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» Got Questions? Get Answers. » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Pregnancy and Parenting » Pregnancy Or No Pregnancy (Page 4)

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Author Topic: Pregnancy Or No Pregnancy
Alergnon
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Hi again,
So I broke up with my boyfriend because he lied and cheated on me and he couldn't keep his story straight. His roommate told me that there is this girl named Malissia that was in his room all the time, that she is always over, and what not. Then he asked him to do injections and he offered me and my ex said she can't. Then he showed me tin foil and some white plastic straw thing for snorting and he explained to me about it and how to use it. Well, one I don't understand why this Amanda girl (different girl) was in his room doing drugs when his roommate didn't want her in his room because he didn't want drugs in his room. Mean while he is saying a bunch of stuff to my ex that they've done things and he invited ex into his room to do some while I was there. I asked him if he was having sex with these girls and he said no but also got very angry at me.

There is way more to this, I just feel lousy and I've been upset all day. My eyes are blood shot and swollen. I also blocked him from sending any txt messages to my cell and I also deleted him off facebook. He also told me that he will send me to court to get his kid, right? I don't know if I am pregnant or not, hell I might not be. He has no right to take me to court. I have rights and what ever I do as a person in deciding this it's my choice. Then he told me to get an abortion and I don't think it's his choice to decide. I'm through this him!!!

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Robin Lee
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You know: I know it feels awful and scary, and like a betrayal, and you have a lot to deal with, but it's pretty darn awesome that you decided what you would and wouldn't put up with and did something about it. [Smile] You have every right to stick to your guns and decide what you will or will not put up with in your life.

Where are you with getting test results? From what I recall you're waiting for results from a doctor's office, yes?

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Robin

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Alergnon
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Yes, I am waiting for tests results back from my doctor, I'm going to call Monday and see if anything came up or not. I am doing a test again Monday with a school nurse.
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Alergnon
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Sorry for posting so much information and what not. It's related to this topic so I'll continue to write it out. In all honesty, today has been such a emotional day, still crying, crying as I am typing this. My eyes are burning and stinging and there swollen. I feel as though things are getting difficult for me when I thought things were going very well, I guess not. I've been so strong up until this point about this possible pregnancy. I really do hope I am not pregnant. For so many reasons why I don't want to be.

I feel so weak and drained from all of this crying that has been happening all day, morning, afternoon, and night. I'm sick and tired of everyone feeling sorry for me because it's not helping me at all it's making this worse. Why would someone be sorry for me, that their sorry that my ex cheated and lied to me and used drugs and lied about it, there sorry for me... I feel like don't know what to say to me but "sorry" or they say things that would cheer me up, I don't get it because it's not helping the fact what happened.

My head is so foggy and just not together with how I'm feeling which is making this worse for me. I don't understand why I am crying so much over this. All I know is my body feels like it is dieing, I feel as if I am a dead zombie. I ate at 2 or something and then I went and bought some food at Tim Hortons because it was past 7 and I didn't want to cook anything and I knew I needed to eat. I had to hide my gasping for air so my roommate wouldn't hear me, I held my breath and held my hand or a blanket to my mouth to muffle the sounds. It's horrible how I am feeling. I was doing so great and then having to find this crap out really hurt me.

What he did is wrong, maybe you were right Heather about him turning into an abusive person even though he isn't now but he could. I can't believe he lied to me, all I asked from him was honesty and to work things out, I couldn't deal with it and I broke down and dumped him. All this happened in text messages. All I wanted to do, was to just hug him, and ask for his honesty but never happened. I've never been in a relationship like this before, I really pulled myself out of my hole and I was getting better and I was starting to feel better about myself and this has to happen. That mat below me was ripped from underneath me and nothing is left over but no support.

I just can't believe it. I'm in shock or something I can't grasp any of this at all, what happened today and what myself and my ex talked about during the night before. I even asked him he should go to counseling, he agreed then next thing I know he doesn't. I didn't understand. He told me he wanted to do it for me and our relationship and this possible pregnancy. I guess he was afraid to face his problems. It just kills me to know this/everything.

