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» Got Questions? Get Answers. » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Parents, Adults and Teens » How to tell my parents?

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Author Topic: How to tell my parents?
nixieGurl
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Hey,

Well I have been posting on the other boards lately, and I have been getting some really good advice, and part of that is to perhaps tell my parents or a counsellor about what has happened. When i was 14 my dad (who now lives in a different city than me)well his best friend raped me, more than one time. And it has been effecting me more in the last year. I never told anyone, and i always wanted to tell my mum. Im scared she will be mad at me about it. Or maybe not believe me? I thought this would be a good place to post this because maybe other parents could tell me if you would be mad? Im really frightened, I want to tell her sooo much, i think she could help me. But I dont want to hurt my dad. My parents have been divorced since i was 5 and fight alot. And i do not want to cause more fights. My mum has had alot of troubles with her marriage to my stepfather in the past year too. Do you think it would be selfish for me to tell her now? Do you think she will believe me? Im scared she will blame my dad because he would leave his friend alone with me but it is not his fault because he didnt know. I dont want my dad to know cause it would just kill him :S and i dont want to hurt my parents. Should I tell her? And how do i tell her without hurting her? I love my mum and really dont want to hurt her at all.
I dont really talk to mum about anything anymore because of this. And im afraid it will ruin our whole relationship.
thank you for your help.
nixieGurl


Posts: 657 | From: NZ | Registered: Jul 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Londongirl
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Why do you think your mother might get angry if you tell her you were raped?

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Londongirl
Thirtysomething and not actually counting
Who the **** is Londongirl?


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nixieGurl
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Im afraid she wont believe me because i never told her. And im afraid she will get mad at me because i didnt tell and because he was good friends with them and im scared she will think i didnt try to get away or anything
What if she thinks im just lying or she thinks im gross or something

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Londongirl
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It's not at all unusual to not have reported it at the time. You sound like you maybe blame yourself in part for the rape - it really isn't your fault, no one deserves to be raped, it is your father's friend who was in the wrong.

It seems to me you are worrying an awful lot about everyone else, but it is you who have been raped and you who is having problems with your ex, not them. You really deserve some support here, so I would try to stop worrying about other people and work out what you need to deal with the problems you have been having.

It can sometimes be hard for people to accept that a friend they trusted has hurt their child. Only you can judge whether you think your mother will be supportive, but it is possible that if you are blaming yourself you expect other people to blame you when in fact they wouldn't.

You could talk to the school counsellor or the helpline first to help you work out your fears about going to the police and telling your mother, and work out what you want to do.

See also my post in your other thread at http://www.scarleteen.com/forum/Forum3/HTML/005413.html

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Londongirl
Thirtysomething and not actually counting
Who the **** is Londongirl?

[This message has been edited by Londongirl (edited 10-01-2004).]


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starlet
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You definitely need to tell someone. To keep something like that to yourself doesn't help anything.
I can't see why your mom would be mad. It wasn't your fault.
Good luck.

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.:*starlet


Posts: 131 | From: VA | Registered: Oct 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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