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Author Topic: I need advice on coming out to my parents
ashley1096
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For me, I always expected my friend Steven to be gay.. And I knew that I could very well be the same, and had to come to terms with it, I already had, but, I didn't want to hold it in anymore... So, during the summer, my friend Steven emailed me about being Bi.. I called him, and told him I loved him, but yet, still to scared to tell him! Like a week after, we were hanging out climbing trees and stuff, I just looked at him and told him I was gay.. *Shrugs* He is a sweety, then we gradually told our close group of friends, starting off stupidly, saying we were bi, until we were ashamed of ourselves because personally, we had nothing to hide, so we just.. Came out.. Then I told my mother, now, not to discourage you but alot of parents aren't ready to hear the "I swing both ways or, I'm gay, talk" My mother certainly wasn't.. She spent the whole day yelling at me, and denying it, and saying I liked guys and that it's a phase and it's not true, and gosh, it went on forever... She is still in denial, it's been about 6 months, she still believes I like guys, and still believes that I am to young to know my sexuality... She just explains that she lovesme but it's like all her dreams for me were shattered, which hurts but it's definately understandable.. If you feel you are ready to tell.. Tell.. But make it right... I'm the type of person who works up the courage and when the words come out, they come out totally wrong.. So basically I messed my coming out to my family, and it was haywire.. Make it a right moment.. And feel confident about it.
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ashley1096
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I also live in an extremely homophobic town, the population is ridiculously low.. I am a big city girl trapped in a country life. But, even those who claimed to 'hate gays' were totally cool with it, they decided that they only had these thoughts because that's what their parents brainwashed them to think! It was awesome.. But now I have a question.. I came out to my immediate family, my dad lives a city away *not far* I rarely talk to him but, I feel he should know, I just don't know how to tell him, as for my aunt and uncle and cousins, I am very afraid, I have never heard them make any comments about gays but, still, to afraid... As for grandparents, I don't think I will ever tell them, they I think are really homophobic and I am to afraid of there reaction.. Often brought up at family get togethers is whether or not I am dating my best friend Steven *They know him* Always, that question they ask me.. And I do feel the need to be out of the closet completely, it may be rushed, but like, I feel so positive of this.. *Sort of* What should I do? Come out, or stay in for the rest of my family..
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katherose
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I feel very lucky right now to live in a liberal area. In fact, I live in on of the top lesbian capitols of the world, and you would never notice. They are just a part of the town, just like the "straight" people. My parents are also very liberal, and I just don't feel the need to come out and tell them, "Hey guys, I'm a lesbian!" When I had a crush on a girl, I told my mom. She acted no differant than if I had told her that I had a crush on a guy. One day I started wearing a rainbow ribbon on my jacket, and that was that.
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His Only Pandora
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I'm thirteen and turning fourteen this year. I've been Bisexual as long as I can think of, but I never really allowed much thought to the concept. I was already gothic and a witch, a pyro, and the school vampire. ( Little did I know that 3 out of 4 guys thought I was their sex god... ) ( No.. I'm not kidding... Way to grow up thinking you're hideous. )

Well in our school there's a bit of an issue this one girl started to get a boyfriend. Our school is very sex orientated ( Yeah I'm one of the like... four virgins. ) and everyone knows how guy react to the thought of two chicks. So this girl said she was Bi to get a guy and changed her mind. He dumped her and she claimed bisexuality again. After she moved it died down a little, and I had this huge crush on a girl in my small group of close friends. I did come out to my group of friends in our "slam book" ( It's really a group diary, you know what I mean, I'm sure. ) and well...

My christian friend took it hard enough that I was wiccan, and didn't beleive in god. She flipped when she found out, but I told her BEING BI WAS NO DIFFERENT THAN BEING STRAIGHT AND HAVING GUY FRIENDS. I DON'T LIKE YOU BECAUSE YOU'RE A WOMAN, I'D LIKE YOU CAUSE YOU'RE MY TYPE. Of course then I reassured her she definitly wasn't my type.

My other two friends were fine with it...

And then the girl I liked passed be a note telling me how she was bi curious.

Of course she hooked up with some guy and I gave up on her, thinking she wasn't interested. A month or so back we confessed how we've both thought each other so sexy and such and how we've had the hots for each other majorly. We actually made out on a feild trip while playing truth or dare, but I realized that well...

It wasn't anything. So that never worked for me. But actually, all of my friends are kind of mellow with me being bi, even when I tell them I've had a crush on them. ( I even had a crush on the christian one. )

And yeah, after I came out, three or four more girls came out because I was getting alot of attention for being bi. ( I'm a leo, I can't deny attention. =3 But I must say when I told my guyfriend... I was shocked in his awe that I wasn't a lesbian. --' )

As for my parents? I joke with my dad alot, saying that he shouldn't be surprised if I bring my next boyfriend home and he lack a penis. And I told my mom only to find out she was all too familiar with it all, and that there's huge possibilities that my sexuality will change over the years and such. And I even told my brother a few days back and he's cool with it too. I mean my mom did have this hugely valid point; As an artist, I may just be attracted to the art of the female body. And that I'm not really bi until I lust after lesbian sex or something like that.