He couldn't keep his story straight on the drugs and about this girl that was in his room pior to me coming over that day. I didn't know any of this until his roommate said a bunch of things. I was so lost and hurt. I kept myself together until the morning and kept those words clear of my head. Everything started to match when I skipped school Friday claiming I had the flu. I felt off and I couldn't be at school and I wasn't feeling that great in the first place. His roommate also said that there is this one girl that is always over and he has never seen me before and asked if I was "new" I met his roommate day one and shook his hand and told him my name. I honestly, know I did the right thing in ending the relationship.

I have this secret inside of me, more of a fear, what if I end up in the hospital because of this? Honestly, I can't go back. I thought I was going to die from the amount and intense crying I was doing. I'm hardly not eating. I just feel so weak to do anything and at this point I don't trust anyone. I'm back to square one. I just want my life back that I just got back a few weeks ago and it's gone again. Things were going well for me and I'm going back into that hole and it's quick sand and its so horrible.

This can't be happening to me it just can't be. I am falling down, now I just can't grasp anything that has happened. What he did not the lying but his words. His words are bothering me the most. "I really care about you and I will always be there for you." It's really bugging me. Because I believed him, I believed that he would protect me and no matter what happens he would be there for me. Now, it's gone because what I found out. I found out more when he was telling me when I asked about everything.

In the end, I'm just a teenager who just wants someone to be there. I'm sick of it. How the hell could I believe in this crap that my head tells me? But instead I followed my gut my head is telling me otherwise.

I also have a question to ask, it's about birth control. So, I started my new pack last Sunday (19th) and well I wasn't bother me at all, then Wednesday I took it and I noticed it caused a lot of pain. I realized this when I missed it, I was late taking my pill and took it Friday evening and I felt completely fine. So, I took it as soon as possible, 10mins later, my stomach was in hell, I was almost in tears because of the amount of pain I was in. It hurt so bad, I got scared and I just sucked it up didn't cry over it, why cry over pain. Well, I started to feel really sick to my stomach I thought I was going to pass out. Then it hit me, you can't take birth control if your pregnant, right? Well, what if I miscarried. I started to have stomach cramping when I woke up Wednesday morning and I had really bad diarrhea. I had a little bit Tuesday but I don't remember any stomach pains or cramping. It all went away Friday morning, like Thursday evening I felt better and then Friday came and everything seemed normal to me. Then, in the evening it hit me that I had forgotten to take my pill and I took it right away. That is when everything clicked in and I noticed having the pain right after taking it. Today, I didn't take it, and I have no stomach pain or anything, my stomach feels normal. And here I am typing this and my stomach is fine, no diarrhea. Do you have any idea what might be going on? I am not taking my pill again, and the pill I used to be on was a higher dose, I have a low dose. Also, I have never had this before taking a pill. I felt like I took laxatives, it came out like water was flowing outta me. This lasted 3 days. Tuesday-Thursday afternoon it stopped. Maybe it all in my head, like my dad would say to me, maybe it's in my head all of this. Or I'm over reacting. I don't care I'm not taking my pill again not what happened to me, it was horrible.

Sorry if this is long, any help would help me.

