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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Pregnancy and Parenting » Pregnant and very scared

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Author Topic: Pregnant and very scared
Fallen.angel23
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Hello.
This morning I've found out that i'm pregnant.
Still can't believe when i think about it and look at the positive test. I didn't tell anyone except my partner.
There are just too many things that make these kind of news sad and unbearable.
I've already registered for a visit to a gyno on Monday.
Thinking about abortion makes me so scared. I know my partner will support me through everything...Only if things in life were different, I'd keep the child and love it like crazy. It hurts so much that i can't...
Maybe there are someone who went through abortion and can share their story? Does it hurt? And what about getting pregnant in the future, is it more difficult? I know that all these questions hopefully will be answered on Monday, but i'm so anxious.
Sorry for the erratic text. I'm very stressed out because I didn't expect ever to be in such situation in my life. Stupid of course when you live a sexually active life.

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eve077
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You really have to remember that millions of women have abortions, and that it is soon over with.

As far as I'm aware, you can either take a pill which can be done up to 9 weeks of pregnancy... I hear that it's mostly like an extremely heavy period with a lot of cramps, but obviously painkillers help a little [Smile]
The other method which I'm aware of is the 'vacuum' method, where gentle suction is used to remove the foetus. Obviously this would be carried out in a hospital, and from what I've heard, it's over pretty quickly.

I wish you best of luck in whatever you decide on, I hope this information was somewhat useful, although you may be better googling the different abortion methods and becoming more informed [Smile]

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Redskies
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Hi, Fallen.angel, and welcome to the boards.

Our director, Heather, who's on a (much deserved [Smile] ) day off today has a lot of experience working in abortion clinics, and I'm sure would be very happy to talk with you.

In the meantime, I can certainly start you off with the information we have about abortion, written by Heather All About Abortion. I think that piece covers most of the things you've asked so far.

Both my searching skills and my memory are failing me on the precise answer to your question about future pregnancies; I neither want to say anything that isn't absolutely correct nor leave that question unaddressed. What I know I can accurately tell you is this: legal abortions are very safe, and complications are very rare. It's less likely to have a complication which affects future fertility from an abortion than it is from a pregnancy which is carried to term. (I know Heather or one of my fellow volunteers will be able to answer more completely.)

For the more personal stories you're asking about, we have this piece on the site, also by Heather: Abortion: One Woman's Story

I think most people who have an unintended pregnancy don't expect to be in that situation, so that's certainly not stupid.

I notice that you say you'd continue the pregnancy "if things in life were different", and that it hurts that you can't - I just want to check in with you that there isn't anything we might be able to help you with around your circumstances, if continuing the pregnancy were an option that you would want to choose? I certainly don't intend to pry, and we completely support whichever decision you feel is right for you.

Are there particular things about abortion that make you scared? Dealing with an unintended pregnancy can be a scary enough spot to be in, and if we can help ease that any with some information or by talking about any of it with you, we're glad to do that for you.

--------------------
The kyriarchy usually assumes that I am the kind of woman of whom it would approve. I have a peculiar kind of fun showing it just how much I am not.

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Fallen.angel23
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Thank you for your replies and support Redskies and eveo77.
The articles given were helpful and informative. Yesterday I was reading about anything that is related to the procedure. I'm affraid of being conscious and that those memories will haunt me for the rest of my life... In either way they will...
Although I've found a professional private clinic, which is very expensive, but I'm still scared of complications if anything goes wrong.
I want children very much and I love them, but now is the wrong time because I am a student and have no job. My family is in difficult financial situation right now. My partner also has some serious health issues. In given circumstances I just feel so helpless.
By the way, I'm pregnant for about ~3 weeks. Cause me and my partner were in different countries for about 2 and a half months and i had 2 normal and quite heavy periods.Then he came back about 3 weeks ago and it all happened, if you know what I mean. But I'm starting to freak out that maybe I am pregnant way longer and the abortion will be no option. But on the other hand, yesterday had some cramps and slightly pink discharge, also my breasts became tender only a few days ago. What i have red on the internet, that these are typical signs when being pregnant for 3 weeks and implantation occurs at this time.
Paradoxal, but somehow when people stress out logic and rational thinking goes on vacation. [Smile]

[ 07-20-2014, 03:15 AM: Message edited by: Fallen.angel23 ]

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Karybu
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If you had two normal periods while your partner was away, then you can be sure that you were not pregnant at that time.

In terms of the procedure, you can talk to your doctor more about this during your appointment, but depending on the type of procedure you have, general anaesthetic might be an option if that's something you'd prefer.

I'm sorry that you're having such a rough time with this; dealing with an unplanned pregnancy, no matter what you choose, is a big thing. What can we do to support you?