I am a virgin to hetero and homo sexuality, but let me just tell you that at this point in my life, I can tell you I'm definitly bisexual.

My point is to tell you that there's alot of obstacles, and in the end you have to overcome them, or you lose so much. I've realized alot by being Bisexual, and I'm closer to guys now too, but not in a kind of way where they want to see me make out with a chick. It's a relationship where they come to me about their relationship, about their clothes, about chicks in the school, and well.. you get the idea. It's amazing, and I really like where I'm at in life with this whole thing. I know coming out to my dad may be a little odd, but I know we have a strong relationship and he'll be okay with it. ( he's the one who's like in love with my 18 year old boyfriend... I'm sure me confirming my sexuality won't be all that much to him. )

( And there again he'll prolly take the opportunity to take me out to get playboy magazines when I turn 18. Don't you just love guys? Lol )

------------------
And I've opened that box.


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DOgoalie90
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Hi, I've read your posts and i thought i might also ask for some advise. I'm 15, male and stuck in the closet Gay. Most of the friends i have are female. And i have told about 20 of my friends about being gay, and all of them were perfectly okay with it. I've came to terms with my sexuality in the summer after 8th grade. Between then and now I've had to super secret relationships with guys I've met, but i wouldn't let it go anywhere because I felt that my not being openly gay would cause alot of hell. One of the bigest things that stop me from coming out is sports. It may sound kinda silly but i have no idea how the guys i get dressed with in the locker room and shower with will feel knowing that there is a gay guy next to them. Thats one of the reasons that i have only told females and other gay males. I'm not to worried about my parents, but the thought of my old fashoined grandparents disaproving of my....well it just doesn't make me happy, because i love them and i relaly love the rest of my family. So....Is there a way for me to come out?
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feefiefofemme
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I'm 13 and comfortably bi (heh, notice the username ). I'm out to my parents and readying myself for coming out to my friends.

My self-discovery was a bit different than the norm. Once I realized that I might be bisexual I spent about six months denying my identy and wishing I was a lesbian. But I'm quite at ease with my sexuality now.

I agree that simply dropping hints here and there can be a good way to come out. I myself was a bit careless in visiting gay pride sites. Plus my mum found a poem I had written about my crush. Finially she asked 'The Question.' By that time I was quite ready to come out so I was truthful. Later that day she bought me a present for "being truthful about something so big." It wasn't really a huge deal for me, but apparently it was for her. : )

Now, I have a question. As I said before, I'm comfortable with my identity and want to come out to my friends. However, I don't know how to bring it up. When I came out to my parents it was easier because they asked me if I was bi. But I don't know how to tackle the issue with my friends, one of whom is very homophobic.


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rockchick13
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Hey, new to the site, just joined. i have known for years that i was/am at least bi, i have been in a loving relationship with a guy for the last year. he knows that i'm bi and is cool with that. i have recently had to come out to my parents. my dad hasn't said anything about it, but thats just the way he is. my mom however is just so screwed up at the thought and doesn't understand it, i have such a hard time trying to explain it to her. nothing i say seems to make sence to her, and i end up getting lectured about it! over the last few weeks i have become more sure of myself and my mom can see a difference in me, but wont accept the reason. i have nothing to feel ashamed of but at time she makes me feel like such a bad person because i'm happy with who i am and this is the happiest i have ever been.
coming out to my friends was so much easier, not just because i know my true friends will love me for who i am, but also cause they have thought it for a while. my mom takes it all in such a bad way without meaning to. she says she is happy whatever i decide on, but deep down i know she is heart-broken.
i would never tll someone not to come out to there parents, all i will say is be ready for the back-lash that can come from it all.

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Lisa x


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rockchick13
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Hey, new to the site, just joined. i have known for years that i was/am at least bi, i have been in a loving relationship with a guy for the last year. he knows that i'm bi and is cool with that. i have recently had to come out to my parents. my dad hasn't said anything about it, but thats just the way he is. my mom however is just so screwed up at the thought and doesn't understand it, i have such a hard time trying to explain it to her. nothing i say seems to make sence to her, and i end up getting lectured about it! over the last few weeks i have become more sure of myself and my mom can see a difference in me, but wont accept the reason. i have nothing to feel ashamed of but at time she makes me feel like such a bad person because i'm happy with who i am and this is the happiest i have ever been.
coming out to my friends was so much easier, not just because i know my true friends will love me for who i am, but also cause they have thought it for a while. my mom takes it all in such a bad way without meaning to. she says she is happy whatever i decide on, but deep down i know she is heart-broken.
i would never tll someone not to come out to there parents, all i will say is be ready for the back-lash that can come from it all.

