I'm just wondering because I have never met anyone who's parents haven't hit them at some point. My mum has NEVER hit me or my 2 sisters, but my dad sometimes gets really angry and hurts us. He threw a brick at my sister once because she gave him cheek but luckily she moved and it only broke a window. That time I was so scared I nearly ran away from home. I stayed a whole night in the woods just so I could get away. I once told my dad to shut up and he hit my head against a wall. Another time when I was 9 I was being naughty and he pulled down my pants in public and hit me really hard. He threatened to kill my 7 year old sister if she didn't stop crying. But this is only about 1% of the time that he does this, so it's our fault, right? I'm really confused. *lotsa hugs from da bajjah*
Posts: 388 | From: UK | Registered: Apr 2002
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My mom used to slap me sometimes, but my dad has never ever laid a hand on me. But when dad yells, i get just as scared as i would if mom had slapped me. Weird how that works, huh?
But as grizabella said, what your father is doing is defineatly not right. There is a fine line b/w punishment and abuse. Personally, i don't agree w/ using that sort of violence as a form of punishment, but that's just my personal opinion.
You need to talk to an adult about this ... maybe a school guidance counselor or teacher or close friend ... ?
i would agree, there is a line between abuse and punishment. I think it's really hard to tell the difference. My brother ran away several times because of my dad - when he was nine it was because my dad sed if my brother hit him, he'd hit him back. My brother tried it out, and my dad hit him. He only went a couple of houses away, but it still happened. I think there has to be some serious abuse before anything is really done. Most people feel spanking, etc. is a means of disiplining a child, nothing more. It's really sort of a personal belief.
------------------ I think this boy's cheese slid off his cracker - The Green Mile
as a kid, i was subject to the occasional thwap on the bum. but once it was a coat hanger across the back. i gotta say while i'm actually not opposed to spankings across the rear, keep the rulers and coat hangers out of it.
and no, my parents (actually, it was usually my mum who dished out the punishment) didn't continue to use spanking as a means of reprimanding me after about the age of 12.
well, occasionally, if i fidget too much or put my feet on thecoffee table, my dad will take a quick swipe with a rolled up paper, but that's nothing more than a light swat.
------------------ oh, don't even po-mo me, baby...
Posts: 12677 | From: Los Angeles, CA ... somewhere off the 10 | Registered: Jul 2000
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As a resident old lady (I'll be 30 this year), I just wanted to chime in and note that, as a parent A) I don't think it's EVER appropriate to hit a child - particularly a teenager - and B) even if I did, your father's behavior clearly crosses into 'inappropriate' to me.
Abuse is abuse, one time is too many, and it is NOT your fault. If you were an 'adult', even if you were being disagreeable, obnoxious and downright rude, it would be illegal to hit you - or attempt to throw bricks. I don't support the idea that different standards should apply to 'children'.
Just my (not so humble) opinion.
[This message has been edited by Narcease (edited 05-06-2002).]
Posts: 2 | From: Oak Park, IL, USA | Registered: May 2002
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I'm really sorry to hear of this ABUSE you and your sister(s) are getting. And would like to point out that what your father is doing is against the law, and very bad abuse. you should tell some one, a teacher, or adult you trust. He may be nice some times, but still, what if he REALLY hurt you, so that you had to go to the hospital? some one will find out in the end any way, I think your dad needs to see a councelor. and, not that your mad or nething, need to see 1 too, to help you get over this, and make you see that its NOT your fault. Please dont blame yourself. xx rose xx
Posts: 1 | From: London,England,UK | Registered: May 2002
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badger, what ur father did is TOTALLY out of line. seriously. there is such a fine line b/w punishment and abuse...but he answer here is clear. i really think u should follow everyone's advice and tell someone you can trust.
------------------ later rox. shorter signature, yes?
Well, thanks everybody for your advice! I told my best friend, but I still feel guilty because it's hard on my dad. He works so hard and gets paid peanuts and he's under a lot of stress.
He used to be closer to me before I had problems at school. I keep thinking at the back of my mind that it's my fault, why can't I go with the flow and please people, instead of being awkward and different, coz that's what all my problems come down to. I suppose that's just my warped personality!!
My mom beat me regularly, yelled and screamed, told me I was worthless in every way possible. She also called me a c**ks*cker since the time I can remember, I didn't know what c**k meant until my grandmother told me, that hurt more than anything, that my own mother would say something like that to me. As I got older we'd get into brawls, until both of us were out of energy. She bent metal mop handles over my back, through me through my closet door, kicked, punched, and slapped me around.
