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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » LGBTQA Relationships » Misinterpretation

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Author Topic: Misinterpretation
Member # 5272

Icon 1 posted      Profile for jazzpenguin     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I'm gay. And I'm starting to come out. But some of my male friends, particularly younger ones, are interpretting any sort of physical fondness as sexual affection.

Yesterday I was at a school "funday" (cakes, juggling, music - you know the sort of thing) and a friend of mine, who is 3 years younger than me, tagged on to me throughout the day.

I really like him - he's a fun guy - but not in a sexual way. And I'm the kind of person who shows their affections physically - tumbling, play-fighting, hugging when I greet somebody - but he kept asking me whether I was trying to make a move on him.

This is not the only time this has happened. How do I make it clear to people whether I'm making a pass at them or just being friendly?


Posts: 59 | From: London, UK | Registered: Sep 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 2105

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Welcome to Scarleteen.

Hmmm, tricky question now. I guess people could ask you and you could tell them. Or you could tell them anyway. Or it might not even come up. If someone kept asking me if I was flirting with them and I wasn't, I'd probably tell them something to the effect of I'm not flirting with you, you're just bigheaded (of course this would be done jokingly, er, the conceited bit at least). And that is my excellent take on the situation.

No logic was harmed in the making of this post. It was just sent far away.

Posts: 356 | From: Phoenix--name that plurally | Registered: Dec 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Member # 5460

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I've often contemplated getting "I'm bisexual, and I'm not attracted to you" tattooed across my forehead. Or at least buying the t-shirt.

Seriously, though, what I've always done is just be very careful to avoid doing anything that could be mis-interpreted as a sexual or romantic advance around my nervously straight female friends. And when I come out to people like that, I usually tell them upfront that I'm coming out to them because I don't want to hide part of who I am, not because I'm trying to make a move on them.

Posts: 1685 | From: New York City | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 406

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I get that a lot too. I'm bi, I'm a chick, and I'm a very affectionate/touchy person. I love holding my friends or rubbing their backs or walking hand-in-hand, even if they're just friends and I have no attraction to them whatsoever. Since most of my friends aren't entirely hetero, it's not really a problem, but sometmes people mistake my affection for flirting. If I think they're taking it the wrong way I'll just jokingly say to them, but entirely point blank, "Just so you know, I'm not hitting on you. I mean, you're cute and all, but you're not my type." A wink and a smile later, we're just laughing and going back to regular times. Even with my close straight friends, every now and then I give them a little reminder that I'm not interested in them, just so they know.


Posts: 1339 | From: Las Vegas, NV, USA | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 961

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My roomamte is a lesbian, and almost without fail, the first thing people ask when they find out is whether she hits on me, or if we 'dyke out'. Nope. She talks about girls with me, but she also talks about boys, cats, Tupperware, and everything else. We hug and play with each other's hair, but that's not a sexual thing. She's got a girl she likes in another city, and I'm not the one for her, nor she for me. It's not like being heterosexual means a girl's going to sleep with every guy she knows, or like straight guys like every single girl they see, so why would it be any different for GLBT people? You might want to try to explain it that way, 'cause it's true, and seems an easy way to do it.
Posts: 5122 | From: I *came* from the land of ice and snow | Registered: Aug 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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