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» Got Questions? Get Answers. » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Pregnancy and Parenting » i have an irrational fear of pregnancy help

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Author Topic: i have an irrational fear of pregnancy help
karilimeade
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ohkay so i have been told time and time again how ridiculous i am but things have gotten out of hand.
for starters, in september my bf and i had unprotected sex 3 times on the 1st 2nd and the 7th of september. all 3 times we used the withdraw method which we have used many times before. the 1st time we did on the 1st i told him i didnt want him to come....and he did(he pulled out it scared me because i told him not to and he did because he couldn't help it....it had been a while since we'd last done it. since i was so paranoid the 2nd and 3rd times he pulled out early and finished himself..... because i was so paranoid i lost my appetite and had a constant stomach ache (i do have anxiety issues) i also got more hours at work and had the extra stress that when my period came, it came like 3 days early and it was lighter than usual. i freaked. i made an appointment for the 29th of september and i took 9 pregnancy tests before that day and the doctor also gave me one making it a solid ten, all were negative. so i got birth control and was told to take it the sunday after my next period which was on the 8th of october through the 14th it was one day early. and even though i had a regular period this month i have still taken another 2 pregnancy tests which were still negative. my appetite has not returned to normal though i dont have a constant stomach ache.

so i guess i am looking for someone to kind of tell me im going crazy and need to relax because i mean really 12 hpt's in less than 2 months [Frown] im so sick of doing this to myself

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-Firefly-
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Hi karilimeade, welcome to Scarleteen.

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time with this. It seems like the thought of becoming pregnant is extremely stressful for you. I don't think you're crazy, and it's actually quite common for people with a lot of anxiety to focus on pregnancy fears. You're really not alone.

Considering all the pregnancy tests you took, you can rest assured that you are not pregnant. It sounds like you also took the tests at least 14 days after your risk, so they would be accurate. You are definitely not pregnant.

A few questions for you: do you feel like you're ready to be engaging in sexual activities that could pose a pregnancy risk? Not engaging in potentially risky activities is the only 100% effective way of preventing pregnancy. Are you ok with a little bit of risk? Sometimes, becoming extremely anxious can be a way for our bodies to tell us to slow down. Too, do you feel that your boyfriend respects any and all boundaries that you've set?

Besides that, how can we help you? What would help you feel better?

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karilimeade
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Hi firefly,

I lost my virginity to my bf a little over a year ago and which was a big deal for me because I had said i was going to save it for marriage. I don't regret doing it at all but at the time we were away at college and i was not having to face my parents so if i was nervous about being pregnant i blew it off. also in college we barely ever used condoms and i was not on birth control.
i am ohkay with a little bit of risk which is why i told him that i did not want to have sex unless we had condoms and that i also wanted birth control.
I do feel that he respects the boundries but i also have a hard time enforcing them i am getting much better.
i originally scheduled the appt with the doctor i had scheduled a pap but they don't do those for women under 21 idk why but i figured the doc would def know if i was prego if she checked me vaginally.....my bf and i are trying to join the national guard so we can get married but if im pregnant that would def mess things up.

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karilimeade
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sorry the 3rd time unprotected was actually on the 13th of september not the 7th but even so my exam was more than 14 days after snd the last hpt i took this month was last thursday and it was negative
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Saffron Raymie
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Hi Karilimeade,

The doctor wouldn't have been able to know if you were pregnant from you exam; because the only way to know is to take a test. However, you have taken at least two pregnancy tests at 14 days after your risk so it sound like you definately aren't pregnant.

Have you desided on a method of contraception you would like to use? Are both you and your partner making sure that you both always have some condoms each, so you never run out?

Here's a couple of links about birth control and about setting boundaries with a partner:

http://www.scarleteen.com/article/sexuality/birth_control_bingo

http://www.scarleteen.com/article/sexuality/be_a_blabbermouth_the_whys_whats_and_hows_of_talking_about_sex_with_a_partner

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'Obtain the virgin's consent before you marry her' - Prophet Mohammad (pbuh)

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karilimeade
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RaeRay2112,

I just started taking the birth conrtol Ortho tricyclen lo after the last period I had. I know it takes a few months for my body to get used to the pill and even then i still plan on using condoms and he also said he will still use the withdraw method. So we are definitely being much more safe than we were a few months ago.