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Alergnon
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I'm sorry for posting again, this one will be very short. I'll try my best to manage my anger right now, for a heads up. Okay, so after spending hours and hours in my room crying non-stop about nothing at all, i started to feel better. [Smile] NOW, I'm so angry I don't even have a reason to be angry. I looked online what it means... what really made me really freak out I typed something in google, and the first link was about harry potter... I'm am so pissed off now... I typed in something to do with causes for rage in females and harry potter came up. I thought I was going to throw my lap top at the wall. Well, I did a different search and stupid google... again, well anyways I finally found out what causes rage. So, I looked at pregnancy symptoms of rage in females... I mean I'm so pissed off. I read that PMS in pregnant women have like mood swings... really bad ones. I am still angry I can't explain why... but I know that I have never had PMS before in my life that I can remember. Maybe mild but I would never notice it. Now, I want to freak out. What is wrong with me? I can't even cry over this, I'm really pissed off, I don't know why. Can someone help me. I feel like I've gone mad.
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Heather
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Alergnon: I'm just coming into work, and am catching up with your posts. I'm sorry no one was around the other night, but I'll do my best to get a sense of what's gone on and where you're at right now.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Heather
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Still catching up, but I'm wondering if you could also fill me in on what treatment you've been getting for your mood disorder, and if you could fill me in a bit more on what type it is? Do you take medication for it? If so, are you keeping up with that?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Alergnon
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Hey Heather Thank You for replying and the small delay I went to Church this morning. I don't have a mood disorder at all, I have depression and some anxiety. I was taking a pill called Abilify but but doctor took me off of it because he felt like it wasn't helping me. I'm just on a pill called Cirpralex 20mg he increased it and discontinued my other pill. I have talked to him about Bipolar and he thinks I don't have it and he doesn't like to diagnose young people like myself. I really like him a lot. He is different from other doctors I've spoken to. Other than that, it's just depression and a little bit of anxiety.
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Heather
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Okay. Do you feel like the medication you're taking right now for these is managing them well for you?

(Can I also ask if you sought out a second opinion? I ask because with some mood disorders, and bipolar disorder is absolutely one of then, adolescence tends to be when they present, so not even considering them would be counter to the usual standards of care.)

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Heather
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I'm just trying to suss out how much of what's been going on -- not just the last few days or weeks, but at least since you've been posting here -- is or isn't potentially about your mood disorder, if that's not clear.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Alergnon
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Okay yea that is okay. Hey thank you [Smile] If you need any information I'll be happy to let you know, I just want help that's all.
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Heather
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So, you do or don't feel like the Cipralex is doing a good job at managing your depression and anxiety?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Alergnon
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I found a really big change what the doctor discontinued the Abilify, I felt like my life was heading down a pretty good road. So, and yes I admit I do sometimes forget to take my Cipralex at night. I felt like my life was actually going well, I started to find that I was getting happier. Then this has to hit me and things have been rough, but it's not really horrible, like it is. I feel like I sound confused...
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Alergnon
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Right now... I'm starting to feel really really odd... about my emotions and I'm starting to get very easily angry. I honestly... this is complete BS. If something isn't like instant loading or I don't spell something right and it comes up as a spelling error... I get very very angry. Like I honestly, just popped every finger of my fingers... what is going on... I felt fine before, now it's like MY world is at **** with the world.
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Heather
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Okay. So, it sounds to me like it's likely the mood issues are probably a player here, especially if you're not being consistent with your meds. But probably not the only player.

One big thing I've been hearing since you started posting here is a lot of desperation and fear about with being alone, not having romantic/sexual validation or attention, etc. There's also been a pattern, as we've talked about, of unhealthy relationships or interactions. With this current relationship, there was a WAY fast escalation of both the relationship and you r attachment to it: for something that only went on for a few weeks, it's been like talking about a relationship of many years. Know what I mean?

Here's something to know: when someone is in a spot where they are super lonely or really so, so hungry for that kind of validation or attention -- sexual, romantic -- it's...well, it's total abuser-bait. because the way unhealthy people tend to come to romantic relationships, with fast escalation, quick promises of abiding love and devotion, and so forth, when the other person is that, that hungry for that stuff, they can get sucked in so easily.

I'm just getting started here, but do you know what I mean by all of that?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Alergnon
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I sorta do, yes. I'm being pulled into an abusive pattern? Like are you saying am I seeking it? Or something.
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Heather
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I'm saying that from the sounds of it, you're very vulnerable when it comes to unhealthy/abusive/dysfunctional people and relationships.

It also sounds like even when you know they're happening or likely to, you don't steer clear. For instance, in your longer post up there, you were very clear that if you had reason to suspect this relationship was becoming abusive, it'd be over. And yet, you already do. I see that you have just ended it, but that seems to be more about this person being with someone else than this person exhibiting abusive/controlling behavior, clear abusive/controlling behavior, like reproductive coercion and refusing to accept any limits and boundaries from you.

