAPITALS and exclamation marks I dont do it to shout (as I know thats not allowed) but to emphasise a point (quetions, etc.)
I guess Ill have to live with it. I suppose that one of reasons for being uncomfotable with gay blokes is a growing fear that I might be bi with a VERY homophobic father.
Although he is accepting and sees it as their choice, all the contact with gays that he has had first hand has been negative. Nasty gays at work who ignore there superiors, and dont socialise with the straight team for somereason.
However deep down although I know hed be accepting of me hed also be greatly dissapointed that I turned out (as he fears) like him in someways (hes a TV but he doesnt know that I know).
I was trying to find out if anybody could tell me what tells gays that some one is unwilling to "go there" as Im uncomfortable!

Bob


Posts: 27 | From: Poole, Dorset, England | Registered: Apr 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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