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Lisa x


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Alone In Fairyland
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I know where you guys are coming from. I'm 15, and after outting myself to my best friend and recieving no ill will or angry words from her- infact, I got kisses- I came out to my mum. Now I'm not so sure I'm bisexual. The thought of being with a guy repulses me. I can't even..imagine..ugh. No offense to anyone intended. But now I don't know what I should do. I mean before, my mum was okay with it because, hey, I could still want kids one day, want to have a husband and a big family, but now I'm not so sure. All I can think about is having a relationship with a girl. I haven't had a relationship with a guy for about three years now, and I just got out of one with a girl, and, even though it wasn't the greatest relationship, I can't see myself ever looking at a guy like that again.

There's also the fact that everyone I hang out with has outted themselves after I did. Is it possible that all of us became friends because of some internal 'gaydar' and we seen some kind of 'sisters-in-arms'? Once I came out, my friend Emily did, and I believe her, I was in a relationship with her. But there's a few other girls that have admitted to being bisexual, one I think has a crush on me, and I don't like THAT way. I just don't know what to do with this new developement.

I don't want my mum upset with me because of thinking I'm a lesbian. But...I think I may be, I'm not sure..

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+~Lovely Kisses And Solemn Death Wishes~+

~Smile, You Never Know Who's Falling In Love With Your Smile~


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warner
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I'm Not bi /nor am I female but I am a father who suspects that my daughter is gay/bi....She always saying "is this a good time to tell you that I'm gay" plus there are signs left on my computer when she's through using it...
I love my daughter with every ounce of my existence and nothing will alter that unconditional bond.
when the day comes, she comes out, I'll be there for her with all the understanding that every parent possesses.
So, don't cut your parents short on love and understanding. It's not like you did this on purpose, you have done nothing wrong. My advise is to go to the parent that your most comfortable with on this matter and pour out your heart, They will be there for you.
Parents are mean and bossie for a rason and one reason only, to help you get through life and have better one than we did and not make the same mistakes... It's a redundant ritual, but we do it anyway...
We love our children as you will, So don't be afraid to come out...The lifted weight from will be totally awesome.

Live Free and Die Well

Warner


[This message has been edited by warner (edited 08-15-2005).]


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torrix
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i dont think i'm ever gonna come out to my parents...first being they would never understand. Second they are just way too close minded, plus bonus Catholics...(>.< ) I'm just gonna be an obdient daughter until i finish uni and i'll run off...
*sigh*

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A friend is a second self.
Aristotle


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Takibi
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I am worried about even trying to come out of the closet, I am trapped, for my dad is a bi-hater my mother a strict conservative and my grndparents strict catholics, so if I were to come out of the closet I would be lectured, soaked in Holy Water, and killed, or burned at stake.... You see how difficult that must be, also, my friends are incredibly straight, There are no Bi's in my school, only gay or straight..

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Ecofem
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Hi WolfFlame,

quote:
Originally posted by WolfFlame:
I am worried about even trying to come out of the closet, I am trapped, for my dad is a bi-hater my mother a strict conservative and my grndparents strict catholics, so if I were to come out of the closet I would be lectured, soaked in Holy Water, and killed, or burned at stake....
While I think you should technically be able to be open and express yourself freely, I might wait in terms of coming out to your parents if you think their reaction would be that bad. How old are you? Are you currently in a relationship with anyone?

A good interfaith (but Christian-based) organization that tries to prevent "spiritual violence" based on sexual orientation is SoulForce. http://www.soulforce.org/ It might not change how your grandparents feel, for example, but could be a good resource nonetheless.

You shouldn't have to feel trapped or as if you're lying to your parents about your sexuality, but if home is otherwise manageable, I might wait, as I said before. Or, if they are helping pay for your college education, for example, and would stop if they found out, I'd wait until after graduation to come out to them.

quote:
Originally posted by WolfFlame:
You see how difficult that must be, also, my friends are incredibly straight, There are no Bi's in my school, only gay or straight..
Yes, I do understand that it's hard. However, there are surely many, many bi people at your school: either they aren't too sure of their orientation yet or are also keepin' low.

Does "incredibly straight" mean homophobic? Because if they just seem "incredibly straight" in terms of their own orientations, they are not necessarily 1- automatically opposed to having queer friends or 2- indeed all totally straight.

Does your school have a LGBTQSU you could join? What about one in your community? I am sure there are plenty of people around you who know how you are feeling and want to be supportive, it's just figuring out the right place to look.