Yeah.. She hit me.
She died when I was 17. A weight was lifted off my shoulders. I wish things could have been different. I wish she wasn't so abusive. I wish she didn't hate me as much as she did. But you can't change things like that. Life is full of hurtful people, sometimes they are just passing strangers who take your wallet, othertimes they're your parents. That's just how life is.
------------------ just when everything was making sense you took away all my self-confidence now all that I've been hearing must be true I guess I'm not the only boy for you
(edited for language)
[This message has been edited by kythryne (edited 06-29-2002).]
quote:I still feel guilty because it's hard on my dad. He works so hard and gets paid peanuts and he's under a lot of stress.
The fact that he's under a lot of stress doesn't make it okay for him to physically abuse you.
quote:I keep thinking at the back of my mind that it's my fault, why can't I go with the flow and please people, instead of being awkward and different, coz that's what all my problems come down to.
Please don't blame yourself or think that it's your being "awkward and different" that's causing the abuse. People commit abuse because of what's going on inside them, not because of anything the victim does or doesn't do. This is not your fault.
no its not ur fault at all don't even let urself think that its your dad who needs the help i personaly think my dad is a unfair and all but you sound like a good person.. and tehre is aline between a buse and
Posts: 28 | From: nashville,tennessee, usa | Registered: Feb 2002
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No way is it your fault! My Dad used to hit me when I was little and recently he got in my face so I pushed him away and he slapped me like 5 times and made my arm red. I cannot stand parents who hit their children. Especially all the time. There are more efficent ways to disclipine children I think.
------------------ Why does a rose represent love, when a rose always dies??
Friends are like condoms, they help out when things get hard.
NO IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT!!! I was very abused as a child and for the longest time i thout it was my fault, come to find out, i was wrong. Both my mother and step father, used to hit me and one of my brothers, unlike with you where it is one parent 1% of the time with me it was both parents 99% of the time. I finally got out of there though, my gramma took me in, and raised me. No I am a healthy adult, without my gramma I don't think I would be.[healthy or adult]
quote:Originally posted by badly_behaved_badger: I'm just wondering because I have never met anyone who's parents haven't hit them at some point. My mum has NEVER hit me or my 2 sisters, but my dad sometimes gets really angry and hurts us. He threw a brick at my sister once because she gave him cheek but luckily she moved and it only broke a window. That time I was so scared I nearly ran away from home. I stayed a whole night in the woods just so I could get away. I once told my dad to shut up and he hit my head against a wall. Another time when I was 9 I was being naughty and he pulled down my pants in public and hit me really hard. He threatened to kill my 7 year old sister if she didn't stop crying. But this is only about 1% of the time that he does this, so it's our fault, right? I'm really confused. *lotsa hugs from da bajjah*
------------------ .· ´¨¨)) -:¦:- ¸.·´ .·´¨¨)) ((¸¸.·´ .·´ -:¦:- Jeremy Dawn -:¦:- ((¸¸.·´*
Posts: 4 | From: Twin Falls, Idaho, USA | Registered: Jun 2002
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don't even THINK of blaming yourself, sweetie.
my parents never hit me, but my ex-step-dad certainly took liberties. i've got blocked memory from childhood, so i'm just recently starting to recover specific events through meditation, plus things i've been told. my step-dad used to throw dishes at me and my mom, all sorts of stuff. he pointed a gun at us once, when he was drunk.
i moved to my dad's house after that.
after my mom divorced my stepdad, she got a new boyfriend. guess where she met him? Alcoholics Anonomyous. this guy was even WORSE. he threatened to kill us both, one time.
my mom would make me promise (usually under the threat of large punishment) not to tell my dad, which is why i went through this so much. as soon as he would find out, he'd get me out of the situation. my mom's doing better now, though, since she realized that she'd put me and her through more danger than anyone, and that in the event of another "you better not tell anyone", she knows EXACTLY where i'd tell her to stick it.
being young was my excuse before, but NO ONE is going to put me in a situation like THAT again. over my dead body.
------------------ Hail Eris! KaAAIXTI! All hail Discordia! 23 Skidoo!
"If you're going to be a non-conformist, you're going to have to wear the uniform."
Like Most have said dont blame yourself. im a teen guy and my parents dont hit me or my lil sister at all. when we were little we have gotten spankings but nothing violent like you have described. you father may have some anger problems he needs to deal with but just remember its not your fault at all ok?
