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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » LGBTQA Relationships » This has undoubtedly been asked before, but...

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Author Topic: This has undoubtedly been asked before, but...
Member # 3894

Icon 1 posted      Profile for kalephunk     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
...I'm a lesbian. I'm cool with it now, after spending my high school years in sexual orientation hell. Funny how moving away from parents and friends and starting college can make you feel much more confident about things like your sexuality ;)

But anyways, here's the problem. My parents. See, I've got a girlfriend, I love her very very much, we're pretty serious (been going out since last October) and are moving in together. I haven't told my parents yet about my sexuality, but I'm sure they'll find out soon -- hard to hide such a fact when you've only got a queen sized bed in the room you're sharing with someone. However, I'm worried about how my parents will react. Daddy's in the U.S. Army, which is part of the problem. He's high-ranking and pretty much falls into that homophobic "look at me, I'm in the Army and I have big guns!" stereotype. Mom's pretty cool, I'm sure she'd be cool with it -- heck, one of my aunts on her side is an out and about lesbian. But if I tell mom something, dad will find out soon after.

Sure, I don't live with them anymore, and currently more than 7000 miles seperates us (they're in Germany, I'm in FL), but they also lend me money now and then, and mom pays my car insurance. I fear any sort of evil repercussions that may occur, but I deffo want to tell them so I don't have to hide the pictures of my girlfriend and I kissing when they come to visit.

Any suggestions, stories, advice, etc that may help a poor girl in this situation? It's almost got me sleepless, as I want to tell everybody about how much I love my girlfriend, but have to stop short when it comes to the 'rents. Please help!

Posts: 1 | From: tallahassee, fl | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 1207

Icon 1 posted      Profile for LilBlueSmurf     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Moving this to GLBT Relationships

For I am a bear of very little brain and long words bother me.
~ Winnie the Pooh

In a Smurf's world ...

Posts: 7168 | From: Ontario | Registered: Sep 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 2050

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Lin     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Could I introduce you to a fabulous article at Scarleteen.

How To Come Out Of The Closet Without Tripping On The Laundry

So, when you lay it on your parents, be kind. Be patient. Be gentle. Offer to answer any questions they might have. Make yourself available to talk about it. Let them know that you're okay with it if they're not elated right now. Give them a few days to absorb it all before you drag them to PFLAG meetings or hang the rainbow flag on the front lawn.

Many parents do come around in time, it just takes a little. And some parents just won't. Ever. And while that hurts, and it feels really awful, it's a harsh reality. You may find that at some point you either have to accede not to discuss your partnerships and orientation to keep the peace, or you may find that that simply doesn't feel right and you have to come up with some other solution. But no matter what happens, being kind, sincere and patient is usually the best answer, and the best way to be sure you're treated in the same manner.

You might find it really helpful. Have a read through and we will be delighted to answer any other questions you might have after reading the article.

Posts: 2294 | From: Singapore | Registered: Dec 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Member # 894

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Lucky1402     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Yes, the article is a very good place to start. Just be honest with them- tell them how you feel and explain to them that it doesn't make you a bad person and that you love your girlfriend very much. Try to stay calm if they don't react the way you had hoped. I'm not sure what you should do if your dad doesn't understand- it's pretty hard to change people's minds about things. Just deal with it how you think is appropriate. I hope things turn out well.

Lucky's new (and improved) homepage

"At one point we decided to fight fire with fire. Well...basically...your house burned even faster."

Posts: 492 | From: Michigan | Registered: Aug 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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