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I was raised to be strong and hard/but if you touch me wrong/I fall apart/I found a woman who's soft but she's also hard/while I slept she nailed down my heart ~morphine~

[Edited for clarity. I swear that my English gets worse everyday...]

[This message has been edited by Ecofem (edited 10-12-2005).]


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Takibi
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Thanks for the helpful reply, I have been dropping hints for over a month, but they don't get it, and by incredibly straight I mean they wouldn't even consider having a gay friend, but since I am bi there is a very slim possibility, My best friends are mostly girls, who are mature and compassionate to a point of annoyingness. I only have four good guy friends that are straight, the rest I don't really consider good friends, the rest of my friends wouldn't even think about it. I would ruin my reputation as a genius, student aide, Assistant Choir Director, and Obsessive-Compulsive maniac... Actually, everyone really is straight, the neighboring schools have bi students, but my zone is the richest in my area (not meaning to be snobbish) and everyone is preppy and homophobic. I can't really find a way out of the closet, and if I try to venture out I will most definitely get hit with the door on my way out.. I hope I can become more open with my family and friends someday.

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Thanks, I finally feel accepted about being bisexual, I could even come out of the closet to my friends if given some time. I am box with fragile written all over it so be very careful. WolfFlame


Some people say there's no such place, as paradise.
Kiba, Wolf's Rain- Epiosde 1, City of Howls

Let the wolf's flame guide you, in your words, thoughts, and actions. May it guide your destiny. Speak out, state your true feelings, don't be afraid to admit anything, for the wolf lives within you and it's flame shall influence your life until armageddon.
Myself, Fiery Wolf Pack Guild Motto

[This message has been edited by WolfFlame (edited 10-12-2005).]


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My_Bloody_Masquerade
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I'm in the same situation...almost. My dad knows, my boyfriend knows, everyone at my school knows, hell, my english teacher knows, but I'm terrified to tell my mother and the rest of my family. My mom is really homophobic as is my grandfather, who lives with us...and my mother already swore to me that if I ever dated a girl or some one outside my race...she'll kick me out. And I'm pretty much breaking both her rules...except I'm not involved with a girl, but I have been in the past and my b.f. is part hispanic...so I'm already dead. I want to tell my mom because I don't feel comfortable lying to her anymore about who I am...I can tell that we've separated alot in the three years that I've come out to myself, and I feel like the rift that's come between us wont ever be healed unless she knows the truth. And I have to be the one to tell her, because if she hears it from someone else it will just make things worse. I just don't know what to say when to say it or how to say it...but I have to do it soon.
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fatigues
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When I came out, it wasn't really planned. But I was kind of mad. I was watching TV and my dad was exclaming how like, gay people are gross and such.
It made me mad, both my parents were there, and I just blurted out something like, "I'm bi, am I gross?"
But, we didnt really talk about it because I ran up to my room. Not to make you worry, I was just going through a hard time of my life. But, I'd definitely would have been less embarrassed about it, now.

Your parents aren't mine, but I think they should love you for you. And, if you open up to them and tell them, they should be happy you can talk to them and trust them about it.
But, I wouldn't just say it out of the blue, ro as others said , in a time with high tension/stress. Holidays wouldnt be the best time, especially [haha] But, maybe tell your mother first, and just, when the time comes or so, just let them know, "Look, mom, dad, I've been wanting to tell you this, I'm bisexual, and I'm happy, and I want you to be happy for me and my decisions" I don't know your parents, but, they should understand, and probably went through times of quesitoning their sexuality. [not saying you're confused ]
best of luck,
-Ava


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AnansiGirl
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quote:
Originally posted by Alone In Fairyland:
I know where you guys are coming from. I'm 15, and after outting myself to my best friend and recieving no ill will or angry words from her- infact, I got kisses- I came out to my mum. Now I'm not so sure I'm bisexual. The thought of being with a guy repulses me. I can't even..imagine..ugh. No offense to anyone intended. But now I don't know what I should do. I mean before, my mum was okay with it because, hey, I could still want kids one day, want to have a husband and a big family, but now I'm not so sure. All I can think about is having a relationship with a girl. I haven't had a relationship with a guy for about three years now, and I just got out of one with a girl, and, even though it wasn't the greatest relationship, I can't see myself ever looking at a guy like that again.

There's also the fact that everyone I hang out with has outted themselves after I did. Is it possible that all of us became friends because of some internal 'gaydar' and we seen some kind of 'sisters-in-arms'? Once I came out, my friend Emily did, and I believe her, I was in a relationship with her. But there's a few other girls that have admitted to being bisexual, one I think has a crush on me, and I don't like THAT way. I just don't know what to do with this new developement.

I don't want my mum upset with me because of thinking I'm a lesbian. But...I think I may be, I'm not sure..

