Donate Now
We've Moved! Check out our new boards.
  New Poll  
my profile | directory login | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Pregnancy and Parenting » my daughter (Page 3)

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!   This topic comprises 5 pages: 1  2  3  4  5   
Author Topic: my daughter
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
My hope was that you'd recognize that this is a problem and consider making a choice to do something about it. You're right, this is yours.

Figuring out who is to blame for things like this is only so helpful. For sure, it helps to look at the roots of things, but you still have to do something, for yourself, to create a change. We've talked about a handful of things over the last few days you can do to get started on some of those changes: have you made any of those steps, such as getting started with phone calls to find out what kinds of family counseling you can get?

Did you look at that link I posted three entries up, and look at the image of the cycle of alcoholism and recovery? Might you consider going to an AA meeting or talking to your doctor about your problem with drinking?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me ē Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
KittenGoddess
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 1679

Icon 1 posted      Profile for KittenGoddess     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Well, looking at the material Heather linked in depth is a good place to start. Addiction problems are not easily solved on your own, so again we'd encourage you to seek get some treatment. There are resources available that can help you work through this and that would be terrific in conjunction with family therapy. We can talk more about getting treatment as we go along here. I think there would be a lot of benefit in that for you and your family.

You are really reaching a point here where if you want things to change and to be better for you and your family, you are going to have to be proactive and get yourself some help. I know that it can be tempting a lot of times to think "oh, there's no way someone could understand"...but the truth of the matter is that they don't have to 100% understand in order to help you. One of the things that really great counselors have is empathy for those they want to help. Part of what this means is that when they say they "understand," what that really indicates is that they understand that you've been through something really difficult and that they feel with you in that.

I see you say that you just couldn't play with your daughter last night. That's okay, it's not a huge failure. The very fact that you THOUGHT about it is a step in the right direction. Maybe what you need to do is slow down a little bit. You said that she likes to lay on her mat and play. Do you think you could sit on the floor next to her while she plays? If you're uncomfortable interacting, then let's just start with getting close to her. Again, try having Maddy be there in the room with you. Just sit on the floor next to your daughter and watch her. If you feel like you can do this, then I want you to give it a try, just for 5 minutes. And in that time, try to be really in the moment. You don't have to DO anything...just watch her, focus on her. See how she reacts to the things around her, see how she reacts to you. Would you feel safer starting there? There is no way you could hurt her doing this and there is not the pressure to interact.

--------------------
Sarah Liz

Posts: 7316 | From: USA | Registered: Oct 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Harvey_1990
Activist
Member # 42222

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Harvey_1990     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
no, no and i dunno
i dont wanna sit here and be manicaly depressed i wanna go out get mashed but thats because im a alcoholic and ive fucked up my life
yeah im 18 but look at me im running out of things to live for

--------------------
____*Harvey*____

Posts: 76 | From: London | Registered: Feb 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
KittenGoddess
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 1679

Icon 1 posted      Profile for KittenGoddess     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
You've got plenty of things to live for...not the least of which is a brand new daughter.

But sweetie, YOU can make a choice to DO something about your situation. You came here asking for help and wanting to make your life and your relationships better. We want to help you do that...but a big part of that is going to be you helping yourself.

Can we talk about why you feel like you can't/don't want to get help?

--------------------
Sarah Liz

Posts: 7316 | From: USA | Registered: Oct 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
The thing is, Harvey, you can change that.

I get having huge challenges. I grew up with them too, and also had a lot of tragedy to deal with when I was young, too. I absolutely had the choice to let all of those things screw up my life and to stay in dysfunctional places, but I made a different choice.

You have that choice, too. So, if we're going to be of any help to you, it's about helping you find resources to start making those choices. We've supplied some, and now it's up to you to take a step with them. If you won't take any of those baby steps, though, we're not likely to be able to do much for you.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me ē Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Harvey_1990
Activist
Member # 42222

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Harvey_1990     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I dont know
16 years of someone drumming into your head about not talking about how you feel kinda sticks in your head
i want help but its so ******* hard im not making excuses for my self
i wasnt brought up by my parents i was dragged up
im scared i am so freaking scared that i will hurt emily as much as my dad hurt me
because im going exsctaly the same way as my dad counselling drinking ******* up my kids life
my dad told me to "be a man and sort it out like a man"
i let him down so much when he was alive
and i still do it now

--------------------
____*Harvey*____

Posts: 76 | From: London | Registered: Feb 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Harvey: I totally understand. I basically parented myself, too, and I also grew up in a very dysfunctional family. Seriously, I get it.

But again, you are voicing fears about things "happening," when things don't just happen: people make choices. Your Dad made some really bad ones, and you can choose what he did or you can choose something different.

