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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » LGBTQA Relationships » I need some help, please

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Author Topic: I need some help, please
KyureeusChk
Neophyte
Member # 1159

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Hello everyone.
Just recently, me and my best friend, Ashley, have become more than just friends. We expressed our feelings for each other a few weeks ago, we both had feelings for each other throughout our friendship, and we are just so close that we decided to take it farther. Things have been going wonderfully for us. I love her so much, and I know that she loves me.
Well, this week, an old friend of mine called me. He told me that he missed me, and wanted to see me, because it's been about 4 or 5 months since I'd seen him. So, tonight after work I went over to his house. Well, we were sitting outside talking, he was being so sweet to me, he had always been a good friend to me. Well, out of nowhere, he kissed me. He was always such a good kisser. I kissed him back, and a little tongue was involved. Then I thought to myself, "I can't do this to Ashley," so I pulled away. I talked to her on the phone a while ago. She asked how he was doing and everything, cause she knew I was going to see him, then she jokingly asked me, "Did you kiss him?" I couldn't lie to her. I told her I did, and she started crying, and told me that I hurt her heart. What do I do? I mean, this isn't just my girlfriend, this is my best friend. I'm so scared that this will ruin everything that we have. I mean, it wasn't even a long kiss. I just have no idea what to say to her. I love her so much, and I don't want to do anything to hurt her. But, I see that the damage has been done. I did stop when I thought about her. Does that count any? Well, please give me some advice.
Jill


Posts: 5 | From: Childersburg, AL USA | Registered: Aug 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Hanne
Sexpert
Member # 100

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Jill, all I can say is that you did the right thing by stopping when you needed to stop, and by being honest.

Yes, your girlfriend is probably hurt, and yes, it will probably take some time for her to get over feeling hurt. You can probably help that process along by spending time with her, reassuring her, and talking about the issues.

Your girlfriend may be scared that you will dump her for a man -- it is, socially speaking, a lot easier in some ways to be with an opposite-sex partner, and she may be worried that you'd rather have that in your life and may thus be afraid of losing you. You're going to have to talk to her about this sort of stuff.

The other thing to talk about is boundaries. What is okay and what isn't okay for the two of you in terms of having snuggly or sexy interactions with other people? Most people do NOT think to talk about these things in their relationships until after something like this happens. So now's your chance: if kissing someone else is not okay, what is okay? You'll need to talk about that, because as you just discovered, these situations DO come up sometimes, and if you haven't thought about it in advance, it'll take you by surprise. This is true for all relationships -- hetero, bi, homo, whatever.

Take a deep breath. This is tough stuff, but you are doing really well and being honest and straightforward, and that's the important thing. Be brave and keep up the good work.

------------------
Hanne Blank
Associate Editor, Scarleteen

"Be Excellent To Each Other" -- Bill and Ted


Posts: 1538 | From: boston, ma, USA | Registered: Jun 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
KyureeusChk
Neophyte
Member # 1159

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Thank you very much, Hanne. It really helped my self esteem when you let me know I did the right thing by telling the truth. I've been brought up in a loving family, and my parents have always taught me the values of being honest in every situation. I guess this time it really paid off. Well, I did a lot of thinking the night that I got your reply. The next day, I went out and bought Ashley a rose, and a beautiful ring. I also bought her a card that was blank on the inside so I could write how I felt without having some cheesy little saying on the inside. I told her how much I love her, and not to let something as stupid and immature as this ruin what we have. I said a lot of other stuff. I told her that the ring was my promise to her that I won't hurt her like this again. I don't know what I would do if I were to lose her. Like you said, I think she is scared of losing me because I kissed a guy, and a guy/girl relationship is so much more accepted today than a girl/girl relationship. I talked to her about it, like you told me, and I let her know that I want her, and that I'm happy with her, and la le la. Again, I thank you for your advice. She has forgiven me. I just thought I'd keep you informed since you really helped me out. Thank you so much!

Love
Jill


Posts: 5 | From: Childersburg, AL USA | Registered: Aug 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Hanne
Sexpert
Member # 100

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Sounds like you're on the right track, hon. Being honest and keeping that communication flowing is the way to go, in this relationship and in any and all other relationships you will ever have.

Good for you!

------------------
Hanne Blank
Associate Editor, Scarleteen

"Be Excellent To Each Other" -- Bill and Ted


Posts: 1538 | From: boston, ma, USA | Registered: Jun 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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