Now, I can't know if that's about you not having an education or understanding of abuse -- save that it seems you do -- or about that sense of desperation/fear of being without some kind of sexual partner or boyfriend that I talked about up there. Mind, it sounds like your upbringing was such, too, that you might not have any sense of what a healthy relationship even looks like in a real way: if and when abuse was our normal for all of our lives, that can certainly happen. After all, how can someone know without seeing it and having healthy relationship dynamics and behaviours modeled?

But either way, the thing about patterns like this is that if we keep doing the same things, they aren't going to change. And while being abused is never the fault of the person who is, it is up to you whether or not you accept these dynamics and whether or not you enable them.

It might help to also think about what you may or may not be doing to send a message that you accept these dynamics. For instance, if we make clear to people that our boundaries aren't things they need to respect, what's often going to happen is that a) the people who would respect them won't tend to want to get involved with us, because we're showing we're not healthy or wanting a healthy relationship and b) the people who will NOT respect them -- who most often tend to be unhealthy/controlling/abusive people see that we're wide open and available for them.

In other words, if we want healthy relationships, we have to always nix what's not, and also be clear in our own behaviors that that's what we want, which includes things like healthy boundaries, like not leaping all the way into a brand new relationship super-fast (like talking marriage, babies, etc. with someone we just started dating), like not just accepting whoever is willing to give us their time, and so forth.

Is that making sense? This is big stuff to talk about and cover, but I'm trying not to be too overwhelming.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Alergnon
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It's not overwhelming. Yea, your right I ended the relationship because he lied, used and was cheating on me; I didn't end it from the possible abuse he was doing.

I guess the behavior I've been doing isn't helping me at all but putting me into bad places.

And some of it I am a bit lost, not really understanding the whole thing, then it makes sense.

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Heather
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Well, as one way to get started, or rather, a two-pronged way, I'd suggest this: 1) we keep working to connect you with a good counselor and you make SURE to actually talk about your sexual/romantic life, instead of not talking about it. I think we also need to be sure that counselor or resource has experience when it comes to addressing abuse dynamics and histories in order to best help you.

2) Maybe you and I could make a sort of list of let's say, ten ways for you to approach any dating or sexual exchanges that support healthy interactions and nix unhealthy ones. Mind, I think it might actually be best for you to take a big break from those relationships or interactions period for a while -- months, maybe more -- while you really take care of yourself and try to learn new patterns. But if that isn't something you want to do, I think we could at least work out some tips and tools to screen a lot better and to also make sure you're basically not putting up a billboard that says, "Yo, Abusive/Dysfunctional People, Date Me!" Know what I mean?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Alergnon
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I totally understand what you are saying. I did go to counseling for abuse a few months ago. But, it was to get over the abuse I went through while I was growing up with my family. Well, that place is free. I stopped going because I felt like it wasn't going anywhere at all. She gave me information about it, we never really got anywhere else with it. And I skipped my appointment, and that was that, stopped going. I felt like I wasn't really connected to her from the begin with. I still have her card in my wallet... weird as that sounds. I felt uncomfortable talking about it with her. The types of abuse I went through, also some of it never made sense because it wasn't related to me at all, she told me, "It's good to have information on this type of abuse, so you are aware and to avoid it." Honestly, it bugged me, it never went any where and she pull out these papers and read them to me... I felt like that was lousy counseling on her part. I sat there for like an hour of her reading and explain to me of all this crap that honestly, I never been through. She explained, reading the papers, what the abuser is thinking and doing. The only thing I got out of the while "counseling" was, abuse is a cycle, duh. I figured this the out when I was being abused. I didn't need anyone to tell me that. I know it's a cycle. Then, at the end of the hole thing, when there is like 10mins left, she is like "is there anything you'd like to talk about?" So, I have about 10mins to explain some things and to "talk" about it in 10mins... that is so damn not fair. Have me sit in a chair at a table her on the other side, reading me information from these papers. I could care a less. What is so wrong with me explaining it, then have her explain what it means to me. I'm really pissed at this. That is why stopped going. Oh, and she never called me when I missed my appointment to see where I went. that is lousy. The place I went is funded by the government. It's for women and kids who have been in abusive relationships, they they house mothers and kids and this place is tight on surcirty. Like, I can't open the door and walk in... you push a button and you wait, or you wait until someone answers then you give your name, why your there and like they unlock the door for you to come inside. Then it locks right behind you. Oh did I mentation you can't just walk out the building, they have to unlock the door for you. I felt like I was in prison there. The room I was in, it made me uncomfortable, because it was a control room/counseling room. Like, monitors on the wall with a really high tech phone. Oh, the button to open the door was in that room. I'm sorry but I'm not going back there for counseling and that is the only place to get counseling for free when someone is being abused. I need space and to feel comfortable in a room with someone in order for me to talk. Then I would need to feel okay telling this information to.
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Heather
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For sure, she might not have been a great counselor or done her best job. But I also think it's really important to remember that counseling is about a partnership. So if, for instance, we without crucial information from a counselor -- and I'd say that not disclosing anything at all about your history with sexual interactions and relationships is a HUGE chunk to leave out -- then we limit how well any counselor can do their job.

