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» Got Questions? Get Answers. » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Parents, Adults and Teens » Parental Divorce

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Author Topic: Parental Divorce
LeoFlint
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I believe this is where this post belongs, so here goes. My parents, my loving loving parents, seperated several years ago (something to the effect of five I believe), and have just recently divorced. Before this seperation, I can recall horrid fights between my parents, so in my opinion the seperation was a very good thing. It started out alright, I lived with my mom, and things went happily ever after....for a while. My mom, par the instruction of her friend, purchased a computer, and began to meet men. But she wouldn't settle on one. At points she was going out with about five or six men at a time. Anyway, she met one that she felt was *the* one. He lives about a four hour drive from my home. After several months of dating, they decided it was time to move in together, but since he had to stay where he was (some reason, I don't know why), my mom decided to move in with him. She asked, well, demended that me and my little sister move with her, four hours away from our lives, friends, and most importantly, family and father. Me and my little sister mutually decided that this was not the best thing for us, both educationally, and emotionally. So, we moved in with my father, after a bloody court battle, where I currently reside. I personally, am still quite bitter about what my mom did. I know she had to get on with her life, but it was the way which she did it that made me feel like it was completely wrong. She is still living commonlaw with this boyfriend of hers, and I after getting to know him (yes, I did get to know him, I didn't immediately dismiss him), feel he is completely wrong for her. But anyway, now that I'm done with my tale of woe, I'd like to know if anyone else has been in the same situation as myself. I'd like to extend my sorrow for them, as I know what they've been through. I also would like to say that I am likely one of the lucky ones, and can only hope for those who weren't so lucky. Thank you for your time.
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-Jill
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I think this topic is better suited for Parent, Adults and Teens so off it goes!

Also hon, could you break things up into paragraphs for us? It makes things much easier on the eyes. Thanks.

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There is a time and a place for everything.

ICQ# 146582840


Posts: 3641 | From: Truckee, CA, US | Registered: Sep 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
just*this*girl
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My parents are considering a divorce and I am slightly worried about it. I am afriad I will lose a realationship with either of my parents.
Posts: 16 | From: Never Never Land | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Bobolink
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Just remember that a divorce is a problem between your parents. It should not affect the parent-child bond. You should resist as best you can, any effort by a parent to involve you in his/her spousal problems.

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We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.

- Albert Einstein


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Lilfran14
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my parents have been divorced since i was 7(i am currently 16) ive never really experienced a family before, the closest thing to a family ive coem to is when my mom goes awy and i stay with my aunt and uncle and cousins. It doesnt bother me that ive never really experienced a family because i cant say its good or bad to have one cuz ive ever really had one at least i dont remember anyways. My mom divorced my dad cuz he had major anger management problems and he hit me and her and my two brothers

i see the divorce as a good thing and i hate my father, for what he did to me nad to my mom, my brothers for some reason like him and respect him but ill never respect a man like him.

but for you out there whos rents are going threw a divorce i am deeply sorry and dont ever think its your fault no matter if they tell you or if they dont its never your fault if your parents divorce its plne and smiply because they dont love each other anymore most of the time!

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~*Katie Frances*~

Dave I miss you so much!! Come home as soon as possbile! I love you!

"In the land of the free, home of the brave, why is it that i still feel like a slave.?"

"And all i wanted was somebody who carres"


Posts: 183 | From: Buffalo, NY :) | Registered: Feb 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
-Jill
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Let's keep in mind that "family" is not necessarily defined as Mother, Father, Children, Dog. Check out http://www.scarleteen.com/forum/Forum15/HTML/000112.html for more perspectives.

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There is a time and a place for everything.


Posts: 3641 | From: Truckee, CA, US | Registered: Sep 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Bobolink
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I'm bumping this topic up as there has been discussion on the other boards about it.

How did you deal when your parents split? Was it an amicable divorce or was it difficult? Were there custody battles?

What I'm trying to get at is how did you succeed and survive?

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We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.

- Albert Einstein

[This message has been edited by Bobolink (edited 08-30-2002).]


Posts: 3442 | From: Stirling, Ontario, Canada | Registered: Sep 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
confused333
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How did you deal when your parents split?
At first I cried a little. I think it was more out of fear or was I going to move? What's going to happen rather than them actually splitting up. After that I was actually pretty happy because all they've ever done since I was little was fight and it had gotten worse over the years. Plus my relationship with my Dad wasn't that good so I didn't and still don't really care.

