This is a question for all the bi's and pan's and anyone else who likes more than one gender. I find that the more time I spend with queer people, the more I want to be in a relationship with a girl (myself being a girl, also), but when I start to hang out with straight couples more often, I'm longing for some hetero activities. It's usually not a problem, as I just end up flirting with everyone.
But what's a person to do when you're in a monogamous relationship, and you're longing for the other sex? I'm absolutely happy and fufilled by my boyfriend...but it seems that there are more queer gurls than ever. When I see them kissing and hugging and flirting with each other, it makes me wish that I could jump in on it, but I can't.
What's a person to do? I've found this happens with a lot of people. I've got a friend, male, who hasn't labeled himself (outside of the label "sex fiend", which he wears proudly), and he says that the only time he's partial to one sex is when he's with the other. So, when he's sexually/romantically with a man, it makes him want a woman and vice versa, because normally he just goes for who he's attracted to.
Personally, I go through phases of liking one sex more then the other. My friends are a big multi-gender group. There is one gay guy, and 2 bi girls (me included). I'm in a girl phase at the moment.
This is coming from someone who hasn't had a date for 6 months, but I would be happy to have anyone (as I said this is me).
I can't blame you for wanting a chick though...ahh the dilemma...talk to you boyfriend. The idea of you and a chick might provide him with something to think about
Hugs & Scully, Winnie :0)
Posts: 465 | From: Canberra, ACT, Australia | Registered: Jan 2001
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When we first started dating, he was very happy to think about it *smirks* But now that we're more serious, he's not happy to think about it at all. Do ya'll ever notice that? Guys are always so excited when they find out that I'm bi, but when we get into a relationship there are all these issues that come up and they no longer think it's fun, lol.
I've wrestled with this in the past. I've never been with a boy, but for most of my life, I've felt more attracted to them than to girls.
I'm in a relationship (monogamous) right now with a girl, and, while we've discussed the possibility of one or both of us being with others at sometime in the future, for the moment that seems to be on the backburner.
I've come to dislike the Monday night Queer as Folk ritual that I have with my partner because I usually end up thinking about how I'll probably never get it on with a boy (but to be clear, I still enjoy the QAF ritual for many other reasons).
My partner and I are both bisexual (I suppose), to varying degrees, and I think I'm the one who's pushed more in the past for an expansion of our boundaries, I guess. It hasn't happened, but we're still in a relatively young relationship, so maybe it will eventually.
[This message has been edited by Dzuunmod (edited 06-10-2002).]
i'm bi/bi-curious as well, and i find i've been having "yearly" phases. for most of my life i've liked guys more, and then in between 6th/7th grade i realized i was bi. i was openly gay online, but not to my friends irl.. i leaned toward girls more for a lot of 7th, and now it's 8th grade. i think i'm about guys:60 girls:40 now.
HAHAHAHAA WE ARE LEARNING RATIOS NOW
------------------ i was thinking that i might fly today just to disprove all the things that you say
I'm equally attracted to both genders, but I find I go through phases where one gender seems much more interesting than the other. Ideally, I'd have my husband *and* a girlfriend, but I haven't found a willing volunteer for the later yet. <pouts>
My current, and basically ideal situation, is that I'm seeing a bunch of different people, in different capacities, of varying genders. At this point in my life, poly relationships are working best for me. But when it comes down to monogamy, I don't have a problem sticking to one person of any gender. Just try to keep your fantasy life active.
And Kyth, don't worry, you'll find someone. I'd volunteer if we weren't really far away from each other
It's true (and someone's already said it) that the grass is always greener on the other side.... also, it feels less like cheating, somehow, when it's with someone of the opposite gender from the one you're seeing - so you can feel a bit more justified in looking a bit... but remember, unless you've already agreed that it's okay, getting with someone of the opposite sex from your partner is still cheating... Last of all, the gay/bi world can get quite cliquey - when you're in a hetero relationship, you can miss the closeness and support of your little gang, just as when you're with a same-sex partner, you miss being part of the 'straight' world (not that you have to be so divise about it, but that's often the way it happens, where I live anyway)... That's how I find, anyway....
Alternatively, you could just not have found the right partner yet!
i have no idea how i'd deal with monogamy, given that i'm bi. i think it would probably frustrate me to watch girl/girl porn, because it would be this thing that i couldn't have but really wanted. (i tend to be more attracted to girls than guys.) but, then, i'm probably poorly suited to answer this question anyway, since i'm happily polyamorous, and it's not really an issue that comes up for me.
i do go through phases where i'm more interested in one gender than the other, though. i think it depends on which direction the wind is blowing that day.
quote:When we first started dating, he was very happy to think about it *smirks* But now that we're more serious, he's not happy to think about it at all. Do ya'll ever notice that? Guys are always so excited when they find out that I'm bi, but when we get into a relationship there are all these issues that come up and they no longer think it's fun, lol.
Ah, yes. I've run into this problem, too. Although not quite with myself. One of my good friends (a girl) and her boyfriend at the time (a boy (in case there was any questions as to his gender...)) had agreed that doing stuff with girls isn't cheating. I found that to be incredibly ridiculous especcially since she was very openly bi. Well, anyway, we both had a past of liking the other and a few months into their relationship, we had a few tiny intimate moments (mostly snuggling and a bit of kissing). She felt pretty bad about it, so she told her boyfriend and he got mad. I guess I can understand why as it is cheating, I guess (although I didn't view it as cheating). But still.
quote:Originally posted by DrQuack5: One of my good friends (a girl) and her boyfriend at the time (a boy (in case there was any questions as to his gender...)) had agreed that doing stuff with girls isn't cheating.
i ran into that with one of my ex-boyfriends. we were polyamorous (in an open relationship) and he was okay with me seeing girls, but not guys. for a couple of years that didn't bother me, but eventually i decided that it was sexist and heterocentric. it was as if he didn't consider what i was doing with girls to be "real" sex, so it wasn't a threat to him. given that i more strongly identified as a lesbian at the time, i found it very strange (and pretty silly) that he didn't consider girls more of a threat. eventually i realized that i needed to be able to see who i wanted to regardless of their gender, and the boyfriend and i had to break up. ever since, i've carefully chosen partners who will respect BOTH sides of my bisexuality, and the various ways that overlaps with my polyamory.
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