But honestly? When we bring up being proactive and taking a step to start doing things different, I feel like you avoid those things and go back to talking like this, which just isn't likely to go anywhere without you ALSO starting to take some of those steps.

So, I'll ask again: have you made any of those phone calls? If not, pick up the phone. Make one. Just talking about how you're stuck isn't going to get you unstuck: taking small steps to start getting unstuck is.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me ē Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
KittenGoddess
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 1679

Icon 1 posted      Profile for KittenGoddess     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Let me throw this out there again then...it's been said before in this thread, but it bears repeating...

Just because your father had therapy and it didn't work for him...and just because you had therapy before...that does NOT mean that all therapy is bad or that it'll all end up the same.

Let me give you an example. While I care very much for my family, they're like anybody else. There are some unhealthy habits in there and some bad communication skills. My mom went to therapy for a year and it didn't do a thing for her. I went to therapy and got the skills to change things. Why did this happen? Well, for one thing, my mom stayed with a therapist who was not a good fit with her. And for a second thing, I went to therapy truly committed to it. I wanted to get something out of it and was willing to WORK with an open heart and mind. My mom wasn't. She continued to be guarded the entire time and refused to truly share or look at her behavior.

This is not about the path that your dad took. I'm sure your dad also wore socks. Are you gonna stop wearing socks because they were part of his path? This is about the path that YOU are choosing to take and what YOU are choosing to put into treatment and recovery.

--------------------
Sarah Liz

Posts: 7316 | From: USA | Registered: Oct 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Harvey_1990
Activist
Member # 42222

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Harvey_1990     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
i called them...well Maddy did but i asked her to
your right every thing you say is right
but every thing sucks dick my entire life sucks every thing is soo uber hard

--------------------
____*Harvey*____

Posts: 76 | From: London | Registered: Feb 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
So, who did she call, and what were the results of that call?

You're right, right now, things totally suck. That's painfully clear. But I think we're going to do better not dwelling on that and working more towards some of these steps, okay?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me ē Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Harvey_1990
Activist
Member # 42222

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Harvey_1990     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
The Family counselling thing
i go down tomorrow morning...or we go down tomorrow morning
and take it from here

--------------------
____*Harvey*____

Posts: 76 | From: London | Registered: Feb 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
That's fantastic, Harvey. Can I make a suggestion that you stay in tonight -- without question -- to be sure that you are awake and clear-headed tomorrow so that that appointment does not get missed?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me ē Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Harvey_1990
Activist
Member # 42222

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Harvey_1990     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Urghh...i wont be able to sleep so i dont see what the point is me staying in and staying up all night

--------------------
____*Harvey*____

Posts: 76 | From: London | Registered: Feb 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
As I understand it, you and Maddy have had appointments before where you didn't make them because you were drunk or hungover.

The point of staying in is to avoid that happening, and also to take a step about being with your family, which is part of what the counseling is to help you do.

I'm sure you can figure out a way to get some sleep if you stay in, and can find a way to sleep without drinking for a night. If not, now is as good a time as any to start experimenting with that.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me ē Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Harvey_1990
Activist
Member # 42222

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Harvey_1990     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I didnt go to the thing as you more than likely know i honestly dont see the point any more im a drunk i cant look after my daughter and my girlfriend hates me
ive tryed so hard not to be like my dad and i am i cant do what people want me to do i just wanna give up on every thing and every one i donr even know why im saying this but i am [Frown]

--------------------
____*Harvey*____

Posts: 76 | From: London | Registered: Feb 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
KittenGoddess
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 1679

Icon 1 posted      Profile for KittenGoddess     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I'm very sorry to hear that you didn't go to counseling. We really feel like some counseling is going to help you.

You know, it looks to me like you're the only one giving up on yourself here. Heather, myself, and other volunteers have committed quite a bit of time to talking with you here because we believe that you could change your situation. Your partner has (to this point at least) tried to help you, even to the point of helping you schedule counseling. I'd bet that your daughter even very much wants to know you.

I still very much believe that you can be different. But you must choose to do that, which is not something we can do for you. There is a point to counseling...the point is to give you the tools to help yourself and your family. I don't believe anybody is beyond help if they truly want and truly commit to allowing others to help them.

Is there a reason why you chose not to go to counseling this morning?