My parents used to spank me when i was little, but they felt that it was wrong, and they stopped. However, sometimes my mom or dad gets so mad that they hit me. Of course, they feel terrible afterword. And I've noticed taht if i get mad at my brother, i hit him! my parents hit me, so i hit my brother, even if i dont want to. ::sighs:: plus, my dad was hit, and his mother was hit, ect.
Posts: 8 | From: narberth, PA, USA | Registered: Jun 2002
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i'm kind of in shock right now...i never realized how many people out there are hit by their parents.... my mom has only hit me prolly 3 times in my life. 2 when i was younger, just spankings, and i knew i was getting it cuz whatever it was i did, i knew it was wrong at the time. the other time was in december...i dropped an f-bomb in front of her and she slapped me. didn't hurt tho. lol. i'm just really suprised at the amount of people who got hit...my stepdad has never laid a hand on me, prolly because he knows i can take him, and would if it came down to it, but he yelled at me so bad and so loud and for so long and made me feel so awful about myself that i almost would have rather been hit it felt like. but anyway, its never your fault., there is never a reason to hit a child when you're an adult. the reason you're considered an adult, is because the law thinks that you are mature enough. but if you can't control your own emtions then there's def. a problem there. its not your fault badger. dont think that. ever.
Posts: 122 | Registered: Aug 2002
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I`m sorry but I`m going to be blunt and honest and say It`s utterly disgusting that children these days have to resort to the internet to figure out whether or not it is right or wrong to be hit by parents. What is going on these days when you come across a posting like this one about threats of murder by some childs own father...Obviously the father has some major mental issues that are creating such hostility towards his children but honestly...why are kids not being taught in their schools and communities that it ISN`T right for a parent to lay a hand on their kids?!
I hope one day the people who are supposedly ROLE MODELS open up their damn eyes and read postings like this one so children these days can get some proper education about abuse and everything that leads to it and helps to overcome it.
I'm so confused. Sometimes when he's being nice I just want to love him, but I can't trust him. I feel like this whole thing is screwing up my life, and the sad fact is, it's not just me it's happening to. Both of my close friends get hit by their parents worse than I do. I can handle whats going on in my life. But what do I do when my best friend comes running to me with a black eye? What can I do when this sort of thing has happened to almost all the teenagers I know? Thanks for all your support. *Badger*
Posts: 388 | From: UK | Registered: Apr 2002
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I'm not sure of UK law but in Canada, blackening someone's eye is assault and a criminal offence. I would suggest that your friend contact the local child protection agency. No one should be assaulted, no matter who does it.
Posts: 3442 | From: Stirling, Ontario, Canada | Registered: Sep 2000
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quote:Originally posted by badly_behaved_badger: I'm so confused. Sometimes when he's being nice I just want to love him, but I can't trust him.
I feel the same way, Badger. Most of the time I want to trust him, but I'm afraid that if I let my guard down, something bad will happen. Neither of my parents have physically hurt me in a few months, that I remember... but I still have nightmares sometimes about when they used to hurt me a lot physically. These days, they still hurt me emotionally, but I don't have reasonable cause to defend myself.
And yes, it does seem sickening that we should have to resort to the internet to find out if how we're treated is what we deserve.
my parent have only hit me because i deserved it and that was once.but my friend maggie had it alot worse.Her dad used to hit and swear if maybe one of her brother or sisters got a b+ on her report card and one time i was over at their house and me and maggie took out the eggs and coffee and made her mom and hima nice breakfast. Well when we were passing the tray over to him in his bed and his wife dropped it one the covers and she was burnt by the coffe and was about to cry but he started screaming at her for ruining the blankets and us for giving it to such a clumcy a$$ bitch.he said to maggie to stay in the room and he told me to go back downstairs and i noticed the scared look on maggies face but i was young and dint know what was going on.well i was downstairs and i forgot my glass of water and i heard thumps and growns and the door opened and he was purple faced with his fist curled up in a ball and his mom had bruises and was lying on the floor with a horrible look in her eye and maggie was sitting up on the wall with a bleeding nose and a black eye.still to this day she comes to school with long sleev shirts and when she takes it off their bruised and she always has a black eye that she said was because she was clumsy.
if you havbe a problem like this or abuse e-mail me at -- edited, again. Right now the biggest problem with abuse we are having is with your abusing the rules, kiddo. -- ------------------ unsure bi hottie
[This message has been edited by Miz Scarlet (edited 02-23-2003).]
