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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » LGBTQA Relationships » What does it take to be bi?

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Author Topic: What does it take to be bi?
PunkHippie420
Activist
Member # 699

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I sometimes find myself checking out girls. And one time, I saw a really beautiful girl and got turned on. I think the naked female body is beautiful... and I had a dream about my bisexual friend one time. I totally love guys, and the only girl I had a crush on was a bisexual girl. I never looked at straight girls that way. Am I bisexual?? What does it take to be bi?

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peace, music and anarchy
-erYn


Posts: 67 | From: California, USA | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Hanne
Sexpert
Member # 100

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There are no "rules" about what it takes to be bisexual or gay or anything else. Ultimately, what's most important is how you feel comfortable thinking of yourself and what terms you feel are most comfortable for you to use in describing yourself.

I'm bisexual, and have known that about myself since I was in my early teens. These days, among other things, I am a sex and safer sex educator for a project that serves bisexuals of all genders. The way we define bisexuality for the purposes of that project is that a bisexual is anyone who has the capacity to feel romantic and/or sexual love or desire for partners of more than one sex or gender.

Many people who are basically heterosexual have occasional attractions to people of their own gender. That's quite normal -- very few monosexual (attracted primarily to people of one sex, gay or straight) people go through their lives without at least a few experiences of being at least somewhat attracted to someone who is not of the sex that is most usual one for them to be attracted to.

Does this mean you're bi? Not necessarily. But it also doesn't mean you're not bi, either. You're the only one who can decide if your same-sex feelings are strong enough that you feel like you need to or want to acknowledge them by identifying as bisexual.

We have an article about bi stuff in the Gaydar section at Scarleteen that might be helpful to you, or check out some of the resources available at the Bisexual Resource Center at www.biresource.org.

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Hanne Blank
Associate Editor, Scarleteen

"Be Excellent To Each Other" -- Bill and Ted


Posts: 1538 | From: boston, ma, USA | Registered: Jun 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
PunkHippie420
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Hey thanx. I went to the gaydar thing and it just told me things like "people think bis want sex all the time. This is not true." Thats pretty much it (no offense to all you modifying people out there... I couldn't have done half as good of a job) it just told me stuff I already knew. But I'll check out that other site you told me about. Thanks again

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peace, music and anarchy
-erYn


Posts: 67 | From: California, USA | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
thezerosystem
Neophyte
Member # 1090

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Honestly, I think everyone starts out their life in harmony--in total balance with everything, like all other things on this earth. This includes sexuality. A baby does not care if the attention comes from a male or a female--the baby just loves being loved. As we grow up, the culture we live in dictates that we must either conform to the "norms" or be against them in terms of who we prefer certain types of love from. (Or, to oversimplify be hetero or not.) Many other cultures are not like this:
some cultures have purely homosexual relationships until about age 20, and then are strictly hetersexuals. Other cultures accepted men taking on a boy lover (like in shakespeare's time.) Still others, like many native american tribes, allowed a person who felt like a man to be a man (and take a wife, etc) and allowed a person who felt like a woman, to be a woman--no matter what sex they were.

Basically, I feel that at some point in our lives our bodies decide to be attracted to a certain sex (not gender--there is a big difference) for that moment. This can stay the same for the rest of their lives, it can change constantly, or it can be anything in between--all of it has happened for thousands (if not millions) of years. I think that being attracted to the same sex is nature's way of balancing the population--as it is with nearly all other animals on this planet. Therefore, all interests in the same or opposite gender are governed by nature-nature has a way of protecting and maintaining itself that I won't pretend to understand, just appreciate.

So, to simplify--it doesn't matter if you call yourself gay, lesbian, bi, or whatever--if nature is guiding you to feeling a certain way, then go with it for as long as it feels natural. (Sorry about the round-a-bout answer--I am studying anthropology focusing on sexuality, so I have a lot of this on my mind!)

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"What is done out of love always occurs beyond good and evil."--Nietzsche


Posts: 9 | From: Macomb, IL USA | Registered: Aug 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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What you've said, zero, basically goes hand-in-hand with current sexual research.

But I very much like how you've put it yourself. It's always nice to hear these things from fresh eyes, as it were.


Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
ThisGuy
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I'm straight. As far as I know anyways. So I clearly have minimal experience here.

But it seems to me that the gay/bi/straight thing is completely blown out of proportion.
Why cant people just be themselves? Decide based upon the individual in question whether you're attracted or not.

Categorisation is a bad thing when it comes to people, if you ask me. Well, except my usual categorisation based upon whether people annoy me or not! ;p


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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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...and yet you just categorized yourself in that post.

The thing is, one one level, I agree with you. However, many people feel the need for some defintion when it comes to their personal identities. That's pretty copmmon and normal. It's a bit easier to say that's unecessary from a heterosexual perspective, because all around the globe, heterosexuality is basically the "default" identity. In other words, unless you say otherwise, you're considered to be straight.

If you think about it in a way you might be able to identify with more (for instance, what if this was the case with gernder? Unless you made a point of flopping your penis around or talking about it, you'd be assumed to be female? You and I both know were that the case most men would be screaming down the hillside that they were male). It's a complex matter, but defining aspects of the self isn't all about pigeonholing. A lot of it is about self-esteem and identity.

[This message has been edited by Miz Scarlet (edited September 10, 2000).]


Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
ThisGuy
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A categorisation? Maybe. I view it as more of a description.

I'm not a homophobe. I'm not a homosexual. I'm fine with people engaging in same-sex activities. Provided - as with any sexual activity - I don't have to watch them!

As far as "defining" my sexuality, I did it to provide some idea of my personal viewpoint on the matter. Basically to describe the limitations of my experiences and sexual attractions.

Essentially, I was pointing out that my own tastes tended towards one side of the scale. I don't view myself as inherently heterosexual.

I view myself as myself. ;p


Posts: 915 | From: Australia | Registered: Aug 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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