Okay... I'm 18, bi, and female, and been out for around 2-3 years now. (Tempus Fugit, man oh man~) Anyway, last year I started having similar doubts about my sexuality. I wanted girls over guys, and started feeling actually disgusted about the thought of actual...you-know...with a guy.

I gotta admit, it scared me a little because my parents had only just got over my-coming out to them about that, never mind that I might be a dyke(which I don't think of as a derogatory term, btw. Sorry 'bout the lingo to those out there who do). And my younger brother(16) still looks at me and goes 'You're not bi. You're just not.' Geez, thanks alot for the support, kiddo.

But about three months ago, this guy I had met at a party while I was still going out with my current girlfriend called me a few weeks after I had broken up with her - luckily, it wasn't too messy so I wasn't being a grade-A harpy towards everything that moved - and asked me if I wanted to go out to lunch with him at the local pub.

I had a glass of wine, and about half-way through our meal an old college friend of mine showed up, and still being mentally a bit leery at being alone with a guy, I said it would be okay if she sat down with us. She bought another round of drinks, and I was starting to get kind of confused. She's bi too, and it doesn't help that she's possibly one of the finest-looking girls I've ever met in real life.

Finally, I said, "Right now I have no idea which one of you I prefer, so can I snog you both and choose?" The guy was a bit surprised, but me and Mel had messed around before, and she's - well, insatiable is the nice why to say it - so they both agreed.

Long story short, me and Mike have been going out since then, and although I still see Mel from time-to-time, we're just friends.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, don't panic. Give it some time and then see how many chickens you have to deal with.

- Anansi

--------------------
"I'm bouncing off the walls again, woah-oh~
I'm acting like a fool again, woah-oh~
Threw away my reputation,
For one more song on the RADIO STATION~"

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SuesieQ
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Hey, I have read the post and I also need some advice. I'm 15 turning 16 in a month and I wanna tell my parents but well I have no clue how to I know my mom will totally understand and my dad is one of those old fashioned people who just doesn't understand I have a girlfriend and I've only told like 4 people my cousin and 3 of my friends they all took it in a good way but I dont know how my dad will take it let alone my grandparents dont think thats all right its a sin please help I dont know how to tell my dad I'm plannig on telling him on my 16 bday but I don't know how to

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{*baby*:}

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mizchastain
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(I haven't been around for a while because I've been coping fine, but I thought I'd come back and check the boards out again.)

I have a similar problem because I'm asexual-identified sort-of-bicurious-but-not-curious-enough-to-test. I can recognise and appreciate pretty people of both genders, maybe leaning towards guys, but the idea of actually doing anything with anyone makes me squirm and I really, really, really don't want a relationship with anyone. What bothers me is that a lot of people don't think asexuality actually exists, and I don't wanna end up in that situation with my folks. The ironic thing is I'd be perfectly fine telling them if I was gay, because my mother's told me she'd be fine with it and I know they'd actually believe me if I said so. Since I wouldn't have time to date if I wanted to (exams and such) I decided this isn't the time to try telling anyone. Besides, maybe I am just a late bloomer - and I have Asperger's, so that might be something to do with it.

My mother suggested if I ever had something serious to say I should do it in writing so I didn't clam up like I tend to do. Maybe that could help someone if they want to come out but don't know how?

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PenguinBoy
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Putting things in writing is often really good because you can draft and edit and say exactly what you want to say and how you want to say it, whereas in the heat of the moment, nerves can get in the way and many people can feel as if they can't express themselves or don't feel comfortable talking to their parents honestly about the issues, face-to-face.

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Eleasha
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Hi there. I'm bisexual, female, and almost 18. I think this entire topic has been covered amazingly well by everyone who's posted before me, but I thought I'd drop my three or four cents in anyway. [Smile]

I actually can't remember a single moment in time where I officially came out. Everybody (family and friends) knows; or, if someone's still in the dark, it's not because I've deliberately not told them, it's merely that I don't make a conscious point of talking about being bi, so it probably just never came up.

I guess the closest thing to the big Coming Out deal for me was when my deeply religious, homophobic parents caught me reading slash (gay [male/male] fanfiction). On my mum's side of the deal, I think she freaked out more because there was some serious smut in my browser history, not necessarily because it happened to be gay smut. My dad, on the other hand, is the most religious person I know, or have ever heard of. Martin Luther and Constantine pale before him. If my dad had lived a few hundred years ago, he would have been a church official out there burning witches and fighting in the Crusades. Not because he's a violent or confrontational person- on the contrary, he is probably the most gracious, gentle individual I know, and he goes far out of his way to show The Love of God in as non-invasive manner as possible- but just because he believes so completely in God and the Bible, and he'd do anything to follow what he feels God/the Bible is telling him. So you can probably imagine the scene when he discovered all this gay smut. In particular, I remember one rather enraging chat wherein he lobbed the line "Do you know how homosexuals have sex?!" with a look of utter contempt and disgust on his face. As though anal sex is the big deal behind the entire religion/gay issue. Which, I guess, when you read Leviticus, it actually is...

