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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Parents, Adults and Teens » Working it out with Parents (Page 2)

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Author Topic: Working it out with Parents
Member # 12779

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Originally posted by summergoddess:

lol, she hears us lol when she's home.. She doesn't mind that her only son is sexually active lol, just that we to minimize our sexual noises..

My Parents know I'm sexual active, they found out 1 hour before we all had to spend a 4hr stint on a plane sat next to each other!
My point is the noise, even though they know, and my boyfriend stays over all the time, if the bed so much as creaks we both freeze! It's the tought of tem hearing! Oh dear God!

Why is it that the person that makes you cry, is the only one who can make you stop.

Posts: 51 | From: United Kingdom | Registered: Apr 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 1386

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Posts: 3442 | From: Stirling, Ontario, Canada | Registered: Sep 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 15464

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Originally posted by Slayer_gurl:
I try to limit all verbal communication to monosyllables and grunts. We just don't talk. I haven't had anything to talk to my dad about since I was about 6, and my mam is so nosy I just gave up giving her any realy information or confiding in her because she just prodded and poked more than I wanted or was ready to tell her.


that is EXACTLY how communication with my mom is. She has no respect for my privacy and doesn't regard me as an actual human who's life belongs to me. If she wanted to know about my life she should have started asking a long time ago instead of spying and listening in and going through personal stuff. Now she tries talking to me but it's too late. She can suspect everything she wants when I come home late or don't tell her where I'm going but she was the cause of the lack of communication.
Yeah, so i don't tell my mom anything. She probably suspects i have sex but doesn't know it for a fact. if she gave me complete freedom to do what i want with my life I would be more willing to share my life with her.

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Member # 1386

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As one who has parented a teenager, I feel compelled to reply. Complete freedom? How old are you? Are you of an age where your parents are still legally responsible and liable for your actions?

The last two posts show a circular pattern where things can only go from bad to worse. Any comments on how to break the cycle? How to resume communication?

Your parents aren't ignorant. They do know about growing up, being a teen and having sex. They have already experienced it.

We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.

- Albert Einstein

[This message has been edited by Bobolink (edited 02-10-2004).]

Posts: 3442 | From: Stirling, Ontario, Canada | Registered: Sep 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 15464

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yeah after reading what I wrote I realize it was a little hostile and my desire to take control of my life away from my mother is unrealistic. I'll be 18 in a month and I'll be moving out then too which could make our relationship go either way. Taking a break from eachother might be just the thing to let us both cool down or it could completely separate us.
I agree that these kinds of relationships are bad and share your concerns about how to better them. I can say how a good relationship could have formed between a mother and a daughter (i wish my mom had been honest and respectful with me from the beginning because then i would have gladly shared my life with her) unfortunately I can't say how to fix what's already been done. Perhaps it begins with trust?

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Member # 17006

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I tried talking to my mom..she put me on the BC shot ..but like she wont let boys in my room ..even my best friend..and NEVER leaves me in the house alone with anyone..sometimes Its really aggrivating because it seems like everyone else I know is allowed to have boys in thier rooms and like stay over at guys houses...maybe if I actually keep my room clean my mom will reward me with snuggle time with my boo..she still says I'm too young to have sex ..but like when she was 18 she had to get married because everyone thought she was pregnant..shes worried that I'll end up in the same boat..or that I'll get raped...she has like a rape paranoina..if I go outside EVERYONE is out to get me..I'm hoping I can find a hotel/motel near my seems the only way I can get some without being sneaky and just having boys over when shes gone


Posts: 2 | From: Larchmont, NY, USA | Registered: Mar 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 12405

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Puppysnugs, if i'm not mistaken, in *most* places you have to be at least 17 to get a hotel/motel room on your own. So unless you or your partner is at least 17 or 18 (in which case if you are under 17 and he isnt, i think this would count as statitory rape anyhow...) you wont be able to get a room.

