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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » LGBTQA Relationships » society and its pressures on gays, lesbians, and bisexuals

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Author Topic: society and its pressures on gays, lesbians, and bisexuals
suzanny
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Actually, I put this post under another topic, but it was very old, and I have a feeling I will get no response to it, so i'm reposting it. Being a junior in high school, I feel the extreme pressure that classmates, teachers, etc. put upon people they believe or know to be gay, bi, or lesbian. I thought that maybe there are a few people on this board who either remember what it was like going through high school and dealing with certain people who believe that being gay, etc. is a sin. or are in high school now and cn relate. So, here's my previous post: I know that no matter how hard I try, I cannot hide my internal attraction to other people whom I find "attractive". I may be able to conceal my emotions, and act as if I am not attracted to a particular person, therefore declining any possibility for a relationship with that person. Although, the feeling that the person arouses within me cannot be hidden or doused. I have been aware of my bisexuality for 5 years now, and I must admit that I am not the best at hiding my feelings towards other people, male and female alike; but, given certain circumstances, such as the crowded hallway of our high school and my friends walking with me, I feel obliged to ignore my emotions, and deny my attraction towards the person. It is very difficult to explain, as you can tell. I suppose I am trying to say that I believe that I would not need to hide these feelings had I not been born with them. Yes, the people whom I may feel attracted to are stimuli for my emotions and physical reactions, but it is society and my subconscience which tell me to withdraw from exerting a response to either the person or anybody around me. If I felt like I wouldn't be scorned and ridiculed by classmates and others alike, I would possibly feel free to show my emotions and express my feelings toward certain people of my liking. However, the mere thought of people hating me for being bisexual stops me from reaching this liberty. Maybe as society learns to accept gays, lesibans, and bisexuals, I will feel free to express my emotions and at liberty to unchain the attraction I have for these people.

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Posts: 5 | From: ft. lauderdale, fl | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Pixie69
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I've been very lucky in my coming out process. I came out right when I started going to a GBLT youth group which made it immensly easier, and I also came out after I stopped hanging out with my more closed minded friends from middle school and my more open minded friends in the theater. So...I haven't felt any pressure, really. When I was closeted I was physically close to all my friends, male or female, whether I was attracted to them or not. My girlie friends and I have always recognized that we flirt with each other. Since coming out it hasn't really been different. I don't think they think I'm hitting on them or anything, and I don't feel that I can't talk to them about my same-sex crushes.

But I think my little crowd is far removed from 'society'. When one lesbian friend started hanging out with our crowd more (she had a crush on a friend, and later a crush on me) she was shocked, I think. She even mentioned how it was so weird to be around people who would hug her and flirt with her and give pecks on the cheek without thinking "hey, she's a lesbian."

So maybe I have no idea what it's like to be bisexual in society since I've never really had to be.

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Brittany
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Posts: 1339 | From: Las Vegas, NV, USA | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
smittenkitten
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The pressure on GLBT people in schools can be great, but in my experience, mostly when they are out of the closet.

I'd say I'm the only person in my grade who is way "out there", but when people tell me to shut up, it's usually because I'm talking incessantly about the x-files, not because I'm into girls.

I'm at a public school so I find it easier. When I was at a conservative country private school I had a bi friend, Tamara (who sparked my bi-curiosity). She didn't feel comfortable coming out in that community, and I can't blame her. Almost everyone was stuck with these old religious ideas. I'm not against religion, just using it in a cruel and unforgiving way.

Most of the teachers at my current school are cool with who I am (the ones who don't know wouldn't be).

Hugs & Scully,
Winnie :0)

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Posts: 465 | From: Canberra, ACT, Australia | Registered: Jan 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
DrQuack5
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I can't say that I've particularly had a hard time with anything of the sort. I'm quite selective in the people that I chose to tell, and usually, when I tell them I barrage them with questions and gauge their reactions. So far I haven't run into any problem other than shock. Go me.

As far as it goes on paper, I'm are a very queer-positive school. Most teachers have little "Out4Good" stickers on their little metal podiums, which essentially means that they're part of this big group with a bit of training if a kid came to them with problems relating to queerness. The actual atomosphere, I guess, isn't any different than you'd expect in a high school. Every so often I'll hear, "That's so gay" and other things, slightly more derogative with a bit more colorful language. But then again, the kids who I hang out with mostly are very open-minded, and a huge portion are in theatre.


Posts: 290 | From: Minneapolis | Registered: Feb 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Pixie69
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New school year...

hmm...well well well, it's a new school year, and I'm feeling a little less happy as a queer. I'm much more removed from the close-minded part of my school, but I still worry about their reactions. Actually, here's the dealio, my brother's best friend goes to my school now. His girlfriend does too. (my brother goes to a magnet school, and his friend did too). Well, they always say hi to me in the hallways, and they told my brother about my slightly-scandelous outfit that I wore on the first day of school. He promptly told my parents.