Anyway, things were freakishly tense around the house for a couple years after the Big Slash Debacle. (I was about 13 at the time.) I didn't read any more for about a year, but I live in the boonies, at the time had no friends except my dear brother, and was bored/emotionally insecure beyond my wildest dreams, so eventually I sneaked back to reading it, and got busted again, although it wasn't as horrible as the first incident. By this time, I was giving up on Christianity, primarily because of the slash itself. I just couldn't reconcile such an abrasive, exclusive, bigoted religion with something I was coming to see (even through guilt and angst and extreme depression) had nothing wrong with it. Eventually, security slackened off around the house, as it inevitably does, and I stopped living in constant terror of being busted for devouring slash by the hundreds of pages. [Razz] Sometime during those years, I came to the realization that I was still borderline homophobic against lesbians. Not that I had any problems with them; I recognized lesbian love as every bit as legit as gay and straight love, but it still sort of grossed me out to think about it. I decided to change that.

I am a firm believer in the psuedo-theory of mind over matter. Personally, through practice, concentration, and habit, I've changed things about myself; such as fear of spiders, hatred of various foods, sexual practices, and so forth. (Although this "ability" has worked to my disadvantage a lot; quite by accident, but through too much concentration, I've made myself terrified of the dark, scared of the water, etc. I do know that I'm a writer, and have an extremely "overactive" [is there such a thing?] imagination, so I'm not sure if this is something peculiar to me, or if I just happen to be a little more aware of my psyche than most. I tend to lean toward the latter option.)

It took me about two years, and I'm still working on the fine-tuning, but I managed to shift myself over from slash-obsessed straight girl to slash-obsessed bi girl. I wouldn't go back for a million bucks. Being bi is not only a maturation process, but is so much more interesting. I think I'll always have a special place just for guys, but being able to walk down a street and get turned on my breasts and hips and long hair and pretty faces adds so much more texture to daily life. Also, I think it's a strengthening aspect of my relationship with my boyfriend (who's 11 years older than me and whom I love more than anything in the world). Most females get pissy when they find their bfs watching porn or checking out chicks or talking about other hot girls. I totally understand their frame of mind, but I don't share it. I join in the porn watching (especially if it's lesbian porn, because honestly... straight porn is something of a turn-off), and he's borrowed my well-used book of lesbian erotica on more than one occasion. [Smile] When we're wandering around town together, we share notes on the girls in short-shorts and bikinis; we have a "wouldja?" system worked out for hot or not girls in movies... He's very accepting of my slash-obsession, as well. He teases me constantly about it, and takes particular delight in emphatically stating "No they do NOT!" when I sigh about so and so in such and such a show wanting to **** each others' brains out. (Sam and Dean from Supernatural, anyone?) But he's the farthest thing from homophobic you can get and still be straight, and of course the idea of a threesome (with him merely watching, of course) is a big turn on.

So, back to coming out... I can't really give advice on how to do it. By the time I started talking about being bisexual, I had so badly shocked my parents with the slash-reading and Christianity-hating that me claiming to be attracted to women was just a sidenote. Even now, my mother (who, I am happy to tell, is a great deal more accepting of gays now than she was before the entire fiasco, and even cheerily read a wonderful book called Homo Domesticus I gave her) thinks it's just a phase. My dad doesn't really talk about it. I try to avoid getting into conversations about pretty much everything with him. Politics, religion, sexuality... we disagree violently on just about everything, so we keep it mostly to the weather (although health is out of the question, since he believes that, while medicine is indispensable, praying for healing works much better, and all I can do is roll my eyes and start in on the placebo effect). The one time (as far as I remember) that he actually went so far as to talk about disowning me (he said he couldn't, in good conscience, keep me in the will if I was involved in a 'homosexual lifestyle with a woman'), he apologized and retracted the statement the next morning.

All in all, the summary of this (very) long-winded post is that a) sexuality is a wonderful state of mind that should be treasured and played with no matter what orientation it is, b) parental acceptance and approval, while an encouragement beyond measure when received, and a huge blow when not, should not dictate how you live your life. Your parents had/have their life; this is yours. And c)... READ SLASH!! [Big Grin]

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"There is no such thing as a moral or an immoral book. Books are well written, or badly written. That is all." ~Oscar Wilde

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vampluvr25
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Last night my brother caught me looking at nearly naked girls on my computer. and so I just told him the truth. First thing this morning when our family conjugated for breakfast he blurted out "Mayah's Bi!".
My mother was a bit surprised but after I stated that I felt absolutely sure she smiled and hugged me. she said she'd had a feeling for a while and absolutely supported me.

I just came out to my mom about 5 minutes ago, And I feel amazing.