I'm not sure thats every place, but I know that whenever i get a hotel room (and I'm 20 years old) they always ask if I am at least 17, and I have to show them ID when I get there (this was at a Hilton and a Comfort Suites).

Just thought I'd throw that little bit of info to you...

Posts: 227 | From: New Jersey, USA | Registered: Mar 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 16412

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My mom raised me pretty well. (My dad died when I was five.) She was always very open and honest when I asked her anything when I was younger and especially now, which I love. I still filter everything though, just so we can keep an easygoing relationship, but all in all it's pretty good. I still wouldn't go to her to talk about sex, but I think she understands. When I was younger she always told me that when I decided I wanted to have sex I should go on the pill and use a condom and ALWAYS use a condom because a lot of guys will try to bs you about it. The key part is "when you decide to have sex" meaning when I thought I was ready, not when she did, and I always respected that. She always gave me independence and let me learn to think for myself, which may just come down to her laaazy parenting style. Sure, sometimes she tries to act tough and slap a curfew on me, but that was always ridiculously negotiable. Also, she's terrified for my safety, which I think is sweet though it doesn't make a difference. I know it would kill her if she found out how many times I've been hurt and abused. She's really a good woman, and I respect her for raising my sister and brother and me almost singlehandedly. Now my sister, she pops in now and then, but she's going to school far away, so we aren't as close as I'd like. My brother is very protective of me, he knows the scene I'm in because he was in there himself, and he worries about me big time. He kind of fell into the father role for me, I think. But I still don't confide in him, I save that for friends. Or I do the "My friend has this problem..."

[This message has been edited by nico (edited 03-05-2004).]

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My parents basically told me that when i was ready to have sex, use protection, inform them im sexually active so that if i get pregnant or an std or something that i can come to them, but they dont wanna hear details. They'd like to know who im sleeping with, but they trust me to be safe and its not a priority for them. We have a pretty open atmosphere about sex in general in our house, except for I dont want to hear about my parent's sex life much more than they want to hear about mine. So it's pretty cool.
Posts: 93 | From: Alberta, Canada | Registered: Apr 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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my parents are european and the are very traditional and as i was growing up they were really strict. i was'nt never allowed to have a boyfriend and hardly ever allowed to go to parties etc until i was in gr 12. as i was growing up i found it so hard to talk to anyone about sex boys just teenage growing up stuff cos my sis was 10 yrs older and she acted my mother so we wer'nt very close and i was'nt close wit my bro either. so growing up i felt alone.

now i'm 21 and have a bf i still cant talk to my mum bout sex stuff cos according to her and my dad ur not sposed to have sex till ur married so basically i have to do everything behind her back. eg going to the doctors to get the pill and getting a pap smear and stuff like that and i hate because it was stufff that i did not know much about that my mum could have taught me about before it was too late. luckily i know now enough for nothing bad to happen but still it would make my life alot easier if i could be more open on things like that wit my parents.

[This message has been edited by Jenni_05 (edited 03-18-2004).]

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Member # 17557

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Webcam, I am also engaged at 16, I am inlove and i have found the one, and i also have to hide the engagement from my parents, i know its hard to but when the right time comes you'll tell her parents. A long engagement is just as good as being married. I'm haveing the same problems.

Signed, Lover Gurl

Posts: 19 | From: HP | Registered: Apr 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 13245

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I'm not sure how well this fits into this post, but we'll see. My boyfriend and I have been going out since December/January-ish, and we really like each other, but his parents (him as well, though) are very religious. His father just pretends we don't exist most of the time, but his mother talks to him about it alot, and she disagrees with everything we do. He's 17, im 16, and we are sexually active, but as far as she is concerned, we can hold hands and kiss without tongue and thats it. hes not even allowed to tell me he loves me..she says hes getting too "involved" because hes so young. I see it from her angle, she just doesnt want him to get hurt, when our relationship inevitably ends, but i wonder why she is so unsupportive and..i really dont like knowing that she disapproves of everything i do any advice?

