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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » LGBTQA Relationships » Confused!!!

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Author Topic: Confused!!!
CuriouS GeorgE
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I'm really confused. I think I posted a question in the wrong place. I posted "Frustrated" just a couple days ago in "Ask a Sexpert" and no one answered but I hadn't really realized this place. Ok. I'm not usually attracted to women. Not women my age especially. If I see a provacative picture of a woman, sometimes I feel something, and lately I've been REALLY open to new things. And I really mean that!! On April 1st, I got a clit ring, then after that I "shaved" for the first time, I began masturbating... and so on. I'm just a really open person now. One day not too long ago, my friend was talking about engaging in sexual activities with other females and at first I never thought about it or anything, but I have lately. And it's really got me down. I want to "experience" another woman. At least I say that now. I'm confused because sometimes I wanna try it and sometimes I'm like, wow, that's weird, why would I wanna do that, that's gross! (Don't mean to offend anyone!) The thing is, I'm a very horny person. Honestly. VERY horny. So the thing is, I think I would like doing stuff with a girl because if someone blindfolded you and started doing stuff to you, you wouldn't know the difference and you would still be horny. I think I would like getting with a girl though and that scares me because I don't want to be bisexual, I don't know why I'm so scared!!! My real question is, I would do stuff with a girl and I THINK I would like it so lets suppose I did and I liked it, would that make me bi? I don't usually find women attractive. Actually, I don't think I ever have, I just sometimes get "excited" when I see certain pictures. So if I did like it would that make me bisexual? I don't find women attractive unless they're in provacative positions or something. But I do NOT in any way desire a relationship with a female, I guess to put it the only way I can, I'm pretty much only in it for the "sex." So if I only wanted to fool around with girls SOMETIMES but I didn't want a relationship or anything like that. So you know what I mean??? Please help!!
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Mary
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Here's my theory, Curious George:

Let's say that I don't like oranges, ok? One day while I'm eating lunch I get served a juicy, lucious orange. It's cut in half, and I can see the juice flowing out, and it looks so good I just want to take a bite out of it! But I know that I don't like the taste of oranges... While I may think they look good, and I'd like to eat one, that doesn't mean I automatically like the taste of them.

Do you see the similarity between oranges and women? While some girls may look attractive to you, and you're inclined to try having sexual relations with a girl, it doesn't mean you're bisexual. But it definately could. You just have to do some soul-searching and experimenting (if you so incline). Heck, I'm a lesbian, and I can't say I haven't looked at a man in a sexually explicit position and gotten "excited". Let's face it, we teenagers have hormones everywhere and just about anything relating to sex can turn us on .

If you really are considering "experimenting" with someone of the same sex, make sure you're safe. Here's a good article for you to read: http://www.scarleteen.com/sexuality/safer.html

It sounds like you are a little doubtful about doing something with a woman, though. You may want to think about this a bit longer and decide if it's right for you right now. If it is: then go ahead and have fun, but if it isn't: no biggie. There's always masturbation .

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Mary, Mary, quite contrary, how does your garden grow?

"Well, I use fertilizer and a new product I got at The Home Depot."

[This message has been edited by Mary (edited 05-25-2001).]


Posts: 500 | From: Ohio, U.S.A. | Registered: Feb 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
CuriouS GeorgE
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Thank you so very much!!!!
Both my posts got answered this evening and I feel so much better, it's incredible! I almost feel like telling the whole world. For correction however, I'm not doubtful about being with a woman, I really want to try it, especially now that I know that there's absolutely nothing wrong with it! I feel better. I know there's nothing wrong with it now and I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I would tell people, but the guys at school (even the older ones) are extremely immature so I wouldn't want everyone to know... This is how I look at it. In one of your articles, you said that not always, everyone fits into the gay, lesbian, or straight "category." This is what I think of myself at the moment. Since I've never been with a girl, I don't really wanna say that I'm 100% bisexual but atm I consider myself in the middle between bisexual and straight. I don't know if that makes sense to you, but it does to me, and apparently that's all that matters! Right? So that's how I think of it. The only dilemma is that I wouldn't want to engage in any sexual activities with a female because I've had a b/f for approx. 1 1/2 years, so wouldn't that be considered cheating? Well I think it would be, but my boyfriend doesn't. He tells me I'm perfectly normal and I have nothing to worry about and he has absolutely NO PROBLEM with it! I think that's great. He actually thinks it's pretty cool, and kinda turns him on. There is something, however, that I am worried about. He said that if I did decide I was bi, that he might feel like he's not good enough for me and that's what made me want a woman, but that is totally not true!!! So does anyone have any ideas about what I can say to him to make him not think this way? Thank guys, I can't thank you enough for helping me through this difficult time!! SCARLETEEN ROCKS!!!!!!