--------------------
"Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." -Arundhati Roy

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Heather
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Hey there, Fallen. I am around today, so feel free to shoot me any questions or concerns you'd like help with around all of this.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Fallen.angel23
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Hello everyone.
The last few days were horrible...
I'm bleeding a little and cramping a lot.
Although today ultrasound confirmed that the pregnancy is still there, but it is unsure whether it's developing or not. On Monday the doctor gave me a picture of the scan and it just made things worse.
Today went to see an another doctor and she was way more discrete and professional, she didn't show me anything saying it would only put me in more stress. But it's too late...aready seen it...

Anyway, the doctor offered me a two options:
a manual vacuum aspiration with local anesthesia or to go to the hospital and terminate the pregnancy with general anesthesia.
I don't know what to choose...what's better...(sounds horrible).
I'm afraid of seeing and feeling everything, also afraid of pain...
I have to decide until evening and inform the doc.

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Redskies
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I'm sorry to hear you've been having such a rough time [Frown] Although, I am glad that this other doctor has been better for you.

Can I check what you meant about when you need to inform the doctor of your decision? I'm understanding that you're supposed to tell the doctor this evening? That seems unnecessarily rushed for a pregnancy that's only about 3 weeks. Did the doctor confirm that's how old the pregnancy is, or say that there's any medical need to take action quickly? For sure, making decisions like this sooner in a pregnancy is better, but particularly early on, it's usually fine to take a few days to find out the information you need and make a decision calmly.

I know there's some information about both the medical and surgical procedures for abortion in our information that I linked you to before. Are there any parts of those descriptions you'd like to talk about more or have questions about?

(Also, Heather is likely due here in the next couple of hours, if you'd like to talk with her.)

--------------------
The kyriarchy usually assumes that I am the kind of woman of whom it would approve. I have a peculiar kind of fun showing it just how much I am not.

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Heather
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I hear you saying yiu feel very afraid of being alert during the procedure. We can talk you through that if you like, and address thise fears.

However, since you are also being given an option for general aneasthesia - for being out under during the procedure - that option would likely address this for you, as you would simply be asleep throughout. And while abortion generally is not something very painful, that option would also assure you of not experiencing any pain at all during the procedure.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Fallen.angel23
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quote:
Originally posted by Redskies:
I'm sorry to hear you've been having such a rough time [Frown] Although, I am glad that this other doctor has been better for you.

Can I check what you meant about when you need to inform the doctor of your decision? I'm understanding that you're supposed to tell the doctor this evening? That seems unnecessarily rushed for a pregnancy that's only about 3 weeks. Did the doctor confirm that's how old the pregnancy is, or say that there's any medical need to take action quickly? For sure, making decisions like this sooner in a pregnancy is better, but particularly early on, it's usually fine to take a few days to find out the information you need and make a decision calmly.

I know there's some information about both the medical and surgical procedures for abortion in our information that I linked you to before. Are there any parts of those descriptions you'd like to talk about more or have questions about?

(Also, Heather is likely due here in the next couple of hours, if you'd like to talk with her.)

Yes, the pregnancy is only 3 weeks and 3 days. But the doctor counted from the first day of the last period and it's about ~5 weeks. Kind of odd method especially when i know the exact day of first intercourse after being apart and it was the "lucky" day.

I don't know why I have to decide today, I don't feel ready although I read dozens of internet sites about everything that's related to pregnancy termination. I think I'm just a panicky person, very sensitive and emotional...always was and will be. That only makes things harder...

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Heather
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Given the timing, you probably do NOT actually need to decide today, so you could call in and check on that. Given the state of mind you have been in, it might even be you misunderstood that deadline.

Especially since you are, at only five weeks, actually about a week too early for anything BUT a medical (pill) abortion as of right now.

If you feel you need more time, I would ask for it. This is about you and what you need for yourself, after all.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Fallen.angel23
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quote:
Originally posted by Heather:
I hear you saying yiu feel very afraid of being alert during the procedure. We can talk you through that if you like, and address thise fears.

However, since you are also being given an option for general aneasthesia - for being out under during the procedure - that option would likely address this for you, as you would simply be asleep throughout. And while abortion generally is not something very painful, that option would also assure you of not experiencing any pain at all during the procedure.

I think my fears are from my childhood...
A relative of mine had an abortion almost 10 years ago under general anesthesia and afterwards for about 2-3 days she felt ill, in pain. Her look was so empty...
That image of her keeps coming to my mind.
Also for the last few days i felt very ill, my blood pressure is horribly low, the cramps are pretty bad though none of the doctors said anything bad about them. Also i feel dizzy.
Maybe it's normal given the circumstances, but what if the pain i feel now in my belly will only worsen.
My gyno said that no one knows how will my body react if i will be alert(will it be painful or painless). In her practice some women that already gave birth said that abortion is much more worse in terms of pain.

