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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Parents, Adults and Teens » Trying to make a life for me & my daughter..

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Author Topic: Trying to make a life for me & my daughter..
XxWishIKnewXx
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I really don't even know where to begin- so I guess I'll keep it simple.
I hope I came to the right place to post this, if not - go ahead & move it please.

I'm a 17 yearold girl with a 21 month old daughter.
I've been living with my grandma for years & years now, I can't live there any longer. My mom doesn't have room for me at her house & my dad? What dad?

My family isn't helping me any longer. I don't have any goverment help anymore. I had WIC but when I had another appointment to go to I couldn't get a ride. My daughter hasn't had any shots in over a year, due to no ride & no one cares to help me.

(not my daughter's dad)
I've been with my boyfriend for 9 months now. Me & his mom have become pretty good friends & she knows what's been going on in my life. She wants to help me out in any way she can.
She's taken me to WIC & the welfare office, she's really trying to help. She's called tons of places to find out information for me - she cares. My grandmother can't handle taking care of me & my daughter anymore. She's retired & my mother won't give her OR ME the child suport money my father gives to my mother for me. If I wanted I could really get my mom in trouble with the IRS for fraud, I don't & haven't lived with her in years yet she continues to collect money that should be going to my grandma. Whatever, I'm not even worried about that anymore. I just want to get on my feet, I don't want anymore hurt for anyone. I really just can't handle anymore emotional abuse.

My mom has told me I need to find a place for me to live, she's even said "go move in over at your boyfriend's house". Well now I have that option. My boyfriend's mom wants me to stay with her for a while. I told my mother & now she tells me I can't move out until I'm 18. Now I can understand that if I didn't have a child myself- buuut, that's not the case. I am a mother myself & if she & my grandmother are always complaining about having to take care of me - why can't I leave with my daughter? They are sufficating me. They say the most hurtful things, tell me I'm sick when I know I'm not. Tell my daughter they feel bad for her because she has a mother like me. I just can't handle the emotional abuse they put me through anymore. It's just a control issue now it seems. I can't talk to them, I've never been able to really hold a conversation with them - we don't KNOW one another at all.

My boyfriend's mom is willing to continue to take me to the places I need to go to get help, a drivers license & things like that. Willing to take me to work if I'm able to get a job. It just seems like the next step for me to take if I'm trying to get a life. Cause if I stay living with my grandma I won't be getting on my feet anytime soon. I need this more than anything.

My mother & grandmother must think I just go over there to do whatever I please or something cause they said if I stay the night there again they'd call the cops & have my boyfriend's family in trouble for "housing a runaway". It's not like I leave my daughter with them while I'm there. I don't understand why they can't see I'm trying to help myself for once!

I'd like to know the laws for leaving home at 17 in South Carolina, and if laws change for me since I'm a mother. Also- my boyfriend's family live in Georgia, would that be a problem for me, legally? They live on a military base & already asked the chaplin person what they could do for me & what would happen if I stayed there & my famiy called the cops. They told me he said nothing could happen (as in my boyfriend's family getting in trouble for "housing a runaway") because of my situation, basicly.

Sorry this is so complicated. I just can't find any information on the web and I've been coming to this site for years so I figured I'd give it a shot asking here.
I don't know..

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Beautiful baby girl
LMB 10-04-04

Posts: 29 | From: Augusta, Georgia, USA | Registered: Nov 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
KittenGoddess
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(I deleted the duplicate of this topic in Support Groups. Your topic could fit in either area, but according to our board guidelines we do not allow topics to be double posted. So we'll leave the discussion here.)

I'm sorry that your situation has been so difficult. But it does sound like you've got some folks that really care about you and want to help you and your daughter. Hopefully, you can find some help and support here as well -- both emotionally and in terms of finding resources.

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Sarah Liz

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Bobolink
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BTW, you should talk to Family Services or a lawyer. If your mother has been misappropriating your father's support payments, she can be made to reimburse you. Possibly the threat of doing hard time will loosen her purse strings. This is often known as the crime of "theft by conversion". Have you talked to your father about the misappropriate confiscation of his support payments to you?

[ 07-19-2006, 05:11 PM: Message edited by: Bobolink ]

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I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.

- Galileo

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XxWishIKnewXx
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Yes, Ive spoke to him - he knows. They have some weird relationship. They're divorced yet.. hang out. She recently took him with her to Amsterdam, can you guess on what money helped her go?

I actually spoke with him today & he is, like usual, all talk about the situation. He acts like he hates giving her money while knowing she doesn't give it to me. But it's like she's got him whipped or something still.. He told me "if you feel like you have more motivation to make something of yourself by moving in with this guy then by all means, go." I asked him what I should do about my mother & grandmother threating to call the cops & he said "tell them to go right ahead, you're 17- you're an adult you have a child- it's not running away."