Love you guys!!!!!


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Mary
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I'm glad you're feeling so much better and have some things figured out . That's great!

You know, it sounds like your boyfriend might be suffering a bit from the ever-so-popular "low self-esteem". It sounds like maybe he doesn't think too highly of himself and sees you being attracted to other people as you saying, "Hey, you're not good enough, so I think I'll go find me some women!" But the truth is, as I understand it, part of why you're comfortable with discovering your sexuality is because he's accepting and supportive of it. Is that right? If so, you may want to tell him that.

"Look, the reason I talk to you about my being atteacted to people of the same sex is that you're so accepting of it. It makes me feel good when you support my feelings. Just because I have the ability to be sexually attracted to people of the same sex doesn't mean you're any less important to me."

Maybe he's feeling torn from being "turned on by having my girlfriend engage in sexual relations with another girl" on one hand and "having my girlfriend engage in sexual relations with someone other than me" on the other. In my opinion, I wouldn't have two partners at the same time if one was a bit uncomfortable about it, but you should do want you believe is best. Maybe your boyfriend IS fine with you experimenting with someone of the same sex... But a talk about your being "inbetween bisexual and straight" wouldn't hurt either if you decide to tell him.

Good luck .

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Mary, Mary, quite contrary, how does your garden grow?

"Well, I use fertilizer and a new product I got at The Home Depot."


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CuriouS GeorgE
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Thanks once again I think what you said is true. About him thinking he's not good enough and because of that, this whole girl thing. At first when we started talking about it he thought it was because of him and "his fault" that I had realized I felt this way. I told him he was silly! I think for a while I subconciously knew that I was SEXUALLY attracted to women, just never though/talked about it, so it never came up. As I pointed out, it's merely a sexual attraction to women. I don't want relationships with them or a commitment. I don't find women "hot," only men. I don't think of men and women the same. (Otherwise I would be 100% bisexual, right?) That's my theory anyways.As of now, he's telling me that he likes it and he's saying it's perfectly normal. He also said it wouldn't bother him if I tried it. Even if we were going out. He has absolutely no problem with it. He also said that he's not upset because of the "turned on by it" and "being with people other than him." He really wants me to try it so I know what it's like. I thought I had told you, but he does know about "being inbetween bisexual and stright."
That's what he thinks is normal, and everything else. I also have another question for you. I don't plan on telling anyone except my GOOD friends, and those who I've already told because I don't want to get made fun of, (I'm not ashamed, but guys are.....a$$holes!!!) so how would I find another women to do all of this stuff with, without having to tell everyone? I would rather do this stuff with older women (maybe my age, which is 17, 18, or 19) because they're more mature and they accept these things. By that I mean that a lot of people my age, like 16, 17 won't admit their sexuality if they are different, and a lot of them refuse to think about it, or just didn't realize it like me. So if you can shed a little light on this situation, it would be greatly appreciated. Thanks again Scarleteen, I love you guys!!

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Mary
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quote:
Originally posted by CuriouS GeorgE:
[B]I would rather do this stuff with older women (maybe my age, which is 17, 18, or 19) because they're more mature and they accept these things. By that I mean that a lot of people my age, like 16, 17 won't admit their sexuality if they are different, and a lot of them refuse to think about it, or just didn't realize it like me. B]

That may be true for some people, but think of yourself: you're not planning to tell many people about your sexuality. So why can't other people your age or younger be the same way? Maybe you just don't think many people've realized their sexuality when they really have, but they've just chosen not to tell anyone about it yet.