--------------------
Sarah Liz

Posts: 7316 | From: USA | Registered: Oct 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Harvey_1990
Activist
Member # 42222

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Harvey_1990     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I was hung over, and i had to do something else bad excuse i know but it was important
Millie and Maddy are better of somewhere else everyone thinks it

--------------------
____*Harvey*____

Posts: 76 | From: London | Registered: Feb 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Stephanie_1
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 36725

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Stephanie_1     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Harvey:

Iíve been following your thread and didnít want to disturb the flow by jumping in, but would like to offer some insight as well if itís okay with you? Iím really seeing that you want to be different, and that you want to be there for Maddy and Millie. Thatís such an important first step Ė making the statement that you want for a change in how things are.

I know this has been said before, but I really want to make sure itís stressed again. Itís understandable that you are afraid to be as your father was, and thatís a big step in the right direction, realizing and making the statement in and of itself. I think really taking the time to break things down and assess them individually will help you a lot. For instance, you say that you want to change who you are now Ė if you were to break that into steps as a rough draft of how you would formally do that, what would you do? For instance, would you start by really opening to Maddy, since she will be the most helpful person in bringing out that comfort zone between you and Millie? That may be a logical place to start. And being able to open up to her may make you more comfortable with the idea of visiting a counselor, which could really be a stepping stone to where youíre saying you want to be. Can you tell me a few steps you think you may be comfortable with?

I have a little exercise Iíd like you to try. Itís something that you and Maddy can do together, that can be a bonding experience, and can also really open the doors for you on having a better view of yourself. Everyone here is really seeing you as a strong willed person, wanting to make a change, wanting to be different Ė and everyone can use a guiding hand every once in a while. There are a lot of hands reaching out to help you right now, but you have to be ready to reach and out take them and accept the help.

The exercise is this: Stand facing Maddy, and ask her to offer you the questions in a way that changes the emphasis of what's being asked. As she does so and you prepare your answers, really add some feeling and some of your own tone to the words. You have to believe them about yourself as much as Iíve seen everyone here and Maddy express that she believes them. If we believe these things, and she believes these things Ė the you can trust that theyíre true of you. It may seem silly the first time or two, but go through this a few times. Itís really empowering and powerful when you believe the words you speak. Afterwards take a few minutes and talk over how youíre feeling, and what you think would be a good next step and what youíre comfortable with.

Who am I? I am somebody
Who am I? I am somebody.
What am I? I am intelligent
What am I? I am a genius.
What am I? I am strong!
What do I have? The ability
What do I want? Change

Will you try that?

--------------------
"Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side" ~Anon

Posts: 3429 | From: Pennsylvania | Registered: Jan 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Harvey_1990
Activist
Member # 42222

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Harvey_1990     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Ill talk to Maddy about...every thing
yeah how i feel and about Millie

--------------------
____*Harvey*____

Posts: 76 | From: London | Registered: Feb 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Stephanie_1
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 36725

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Stephanie_1     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
That's a great place to start Harvey. I'm glad to see you taking a step forward, and know that you can find the strength to make more steps forward as time passes.

--------------------
"Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side" ~Anon

Posts: 3429 | From: Pennsylvania | Registered: Jan 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Harvey_1990
Activist
Member # 42222

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Harvey_1990     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Id like to point out i didnt get drunk last night i went out to sort my head out and talk to my friend about all this shit
i went down to this place to sort out this counseling thing
i refuse to go down the same road as my dad i refuse to end up like my dad i know ive hurt people but i cant hurt them any more
and i cant be helped by people unless i want to be help
yeah my heads been messed up but i know now i gotta sort this thing out

--------------------
____*Harvey*____

Posts: 76 | From: London | Registered: Feb 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Stephanie_1
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 36725

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Stephanie_1     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
How did the conversation about counseling go? Do you feel a bit better having your friendís perspective? I really commend you for taking this step, and I hope you realize what a huge step it is. Would you like to talk about how youíre feeling today, and where you think youíd like to go next with this?

--------------------
"Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side" ~Anon

Posts: 3429 | From: Pennsylvania | Registered: Jan 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Harvey_1990
Activist
Member # 42222

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Harvey_1990     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
the conversation about the counseling with my friend or with the people at the counseling place thing? you lost me there
and yeah it did he gave me the slap in the face i needed he said that other people are hurting and are pissed off about my dad but im just hurting them even more and it just opened my eyes to what people are saying to me
i feel ok today you know not great but better than yesterday i know it sounds strange but i flet so good today to wake up and not feel like crap or really sick
i wanna get to know emily
i wanna get to know maddy again i know that also sounds strange but its like i dont know her any more

--------------------
____*Harvey*____

Posts: 76 | From: London | Registered: Feb 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Stephanie_1
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 36725

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Stephanie_1     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I think waking up and not being sick from alcohol is a great thing Harvey. Itís always a good feeling to wake up clearheaded, and I think now that you did so again youíre going to find it easier to do so again.

