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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Pregnancy and Parenting » What if my babies dad neglects that the baby is his?

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Author Topic: What if my babies dad neglects that the baby is his?
Rebecca (:
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Me and my ex boyfriend Issac had a 8 month relationship, and we had sex numerous times. Well, i told him yesterday that i was having a baby, and all he said was "It's not ****ing mine, you cheated on me."
A part of me really wants his help and support, but another part of me says frig off. What should i do? :'(

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-iloveyourexistence*

Posts: 6 | From: Prescott Ont. | Registered: Apr 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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That's a pretty big question without knowing a LOT more about your relationship before this, about what, if any, talks you had about a pregnancy should it happen when you were together, about what you want when it comes to co-parenting and think you can expect, etc.

Can you fill me in a bit more?

Also, just to check in, how far along are you? Are you still trying to decide what you want to do about your pregnancy? If so, is how he chooses to engage (or not) with this something that's a factor in your choice right now?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Rebecca (:
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Well the only conversation we ever had about pregnancy wto have wasnt a really productive one. He said if i ever got pregnant that he wanted me to have an abortion. And i dont believe in abortions unless its a rape victim. but anyways..
I think im at least a month and a half, and as far as what to do with my pregnancy im still not really sure how im gonna tell my parents, and how im gonna support this baby without any support by issac.

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-iloveyourexistence*

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Heather
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Have you yet taken a pregnancy test? In another post you made here, you'd said you hadn't even tested yet.

So, before talking to this guy or anyone about you being pregnant, I'd find out if you even are. You also want to know sooner rather than later: if you wanted to think about terminating a pregnancy, the timing really matters, and if you want to think about bringing a pregnancy to term, you want to start pre-natal care.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Rebecca (:
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I took two home pregnancy tests both coming out positive, and im absolutley positive if i am pregnant that i will be keeping it.
I only told him because i thought i had better tell him before it was to late so that he had some say as to what happens to the baby.

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-iloveyourexistence*

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Heather
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Ah, okay. Just that last I asked, you hadn't taken a test.

So, if you're very certain that you plan to remain pregnant, the very first thing you want to do is go to a doctor and verify that result, and get started with pre-natal care. Do you know where to do that?

Do you want to talk about your options and feelings then, between parenting and adoption? Those are the two choices for people who are pregnant who do not want to choose abortion. It sounds like if you want to talk about parenting, we should probably talk about that figuring your ex probably will not be supportive or an active parent.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Rebecca (:
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well more likely than not, i will end up keeping this baby. its not like i wouldnt have support from friends and my family.
and as far the whole boyfriend thing ive given up on waiting for his support. Hes a waste of my time..

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-iloveyourexistence*

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Heather
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So, do you know where to start to verify your home test results and get a pre-natal exam? If not, happy to help.

After that visit, if you are indeed pregnant, it sounds to me like your nest step is researching how you are going to support yourself and a kid financially (including during your pregnancy and with those bills) and manage your lives as best you can. Talking to friends and family about how they feel they could help and pitch in is something you can do to round out that picture so you can get a sense of if parenting is really possible for you and, if so, what you need to do to start taking care of yourself right away and preparing to parent.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Rebecca (:
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Well if i am pregnant, i plan on telling my mother. (Im not really goiong to tell her, until im 100% sure) And she already adviced me on financial aid; if i need it.
As for my friends, their all ready for a baby [Smile] and they are really supportive in the fact that i can still finish and get my high school diploma.
I went and had blood taken on Wednesaday and in 2 weeks i should know whether or not i am.

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-iloveyourexistence*

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KittenGoddess
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Did your care provider mention why it was going to take 2 weeks to get the results? It can vary from lab to lab, but generally it takes between a few hours to a couple of days at most. Waiting 2 weeks to get results is pretty unusual.

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Sarah Liz

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Also, if you think you are as far along in a pregnancy as a month and a half, then it's soon enough for an ultrasound, not just a blood test.

Assuming you're basing that estimate on when you had your last period, did you tell the doctor you saw you haven't had one in over two cycles? If you did, I'm a bit perplexed as to why they'd do a blood test (and like Sarah, why the wait for results is so long) but also not do an ultrasound.

You did go to a doctor's office, yes, like a GP or GYN? Not to something like a crisis pregnancy center?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Captain Girl
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I agree that two weeks is *way* too long to wait for pregnancy test results. I'll also say: false positives on urine pregnancy tests (like the ones you get in the drug store) are vanishingly rare. Most errors in HPTs are false negatives. If you have two positive HPTs, I would say that it's time to tell your mom.

When my son was born, I was in school and my husband was temporarily unemployed. We expected our situation to improve, but it worried my OB and our pediatrician anyway, and they offered us a lot of information (and assistance if we wanted it) regarding WIC, welfare programs, Transitional Aid to Needy Families, daycare subsidies, food pantries, you name it. When I hear of people in your situation, I practically want to scream "Go see a doctor!" Good doctors know that keeping people healthy isn't just an exercise in providing medical treatment. Find an OB practice located in a hospital and ask them for help.

Finally, you should be aware that your baby's father has rights and obligations regardless of his opinions. If he is proved to be the father (and this is not exactly a challenge in this day and age), the courts can order and enforce child support. You should talk to a social worker, or someone else with good, current information about family law where you live, about the pros and cons and whys and hows of getting support orders.

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