My father used to hit my sisters and I when we were little, but it was mostly if we behaved badly or fought a lot. He never gave us big injuries or anything, and would only hit us on the butt (with clothes on, of course) with a shoe. It surely did hurt, but he hasn't done it since I was like 8. Hope your situation improves!
------------------ Even with these unreliable wings, stained with images that tend to stay, I am sure we can fly!
Posts: 114 | From: El Salvador, but living in London :) | Registered: Aug 2002
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"I'm so confused. Sometimes when he's being nice I just want to love him, but I can't trust him"
You can love someone (care about them, want them to be happy) without trusting them. You can even hate them at the same time. You may need to cut off all contact with them permanently, or even have them arrested and imprisoned. Your caring about them doesn't change that.
quote:Originally posted by badly_behaved_badger: [B] I feel like this whole thing is screwing up my life, and the sad fact is, it's not just me it's happening to. Both of my close friends get hit by their parents worse than I do. I can handle whats going on in my life.
Look Badger, I'm from the Uk, and although I'm not sure on laws, I do know that IT IS NEVER THE CHILD'S FAULT. You havent posted for a few years by the looks of it...I just hope that you have talked to someone you can trust and the abuse has stopped.
I am very very sorry i am just like u my dad still hits me and my brothers my older brother that doesnt live with us nemore hes 20 an moved out i remember he was like 7 he was maybe 14 and my other brother was prob. like 11 my dad told my oldest borther to go get the newspaper (my dad was mad at him) i was walking by my brother and all the sudden i hear a loud noise ...my dad kicked my brother through the screen door as he want to pick the newspaper up...one time when i was like 10 my dad threw a hard plastic water bottle at my head it left a bruise and bump for about a week...also my dad has held both me and my brothers by like our neck or somthing against his door like we'll be off the ground...thats his favorite.....and its over stupid stuff like me getting like c's and just dumb dumb things my dad also verbally and emotionally (my opinion) abuses me he calls me and my broher stupid and other cuss words it makes me feel like crap..... idk about my brother tho. ok well my mom never lays a hand on me nor my brothers never has shes never spanked me (that i remember) and shes only spanked my brothers once but they laughed while sh did because they were little little kids and not very smart!!!! lol o well i think u should call this number " 1-800-runaway " do u know those safe place yellow signs everywhere? thats the # to call them its a place for kids to call or go somewhere where u see one of those signs tell them u need a safe place tell ne one who works there they will take u to the back and someone from safe place kids will pick u up talk to u and let u stay at theyre kids place theres tons of teens and kids theyre thats what i did i went theyre and they get u and ur family free counseling its great!!! sorry this is soo long hope i helped!!!!!!
------------------ *+*BE YOUR SELF*+* I LOVE MUSIC i love 410 slipknot rox! *~!fuse rox my hottopic sox!~*
uniqueyemo666, what you are describing is criminal assault on the part of your father. Here is a link to the Florida Department of Children and Families Office of Domestic Violence Program. It encompases violence against children. Call them at 1-800-96ABUSE (a free call).
Ever since I was little, well, my brother too, we were abused by our father. He had his favorite leather double metal ringed belt I remember oh so well. He would throw us over his knee or use that belt..make us stand against the kitchen wall..10 or more hits at a time. Oh the welts and bruises that left. He would pick my brother up by the throat and throw him. My mom stood by and watched. She was abused as a child and I think she was scared of him. He had no reason, he never did. He has a bad temper and anger issues.
My brother and I got death threats daily. I told my dad I'd call the police and he'd go to jail for threatening me. He told me when he got out, he'd hunt me down and never stop till I was dead.
The last time he laid a hand on me was last summer. I got up late for work, not feeling well and he got pissed off. Somehow events led to him pinning me down on my bed trying to choke me. I kicked him off and he threw my bed over with me on it. The only damage was my glasses were broken. I threatened to call the cops. I took pictures of my room, and headed to the police station. My mom intercepted me, called a friend of mine, and I stayed with her for a week. Months after I got home I didn't say one word to my father. He hasn't touched me since.
Those things, they leave scars. If not physically, many other ways. It hurts just thinking about it. I don't know how people can abuse their own children.
My situation isn't nearly as bad, but my dad hits me sometimes and tries to make up by being extremely nice to me and buying me things. Heh. But once I was being kinda naggy and he smacked me in the head. And once he pushed me into a wall by poking me real hard in the cheek. Weird but vivid memory.
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