Advertising on Police cars...police cars...

Posts: 593 | From: Kamloops, BC, Canada | Registered: May 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 18189

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My parents understand that they aren't there to watch over me every second.
So they have taken a step back to say that when I do lose my virginity (Which will happen when I'm ready, and so is my girlfriend) that I must use protection, which i would use neway as it is has been hammered into me at skl for the past 5 years...

My parents are laid back basically and trust me

The English Pygmy

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Jenn x17
Member # 18325

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I have been sexually active, and I have kept it from my parents for about 2 years now. At one point, I had a pregnancy scare (the condom broke), and I couldn`t stand it, the thoughts were racing through my mind -- I can`t tell my parents, I can`t have an abortion without them knowing, and I certainly can`t give birth without them knowing --I was crying day in and day out, luckily, I wasn`t pregnant, but it`s hard, I try to get by day by day, I just wish I could talk to my parents about it (plus it would help greatly if they could get me contraception (birthcontrol, condoms ect.)) but I know what their reaction would be, they would never let me out of the house, and I wouldn`t be aloud to date, nor would I ever be trusted again, even though I`m having safe sex, and for the right reasons! They just wouldn`t understand. Does anyone else have this problem, or has anyone else ever told their parents about it, I eventually want to tell them, but I don`t know how?

*the body is pure ecstasy, it`s as simple as hunger`

Posts: 23 | From: WI, USA | Registered: May 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 20156

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My parents are totally against pre-marital sex. They're extremely traditional and very strict. My mom is really religious. Roman Catholic.

Basically her rule with me and my sisters, was that we cannot have boyfriends or associate with them until we're like 30 years old and have a stable job and good income.. because that's what she did.

I don't want to break her rules and make her unhappy. But I think that's just too extreme. Since junior high, I've had boyfriends.. even though I know my parents are against it. My reasoning was that it was my life and my decisions. And my parent's rules sometimes seem unreasonable. My parents have over the years found out about the boyfriends, and sort of.. laid back on the controlling. But even talking about guys and relationships is like an unwritten law.

My parents are not comfortable with talking about this subject. I try to break the ice sometimes and make it seem casual.. but my mom just flips out if she knows I'm hanging out with guys.. even my guy friends. SHe's a very suspicious person.

Both my parents don't believe in pre-marital sex.. and they also never want me to get married. They've talked just out of the blue about marriage to me.. and they're happy with around 40 to get married.

I feel horrible for not being truthful to my parents about the sex. I lost my virginity last summer. They still don't know. I'm a religious person too, and at one time I believed in not having sex until marriage.. but now I think some of the rules are just too strict.

Sometimes it seems like the whole world is designed for men and their sexual fantasies.. while women are expected to dislike sex and be models of society. The words like "slut" and "whore" sound alot more negative than "player" and "pimp"..

According to my mom, even if you are a "good" person in every other way. If you're a girl, and if you have pre-marital sex. You're ruined and a disgrace. It doesn't matter how good of a person you are, that rule stands and stands alone.
Basically what I'm saying is.. I don't have the same beliefs and my mother.. as my parents. They're not comfortable talking about relationships and sex with me and whenever we have that convo, it ends up being a big explosion. I want to have an understanding with my parents, that this is my decision and Im willing to deal with the consequences of having a boyfriend and a sex life. Knowing my parents, especially my mother will stick to her words. I want to be totally honest with her.. but I know in her eyes, I'm a total disappointment and shame..
I wish I could be myself, and that myself was a person who she would accept.. and respect.
I wish she would see me as an adult who is capable of making her own decisions and who has her own beliefs.

Thanks for listening.. I guess I'm just rambling.

[This message has been edited by aagirl (edited 09-29-2004).]

Posts: 7 | From: usa | Registered: Sep 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 20179

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Do you guys have any good ways to start a conversation about getting birth control with parents? I'm so nervous!
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