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Saffron Raymie
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That's fantastic news. [Smile]

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'Obtain the virgin's consent before you marry her' - Prophet Mohammad (pbuh)

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karilimeade
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[Smile] yes and i am starting to feel a little better about the whole thing but I know that I still need to start talking to a counselor about my anxiety. I never thought it would get this bad.
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NoName
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Hello. I thought I would weigh in on this. You can feel free to read my past posts on a similar issue. I am also an irrational pregnancy worrier and a lot of it has to do with my OCD. However, just from reading your situation, I do not find your worries to be all that irrational. I mean, you are having vaginal intercourse and that will always carry a pregnancy risk, birth control or not. It is great that you are cutting down your risk and I hope that works out well for you. In my case, my worries really are irrational because I haven't even had actual intercourse very much in my life and it has been more than 5 years since I have. My worries are from getting pregnant in random ways like through oral or transfer or some other implausible way. You must really manage your anxiety really well because after tons of therapy and extra precautions, I still can't bring myself to actually have intercourse, much less unprotected. By the way, this is coming from a 23 year old female with a Psychology degree AND in a committed relationship of 7 years (yeah it is embarrassing for me to be this way). All I can say is that I truly have severe anxiety issues and I fight them every day so that one day I will have a healthy view of sexuality. So, I don't know if this will help you but I just wanted you to know that I really don't think you are being "crazy" or "irrational" at all. The pregnancy tests are a bit much I suppose but I admit to taking them many times, all in situations that were uncalled for them.

Like Firefly said, slowing down may be the best thing to do right now, which is totally your decision. Although I have always had OCD, my thoughts didn't center around pregnancy until I started to have intercourse. After a few months, I realized that the anxiety was eating me alive and that it just wasn't worth it. So, me and my significant other have continued to have sex in ways that don't pose a pregnancy risk for the past 6 years and it has worked out fine for us. Yes, it is hard to not go all the way but when you realize that you are not in a time in your life that you can really handle a pregnancy, that peace of mind knowing that you have not been at risk is priceless. I hate that I still have these irrational worries but I can only imagine what I would be going through if I pushed myself to have intercourse anyway. I just hold onto the belief that one day I will over come this and will be able to do it again someday when I feel truly okay with it. I hope you can get through all of this better than I did and I wish you the best!

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Saffron Raymie
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Pregnacy scares are called 'scares' because they really are scary things to have to go through. So, it's no wonder you felt anxious about them.

But I'm so pleased you're feeling better! [Smile]

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'Obtain the virgin's consent before you marry her' - Prophet Mohammad (pbuh)

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karilimeade
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noname, its funny because i was studying to be a psych major xD but i changed my mind. but besides that i appreciate your input and I believe in you. I know that you can over come this.

RaeRay2112, it is scary and my boyfriend, being the exact opposite of me, didn't really understand how much stress it actually put on me. He understands it much better now [Smile]

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Saffron Raymie
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As well, while pregnancy does affect that partner with the penis too, he won't ever be as affected by pregnancy as you will; because he isn't able to actually be pregnant and experience the direct effects of that.

[ 10-28-2011, 02:59 PM: Message edited by: RaeRay2112 ]

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'Obtain the virgin's consent before you marry her' - Prophet Mohammad (pbuh)

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karilimeade
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ohkay so i have been taking ortho tri cyclen lo for almost a whole month now i just started my sugar pills on sunday and its now tuesday and i am starting to get anxious about getting my period. i'm almost positive i'm not pregnant because if i was i definitely would have had symptoms by now and all the test i took in the last 2 months were negative as i said before. i mean the only reason i haven't went to buy another test is because my boyfriend and i have been safe and i still have 5 sugar pills left (i haven't taken the one for today yet) so i figure if i don't get my period at all i can buy a test and figure it out from there. i just don't want to have to buy a test so i really hope i get my period soon.
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Stephanie_1
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Just so you know, when starting the pill it's actually not uncommon for your first few months taking the pill to be an adjustment period, where your withdrawal bleed may not show up when you expect it to. So even if it's later in the sugar pill week than you think it should be it's okay.

[ 11-08-2011, 01:32 PM: Message edited by: Stephanie_1 ]

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"Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side" ~Anon

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karilimeade
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ohkay. i'm definitely gonna wait it out before i go spend money on a test.
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Stephanie_1
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Sounds like a plan [Smile]

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"Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side" ~Anon

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