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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Pregnancy and Parenting » Ultrasound vs. Conception date (Page 2)

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Author Topic: Ultrasound vs. Conception date
juliedulie221
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I think that's really my only fear. Because right now I feel like I'm all set. I have the support of the guy, his family, our friends, etc. We have money saved, plans to move in together and I'm scared for all of that to get taken away. Hes there for every appointment...and my family loves him espexially because weve known each other for a while. Everyone is so excited for us and I'm afraid to let people down and be left all by myself if I am wrong. The other guy frankly does not have his life together. But like you said before, I can almost be sure that it's the baby of the guy I had unprotected sex with. And that's what I need to keep telling myself. And show myself facts. Facts that the condom did not break or slip off and that it was worn the whole entire time. Writing that just made me feel better actually.
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Heather
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Okay.

So, how about seeing what you can do to put some more energy into planning for all the things you actually DO need to be concerned about?

Because, let's be real, pregnancy, delivery, after delivery, parenting, taking care of an infant, co-parenting with someone... these are all GIANT things that really no one can possibly somehow have all set, no problem. They involve a lot of planning, a lot of communication, and that's even before getting fully into them where all of that never stops, and where a lot of hiccups are going to happen you will need to deal with, sometimes -- often -- by the seat of your pants. [Smile]

Too, have you yet had a conversation about the guy you are going to be co-parenting with about the what-ifs you are worried about? For instance, you know, you can ask him to make a commitment to you and this kid even if he were NOT the biological father. (And it sounds like he's pretty seriously in here, so I'd be pretty surprised if he didn't give you an "Of course" on that.)

Mind, it seems mighty clear he is, but just having that talk and making that ask might leave you feeling a lot more solid.

I'd add to that that really, it IS totally up to you if you co-parent with anyone, including a biological father. And it's a big deal to invite someone into this with you. It's not like this is somehow about him doing you or a kid some big favor: this is a huge thing you are inviting him into, where you and a kid are vulnerable, and where you are extending a lot of faith and trust. So, asking for some commitments and agreements around it? Totally reasonable, and really smart.

[ 05-06-2014, 04:27 PM: Message edited by: Heather ]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Heather
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I'd also add that it sounds like you perhaps could stand to talk to the guy you are going to be moving in with, and co-parenting with some more about your relationships outside of being soon-to-be parents together.

If you have it in your head, or set up, where all of your relationship really revolves around and entirely hinges on this upcoming-kid or your pregnancy, not only is that going to make having a relationship over time pretty tricky (especially if that relationship is still something you are both in when the kid is asleep, or is about anything besides parenting together), it's no wonder you're feeling as worried about this other thing as you are, IMO.

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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Heather
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I'm back one more time, and sorry if this is a little redundant, but I want to make sure there's something you don't just understand, but really feel here, or start to anyway.

You picking someone to co-parent with you and enter into this pregnancy? It is your right to do that, just like it would be your right to invite NO ONE to do that with you. This is about what's happening in your body, okay, and about your right to really own that.

And if you choose to share it? That is so not some guy, any guy, saving you or a kid or doing you favors. That's about you extending faith and trust and respect to someone, by choice, and inviting them into something that in more ways than not is really YOURS. So, if it seems like this guy, or any other, has all the power here, or somehow yours, and your well-being, hinges on theirs?

Please know it doesn't. [Smile]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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juliedulie221
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Hey!
I totally get what you're saying. I choose to include this guy in me and my baby's life because I trust him and I know he cares and will be there and he deserves to be. He's been there every step of the way...but this is him assuming that it is his child because I did say, that I have no reason to think that it isn't because I used a condom with the other guy and the condom did not fail as far as I know. I just can't understand why no one including my friends is really doubting paternity except for ME!

You actually brought up a good point though. Now that I'm thinking about it, I'm so focused on the anxiety of paternity when we clearly know that it is most likely the guy I had unprotected sex with. And by being focused on that, I feel as though I'm abandoning the other fears of pregnancy..like keeping me and my unborn child healthy. Stress can't be good for the baby. Child birth needs to be looked at. By focusing on what ifs, I'm setting myself up to be unprepared for what's coming! I'm so happy you brought that to my attention.

I just really do wish that I can completely enjoy my pregnancy like some mothers do. I honestly cannot even try to imagine what my baby might look like because it triggers fear and anxiety.I was looking at my 12 week sonogram and trying to figure out which guy it looks like. Uhhh. How crazy. The facial features aren't even fully formed. See what I'm getting at?

I just hope I could find inner peace somewhere. To wake up and be happy. To wake up without these thoughts. I feel the hormones talking now. Lol.

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Heather
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My experience with sonograms is that this early, the only resemblance a fetus will tend to bear is to a newt. [Razz]

Do follow up with those doula resources. There are so many things a doula can do, and one of them is providing extra emotional support, including with this stuff. [Smile]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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juliedulie221
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Hahahhaa!

Yes I clicked on one of them but I don't qualify because I don't live in the 5 boroughs. I'm a suburbian. Haha. I'll check the other one out.

Talking it out does make me feel better, and thank you for being patient with me.