He asked me if he took her to court would I tell them that I've never lived with her yet never recived any money from her.

I hope I can figure out a plan soon, I can't stay here much longer..

Posts: 29 | From: Augusta, Georgia, USA | Registered: Nov 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Bobolink
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I don't know Georgia geography well but here is a map which will lead you to your nearest office of Child and Family Services. Contact them now.


http://tinyurl.com/75onv

Here is a link mor specific to Augusta


http://tinyurl.com/mh3du

[ 07-21-2006, 09:41 AM: Message edited by: Bobolink ]

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I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.

- Galileo

Posts: 3442 | From: Stirling, Ontario, Canada | Registered: Sep 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
XxWishIKnewXx
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Okay, well..

Can anyone tell me if my daughter & I moved in with my boyfriend's family would my mother REALLY be able to stop me legally? (South Caolina)

Also - If she can 'get me' for "running away" then I don't want my boyfriend's family to get in trouble for taking me across state line's & housing a "run away". (Georgia)

Sorry if I'm bothering anyone with all this..

Posts: 29 | From: Augusta, Georgia, USA | Registered: Nov 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
KittenGoddess
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You're not a bother, dear. Not at all. You're in a difficult situation and you're actively trying to find assistance and information...that makes you pretty darn smart!

Your best bet, to cover all of your bases, is to call an attorney or check with Child and Family Services in terms of the legalities. The best we could do here is look into what the law says...which still wouldn't be a guarantee since there are always loop holes and we are NOT legal professionals. You should be able to call and ask about it and have someone truly qualified from your state give you a more complete answer. We'll be happy to look into the laws via our resources, but again, your best bet will be to contact local resources. (We're not trying to blow you off here...we want to help, but we want to make sure that you're getting good information as well so that nobody gets into trouble.)

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Sarah Liz

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Heather
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Given you are under the age of the majority in any state in the US, you cannot go live apart from your parents legally without legally becoming an emancipated minor. Having a child doesn't change those policies.

BUT.

Your mother ALSO cannot legally deny you shelter and care if she is your legal guardian. It is her legal responsibility to MAKE room for you, to feed you and clothe you: her lack of space isn't your problem. legally, you are still your child and legally, she is still responsible for providing for you, until you are 18.

So, as Sarah suggested, do yourself a favor and call social services. It's their job to manage situations just like this, and they not only know all of these laws, but how they can be applied (for instance, they could BOTH make arrangements for your boyfriend's family yo legally adopt you AND for you to get the support checks for your daughter). They can help get you set up with the resources you need and your child needs.

But you've got to go through the proper channels for all this stuff to happen. I hate to sound harsh, but right now neither you or your daughter can afford to worry about getting your mother in trouble for what she's been doing. You need to concern yourself with the most bonafide, expedient ways to get you both what you need.

[ 07-21-2006, 02:51 PM: Message edited by: Miz Scarlet ]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
XxWishIKnewXx
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"But you've got to go through the proper channels for all this stuff to happen. I hate to sound harsh, but right now neither you or your daughter can afford to worry about getting your mother in trouble for what she's been doing. You need to concern yourself with the most bonafide, expedient ways to get you both what you need."


I agree & don't even want to get her in any trouble like that.

Thanks for all the help, everyone.

Posts: 29 | From: Augusta, Georgia, USA | Registered: Nov 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
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Then I'm sorry to say, you're likely going to have to, if you choose not to go through those channels to protect HER, to also be choosing NOT to protect yourself and your child.

I don't envy the position you're in, and I can't imagine what it's like. But I don't see any way to take care of the child support, getting you legal shlter, getting you and your child resources without your mother having to be accountable for what she's done here.

So, call DCFS, even anaonymously if you must, talk to someone about this. But if it comes down to a choice -- given your mother and clearly chosen not to care for your welfare or that of your kid -- I suggest you choose to do all you can to care for yourself and your child first, and let your mother deal with the reasonable consequences of her actions.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About MeGet our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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virginia36861
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I would like to say that my heart is with you and your little girl. It seems like your family is trying to "live" their life through you and this is so wrong. There are laws that protect you and your child, you just have to go to someone and find these out. there may be even a law that states that you and this guy can marry (if you truly love one another that is) and start your family together without everyone getting invloved and telling you what to do every step. I am not sure how mature you are, but by the sound of your message, you seem ready to "grow' up and move on. Sometimes we make quick and sudden decisions that affect the rest of our life and having a child so young does just that, but we have to just make the best of all situations and learn that we have to think things through from now on. You are a mother now and you need the child support that your dad pays, it is not legally your mother's money, so therefore you have to do the RIGHT thing by letting the authorities know that this money is being "stolen", even if this is your mom. We all love our mom's very much, but even they can do wrong by their children, and in this case she is putting her needs before her daughter's and granddaughter's. So ask yourself.....Should you let your daughter suffer to keep from getting your mom in trouble? Should you sit back and continue to allow her to accept this check every month, while you are living your life miserable? I know this is not fair either way, but when you have a child you become an adult, you have to learn to make adult decisions now and not look back. I wish for you all the luck and prayers and hope you do the right thing from this day forward. You will be told to do many things about this, but do what your heart is telling you to do. And by doing that, you can not go wrong...Check with local authorities and learn how you can move out and get Goverment Assistance with raising your daughter. Do not "lean" on help, just accept it long enough to get on your feet and be determined to make a difference in this childs life. There is help for all situtions, we just have to search for them and make that first move.. Good luck