As well, it sounds like you were getting counseling through a secure shelter. If that's so, then you really can't fault them their securities: that's about them keeping people safe who are at risk.

But rather than dwell upon the past with this, and have it potentially be something else that keeps you stuck, how about instead figuring that moving forward, you will a) screen a few different counselors and only choose one you feel you can work with, and b) take the positive risk of being really honest, including about your life now, not just growing up.

It sounds like you also are voicing a desire for a more interactive, engaged counselor when working with one: that's something you can ask about when screening, too. Just remember that again, it has to go both ways. [Smile]

have you yet been able to get connected with any of the services I gave you contact information for?

And how do you feel about a list like I suggested, or the prospect of instead taking a serious break from romantic or sexual relationships for a while?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Alergnon
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Sorry that I didn't hmm do the 10 things...

Okay hmm, let me think. For a healthy relationship 1) Honesty 2) Respect 3) Support 4) To talk about healthy sex, after months in a relationship 5)Talk how each other feels about things

I don't really know what else.

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Heather
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Well, when I was talking about a list, I was thinking much more clear, tangible directives in terms of things YOU are doing or how you are reacting, which are things you can control.

Can I maybe start with three or four things to give you an idea of what I meant, and then you can either take it from there to fill in more if you like, or I can make more suggestions?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Alergnon
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I'm done with people telling me who claim to help me and they don't. I called that number, she gave me Canadian Mental Health. What ever, I'll go back to them and the same thing will happen. Me freaking out on someone who told me after I spilled my guts out that she isn't a counselor and it's 9 weeks of coping skills. Last time I was there, I swore at the lady and told her I think I told her to go to hell, because she asked me to talk to her and I refused to because she told me she wasn't a counselor. Like wow... it hurts I went through weeks of screening, and wait over a month after to find out it's not counseling. I can't get long term counseling because I don't have a major mental health problem. Like, Ive been to counselors and I spill my guts out believing they can help me and all they say is, I can't help you. or this kind of counseling isn't meant for that.

At this point counselors can go die in a hole. I don't trust any of them after what ive been through. I'm sorry but this is upsetting me. Reminds me of everything that I had to go through with a counselor. I don't know where to turn to at this point.

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Heather
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Well, as someone sitting here doing counseling with you right now, and who does it as part of her job, I'm not feeling very comfortable with the "die in a hole" stuff. I wouldn't feel okay with sentiments like that about anyone here on the boards, but it's particularly uncomfortable when you've been asking for help and I've been busting my butt to help you, gal.

