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Author Topic: Why would you think THAT?!
Member # 2769

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A lot of people have different ideas of homosexuals and their same-sex-relationships. Some people think that one chooses to be gay (which may or may not be true), but they tend to make assumptions of what they are and why they're like that.

"Don't ALL lesbians shave their heads?"

"But didn't you choose to be gay?"

"So all gay guys dress like women, right?"

While the answers may or may not be evident, some questions are simply "out of the question". Have you guys ever heard someone ask you or automatically assume something totally wrong about you or your relationship with a same-sex partner? What was it? How did you handle it? Maybe you can clear some things up for people reading this, eh?

"Straight it boring," ~Loreal Le Grande Curl commercial

Posts: 500 | From: Ohio, U.S.A. | Registered: Feb 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Since I'm not homosexual I have never been asked questions like that before, but I do have alot of gay friends. I think one time my friend James brought up a convo about a gay friend of mine. After asking whether or not he had a boyfriend, James said "so if they have sex, your friend probably has HIV or something?"

That made me so mad! He automatically assumed that gay people don't use protection and therefore contract alot of diseases, which isn't true at all. Just because someone is gay, doesn't mean that they don't take necessary precautions or are not responsible. It seems that many people I know assume that homosexual people are the main cause of STDs, which is definately not true. Heterosexual people have as much to do with that as anyone else.

Well, those are my two cents. It just goes to show that questions that a person doesn't think are offensive, might actually hurt somebodys feelings. Saying things like "what made you gay?" or "is being gay holding you back?" are just biased and predjudiced.

Come check out what's goin on in Lucky's mind!

"At one point we decided to fight fire with fire. Well...basically...your house burned even faster."

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[This message has been edited by Lucky1402 (edited 04-16-2001).]

Posts: 492 | From: Michigan | Registered: Aug 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 3325

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i'm bi, but only 14, so i haven't had a lot of years experience w/ stupid questions.

one thing i've heard a few times (not really a question, but close enough i think) is that because someone is bisexual they are permiscuous (sp?) and are involved in sexual activities 24/7. and try to envolve anyone and everyone in their "kinky" activities.

this bugs me because how does someone's sexual orientation have anything to do with how sexual or sexually active they are!?!

Posts: 45 | From: Toronto, Ontatio, Canada | Registered: Apr 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Well ok, so maybe this doesn't count, but it annoys me anyway...I'm heterosexual, so is my best friend. And people constantly ask if we're lesbians! We're very close to each other...close like sisters, not like lovers. People assume that since we're so close, and we spend alot of time together, and there's no obvious reason that we're close, that we just must secretly be lesbian lovers! I have no problem whatsoever with people who are homosexual, but that's not a choice I've made, and it gets annoying really really fast when people make stupid assumptions like that.


"What is the odds so long as the fire of soul is kindled..."
~Charles Dickens

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Grumpy snowman
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Some ppl are so stoopid.

The lesbians/shaved heads thing is crap. Do all straight woman have long hair?

Its exactly the same with the HIV/AIDS thing. Just coz a few have it apparently means that they all have it. Well think about the African countries where a majority of ppl have it, they aren't all gay, some are just children who contracted it from their mothers.

I'm possibly bi, but because I come from another country and speak differently and act differently ppl have always assumed I was gay. It doesn't worry me coz I don't give a Sh!t what ppl think of me, I'm happy as me.

Take care all,

Homosexuality isn't abnormal, just less common.

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Celtic Daisy
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That's horrible. I was recently thinking how i would react if i found out a friend was gay, bi, or lesbian(i'm straight myself) and i figured it wouldn't affect anything. I mean, on tv, when people are uptight about it, they assume that a lesbian girl is just like a guy, and thinks the same way. That's not true! grrr....

Anyways, recently, i was tested, so to speak. My friend told me he was bi, and dating another guy i knew. It didn't affect me at all. Which didn't surprise me, and i don't think any less or more of the person.

