Donate Now
Post New Topic  New Poll  Post A Reply
my profile | directory login | register | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Got Questions? Get Answers. » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Pregnancy and Parenting » my daughter (Page 2)

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!   This topic comprises 5 pages: 1  2  3  4  5   
Author Topic: my daughter
Ecofem
Activist
Member # 13388

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Ecofem     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
[Hey Harvey, I know you've got a dialogue going with Heather and others here. I don't mean to butt in but I would really like to recommend a book to you. Have you ever seen or heard of Slam by Nick Hornby? It is a novel about teen pregnancy told from a male perspective in a way that feels very authentic and insightful, realistic-yet-hopeful and just unlike anything I'd read before. You can look into the book at that link, as well as read others' reviews. It is fiction but deals with a lot of things you are mentioning here.

I also just wanted to say that, for all the incredible challenges are you facing, I am very impressed at your commitment to work through all this; as hard as it all is, you are showing a massive amount of strength (and, yeah, the negative and mixed feelings and doubt don't take away from that.)

I would wish you could give yourself some more credit here because I am pretty damn impressed and I know I'm not the only one; I know I'm just someone from the internet versus being there with you and seeing what all you're going through. But your strength and commitment shines through so brightly I can just tell, for real. [Smile] Good luck!]

Posts: 3318 | Registered: Jun 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Harvey_1990
Activist
Member # 42222

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Harvey_1990     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I dont know
we dont talk well we do but not about my dad
she bangs on and on and on and on and ******* on about getting help
i love her she puts up with so much of my shit
we argue and i treat her bad at times but i love her and i know i love her she says she'll do any thing to help me help Emily even help my family
i go out late
i get smashed
i kick off and she still stands by me
so im guessing she'll do any thing

--------------------
____*Harvey*____

Posts: 76 | From: London | Registered: Feb 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
When she is talking about getting help, is she talking about both of you getting help TOGETHER? because while it certainly sounds like you need some help, it also very much sounds like the both of you need help as a couple which is not just about you, but about both of you.

What I'd suggest is that rather than assuming she'll do anything, you have a talk with her -- maybe right now, if she's home -- and talk about some of what we've talked about here today. Perhaps you might even show her this thread? Then you can ask if she'd try some counseling or another kind of medication WITH you, and you two can start to make a plan together to find something/someone who you both want to try out.

If I can suggest something else? One step you can do right now, without a counselor, is to make a choice -- and this is up to you and no one else, and you have this power -- to quit going out late and getting smashed and leaving her alone with your kid. By all means, blowing off steam now and then and seeing friends is important, but if you earnestly want things to change, one thing you'll need to start with is by dedicating some real time to your life with your new family. Even if you can just cut out one of those nights a week at first is great, and you dedicating real time and making that effort is likely to help her really feel your commitment, help you feel less like a screwup, and give you both some time to be together without the extra stress of her seeing you after you've been out all night drinking.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 67143 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Harvey_1990
Activist
Member # 42222

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Harvey_1990     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
no on my own she says counsellers creep her out she says quote "id rather stick pins in my eyes" unquote
the medication thats a whole different pile of crap i take it i take it cause i gotta not cause i want to again because of my ******* dad...dad shall i call him dad he was a ******* waste of space
because of Adam screwing up my life
im in tonight woop
im not out all night most the night yeah all night no [Frown]

--------------------
____*Harvey*____

Posts: 76 | From: London | Registered: Feb 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Perhaps then you could show this to her and gently communicate to her that a couple cannot fix all their problems by ONE person addressing their own issues. You getting counseling for yourself will likely help you, and help with the relationship somewhat, but she has to be willing to do some work, too.

For you two to improve, you will have to do some work together. You cannot possibly fix the issues you two share by yourself.

As well, if you are going to go into counseling, it's really important that your partner is supportive. calling therapists creepy and talking about counseling that way is not supportive, nor likely to help YOU feel good about it.

[ 02-22-2009, 07:47 PM: Message edited by: Heather ]

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 67143 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Harvey_1990
Activist
Member # 42222

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Harvey_1990     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
i hope she will
it is like quarter to two in the morning she is asleep sort of like every one else thats if i go
pluck me it didnt help my family oounselling did it [Frown]

--------------------
____*Harvey*____

Posts: 76 | From: London | Registered: Feb 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Ecofem
Activist
Member # 13388

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Ecofem     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Hey Harvey,

I just wanted to come by and say hi again. You still up or around?

Posts: 3318 | Registered: Jun 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I'm heading towards bed, but I wanted to mention that how much counseling helps a family had a lot to do with how much a family puts into it. It seems very possible your father was not investing a lot in it.