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vampluvr25

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Heather
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How fantastic is that!?! [Smile]

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vampluvr25
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@Eleasha OMG I don't know what I would do if my mother found my slash stash. LOL

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vampluvr25

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Rainyrocks9
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Hi DOgoalie90, i am 14 and i have recently discovered i am Bisexual. I have a friend who is about your age, and he is OPENLY bisexual. I know that bi and gay are quite different, so excuse the guesswork here:P However, if you really do want to come out to your grandparents,i would start with your parents...perhaps they can break it to Grams and Gramps in a way that won't completely freak them out. Now, about the locker room. I would probably avoid telling them. But, if you are proud and confident about who YOU are, don't be afraid: TAKE ACTION!! [Big Grin] You said you have a lot of girls as friends who have your back, so i wouldn't be worried about losing any possible guys as friends. Again, this is just advice, so...hope i could help somehow:)!

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I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best. Marilyn Monroe

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Rainyrocks9
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Hey, i just responded to something but..oh well:)I am Breanna age 14,I am Bisexual and i have one toe out of the closet.(I've only told one of my friends) Well, i have just moved to a new school in Texas and it is in a pretty small town. People here are somewhat..homophobic. I am friends with one openly bisexual boy who i have not yet told. And the girl i have told is also questioning her sexuality. Anyhow, my parents are pretty open people, they just think that i go through phases. I know this isn't a phase. I have been 'questioning' since perhaps 6th or 7th grade and i am about to start high school. Meeting the bisexual boy just made me think more about it. So, now i wish to come out to my parents. My question is, to clarify, how can i tell my parents i'm bisexual without them thinking i'm going through another phase??

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I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best. Marilyn Monroe

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Heather
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With the "phase" stuff, I often think what's most important to remember that it wouldn't matter if it WAS a phase: that wouldn't make it any less real or important.

For example, when I was in high school, I was a very serious musician. I wound up getting into and switching to a performing arts school for that. Later, in college, I did a lot of playing, and after that, I also played some clubs and on street. But eventually, I realized that while I loved music, I didn't want to work in music full-time, but save it for something I enjoyed more as a hobby. I still play and sing, but radically less often, I don't study it anymore, and it's a much smaller part of my life.

However, I'm so glad I was taken seriously in how important it was to me, and I benefitted from focusing on that so much. So for me, in part that was a phase, but it was an important and valuable one which deserved to be taken seriously. Get what I mean?

Sexuality is fluid, and over time, people's orientations do sometimes shift. people who were sure they were straight in high school discover they're gay in their 40's. People who thought they were gay later feel bisexual. I'm someone who knew I was bisexual when I was as young as you, but there was a point in my life where for a handful of years, I was clearly lesbian, then I shifted back again. It happens.

So, it is possible your orientation may well shift in your life, and it's also possible it may not. But when it comes to the orientation you know you are now, it deserves to be treated seriously even if when you're 20, 40 or 80 it's something different.

You can't control what your parents think, or say something that will make them sure this isn't phasal. But you can ask them, or anyone else, to accept the you you know you are now and treat it with all the respect and possible permanence 9and possible flexibility) they'd treat any other part of who you are.

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About MeGet our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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moonlight bouncing off water
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I'm 15 and I'm out (somewhat) as bisexual, although, for all practical purposes I'm a a lesbian. I find some guys cute, but I don't know that I'd ever date a guy and I certainly can't see myself getting serious with a guy. I came out to my parents around the time I turned 15, but then I went quickly back into the closet saying I didn't think I was [bisexual] anymore. I came out a few weeks after that to my then best friend by telling her who I liked (it was a girl at the time). She was amazing and didn't judge me at all, it was her reaction (she was glad I'd told her, but it wasn't a huge deal) that really what gave me the confidence to tell others.

The next person I told was my old best friend. We have known each other since kindergarten and we go through phases of best friendship. I had been talking to her before the day I came out to her and for some reason we started talking about a girl I know. She wasn't entirely sure whom I was talking about so I said "[name of girl I know], the one dating [name of another girl]". That got us talking about homosexuality and bisexuality. While she didn't outright say that she didn't like gay people her attitude beforehand (she'd never talked about gay people in a favourable light) and the fact that she "didn't believe that they were really dating" scared me off of telling her that day. Then the next time we hung out we got to talking about crushes. I still liked a girl and as she and I got to talking about crushes, I was inevitably asked who I liked. Long story short, I was coerced into telling her who I liked. She didn't say anything negative but she was obviously uncomfortable. Either that time or the next time that I was hanging out with her she said something along the lines of "I just want to be friends with you". I was and remain very insulted by this. I do not, nor have I ever, looked at her in that way. I knew she was very sheltered by her parents, but I didn't think she would ever say something so downright hurtful. We weren't that close before then and I've barely spoken to her since, but I don't really mind. After her, even though the reception of my orientation hadn't been fabulous, I was more comfortable coming out.