I wish people could just understand that we're all different and we all have differnt preferences. It's no big deal, it's who we are!

"A six foot tall anorexic bimbo,with plastic breasts is making me feel weird about my own body."
-Miss Bif Naked

Posts: 1747 | From: Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada | Registered: Mar 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 2658

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Yesterday, on the phone, I had a very interesting telephone conversation with a girl from a school here. We started talking about Martin Luther King, then prejudices that exist against groups of people, and eventually, homosexuals. She told me some 'myths' she'd heard about homosexuals, and I started correcting her on them, talking to her in length about some, or simply saying, "That's total rubbish."

I don't get annoyed with these people. In fact, I'm grateful that they've made the effort to try to understand gay people.

But when a person automatically makes ridiculous assumptions, I find myself very annoyed. These people are those which haven't tried to make an effort to reach out to gay people, to understand them.

It's silly.

We are who we are, we should have the freedom to decide our sexual preferences, and I believe that people should at least try to make an effort to understand that which they don't, instead of criticize.

It's just such a shame that a lot of the time we can't change one's thoughts about something unless they're willing to try to understand...

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Posts: 194 | From: city of Anghelz | Registered: Feb 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 2105

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Yikes, I think I just saw half of these replies describing homosexuality as a choice. It really isn't a concious one if it is one at all.
Posts: 356 | From: Phoenix--name that plurally | Registered: Dec 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 2769

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If you guys haven't read this, I would suggest reading it. It's a discussion about sexual orientation being a choice or not that's been going on for over a month now in GBLT relationships. I just thought I'd post this in here after what Gaffer said .

By the way, Summer, I thought this was a great thought:

Originally posted by $uMMeR:

I don't get annoyed with these people. In fact, I'm grateful that they've made the effort to try to understand gay people.

"Honey, whose car is that in our driveway?"

"It's yours, Frank."

"It IS, isn't it?"

[This message has been edited by Mary (edited 04-19-2001).]

Posts: 500 | From: Ohio, U.S.A. | Registered: Feb 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 792

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I have a perfect example.

My friend is a very attractive woman. she is also gay. a lot of guys like her and ask her out and she tries to explain that she's gay.

the response she gets the most is "But if you really cared about me, couldn't you like, get over it? I mean, when people go out, they have to make a few sacrifices."

Is it so hard to understand that gay women like other women and not men?????

Posts: 49 | From: MA | Registered: Aug 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 6092

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What really gets to me is when people think that gay men want to be women and lesbians want to be men. My own mother once asked me "Do you want to be a guy?" I started yelling at her for a while that homosexual is not the same thing as transgendered or vice versa. They are two diferent things, which for some reason, people oftentimes fail to understand.

"I never said I was a boy." - Tenoh Haruka, episode 92, Bishoujo Senshi Sailormoon

Posts: 102 | From: SoCal | Registered: Dec 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 2057

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I found that a popular view amongst my classmates at senior school was that all bisexual people want both a female lover and a male lover, at the same time. I've got to admit that even I thought that when I was younger-obiviously I don't now!

I think a lot of these misconceptions arise because kids simply aren't given reliable information on GLBT issues from their parents or their teachers. Most of what they learn comes from misinformed friends or stereotypical TV characters. Often it takes a close relationship with a GLBT person to dispel those myths, and unforunately most teenagers don't have that.

You wanna save humanity, it's just the people you can't stand-John Lennon

Witness the infinite justice of the new century. Civilians starving to death whilst waiting to be killed.

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Posts: 394 | From: Manchester, Lancashire, England | Registered: Dec 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 4577

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well, i'm just gonna lower the tone considerably now. whoever was saying about assuming gay people had unsafe sex or all had aids made me remember- when i was about seven years old somebody told me that vanilla ice had created aids by having sex with another man. something about 'their sperms mixing together' to make... i dunno. i can't remember if i belived it. weird huh? just thought i'd share.
Posts: 29 | From: London, England | Registered: Jul 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 5317

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The one that really gets me is crossdressing=gay. Like when somebody says, "If you wear high heels, you're gay." Well, I wore them once, felt quite thrilled (despite being too young to have a word for the feeling), and I am most definitely not gay. (Exactly how much I like guys is up in the air at the moment, but I like girls, so I can't be gay.)