Was it an amicable divorce or was it difficult?
Well it was difficult, and still is. Because a couple times my dad accused my mom of cheating on him when a guy would call and even took her car away once. Now I don't think she was cheating, maybe talking to a guy but nothing wrong. Well I was put in the middle of this by my dad not my mom and it would really pissed me off how he tried to turn me against her. And it didn't work. My mom has always been my favorite since she took care of me and my dads always been on the computer and not really paid much attention. And now my dad still does little things and says things to my mom that pisses me off and are totally stupid, but oh well.


Were there custody battles?
Nope. Both me and my sis wanted to live with my mom and my dad didn't care. Some weekends my sister spends the night over there and goes over there but I don't really want to or feel the need to.

After you get over the shock of it, if the relationship was bad in the 1st place you learn to be happy. Another big thing was my mom is happy now and that's good. She never was before. And it is nice not to have my Dad constantly yelling at me for stupid things. My life is a whole lot better now and I'm glad the decision was made.

Even their past bad relationship has affected me and sometimes I yell at my b/f over stupid things like I learned from my parents. My mom talked to him, I didn't know about it until recently and said that I am hard to deal with and get mad over silly things sometimes because I was brought up in a not so good relationship. I am trying though, not to act like they did. And I think I won't end up like that. My mom has given me a lot of pointers where she had gone wrong. Like always rely on yourself, no one else, take a night out with your husband/boyfriend once every week or month when you have kids, stuff like that and I hope I learn from their bad relationship not repeat it.

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Why does a rose represent love, when a rose always dies??

Friends are like condoms, they help out when things get hard.


Posts: 473 | From: Virginia | Registered: Jan 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Bobolink
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<bump>
Posts: 3442 | From: Stirling, Ontario, Canada | Registered: Sep 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Bobolink
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<bump>

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I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.

- Galileo

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not_a_hobgoblin
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My parents are not divorced, so I can't answer this with the ring of "been there" truth, but I have been very involved with the xxxxxx family's divorce (I babysit the children, the oldest girl and my little sis are best friends.)

I don't know how the four girls each delt privately with the divorce, or how the custody battles happened (It's been a bit of a process,) but I can say that it still is not a very amicable divorce. Things are very calm on the surface, but the mother uses the children as a weapon to make the fater feel guilty: she doesn't let them do anything or see anyone when it's "her time." She blames this on the father, saying that her children have been stolen from her and she needs every minute with them that she can get.

I really despise the position that she's put her daughters into, but seeing as I only babysit at Father's house, I don't have any chance to say anything to her. Not that it would be exactly appropriate for me to say anything. But yeah, my ramble here is done.

<I've made a small edit to remove a family name for the privacy of all concerned - Bobolink>

[ 08-14-2006, 11:54 PM: Message edited by: Bobolink ]

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"Cut her down."
"She is a witch!"
"But she's our witch. Cut her down."

Posts: 174 | From: Indiana, USA | Registered: Jun 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
SnowLhite
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My parents seperated when I was 10/11, which came as no surprise seeing as they used to fight something aweful. At three I knew they would get a divorce.
My mom and I moved out and had several different homes over the years. There was a huge problem with the divorce agreements on custody (she wanted sole, my dad joint or sole) and maintanance, visiting wasn't a problem though - think the suitcase-kid. My mom met a guy and he eventually moved in with us. He wasn't great, and eventually he left and it was just me and my mom.
About three years ago (I was 13) my mom went into ICU because of her chronic asthma, she came out only later to go back in. She died in hospital. I moved in with my dad.
Around one and a half/two years ago my dad met someone. She is now quite involved in our lives and is a horrible b****.
Seeing as I'd known for most of my life that my parents were going to split there wasn't very much to "deal with" as I was actually quite relieved that they could both be happier and I wouldn't have to worry about when they were going to split or stay up at night listening to them fight.
I'm quite happy living with my dad (besides his gf, who thankfully doesn't live with us) and its alright.
So, it wasn't an amicable divorce, but not a horrid mess either. There were custody issues and as for dealing with it: I didn't have to.

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"Love and let love."

~Snowy~

Posts: 32 | From: HELL also Cape Town, South Africa | Registered: Jun 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Wise Janet Weiss
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I guess I'm the only hoper.
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biblacknproud87
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My parents have been divorced for 6 years (I am 19), but my dad went to jail when I was 2, so it didn't really affect me as much as it would have had he been in my life. However, his absence from my life did. And the age gap between us (he is now 60 years old) makes it very difficult to really build a bond with him, now that he is out of jail.

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I'm lovely
I'm beautiful
I love myself
I need me
Before I need anyone else

Posts: 35 | From: New York...New Brunswick, New Jersey when I'm in school | Registered: Aug 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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