It doesnít sound strange to want to get to know Maddy again. A lot has changed since she had Emily, and getting to know her again sounds like a great idea. And Iím glad to hear you want to get to know Emily. Why not plan some time for the three of you to be together? You and Maddy can have some time to talk through some things and how youíre feeling, and maybe youíll want to try a game of peek-a-boo with Emily? Babies love that game. Also, with Maddy there, she can help you to become more comfortable with Emily, and that can be really empowering for you.

How are you feeling about maybe trying to set up another counseling appointment? Now that you spent a night without alcohol, Iím sure you can do it again Ė and that way you can wake up clearheaded and make it to the appointment. I really see a lot of positive steps in the right direction here Harvey, and hope youíre seeing that as positively as I am.

--------------------
"Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side" ~Anon

Posts: 3429 | From: Pennsylvania | Registered: Jan 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Harvey_1990
Activist
Member # 42222

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Harvey_1990     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
It flet really good to go to work and be able to work rather than nurse a hang over all day
and this evening when i got in maddy showed me how to bath emily which was really ******* strange how can someone so little get so much happiness out of water and bubbles she squeeked lol
i know ive done a totall U-turn on how i was and i know its strange like how much my friend helped but he was blunt and straight to the point and didnt cotton wool stuff up
and yeah im alright about the counseling thing im not jumping through hoops to do it but ive got to

--------------------
____*Harvey*____

Posts: 76 | From: London | Registered: Feb 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Stephanie_1
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 36725

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Stephanie_1     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
That's awesome! And yes, you'll find in the more time you spend with Emily that babies are really excited by the little things. Everything is new to them, and the world is a big place with a lot of things to discover. It's an amazing thing to see them interact with the world, and I think that's going to be helpful to you in finding ways to communicate more with her.

Doind little things like bathing her together and feeding her together are wonderful ways for you to become more comfortable with taking care of her, and in turn for her to become more comfortable with having you take care of her. And there's a lot of things like this that you can do together that will help you both become comfortable with one another. What other things do you think you'd like to do together that you can talk to Maddy about?

Counseling isn't often something people jump through hoops to do, it's a big step emotionally to decide it's what you need, let alone to make an appointment and to be there. But I definately see it as something that can be very helpful to you in helping you work through all of your feelings and as you become more comfortable working through anything else you're maybe not wanting to bring into the sessions right away.

--------------------
"Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side" ~Anon

Posts: 3429 | From: Pennsylvania | Registered: Jan 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Harvey_1990
Activist
Member # 42222

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Harvey_1990     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I want to know how to like feed her...i sound stupid not like how maddy feeds her clearly not, but like the solid foods shes on i want be able to do that and change her i dont even know how to do that i dont even know how to change my daughters nappy which sounds really bad but i dont know how to do it and i want to like be in the same room as maddy and not feel awquard if we talk we talk if we dont we dont not that nasty silence
i feel like an arse hole i treated them badly so badly i looked at them today properly watched them and this is my family i dont have to make the same mistakes my dad i dont have to **** up my life like he did
but i feel like such a bum shes a little girl who gets excited by bubbles and likes watching the light on the tv change and likes being held and spoken to and loved and i treated her so badly im such a bastard [Frown]

--------------------
____*Harvey*____

Posts: 76 | From: London | Registered: Feb 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Stephanie_1
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 36725

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Stephanie_1     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Harvey, none of that makes you a bad person at all, really, it makes you human. And you know what else, she's just a baby - and babies are so forgiving. You're her dad, and that means a lot. And Maddy obviously cares about you too, and knows you're trying to change now - so let's work from there.

So maybe you didn't help with all of those things before, but you can now. And now is what matters. Someone that's never fed a little one or changed a little one doesn't just know how to do it, they learn. And that's what I'm hearing you say, you want to learn. Can you see how important that is by itself. And with Maddy there, you can learn. She's there and willing to help you learn, so work together. Next time Emily's ready to eat, or needs changed, let Maddy know that you want to do it but that you're going to need her help in that.

If the three of you are sitting together and you feel like the conversation's a little strained, why not ask something about Emily? It's a good conversation starter, and a great way to learn more. Or try singing her a song (twinkle twinkle little star's a good one). You can also ask Maddy how she's feeling, or a neutral question like how her day was.