My parents are once again privy to the information, we don't discuss it (my parents are however very open-minded, it's more a deal of me not want to talk about it) but if they were to walk into my room right now and ask me if I'm bi or lesbian I would respond in the affirmative. All my friends know except for one, extreme homophobe. But she's really only someone I talk to because her locker is close to mine.(and she doesn't usually hang with me at lunch, which is my major social time) I'm not hiding my orientation from her, she's simply never asked and I don't see the point in telling her. Other than her homophobia issues she's really a nice girl and I don't want to create an issue where there doesn't need to be one. But back to my friends. Three of them are also bisexual females who lean towards being lesbians and I have been getting closer to them as of late (they started out as more friends of a friend, but now I'm closer to them than that original friend). ***Wow, sorry to the original poster and the intention of this thread, this is probably very long and is not directly related to the topic, but I will continue anyway.*** My group of friends is amazing every single one is totally supportive of gay people. Sometimes when there are not many of us at lunch (when everyone else is elsewhere) The odd people out happen to be the straight ones. We talk a lot about being bi (although we never talk about guys, we can do that with our straight friends and we're all so tired being invisible minorities). I'm just, happy. I'm out (although I don't think anyone outside my circle of friends knows) and I can be me with no fear of judgement.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that you will definitely hit some bumps along the way on the road of coming out, and likely some friendships will end/change/suffer over it, but I personally don't want to sustain a friendship with someone who cannot accept me, you will make it through. I guess I was lucky and I happened to begin hanging with a group that was so accepting, and had some friends come out before and pave the road for me, but I know you can do it. I want to say to all of you who are having trouble coming out to your parents, friends or whomever: it may very well be the worst of all times to come out, but it may very well be the best, if the timing seems right, go for it!

[Edited to format into paragraphs]

[ 06-03-2010, 09:25 PM: Message edited by: moonlight bouncing off water ]

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~moonlight

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Rainyrocks9
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Thank you:) I told my mom, and she basically said that at this age I 'wouldn't know' that it could change as I grow up. She told me not to label myself..but to just feel the way I feel and go with it. I guess I understand in a way, and she definently didn't say anything horrible like 'hell no!' when I told her. She was very accepting. So, I'm going to do that. I'm going to live my life the way I want and I don't care what people say about me. So for those out there who are having problems too, YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE. If people don't accept you, it's there problem..that's just my opinion. But thanks Heather:))

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I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best. Marilyn Monroe

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joeyjorulz
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I am at a loss to understand why anyone needs to tell their parents they are bi so young eg 13-15.

why not wait till college and come home for a holiday with a partner in tow?

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Heather
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joeyjorulz: at what age or time of life someone wants to comes out is VERY diverse.

Plus, might be worth thinking about how many people tell parents they are HETEROSEXUAL at those ages. Do you have the same critiques? See what I mean?

We ask users here please try and be supportive of other users. If someone wants to come out at any age, please be supportive. And since you ID as straight, I think it's important to remember that one part of being a good ally to members of any group which you/we are not is to ask more questions than you give answers.

In other words, it's certainly okay to ask someone why they feel like coming out to them at a certain age or time of life is important if you don't understand. But when you know you can't understand because that isn't your experience, giving directives is dismissive and unsupportive, even if you mean well. [Smile]

If you want to hear about one experience, I came out to a parent around the time I was 15, and was, at that time, dating/having feelings for women. I'd had those feelings since I was 10, around the same time I also started having feelings for boys.

That was good timing for me, and having the support and acceptance of one of my parents was a huge deal at that time of life, and made navigating those feelings and all of my relationships a lot easier. In my case, I think if I'd have known how to come out, and that I could to some people, even earlier, that would have been very good for me.

That's not to say it is for everyone, or that that kind of timing is everyone's right timing. But for some of us, coming out fairly young was/is important and beneficial for a whole bunch of reasons.

P.S. Who knows when and if someone is going to go to college and/or have a partner. As well, bringing a partner home with you when you haven't yet come out could be REALLY unsafe in some homes. So, while that might work for some folks well, for others that could be pretty awful for them and their partner.

[ 10-26-2010, 03:03 PM: Message edited by: Heather ]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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joeyjorulz
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I apologise if I offended in saying the 2nd part of my comment. I stand by wondering why it is necessary for youngsters who are bi to feel the need to mention it to anyone let alone parents. For a lesbian I fully understand the reasons.
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Heather
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Well, again, I'd ask you if you've noticed that straight people when they're the same age, often communicate to parents and others that they're heterosexual.

Of course, many don't have to because it is assumed to be so by "default," but even that default assumptions allows many straight teens to identify outwardly to others.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About MeGet our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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