So, if you don't feel comfortable talking more here in the way that I/we can help you, that's fine and totally up to you. But if you're going to, I need you to remember there's another person sitting here on the other side of the screen, okay?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Alergnon
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I'm sorry it just I'm tired of people telling me that and they turn around and they can't help me and I understand you are helping me. You have to understand that, the counselors I've been to, they all tell me they can't help me after telling them something personal. I don't know. I am sorry. I'm just pissed at this counseling system in Canada. Is there like a e-mail or something so I can go into detail what happened in my counseling what told them and then they turned around and they told me that can't help me. It just hurt me a lot that I spill my guts to them and I feel hopeless because no one wants to talk to me about it...
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Heather
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We're not funded or insured for me to have these kinds of conversations in email.

I actually have to, myself, get going off the boards for the day to do some other work, but how about this:

1) You figure out if moving forward as we have been here is something you want to do and feel able to do. That can certainly include the approach we've been taking, though do bear in mind that there are limitations to what we're able to do per the tools and skills we actually have and our resources. That does also mean, like I said, remembering there is an actual person sitting here you're talking to, so communicating together in a way where you're not lashing out at me because you want to lash out at someone and I'm here to do it at, all right?

2) You make me a list of what services/places you have used for counseling that have not worked for you and then we can take another look at options if you want to, figuring that those specific services are off the list. If none of that sounds appealing, my best advice is to talk to the psychiatrist who is prescribing your medication and ask their advice about counseling.

You do that, and I'll check back in with you tomorrow.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Alergnon
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I really am sorry about that comment I said.

Heather, you have to know I've been to every agency in the small city where I live. There is one I haven't been to and I put myself on the wait list almost a year ago. The counselor is private and since it is free, everyone wants to talk to him. I don't know how many days, weeks or months till I get in.
The places I've been to are, Family Counselung Centre, Canadian Mental Health, Womens Intervole Home, and St.Clair Child and Youth. All of these places I reached out and asked for or found it on my own. Then the Church I atend paid for 10 sessions for a therapist for me, sadly those 10 sessions came to an end.
I want to try new options. I really do. I am willing to get help. I just don't trust going to a counselor anymore. Just I feel like once I tell them them something I built up the guts to tell and then I find out they can't help me. I just want to be able to talk to someone that I know will help me or talk to me about it.
How can someone trust someone when they tell you they don't know how to? It's bugging me because I seek and go to places and look and ask for help and either tell tell me it's not right counseling or they don't know how to help me. It hurts. Bringing myself to say things that are hard to say and once it's out I feel like they should talk to me about it, no they drop a bomb on me and tell me they don't know how to help me. This is where I lose my trust in counselors. Another thing is, I find it useless to cry because I've done that before and, doesn't really matter what happened.
I'm tired of being okay talking to someone and they tell you they can't help you anymore that the sessions are done. I don't like this rule of how many sessions there are. Just when I'm about to really open up I being dropped or let go. This happened at St. Clair and Youth when I turned 18. I remember what I told her and that was that, then got a letter in the mail telling me my sessions have come to an end. It's heartbreaking. So, I had to go and find somewhere else and I did, then Family Counseling Centre they can't help me with their abiliities after being on a wait list of over 3 months and me spilling my guts out and the next session I go to she tells me I would get the most help from is Canadian Mental Health. I go there. I was screened. Then over a month later I got someone. So first session she asked me my history and I again spilled my guts out to her and she then at the end when she got all her infomation she told me she isn't a counselor and it's not counseling. Then she told me it's a 9 week coping skills. I almost cried when she told me this. How could someone do that to me trick me into telling them my personal history, I don't understand. So, I kept seeing her. I didn't say anything to her. One day I told her something personal, I told her I am having an eating problem. She told me she doesn't know how to help me. Then she turned around and told me that there is groups for it, but she said I am too old for them. Honestly, why would she tell me this in the first place. Well, I had enough and I told her how I felt, I was so angry. She looked shocked. I on the other hand told her it's waste of my time and that she wanted me to talk to her but it wasn't counseling? I then signed papers and left.
So, please tell me Heather, how am I suppose to get help when no one knows how to help me? Or they claim they can help and they don't they make it worse. I can easily go back into my old unhealthy patterns but I choose not to. Because I need to be strong. About like 2 months ago, I started to cut myself on my arms and I did before for 2 almost 3 years and stopped. Well, I have a few scars on my arm that you can see, and this was about 2 months ago same time when I almost died from an OD. After when that happened, I've been more better. But I feel like I am falling down again.
I could try going back to one of those places. Only for me to lash out because they don't know how to help me or what to do with me. I will call the Canadian Mental Health and see what they can give me. Most likely "coping skill" whatever, I spend 9 weeks in a stupid prgram that will not help me but I want help.