--------------------
"Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side" ~Anon

Posts: 3429 | From: Pennsylvania | Registered: Jan 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Harvey_1990
Activist
Member # 42222

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Harvey_1990     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
i know... she smiled at me today so unfortunaly shes stuck with me...i tryed to feed her this evening maddy showed me how to do it but somehow i managed to get it every ******* where in hair in her eye all over her face all over my hands all down her bib how the bloody hell i managed to do that im not sure maddy made it look easy but seriously im surpised it wasnt up the walls
what do i ask about emily
im not trying to sound stupid but what do i ask about her she doesnt do alot she eats sleeps and craps and occasionaly does some other stuff inbertween

--------------------
____*Harvey*____

Posts: 76 | From: London | Registered: Feb 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Stephanie_1
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 36725

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Stephanie_1     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I think that's a pretty typical story of the first time feeding a little one for most people. And yes, it does look a lot easier than it is. You'll learn quickly enough, have faith in yourself. (If it helps to know, the first time I ever fed a baby I had a lot more on my clothes than made it into her mouth)

Ask about what songs she likes, or what book you might read to her. What her favorite toy is. Or simply filling the time by playing a game of peek-a-boo, though you may find yourself doing that for quite some time as babies tend to really like that game.

--------------------
"Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side" ~Anon

Posts: 3429 | From: Pennsylvania | Registered: Jan 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Harvey_1990
Activist
Member # 42222

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Harvey_1990     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Ohhh, every thing seems so much easier today i dunno why i dunno if its because i dont have a hang over or because i spoke to my friend last night or...i dunno but every thing seems so much easier
its a good thing not a bad thing but its strange in a way but a good way [Smile]

--------------------
____*Harvey*____

Posts: 76 | From: London | Registered: Feb 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Stephanie_1
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 36725

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Stephanie_1     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I think it's safe to assume it's a combination, but in any case, I'm glad you're finding things so much better today. [Smile]

--------------------
"Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side" ~Anon

Posts: 3429 | From: Pennsylvania | Registered: Jan 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Harvey_1990
Activist
Member # 42222

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Harvey_1990     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I went to this counseling thing today it was weird im not sure yet whether it was a good weird or bad
i didnt go out drinking last night either which not only surpised maddy it surprised me aswell tonights hard though like really hard like AHHH!
being with emily is hard tonight aswell WHY does she cry every time Maddy isnt in the room and its not even a little half arsed cry she goes all out to get her point across that she isnt impressed [Frown]

--------------------
____*Harvey*____

Posts: 76 | From: London | Registered: Feb 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
orca
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 33665

Icon 1 posted      Profile for orca     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Hey Harvey, it's really awesome to hear that you've gone through another day sober! That's seriously an amazing feat. One of the things that they will tell you in AA meetings is if you can make it through your first 100 days sober, then you have a very high chance of staying sober for good. Slip-ups will happen, and that's really okay. We are all human, and we can experience times of high stress. One thing you may find by going to AA meetings or as you continue with counselling is that you can replace the desire to go out drinking by something else. Drinking is a coping mechanism, it's how you relax, unburden, or deal with the stresses of life. Everyone has different coping mechanisms, some healthier than others. Through counselling and/or AA meetings, you can find those healthier coping mechanisms and ways to feel really great about yourself. You can do it, you've already made it through two days and that's a seriously awesome milestone.

As for Emily crying, do you feel you get a little nervous and expect she'll cry when Maddy leaves the room? Babies are incredibly intuitive and can pick up on our emotions and behaviors, so remaining calm, keeping up a happy face when Maddy leaves the room may help Emily stay calm too. I'm not a parent, but I have a niece and nephew, and I know I get very nervous when I'm holding them or playing with them and their parents leave the room, like suddenly they're going to shatter at the slightest touch. They're not going to shatter, though, and if you keep them occupied, they won't even notice their parents left the room.

Good luck Harvey, and I'm sure I speak for everyone here when I say that I'm really proud of you.

--------------------
Listen, strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.--Monty Python and the Holy Grail

Posts: 2726 | From: North America | Registered: Apr 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Harvey_1990
Activist
Member # 42222

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Harvey_1990     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Urgh 2 days out of a 100 urrggghh what a piss take...sorry
2 days have sucked dick enough
i abousltly crapping myself when she leaves the room im really worried ill hurt her what if i squash that weird bit in her head and give her brain damage or like today she head butted my studs she didnt cry or any thing but she had little red patches on her head Ohhhh i hurt her i did that and im worried ill drop her or stand on her
so yeah i get a little bit nervous when she leaves the room ok maybe not a little bit maybe a big bit

--------------------
____*Harvey*____

Posts: 76 | From: London | Registered: Feb 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
  This topic comprises 5 pages: 1  2  3  4  5   

  New Poll   Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Contact Us | Get the Whole Story! Go Home to SCARLETEEN: Sex Ed for the Real World | Privacy Statement

Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.

Powered by UBB.classic™ 6.7.3