quote:
Originally posted by XxWishIKnewXx:
Okay, well..

Can anyone tell me if my daughter & I moved in with my boyfriend's family would my mother REALLY be able to stop me legally? (South Caolina)

Also - If she can 'get me' for "running away" then I don't want my boyfriend's family to get in trouble for taking me across state line's & housing a "run away". (Georgia)

Sorry if I'm bothering anyone with all this..



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Virginia

Posts: 37 | From: Alabama | Registered: Aug 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
virginia36861
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Instead of having to look over your back and "running" away, just take her to court and tell the Judge that you want to get a job and take care of your daughter yourself, with the father that is. If you RUN AWAY and move in, you are a minor and could get into trouble, and whomever is abiding this, can also get into trouble, just for the sake of you being a minor.. The best thing to do is find the legal age to marry and if you love this man and can live with this family, then start your family the right way. I am not saying marry just because you have a baby, because we all know how that ends up. I am saying that "moving" in with someone is not the answer to your problem. Where I live you have to be 16 years old to marry with the consent of a parent or guardian, and it may be the same there. But as a minor, you probably can not just "run away" and think it will all go away.. It is best to face up to everything and take care of that and then make that move. you seem like a mature young lady and want to take care of your child, and there are so many young teens that just give up that right. you are brave and smart and I really admire you for wanting to do what is right, but running away may only cause more problems for you and those involved. It really saddens me that your mom would take a child support check and knowingly take it "away" from someone with a small child. If she was taking this to help you and this child, it would be different, but just taking it to be selfish just makes her just that. No one will have all the right answers, but you really need to contact an attorney just for advice. Most will give you Free advice or just tell you what you can do and can not do.Go for a Free consultation and explain the entire situtation. Then go from there so you can be happy once and for all. Best wishes

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Virginia

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Jaymuma
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Hey im 16 with 10week old baby boy.
me and my bf/father of baby. are still currently living with my parents we dont see bfs parents very offten at all. we are looking for a place to live but its hard, as here in australia no where wants to rent a place to a young person, unless you go through all these places and they just make you look scummy and ratty as if you cant get any other houses and stuff.
im sorry to hear. i hope you figure something out

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My baby boy was born 4th july 2006

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DarkChild717
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(Jaymuma? This topic is orginally from July. It's nearly 2 months old. The odds of the original poster still reading this are slim. Unless you have something new to add to a post, try and stick to current topics. Okay? Thanks!)

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Sara1
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[ 09-21-2006, 12:33 PM: Message edited by: Sara1 ]

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the_time_has_come
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The situation you are in is hard but it is not impossible to rise to the top out of it. I don;t know the laws in SC but you have to do what is best for you and your baby. You made that promiss to her when you decided to have her. Your 18th birthday couldn't be too far way and if leaving is going to get you in trouble then wait until you are 18 and get the heck out of there. Leave and don't look back. You don't need people who treat you like this in your life and influencing your daughter. I am 34 and had a daughter at 19. Yes, I was an adult but it didn't make it any easier. I was in a bad situation and the best thing I ever did was leave and never look back. I am happy to say that I have a wounderful well rounded 14 yr old daughter now. Unfortunately I am here on this site because she has decided that it is time that she may be ready for sex and I don't know what to say to her. The positive side to my story is that she trusts me enough to come to me with this. I came across your post and the fact that you know you need to get out of there shows you are a smart girl and that you know there is more in life. You and your daughter will go far. You just might have to wait until you are 18. I agree with everyone, get in touch with family services or an attorney. A lot of attornies will do probono work (not sure if I spelt that right) but basicly that means they do the work for free. Good luck in all that you do and never give up.
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-Lauren-
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(Hey, the_time_has_come: this topic hasn't likely been viewed by the original poster in a few months. We like to discourage posting unless you have something new to add and the original poster is still around. If you want to continue offering input (please do!), there are plenty of active posts that you could contribute to. Thanks!)
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