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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Parents, Adults and Teens » CORPORAL PUNISHMENT

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When I was 14 I was caned by my dad for poor grades. This was whilst living in Missouri
so it wasn;t illegal. It hurt like mad but I guess it was fair. Hvae you received corporal punishment?

Posts: 3 | From: peterborough | Registered: Apr 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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I received spankings regularly as a child. Mostly from my mother. I don't know if it did me amy good. I spanked my son once, It was a "wait until your father gets home" situation. It didn't do my son any good (he turned out well anyways) but it sure rattled me.

I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.

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Posts: 3442 | From: Stirling, Ontario, Canada | Registered: Sep 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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I have, and I don't think it is useful as a parenting tool if your kid is above, say, 7 years old. When you're young it works because the kid associates whatever they did with the pain of being hit. If the child is very young and runs into the street and the mother spanks the kid and says "don't run into the street", there's a good chance the kid won't run into the street again.

When the kid gets older though, that isn't the case anymore. I would get hit for absolutely ridiculous reasons and it has caused a massive rift between me and my parents. I'm 18 and living at home and each time they hit me (because they think they still can, as parents), it just gives me another reason to save up money and move out.

disconnect and let me drift/until my upside down is right side *in*

Posts: 640 | From: The Valley of the Sun, AZ, USA | Registered: May 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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It's also worth noting that most corporal punishment IS classed as abuse in many areas, legally and practically.

I grew up with abuse in my family, with parents who were also constantlly physically abused. I am also an ex-early childhood education teacher, and really well-versed in child psychology, various kinds of parenting, and a lot of cultural and anthopological study on the matter.

Gotta say, from all my various perspectives, I don't support it, at all, for children or people of any age.

There's nothing "fair" about abuse.

Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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that's interesting faifai, when I was about 14 my mom decided pulling hair was a good idea (OUCH!), b/c I'd quit responding to spanking and slapping . Yeah, it was kind of ridiculous, and it didn't really do either of us any good, I'm pretty sure. I don't go home much anymore, b/c we still fight if I'm doing something with my life she doesn't like (I'm 19). I went to a charter boarding high school when I was 15, and she STILL managed to blame her marital difficulties on me when I was 16, even though I only came home a hanful of times a year. As odd as I may be, I still am of the opinion she's the more dysfunctional one.
Posts: 193 | From: Massachusetts | Registered: Apr 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Paradoxical Enigma
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Well, I'm not denying that in certain circumstances it could be effective, but physical abuse as a parenting tool, in my opinion, just isn't right. Physically harming someone is hardly the way to form a good relationship with a child. It can certainly enable control, but only control by fear, which is just plain not right to me.

Thankfully, niether of my parents ever spanked me or physically inflicted pain on me as a parental tool, and I'm glad for that. It helps me be open to talk to them because it diminishes any fears of being punished for what I say. Whether or not I have been mentally abused is iffy, depending on what you consider mental abuse. I really think that my mom has been an ideal parent all along and my dad has been largely just as good, but I have been the victim of "shaming," even by my orthodontist, and I really can't say I like that, either. Even if it's well meaning, all it's done is make me afraid of being yelled at and criticised for being open about things which others do not like. I don't think that's the way to solve anything.

I might also add that I feel like punishing kids for bad grades alone is just as bad as caning them to me. Parents should expect their children to put in good effort, and, so long as they are doing that, they should be satisfied with them. It's important to remember that they were not perfect students, either, and the grades are relative to the class.

[ 04-29-2006, 10:13 PM: Message edited by: Paradoxical Enigma ]

Sex on TV won't hurt you unless you fall off.

Posts: 35 | From: In front of the computer; go figure | Registered: Mar 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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I was hit with a belt and yelled at whenever I misbehaved up until the age of 14.

Let me tell you, it does nothing to reinforce good behavior. I didn't cry for hours because the punishment hurt physically; it was the pain of being harmed by and losing faith in somebody who should be protecting you. The lashing aside, I'd have nightmares after a spanking because of the horrible look on my father's face as he hit me.

If a child is raised to respect and trust their caregivers through less brutal forms of negative reinforcement, explainations and expectations of proper ways to behave, and plenty of encouragement, there is no reason in hell that physical punishment should become necessary.

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When I was under ten, and particularly under seven or so, I'd sometimes get a smack (open hand, on a well padded area) as punishment for naughtiness, but my parents were always very much against using anything other than an open hand. While I'm not sure that smacking is the best way to deal with naughtiness, I also wouldn't call my parents abusive for their use of it. Certainly they never would have considered any type of coporal punishment for grades. Usually, when it happenned it would be because we had been repeatedly asked to do something quite reasonable (such as cleaning up the toys), and had repeatedly ignored the request.
Posts: 2710 | From: Australia | Registered: Jun 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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*Shrug*. I was spanked as a kid (apparently the most, in comparison to my two brothers...maybe that explains my interest in S&M). I don't really "love" my parents. I am kind of indifferent. I mean, they are decent people, but they never want to discuss anything serious. (I am sorry. A fart joke is not the appropriate follow up to a few lines of dialog about the Darfur Genocide). But I was never abused. My mother works for the Children's Aid Society of Ontario, and has been for 26 years now (18 as a social worker and 8 as a supervisor).

I'd say it is the same way I do it now.

You hit someone in love, not in anger, nor punishment.

19, male, interested in Sadomasochism (BDSM) and some bisexual tendancies.

Posts: 157 | From: Canada | Registered: Jan 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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