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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Parents, Adults and Teens » Why Do People Have Kids?

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Author Topic: Why Do People Have Kids?
CMTFlovesHAH
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I would like to know why people in this day and time have kids? I don't understand, the world is already over populated. All I see it children everywhere. The world doesn't even produce enough resources for everyone, does it? My fiancé and I have chosen not to have a child, I do not feel like I am going to miss out on anything. And if people want a child badly, there are many wonderful children in foster homes that are up for adoption. Just because the "perfect life image" is most likely to grow up, get married, have children, and raise them does that mean that it is what is expect of us to be looked up to?

My fiancé was in the military for a while and the guys there looked at him in disbelief when he said he did not want children. All the men said to him that if he didn't have a child his name would not be passes on to another generation. So what? Is that the only reason some people have children?

I was thinking if you could go to the pharmacy and purchase birth control over the counter, that would make it easier for people to get them and would most likely have more people using them, but there is still a margin of error that would be in consideration. So, for lack of a better word, accidents are always going to happen.

When I was shopping the other day I was just watching the adults with children, most of the adults had more than one child. So people are having more than one child. Why? Don't people understand it makes the world more cram packed, strains the worlds already strained resources, and crowds the already crowed schools? Am I the only one that sees this as a problem?

I hope I haven't said anything to upset anyone, but I just want to know why.

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Gumdrop Girl
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Just bear in mind that the term "reproductive choice" pertains not only to advocating the availability of safe, legal abortions, it also pertains to advocating the rights of people to bear children as they see fit.

So while some people pitch a big fit about how they think it's wrong to terminate a pregnancy, there are others who think it's wrong to have lots of kids.

No matter what your stance is on the matter, just make sure that your stance is yours alone and that you do not impose it on other people.

Why do they have kids? I can't speak for them. But they chose to have kids, and I support that choice.

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CMTFlovesHAH
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Well, give me some idea here. I mean I am just trying to understand better. I am not saying for people to stop having kids. Why do you think that? Do you want confrontation? I don't. I just want someone to be understanding and just try to answer my question as best they can without finding something ethically wrong with what I say.

All I wanted was help to understand so I could except this issue better.

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wobblyheadedjane
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Just in terms of overpopulation, as far as I know from my development courses, there is more than enough resources to sustain everyone on the planet as it stands now and then some (up to, most economists theorize, approximately 8.5 billion). However, it's the distribution of resources that is the really problem when it comes to things like poverty and famine.

As to why peopoe have kids personally, I don't really know. I don't know if I want to have children in the future, or adopt, or just be a crazy cat lady. But like Gummy said above, whatever I want to do, I'm glad the choice is there for me to make


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Heather
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You know, in many ways asking why people have kids or want to is a bit like asking why people have friendships or romantic or sexual partnerships. Or, more relevant to you, why people get married.

Ultimately, it's just one more kind of relationship that many people are interested in for any number of reasons, and it does tend to be a unique relationship.

I'm certainly concerned about overpopulation, but the truth is that if everyone stopped reproducing and started adopting, in just a few years or so, all the adoptable kids would be a adopted. And based on current population research, when people don't have huge families, there's really no reason to assume having a child or two IS a great strain on the environment, public health, hunger and education issues et cetera. (The single greatest reason for starvation, malnutirion, school crowding really is about unbalanced distrubution of weath and resources more than it is about population. Adnd yes, the world actually still produces more than enough resources for everyone on it: again, it's primarily an issue of some regions and areas overconsuming, rather than a lack of what's needed overall.) As well, some of the critical issues with overpopulation are not even about the avialability and accessibility of birth control -- though for many, that's certainly part of the issue -- but in many cases, about women's rights and agency to have any choice at all about their own reproduction. In some of the most taxed parts of the world, it should come as no shocker that the women there often have very little agency or choice about having sex at all, let alone reproduction.

I do want children, I have for a long time, and it's something I've thought a lot about over the years in determining that I do. Not sure quite how I'll do it or when: I'm almost 35, I'm queer, it's likely I can't healthfully carry a child. It's very unlikely to be accidental in my case, as a sperm donor is likely to be involved if I didn't adopt. I'd be good adopting, but multiple factors in my life make it such that I may be unable to adopt. There are some things that make spreading my particular gene pool appealing to me: I'm the last person in my father's line, for instance. And we've got some good genes going on.

Per why I'd want to parent, again, it's like asking why I'd want a romantic partner. It's a unique relationship, I'm interested in exploring it at some point, and I think I'd enjoy parenting and be a good parent. I think parenting well makes a difference in the world we live in. I certanly am not thinking of trying to fit into some "perfect life" image, and the idea, with all my quirks and the things that make me stand far, far outside white-picket-fenceville, that I even could is pretty comical.

Per having more than one child again, many people have different reasons. Only children have some things to grapple with children with siblings do not, for instance.

Ultimately, a question like this is best asked one-on-one with people who do have children, have chosen to parent, or who want to, and you're going to find there are a dizzying array of answers to these questions.


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CMTFlovesHAH
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Thank You!

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"That'll put some marzipan in your pie plate, Bingo!" - Buffybot

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DarkChild717
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Personally?

I am very family oriented. One of my most powerful relationships was with my grandmother. I've had the experience of being the grandchild. One day, I want to be like my grandmother. I want the oppurtunity to be that important in that aspect in someone's life. Simply put, I want to be a mother and a grandmother.

That is the choice I make. However, that won't happen anytime soon. I have too many ambitions. Traveling abroad would be difficult with a child--not undoable, but I don't want nor need that responsibility right now.


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CMTFlovesHAH
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Thanks Darchild717

I just wonder if there are more people out there like me that don't want children. I mean I know there must be, but I just don't meet them everyday.