As well, when someone has a serious mental health issue, like being suicidal, or a serious problem like alcoholism, those things need pretty serious treatment separately, and the person with them also needs to be invested in that treatment.

So, if you want to be helped more than your Dad was, that's going to have a lot to do with what YOU bring to the table with counseling, and that's totally up to you.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 67143 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Harvey_1990
Activist
Member # 42222

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Harvey_1990     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Harvey showed me this forum thing
and say thankyou, he doesnt talk about his dad to many people bottles it up and ends up taking it out on himself. he takes the whole weight of his dads death on his own shoulders
i'll stand by him no matter what and i WILL do what ever it takes to help him...to help us and our family as disfuncational as it may be
However harvey and counselling in the same sentence never go together, ive tryed so flipping hard to get him to go ive even said id go with him but he refuses he says it never helped his father how will it help him and says hes destained to go the same way. [Frown]
i just wanted to say thankyou
Maddy X

--------------------
____*Harvey*____

Posts: 76 | From: London | Registered: Feb 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Hi, Maddy. It's good to "meet" you! can you do us a favor, though, and if you're going to post here, register your own account? We're happy to talk with you, two, but couples or friends wanting to participate need their own accounts so that we don't get confused.

You're very welcome. So, do you feel like you might be willing to make another try and getting counseling together? Is what Harvey said about your attitudes about counseling not really how you feel about it? If not, I think it might be helpful to him to hear you express more positive support around counseling.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 67143 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Harvey_1990
Activist
Member # 42222

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Harvey_1990     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I will i i honestly will
its my next thing to do when ive got time
I think itll be good for us to do it hes knows i do
im only against it when he asks me at 2 in the morning
he went to one counselling thing with me just after his dad died but he walked out and hasnt given it another thought about it.
ill set up one of these thingys soon!
thanks again
maddy [Big Grin]

--------------------
____*Harvey*____

Posts: 76 | From: London | Registered: Feb 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Harvey_1990
Activist
Member # 42222

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Harvey_1990     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I showed Maddy this as you know
and now her like every one else is on my back about counselling
ive done it before, i cant do it again i know i sound like a looser whats so hard about walking through a door or making a call but i cant do it
seriously [Frown]

--------------------
____*Harvey*____

Posts: 76 | From: London | Registered: Feb 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
KittenGoddess
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 1679

Icon 1 posted      Profile for KittenGoddess     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
It can be hard to walk through the door or make a call. The first time I called to schedule an appointment with a counselor, I dialed and hung up at least 5 times before I had the nerve to stay on the line and actually book the appointment. Heck, that's not even counting the probably 10-20 times I picked up the phone and put it back down because I couldn't even get to the point of dialing! So if being afraid to call and make an appointment makes somebody a loser, then I guess I'm one and so are a heap of other people.

It may help you to remember that even if counseling didn't do it for you before, that's not a guarantee that this time will be exactly the same. Maybe your last counselor just didn't mesh well with you. Or, maybe you were not in a place mentally where you were ready to deal with it yet or were committed to making it work. Do you want to talk about what it was about your last experience with counseling that you think made it not work? I know you've said above that you felt like you were going around and around...but as somebody already responded, that's often part of the process of dealing with your issues and then healing.

It may also help to take this one step at a time. When I'm feeling lost and like things are overwhelming, I'm a big fan of making lists to help me sort myself out. Could you make a list of all of the good things that you WANT to get out of counseling and another list of the things that make you afraid of counseling? Maybe if you can look at the benefits and we can talk here (if you'd like) about some of the specific issues you are worried about with counseling, we can come up with ways to deal with those things.

--------------------
Sarah Liz

Posts: 7316 | From: USA | Registered: Oct 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
KittenGoddess
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 1679

Icon 1 posted      Profile for KittenGoddess     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
As an additional question, what is the time you are spending with your partner and daughter like? I feel like we might be able to tackle some of this more easily if we had a good idea about what the day-to-day is like for you. How involved were you during your partner's pregnancy? (Did you go to appointments? Present for the birth? Did you want to do those things?) What are your interactions like now? (How much time do you spend with them? How much time are you and your partner spending alone together? What do you talk about? What is the time with your daughter like? What do you usually do? Etc.)

I'd like to add another question here as well...this is less about counseling (though I think it's really important that we continue that dialogue here as well) and more about you and how you're feeling right now...

When is the last time you did something with your new family that made you feel truly good?

(I've got to step out and run a few errands, but I'd like to come back later and continue to participate in the dialogue.)