Sapphire Cat
You can love me or hate me, but it won't change who I am.

Posts: 235 | From: Louisville KY (St. Matthews) | Registered: Sep 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 4051

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Many of the people at my school know someone that's gay, whether they want to admit to it or not!

I myself am a out-proud lesbian.

Some of the people at my school have had the nerve to come up to me and ask..."Do you think about me in class? Dont all lesbians think about their best friends naked?"

The answer to that question, well at least for me, is no!

I have only thought about one person, and that's the girl I'm currently in love with and have always been in love with.

Not only that, but they assume that all of my girl friends and I are "somehow involved."



"Cos I used to be a superhero... no one could touch me, yeah not even myself.... you were like a phone booth that i somehow stumbled into... now look at me I am just like everybody else!!!"

-Ani Difranco

[This message has been edited by JenaSuperStar (edited 12-11-2001).]

Posts: 36 | From: Brownsville,TX,USA | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 961

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That Vanilla Ice thing sounds SO familiar, violet. I would have heard that in grade three, maybe?

-Being gay is just a stage, you'll grow out of it once you meet the right man/woman.

-Homosexuals just like having sex with people of the same gender; other emotions play no part in their relationships, or else they're kinky, like Juice mentioned.

-Homosexuals (men especially) are paedophiles and predators seeking to corrupt our children. I saw a great clip of a film from the fifties about this a few days ago.

-There are a lot more gay people now than there were a few years ago just 'cause it's trendy. They're not really gay.

-Same sex couples shouldn't be parents. It's not right, and besides, they'd turn their kids gay too.

-Being a lesbian just means you've been sexually abused, or hate men.

-All gay men have anal sex, all lesbians use strap-ons; it's all about trying to emulate straight intercourse.

-All gay men lisp and walk funny.

The basic idea behind a lot of these seems to be that being gay is either wrong, or just not real; either way, they all try to invalidate it as just another way to be. Denying that gay people are even real isn't going to make go away, though . . .

[This message has been edited by Milke (edited 12-12-2001).]

Posts: 5122 | From: I *came* from the land of ice and snow | Registered: Aug 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 9027

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Argh. Nice long list you got there, Milke.
Another one that bugs me is when people assume that because someone is with another person of the same sex, they are gay/lesbian. What if they were bi?

"You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is."

Posts: 73 | From: dallas, texas, usa | Registered: Jul 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 7365

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When people start making ridiculous assumptions about GLBT people, it does annoy me, but I try to take into consideration that some of these people simply don't know any better. I live in an extremely conservative, extremely misinformed, extremely southren town. Most people here have never even been exposed to gay people, so all the information they have is based on horrible stereotypes and stupid rumors. These people just need to be gently corrected. And I try to do that, even though I get really annoyed sometimes.

Back on topic though, one of the worst things I hear, is when someone claims that they can tell if someone is gay.

Art is why I get up in the morning, but my definition ends there. You know it doesn't seem fair, that I'm living for something I can't even define" - Ani D.

Posts: 88 | From: Hixson, TN, US | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 9384

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I'm a bi married guy and I have encountered the following responses:

*Your earring (left ear) means you're gay (earrings are fashion statements NOT sexuality statements)
*You can't be bi because you're either gay or straight (prove me stats that show you can be 1 or the other).
*You must be gay because you only hang out with guys (bi guys can have straight friends)
*You must hate society and god because you disappoint us all for being into men (I won't comment on this closeminded thought).
*Your house chores are femmy chores so you must be gay (WHATEVER).

There's more but those were the top 1's i could see

Posts: 73 | From: Louisville, KY USA | Registered: Aug 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 7728

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I am straight, but people at school are always asking me if I'm a lesbian because they think I look butch. They think all tomboys are homosexuals, so since I've also got a tomboy best friend, we *must* be lovers.