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julie

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Heather
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Happy to be of help and pitch in with support. [Smile]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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juliedulie221
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Went for my prenatal visit today and heard my baby's perfect heart beat through a doppler. I've never felt so happy. I can't wait to hold him/her. Doing much better the past couple of days by the way.
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Heather
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Aw, that is awesome! [Smile]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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juliedulie221
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Hi heather!
I figured I'd post this here because I don't want to freak anyone that's already anxiety driven on the boards. I saw a post where a volunteer said that pregnancy symptoms don't usually occur till a couple months after conception. I just wanted to say that that's not true for all cases. I noticed symptoms days before I missed my period, that was quite different from my usual pms symptoms. I had overly sensitive nipples and fatigue, which led me to test early. I guess it all depends on how in touch you are with your body. Just wanted to make sure that people knew that. Idk, I don't mean to sound like I'm trying to prove anyone wrong.

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julie

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juliedulie221
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Although, I'd like to add that the symptoms became more pronounced and the nausea started when I was about six weeks pregnant, A month after the estimated conception date.
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Heather
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Well, too, those symptoms may or may not have been (and probably were not, especially since breast and nipple issues really cannot happen that early, as nothing hormonally has changed yet to bring those on) about your pregnancy. The fatigue, especially, does not surprise me at all given the level of anxiety and stress you were dealing with!

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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juliedulie221
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Maybe you're right that it may or may not have been. Could be me paying attention closer because of the possibility and my gut feeling. [Smile]
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Heather
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Again, even with closer attention, there are reasons different breast changes and fatigue happen during pregnancy, and it's not like someone can be experiencing things a month or more early just because they are paying attention. [Smile]

Pregnancy, and the impact it has, happens on a pretty specific timetable. Sure, there is some individual variation, but the things that happen still happen because of specific developments and changes that happen on a timeline.

[ 05-11-2014, 11:09 AM: Message edited by: Heather ]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Heather
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(I'm not sure what all of this is about, by the way? Do know we're -- I'm -- pretty well versed and educated at this point in what we do and advise here. And while yes, every now and then, with many things, there will be exceptions to rules, we have to work in broad strokes, and also simply do things here like advise people to test for pregnancy if they are concerned they may be pregnant, which we always do. I am very committed to being sure that no one becomes pregnant who does not want to be, and that if and when someone may be pregnant, they find out as soon as possible so they have all their options available, and as much time as possible to make the choices they want to make. [Smile] )

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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juliedulie221
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Oh it isn't about anything. [Frown] I didn't mean to step on anyone's shoes. I just happened to come across that post and wanted to share my experience with pregnancy symptoms and such.

You guys being experienced, well educated, and patient are reasons why people like me who need help, come to this site in the first place. [Smile]

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Heather
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Don't feel stepped on, no worries, just felt confused. [Smile]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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juliedulie221
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Im having a boy!!! [Smile]
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Heather
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What exciting news, cheers so much for sharing! [Big Grin]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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juliedulie221
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Hi heather!
Just checking in. Just wanted to say that im 21 weeks now and things have been going well. Were all moved into our new condo. I wanted to say thanks for all your support and reassurance about my situation. my anxiety level is at a reasonable height. Im focusing things that are important...like real worries, and Getting ready for my little boy!

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Edith_*
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Hi, Juliedulie!

Heather is not around now but I wanted you to know that someone read this and that is great to hear you are doing good. I'm sure as soon as Heather reads this she will reply to you. Hope everything keeps going okay for you. [Smile]

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"Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it's very important that you do it " (...'cause no one else will) -Gandhi-

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juliedulie221
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Thanks edith!! [Smile]
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Heather
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Hey, good to see this! Wow, a move while pregnant, and probably in the heat no less: good times! [Razz]

And cohabitating! Lots of big stuff all at once! You doing okay with it all and feeling good about it?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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juliedulie221
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Hi heather! Thanks for responding. Yeah! The move wasnt bad since we got all new furniture. All I moved were my clothes hahah and most of it dont even fit anymore [Big Grin]

Overall, im really excited to meet my baby. I take my boards next month, and im happy that ill have my little boy kicking and punching...like a little cheerleader during my exam.

I am stressed, but I.guess thats normal. Not stressing over stuff like before, though, like with paternity and all. I think ive gotten it through to my head at this point and over thinking will just make me come up with what ifs and make me rip my hair out eventually. I stress over GIVING BIRTH! Ahhh.

My relationship with my babys father is going great. I can safely say that its not just a friendship...and its not just because of the baby. Were officially together [Smile] weve been busy planning for the baby. Afterall, ive got 4 months left til hes here!

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Heather
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I am so glad to hear all of this! [Big Grin]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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juliedulie221
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Hey hey!!! Just checking in to say that...the reason why you havent heard from me is because ive been preoccupied with studying. But I wanted to let you know that...
I passed the boards!!!!!! I am officially a registered nurse! !

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Redskies
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Congratulations! Woo, party streamers!

My mind boggles at how you have been managing, balancing and succeeding at all of this. Seriously, you are my (s)hero of the week [Smile]

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The kyriarchy usually assumes that I am the kind of woman of whom it would approve. I have a peculiar kind of fun showing it just how much I am not.

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juliedulie221
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Aww, Thank you! I dont know how i do it either. I work well under pressure, i guess! [Smile]
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Heather
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That is SO AWESOME!

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Sam W
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YES, right on!
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