[ 02-23-2009, 02:19 PM: Message edited by: KittenGoddess ]

--------------------
Sarah Liz

Posts: 7316 | From: USA | Registered: Oct 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Harvey_1990
Activist
Member # 42222

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Harvey_1990     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
It was just after adam died and it just freaked me out
the whole thing every thing they said hacked me off every thing she said annoyed me i ended up getting wrecked and high and ended up in hospital.
i just wanna be able to talk to my girlfriend
and be a parent to my daughter and feel usefull
and not feeling so depressed all the time.
but someone unpicking why my adam did what he did or why he did it
or why he treated my mum and my family or me the way he did
or someone telling me they understand when they dont!

--------------------
____*Harvey*____

Posts: 76 | From: London | Registered: Feb 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Harvey, I want to make sure you understand that when the two of you, together -- as Maddy has said she will with you, so long as you also make that effort with her -- pursue FAMILY counseling, it is not going to be all about you and your dad, but about exactly the things you say you are wanting and need: about improving communication, about support with parenting. It sounds to me like you're kind of locked in this idea about what family counseling is going to be like based on the counseling you had before just for yourself, and that's not sound: they're different kinds of counseling.

You also can pursue counseling just for yourself, separately, to address your depression if you like.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 67143 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
You're also saying, though -- and that makes sense -- you want more help or options than counseling can provide, and I think answering some of Sarah's questions a couple posts up is a good way for you to get started on some of those other things.

So, how about looking at and responding to her questions? [Smile]

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 67143 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Harvey_1990
Activist
Member # 42222

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Harvey_1990     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
awquard its forced when im with maddy and my daughter but when its just me and Maddy its not so bad i was there with her through the entire thing once we moved in together other things kinda got put on hold college work Maddy and the pregnancy was every thing to me
i try and advoid being with both of them i feel like a spare part all the time me and maddy sleep together like not sex...well yeah but
we sleep in the same bed and thats the only time we really talk we talk about any thing work what she did in the day what i did what we are going to do together when i look after my daughter she sleeps i sit and do nothing or she lays on the floor mat and plays and i sit and do nothing
i havent done any thing with them i do things for them i go to work so they have a home and are safe but apart from that i havent

--------------------
____*Harvey*____

Posts: 76 | From: London | Registered: Feb 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
KittenGoddess
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 1679

Icon 1 posted      Profile for KittenGoddess     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I second Heather's statements about therapy and about family therapy specifically. Yes, eventually you likely will find that you need to deal with your own depression and your issues with your father so that you can move forward and be as healthy as you can be. But family therapy does not have to be about that...it can be about both of you learning to communicate together and getting the skills you need to feel like a good parent.

So I'm seeing you say that your relationship with your daughter and partner feel forced when you're all together. Okay, let's talk for a minute about some things you might do to help connect. It's great that you are working and helping to support your family, but it also sounds to me like you are wanting to be a part of that family, not only a paycheck, yes?

In the past, how have you tried interacting with your daughter? Have you played with her? At 6 months, babies are starting to become really interactive. They love it when you engage in play with them. As silly as it makes you feel as a "grown up," peek-a-boo can be endlessly entertaining. Or just shaking a rattle or rolling a ball or just tickling, smiling, and laughing. You can also just talk to your daughter...tell her about your day or read her a story. No, she won't understand the words at this point, but it's the interaction that counts. Are any of those ideas that you feel like you would be comfortable with? This doesn't have to be a big thing...we're just looking for 5 minutes where you can interact with her.

I'd also like to ask if there is anyone in your circle that you feel like is a good dad? A friend or a friend's dad? A pastor? Another relative? Someone at work? Anybody you are close with that you feel like fits your idea of a "good dad".

In case it helps, I will not say that I totally get what you're going through. You are the only one who has "lived" your experience. Yes, I am older than you are and I'm female (I did carry and deliver my son). However, as a first time parent of an (almost) 9-month old, I do understand quite a bit of what you're saying here. I understand that feeling of knowing life is not going to be the same anymore and mourning for what's gone now. I understand not having that immediate "connection" that people say you should have. I understand wanting to run...I can't tell you how many times I seriously contemplated getting in the car and just leaving, and how ashamed that made me feel. Was my experience exactly the same? No. But I do know to some extent where you are coming from in that regard.

I've got to go make some dinner, but I'll try to be back later in the evening as well.