I don't know if he knows about me or not. I know he's glanced at some literature I've picked up at the GBLT center, I know that when he asked my mom if he could go to church wit a friend my mom said "it's not a church for GAY PEOPLE, is it?" (I had been using church as my cover for GBLT youth group). But...I know it bothers him that his friends talk to him about me, and what I wear, and who I hang out with, and that he feels obligated to tell my parents.

I'm afraid that if they see me kissing a girl or holding hands with one they'll tell him, and he'll freak out, be embarrased, and tell my parents, who already have a bad opinion of me and are in denial about my bisexuality.

So...that's the pressure I feel right now. Just that I've got to act normal for the sake of my brother because he's such an average ordinary kid, and I don't want to embarras him. Once I find a chica I'm really into, I think that fear will dissapear though, because it's not anyone else's business anyway

Brittany


Posts: 1339 | From: Las Vegas, NV, USA | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Gaffer
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Hmmm. I'm not out. I don't even know why now, my mom found out so it isn't as though I have to worry about her hearing something. It's just the loneliness that's getting to me. I don't know anyone else at school (which is very small to start with) who isn't straight, so there isn't really a chance of anything happening there. I'm stuck relying on my life outside of school which is almost non-existent. It's worse now that my hormones have started raging, and I was never doing that well emotionally to begin with (oh, those lovely self-destructive tendencies). It is this bad feeling that while I could develop a relationship with almost anyone, nobody I'd want to would try to start one with me. It boils down to I love a lot of people and right now, none of 'em love me back. It's really quite unnerving and always in the background the hormones screaming at me to get my act together and get a boyfriend. It's not fun, at all. And, to top things off, I think I'm getting chronic headaches from it.

Oh well, c'est la vie. C'est nul, mais c'est la vie.

(Edited because I can't type coherently right now.)

[This message has been edited by Gaffer (edited 09-16-2001).]


Posts: 356 | From: Phoenix--name that plurally | Registered: Dec 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Rizzo
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Aww, pauvre Gaffer...

I'm not sure exactly how small your school is, but if there are more than 20 people in it, chances are that someone else is not straight. If you were out at school, perhaps these non-straights would see you as a role model and open up to you. No pressure though

Are you positive that the people you love don't love you back? I'm sure there are people who want a relationship with you, but maybe they're even shyer than you. Maybe they feel exactly the same way, unloved...

Sorry if you don't want my advice, but I remember feeling the same way, and I didn't find someone until I stopped trying so hard to find someone. Remember that other people aren't significantly better than you. They don't deserve your worship. It sounds trite, but be yourself, stop trying to impress people. Stop structuring your life around crushes.

As for raging hormones... your hands are your friends. Your imagination is your friend. There's no rush to find a boyfriend... even if it feels like there is, pretend that there isn't. Okay, those are my sisterly words of advice, I'm a weirdo, bye


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John Doe
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Pixie,
How well do you get along with your brother and/or his friend? Would it be possible for you to come out to one or both, and then ask them to keep it a secret? It might work, but that would of course depend on them.

Posts: 475 | From: ohio | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Gaffer
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Thanks Rizzo, I don't structure my life around anyone, but there is that fluttery stomach thing everyone has experienced that I get every twenty minutes or so because I'm usually bound to bump into someone I'm madly in love with for no apparent reason.
I am not really trying to find anyone, at least I'm not starting up friendships with people for the possible romance on the horizon (mainly because the possible romance is usually not possible--I get crushes on the wrong people, that is, people I believe to be straight--*Gasp* novel idea, ask them if they're straight. What an epitome.).

The only person I try to impress is me, and that is difficult enough because of my lovely and extremely unrealistic self-expectations. But now I fear this is delving into the realm of the ironic pity-party.

It's silly, I know. Ohh the many pressures of being alive.


Posts: 356 | From: Phoenix--name that plurally | Registered: Dec 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Pixie69
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Gaffer, I will point out that I only knew one queer person until I said I was queer. Then people flocked to me. Already-out lesbians said hi, a friend came out as being bisexual, two friends came out as being bi-curious. Now...I'll talk to a very loved queer friend of mine and it seems that she can tell me who is straight and who isn't, even if they're not out, because it's some kind of secret society thing.

You never know who would flock to you but I understand your fears.

Brittany


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Gaffer
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Ouch, I sounded cranky in that post. Sorry. You know, I think perhaps now is a decent time to come out at school. I must scamper off now and scheme and plan exactly how to do this.
Posts: 356 | From: Phoenix--name that plurally | Registered: Dec 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
DrQuack5
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Pixie- it was the same way with me. First one person knew, then another, then everyone was like, "I like girls, too! Pay attention to me!" (well, maybe not that dramatic...) It's kinda like a chain reaction. And I find that the more nonchalant you are about gayness, the more everyone else doesn't care.
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jazzpenguin
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I am still in highschool, and I know how you feel. I recently found out that one of the few people who I told I was gay has blabbed, and I'm facing the consequences - you are not alone!
Posts: 59 | From: London, UK | Registered: Sep 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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