Because people think I'm a lesbian, I'm also a man hater...all lesbians are (or so they think)

Other myths that some people really believe;
- If you're in the navy you're gay.
- Lesbians have really small vaginas - that's why they can't have 'proper' sex.
- Ahh... one of my favourites... If your pointing finger is bigger than your ring finger, you must be gay.

Philosophers wonder whether the fridge light stays on when the door is closed; fridges wonder whether philosophers still talk rubbish when they take off their corduroy jackets.

Posts: 388 | From: UK | Registered: Apr 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 9542

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My mom loves me far too much to disown me or hurt me, but things she says still hurts me. She tells me "It's just a phase. You're doing it just because it's "cool" to do it. You're just confused. Bi people have sex constantly, and kinky. Gay men make the best friends; lesbians will always try to make a move on you." I feel like shouting, "NO! I'm not like that!" She really doesn't understand me at all. She keeps telling herself that it's a phase.
Posts: 5 | From: PA | Registered: Aug 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 9906

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This is why I'm afraid to come out. Or at least maybe come out (???).

Anyhoo, my mother believes that the only reason why gay people are together is because they're just sex-crazed weirdos. But she did say that if gay people didn't have sex it would be all right. *nods*

WTH?! I mean, was she in love (at least at one point in her life) when she married my father. she must have had sex with him one time or another, right? Or else, like HELLO, I wouldn't BE here right now. *sigh* Sex is to consummate your love and prove to your partner, same or opposite sex, that you truly love that person.

And the deal with gay men being paedophiles, let's say a gay man was teaching in a school and people were upset because he might sexually molest the boys.... what about male teachers and little girls? I mean get a GRIP people. Homosexuals and Bisexuals are people too with feelings and jack***es like them don't deserve to live in our world. You may think I'm being a bit irrational but I'm a very intolerant person.

I'm intolerant to intolerance. It makes me a hypocrite but I don't care. I realze i can't force my morals on people, but tolerance is so important to me, that i feel (like the immature 14yrold I am) that it's an eye for an eye. Sorta deal. If people are going to try to force their beleifs on me, why is it wrong for me to do the same? Same deal with my mother, I try nicely to get her to understand gays are normal people, but she refuses and thinks Ive been "badly influenced in life" *sighs* Yet she expects me to condone her certain ways that I dont agree with at all.

she tries going on about how bad racism is and stuff... but she fails to see that prejudice angainst ppl with other sexuial orientations is just as bad! GRRRR!

Those myths tick me off and I have to deal with the jerks on my bus and classes averyday spouting off about how "gay" something or other is. *sighs*


-Someone once told me to do my homework. I responded in explaining that it would then leave me no time to plot my world domination takeover-

Posts: 8 | From: MA, USA | Registered: Sep 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Blue Roses
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One of my favorite bigotted remarks happened during that whole uproar with the Boy Scouts over a gay troop leader. One person interviewed argued "Well, after all, they don't let men be girl scout leaders!" Sorry to disappoint you, but yeah, they do. They do have the reasonable, if slightly paranoid, rule that a male leader must have a female co-leader to avoid some sicko molesting the scouts. But on that count, what's to stop one of those lovely den mothers from being some weird pedophile who will molest the scouts?? It's the same thing!
Posts: 105 | From: Bryn Mawr, PA, USA | Registered: Sep 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 961

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- Lesbians have really small vaginas - that's why they can't have 'proper' sex.

I've never heard it that way before, but I have heard that lesbians have stretched out vaginas because they all enjoy fisting. There are two things wrong with that; firstly, vaginas are stretchy, they expand, but they don't stay that way, it's a lycra-like body part. Secondly, a lot of straight women like fisting; sexual activities are limited by the body parts you've got, and your imagination, not sexual orientation.

Posts: 5122 | From: I *came* from the land of ice and snow | Registered: Aug 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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