Do you know of anyone in your classes that has been particularly nice or curtious to you? Maybe she's interested . Get to know her better... Talk to her in class, invite her to your house to "study". When you feel comfortable enough, maybe tell that person about how you're feeling. It could take a while to get to that level of comfort, but it'd probably be better in the long run, so you can trust that she won't tell anyone else.

Before you do anything, though, you may want to read over this: http://www.scarleteen.com/sexuality/safer.html

Good luck

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Mary, Mary, quite contrary, how does your garden grow?

"Well, I use fertilizer and a new product I got at The Home Depot."

[This message has been edited by Mary (edited 05-29-2001).]


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CuriouS GeorgE
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Hey guys! I was just wondering if anyone out there read this, (besides Mary) and had any thoughts about any of this. You guys can write back if you want! If anyone wants to post anything about anything I might have said, then go ahead! Also, I was wondering for those of you out there (sorry guys, this one's for the girls) who are either bi or straight, if anyone like I am, is/has kept their sexuality a secret for whatever reasons, like mine (not wanting to get made fun of) but told a select few, how did you guys (if you did) meet somebody, without everyone finding out? Like I said, I want to meet another female who feels the same way as I do, (no relationship, just to "experiment" and have a little fun.) So my question is, without telling everybody, how did you guys meet people? Thanks!!
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Mophead
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Curious George, I wish I knew.

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My menstrual diary
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If I run by the window real fast no-one will notice I'm naked.


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DrQuack5
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Ok. This is for me so I don't forget what I'm supposed to answer.
1. How did I keep me secret?
2. How did I meet people?
3. Who knows/knew?

1. I don't really think I kept me secret really well, actually, since I'm apparently very flamboyant, which is pretty nice actually since no one seems to be surprised that I'm gay. A large majority of people that know now suspected me in the first place so I'd be like, "Yeah, so I'm gay" and they'd be like, "I know." That was odd.

2. I met people because of my flamboyancy pretty much. They'd be like, "Oh, she's gay. I'll go tell her I'm bi/gay/whatever. She'll be cool with it." For example, my g/f, one night we were talking on the phone (before we went out) and we had this little contest of "I'm wierder than you because ... " and we'd finish off the sentence with something that made us weirder than the other (it's a joke from hockey). So one night, we were talking on the phone and she was like, "I'm weirder than you because I'm bi." The next day, she wrote me a note and pretty much said "I told you cuz I figured you wouldn't disown me or anything" (which is kind of funny cuz her mom is gay). She has an incredibly gaydar and knew before I had even told anyone.

3. Now, who knows. Many people know about me, her, us, all that fun stuff. Just off the top of my head, her mom knows (she picked up on us about 3 days into our relationship), my parents know (I had to tell them), my best friend knows, a bunch of other people know from school and they're all cool with it, other folks have probably suspected/figured us out. And the list goes on. Way early in out relationship we decided to keep the gayness to a low at school (partly to avoid any harrassment and partly for common courtesy. It's so annoying when there's these people just standing around making out in the middle of a hallway), but that didn't exclude really obvious flirting. But then, as we got more and more comfortable with the idea, we just pretty much freely tell people if they want to know. So far, everyone has been incredibly supportive. Go them!

4. Did I actually answer any of your questions, GeorgE?


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CuriouS GeorgE
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Yeah, I guess you did answer some of my questions, however, my main concern is that I want to find another female who would be interested in "getting involved" with me and I wouldn't know how to go about finding one since I don't intend on telling many people. You see, there was this incident about 2-3 weeks ago where a bunch of grade 12 guys found out about my clit ring and made fun of me (HORRIBLY) the WHOLE bus ride home. It doesn't really bother me, but it's just really immature. Understand? I'm not ashamed of it, obviously because I wouldn't have told anyone right? I don't want to go around telling everyone but I want to find someone!
Seems pretty stupid I bet. But the way I look at it is, I could do something like that and people wouldn't find out, but I don't want to have to tell everyone. Besides, I figure, why should I tell everyone? That's a very personal matter and I wouldn't want the girls in the changeroom in gym class to get all scared and not want to get changed in front of me and I don't think they would believe me when I would tell them that I don't find women attractive.
I'm just wondering HOW I would find a woman without telling everyone. Thanks!!

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