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Karybu
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Okay, so you've tried four agencies, and those didn't pan out. What kind of transportation do you have access to? I ask because while the town that you're in is small, you're not hugely far from London, which very likely has a lot more options.

Would that be a possibility for you?

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"Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." -Arundhati Roy

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Alergnon
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I can't get to London... I would either need to get on a bus or take a train, which costs money which I don't have.
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Alergnon
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I don't want to sound rude, but why is counseling so hard to come by? I feel like it's killing me inside because I voice my concerns and I feel like no one, the counselors ive too, don't want to help me that I am what you call a waste of time to them. And I'm starting to give up on this, counseling, trying to find something. What is the use, no one will want to help someone who lives off Of Government assist, who has depression and many more issues I'm not listing. I've went to my Worker and I asked her if Government assist would pay for counseling for me, They won't, I'm a lost cause to them. They just pay my rent and I get whatever is left over, which isn't much to use on 1 session would take me a entire month to get around 2 hundred dollars or 2 months to get that kind of counseling. I've considered doing a dirty business since I was 17, I still want to.
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Karybu
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London's not an option - that's fine, just wanted to check.

The agencies that you have tried, could you tell me a little bit more about what you've gone in asking for? Have you made clear, up front, that what you want is counselling, not a set program to learn "coping skills" or something similar?

I also have to ask: is counselling something you want right now? The impression I'm getting from your last post is that it might not be, which is totally up to you, but if that's the case, it's a bit of a waste for us to take the time to help you find resources for that.

If you DO want it, and I know Heather mentioned this earlier, have you asked your psychiatrist? That is someone who should absolutely be willing to help you out with this, especially since the combination of medication and counselling is often what's the most effective for treating depression. So, can you ask about that?

(Per "doing a dirty business", if you're talking about getting into sex work, that's something we can discuss, but I'd ask you to make a new topic, since it's a very different conversation than the one we're having here.)

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"Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." -Arundhati Roy

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Alergnon
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I basically gone in and said I want help and I want to talk to someone, I know it's very blunt. I have asked for counseling long term either they don't offer it or they do but I can't get it. Like Canadian Mental Health I have asked for long term counseling and the lady who I was "talking" to said I needed to prove myself to get more sessions. I didn't ask for more sessions I asked for long term. Then she explained to me that only people who have a serious mental health issue. Don't get wrong but honestly... me wanting to commit suicide isn't serious and they knew this, well I don't know. I quite because I was fed up with it. To prove myself to get a few more sessions, a few more sessions wont get me anywhere. I don't want to feel pressured to talk in so many sessions. Whatever.

Yes, I want counseling.

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Robin Lee
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Do you think your psychiatrist would be willing to help you find counselling, even advocate on your behalf to get the services that meet your needs?
?

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Robin

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Alergnon
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I have talked to him about this I even asked him if he can give me counseling. He said that there isn't much he can do about the services that are available in the city I live in. He said that he can give me counseling but he said it would be hard for him to get me in every week due to all of his patients. So, whenever I see him I either have 30mins or an hour to talk to him. He has told me that I don't say much and he asked me if he could do something so I would talk more. I just don't want to start talking about my problems and then the next available appointment in a few weeks. So, I try to limit myself to not saying much due to that. I remember the first time I saw him, when I made the very next available appointment was in 3 months. So, yea it is hard to keep talking and moving forward if this happens. I would really like to talk to him if I could but how can I when he may not have an opening in a week or two and it's booked for the next month. Like, that option was in my head before I saw him.
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