My fiancé and his father were discussing children one day, and my fiancé said that he didn't want any. His father then said, "Your going to have a hard time finding a woman that doesn't want children." (His father does not approve of me), or at least didn't at that point in time. My fiancé just smiled and said, "I already have." He is so sweet.

But really I know I have to be in the minority here. I never was to much for being in the majority anyway, so I know I can manage. It would just be nice to fine some people that didn't want children and I could find out there own reasons for not wanting to have kids.

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"That'll put some marzipan in your pie plate, Bingo!" - Buffybot

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Heather
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Really, there are quite a lot of people, of all genders, who don't want children.

(And for that matter, lots of us who do, but who also don't make that our singleminded vision Or who want to parent, as well as many other things, but still may or may not ever feel things are right to make it happen, and therefore, may NOT have children and be totally fine with that, as we'd be with any number of things in life that have appeal, but which just may or may not happen. OR, who for various times in our life choose to be childfree gladly.)

This is a great resource you may find of value to you: http://www.childfree.net/

As an aside, the comment your fiancees parent made per finding women who don't want children was actually both sexist AND dismissive of the fact that many, many women do not want to bear children or parent them, and many, many women who feel that way neither have a choice in many situations, have never gotten the message for those who DO have choices THAT they do, OR feel unable, due to interpersonal and societal pressures, to make a choice not to parent or even say they don't want to.

Remeber: you do not have to justify this, whether you change your mind later in life or whether you always feel this way. There are a whole lot of different paths to take in one's life, things to do, and parenting is a BIG choice, one which is serious enough, longterm enough, and can have tremendous interpersonal impact on you, your partners, the children involved, the whole works, that anyone giving you crap about not choosing it when you know now you don't want it should probably stuff it or evaluate WHY exactly they're invested in your choice not to do something which should be 100% optional.


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froggy_dear
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For what it's worth, I don't plan on having children either. And at this point in my life (although I don't expect them to change much), it's primarily for reasons that are 'selfish.' I don't want to have the responsibility for another person. I don't want to be linked to this person for (at least) 18 years, especially since they may develop a different system of values than me. And I'm afraid I wouldn't make a particularly good parent. But mostly, barring some sort of falling population crisis, I don't think I want to have kids.

So it's not a concern about the world, it's just how I want to live my life that affects my decisions regarding children. It's helpful that my long term boyfriend feels the same way. I imagine that could be a major point of contention in a relationship.

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CMTFlovesHAH
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Miz Scarlet, thanks for the link. It's great! Also, I never really thought to much about my fiancé's father's comment until you said it was sexist and dismissive. It is. Thank you for pointing that out.

froggy_dear, thank you for your input I really appreciate it. It's nice to find someone similar to myself in this way. Thank you again!

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"That'll put some marzipan in your pie plate, Bingo!" - Buffybot

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KrAzY_KaRl
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Lol I don't wanna sound like a prick but countries like America and Britain are getting "outbred".
But I guess the amount of innocent Muslims The "war on terror" is killing is gonna balance out the population. (by the way I am a Muslim).

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KrAzY_KaRl
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Something I forgot to add in my last post, as others have suggested is the distribution of resources problem, 20% of the world owns 80% of the worlds resources
Have fun

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"Quickly we have to get to those oilfields.. I mean Terrorists!"


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Heather
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(Hey, Karl, do us a favor, would you? Plenty of us, myself certainly included, are American by birth and/or citizenry and are very actively against certain choices our government makes, including and certainly not limited to the "war on terror." Let's please not put the actions of any nations government or popular populace on every citizen within it.

Generally, it's pretty counterproductive to whinge or be angry about national or racial stereotyping or pigeonholing yet doing it oneself.)


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KrAzY_KaRl
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Sorry if I offended you I understand what you mean, but sometimes I get carried away, sorry again.

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"Quickly we have to get to those oilfields.. I mean Terrorists!"


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christinejones
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well i reckon for me having children and a family is the same reason i would do anything ---- ie it would bring me pleasure, joy, happiness all that sort of thing.

i may be in a complete minority on this board but my childhood was very happy and i associate family with everything i consider to be worthwhile - love, sharing, altruism, closeness, fun, joy, kinship, decency.

and as for having more than one child - i absolutely love having siblings. i feel grateful for that. having someone at the end of a phone whom i can call at any time. having someone with whom i shared a whole upbringing - could play with was a part of me. people who care for me no matter how badly i **** things up.

in general i find people who are only children to be lovely. amazing friends, decent and compassionate but at the same time i feel sorry for them that they have no siblings! i feel sorry that they don't have that back-up. that when their parents are old or dying they have no-one to share the burden with.

there is so little sense of community anyway left - that family seems to me more important than ever. we are left to rely on celebrities to fill in our sense of community, to gossip about and to learn from --- to marvel over their marriages/divorces/pregnancies/disasters. but it is a vicarious pleasure it is not real.

why anybody chooses to do anything in life is a mystery - why we don't just lie down and say 'enough' it is all pointless and worthless and for what? but for me that what is all about loving and living and that is what i think a family provides loving and living. giving joy, forming bonds, connecting and caring - doing what we can for others too. that's it. who knows what it is all about anyway.....

each to their own. but if you were curious that's the way i see it.

the important things in my life are my relationships and love for my parents and siblings - my nephews and neices - my aunts and grandparents - my partner, friends these are things that mostly make my life.

i definitely associate a family with all these things - not exclusively, my favorite aunt is unmarried and she is fantastic - a wonderful, wonderful woman. but i do believe that family can bring great joy into life.

[This message has been edited by christinejones (edited 01-24-2005).]


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