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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Parents, Adults and Teens » Knowing Yourself

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Author Topic: Knowing Yourself
Jakgirl
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Heya everyone - just a quick question: How do you handle it when you have conflicting desires between what you know is a fantasy and wouldn't work (and would actually make you miserable), and what you actually want? Any advice on how to get past this? Personal experiences with similar things?

Example: I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I want to have a fulfilling career to make the world a better place, but the fantasy of being part of a "traditional" nuclear family is insidiously seductive - yet ridiculous! [Roll Eyes]

Posts: 10 | From: West Coast | Registered: Nov 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Ecofem
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For starters, I try to see such hopes and dreams not as binary, as in either or, AND be easier on yourself. [Smile] You gave one example, but if you could expand on this, I think you could get better feedback. [Smile]

Seriously, both of these wishes (career and family) are totally ok, and no one's to tell you both aren't possible should things work out. The key here is being flexible and seeing where life takes you. (Think of that Robert Frost poem about this.) Focus on getting a good start and see what happens: Things often don't turn out quite as we planned or hoped but even BETTER!

What type of career are you talking about? There are so many ways to "make the world a better place"... In many countries, women, intentionally or not, doing both is not a choice but essential. Right now I'm having trouble finding the words to describe it, but here's an article on the Green Belt movement in Kenya for an example.

OK, so a lot of things are possible, it's just being open to them being a little (or a lot) different than you had maybe originally planned. In terms of family, I can think of like having a same-sex partner as a co-parent if you're queer or being a single parent raising your kid/s with help from aunts or uncles or being in a heterosexual partnership that doesn't have children. It might mean having a relationship that's long-distance for a few years so you two can accomplish your individual goals, adopting kids yourself or being single for however long so you have more time for your own plans.

Anyhow, this all goes back to setting goals and seeing how things go. How old are you? What is your current educational background? What type of career are you working toward? Are you currently in a relationship and wondering about the future? What was your family like growing up?

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