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Fallen.angel23
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By the way, thank you very much for support. It means a lot to me, because I don't discuss these kind of things with anyone.
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Fallen.angel23
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quote:
Originally posted by Heather:
Given the timing, you probably do NOT actually need to decide today, so you could call in and check on that. Given the state of mind you have been in, it might even be you misunderstood that deadline.

Especially since you are, at only five weeks, actually about a week too early for anything BUT a medical (pill) abortion as of right now.

If you feel you need more time, I would ask for it. This is about you and what you need for yourself, after all.

The pill method in my country isn't approved.
I think I'd choose it over any other intervention into my body.
I understood clearly, she wanted me to call her today to say what i have chosen, so she could come earlier tomorrow and prepare for everything (if i choose the local anesthesia).
If i choose the general one, i have to go to some other hospital which is bigger.

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Heather
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Honestly, if it helps to know, when it comes to pain and seeing the whole experience, the pill involves all of that, so just given how you have said you are feeling, that actually sounds like it would be the worst of the choices for you, anyway.

Did this doctor say you have to terminate tomorrow? If so, did they say why? I just hear you saying you want more time to decide, which should nit be an issue at all given how early you are.

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About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Fallen.angel23
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quote:
Originally posted by Heather:
Honestly, if it helps to know, when it comes to pain and seeing the whole experience, the pill invokves all of that, so just given how you have said you are feeling, that actually sounds like it would be the worst of the choices for you, anyway.

Did this doctor say you have to terminate tomorrow? If so, did they say why? I just hear you saying you want more time to decide, which should nit be an issue at all given how early you are.

I just called her and she said that it should be tomorrow or Friday. Because it's the best time now , otherwise i will need to go to the hospital at the end of next week because it's too early for the hospital procedure.
Hm...wait...so they're different? I thought it's just the anesthesia thing that's different. Now I'm confused. Guess I will have to call her again tomorrow.

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Heather
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It sounds to me like you are being offered two different options for a surgical - not medical, that is the term for using the abortion pill - abortion procedure. One with only a local anesthetic, one with general, which is putting you under.

In other words, with a local, you would be awake. With a general, you would be asleep throughout the procedure.

Again, five weeks is generally about a week too early for a surgical, so I, too, am feeling confused. But if and when it is time for a surgical, a surgical procedure in the first trimester is not something painful. It generally is no more uncomfortable than a pap smear, to give you a comparison. So, pain-wise, a local should do you just fine.

The choice here, then, is mostly going to be about if this is something where you want to be awake during the process or not. Often when people are making that choice, it has to do with things like how comfortable they feel being aware of what is happening or not, how comfortable they feel with surgeries, period, and if they feel like it is or is not important for them to have their abortion be something they actively experience and remember.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Heather
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It sounds to me like you are being offered two different options for a surgical - not medical, that is the term for using the abortion pill - abortion procedure. One with only a local anesthetic, one with general, which is putting you under.

In other words, with a local, you would be awake. With a general, you would be asleep throughout the procedure.

Again, five weeks is generally about a week too early for a surgical, so I, too, am feeling confused. But if and when it is time for a surgical, a surgical procedure in the first trimester is not something painful. It generally is no more uncomfortable than a pap smear, to give you a comparison. So, pain-wise, a local should do you just fine.

The choice here, then, is mostly going to be about if this is something where you want to be awake during the process or not. Often when people are making that choice, it has to do with things like how comfortable they feel being aware of what is happening or not, how comfortable they feel with surgeries, period, and if they feel like it is or is not important for them to have their abortion be something they actively experience and remember.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Heather
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Btw, we are having some extreme technical problems with the boards and some of the rest of the site this week. We are working on getting them resolved, but there may be big lags and loading issues.

So, because I do not want you to have to be waiting on all of that if you have to make a fast choice, I would suggest you also are calling into this doctor with all of these questions as well, to be absolutely sure you get them answered.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Fallen.angel23
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quote:
Originally posted by Heather:
Btw, we are having some extreme technical problems with the boards and some of the rest of the site this week. We are working on getting them resolved, but there may be big lags and loading issues.

So, because I do not want you to have to be waiting on all of that if you have to make a fast choice, I would suggest you also are calling into this doctor with all of these questions as well, to be absolutely sure you get them answered.

Thank You, Heather, so much for the information and support. Tomorrow I'll make the decision.
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Heather
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Of course. And I'm so sorry this is going on at a time when we can't assure you we'll be able to answer you quickly. [Frown]

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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