--------------------
Sarah Liz

Posts: 7316 | From: USA | Registered: Oct 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Harvey_1990
Activist
Member # 42222

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Harvey_1990     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
i didnt get drunk! thanks to my wonderful girlfriend for that!
and no i havent and no idont play with her she just lays on the mat thing and babbles to herself happy enough
my friends dad is pretty good yeah hes annoying at times but hes alot better than what im used to

--------------------
____*Harvey*____

Posts: 76 | From: London | Registered: Feb 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
KittenGoddess
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 1679

Icon 1 posted      Profile for KittenGoddess     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Babies need interaction, even if they're happily babbling to themselves...they love to have faces to look at and others to interact with as well. Do you feel like you could play with her?

Is your friend's dad someone you feel like you could talk to?

--------------------
Sarah Liz

Posts: 7316 | From: USA | Registered: Oct 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Harvey_1990
Activist
Member # 42222

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Harvey_1990     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I dont know Maddy makes all look so easy when im with her i have no idea where to start she just looks at me and when maddy walks out the room just crys and then i really have not a clue what to do
and yeah i guess i can talk to him not about every thing but i can talk to him

--------------------
____*Harvey*____

Posts: 76 | From: London | Registered: Feb 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
KittenGoddess
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 1679

Icon 1 posted      Profile for KittenGoddess     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Okay...well let's start there then.

If she's really strongly bonded to Maddy, then the crying is not about you being there, but more about Maddy leaving. Know what I mean? So how about playing with her while Maddy is there?

At first, she is just going to look at you. She doesn't know much about the world yet, so she's observing everything, really taking it in. Of course that means she's going to look at you. So play a game with her. At 6 months, games like peak-a-boo are great. You could make funny faces or noises at her. Or just sit on the floor with her and talk to her. It doesn't matter what you talk about...just talk. Some form of interaction will help get you started.

If you are comfortable with your friend's dad, do you feel like you could talk to him about being a dad? I mean, no matter how old you are, parenting isn't something that comes naturally to everybody. One of the best things you can do is find another parent who you can talk to and get advice from.

--------------------
Sarah Liz

Posts: 7316 | From: USA | Registered: Oct 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Harvey_1990
Activist
Member # 42222

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Harvey_1990     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
if i play with her when shes in the room shes gonna know when maddys left...she must know she knows when shes in the room and the other day when i picked her up she cried not a little cry not a wimper a full on cry with tears any every thing thats cause of me she doesnt cry when maddy picks her up
yeah... maybe hes helped me out with other things before

--------------------
____*Harvey*____

Posts: 76 | From: London | Registered: Feb 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
KittenGoddess
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 1679

Icon 1 posted      Profile for KittenGoddess     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Well, so Maddy stays in the room while you play with her for a while. That's okay, it will allow you to spend time as a family. When she's more used to being with you and interacting with you, then Maddy can step out of the room if she'd like. Do you feel like you could play with her with Maddy in the room?

Also, sometimes babies just cry. I bet if you asked Maddy, she'd tell you that your little one cries sometimes when she picks her up too. Remember that she doesn't have any other way to communicate with you right now, so crying sort of substitutes for everything.

--------------------
Sarah Liz

Posts: 7316 | From: USA | Registered: Oct 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Harvey_1990
Activist
Member # 42222

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Harvey_1990     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Yeah....i think so im still worried im gonna hurt her or freak her out or make her if Maddys there then at least if she cries shell know what to do:(

--------------------
____*Harvey*____

Posts: 76 | From: London | Registered: Feb 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
KittenGoddess
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 1679

Icon 1 posted      Profile for KittenGoddess     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
And that's okay. You know, I was terrified of hurting my son when I first brought him home. And that's really what you're talking about here...if you haven't really spent time with her or had a lot of contact with her, then it's not surprising that you'd be nervous about hurting her. It's almost like she's brand new and you're going to be learning about interacting with her.

Let your partner help you learn about her. If she's been the primary caretaker, then there are a lot of things that she'll be able to help you with if you want.

Babies are a huge learning experience. Nobody, no matter what their age or situation, knows everything about being a parent from the first day. We all learn as we go along. So take it one step at a time.

How about setting a goal for yourself of playing with her (with her mom in the room) for 5 minutes? Go slowly and gently with her. Small steps that will help build your confidence that you can interact with her.

(I've got to be away from the computer for the rest of the evening, but I'll be back tomorrow. I'd like for us to continue the conversation, both about learning about your daughter and about communicating with your partner, therapy, etc.)

[ 02-23-2009, 08:00 PM: Message edited by: KittenGoddess ]

--------------------
Sarah Liz

Posts: 7316 | From: USA | Registered: Oct 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Harvey_1990
Activist
Member # 42222

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Harvey_1990     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I couldnt do it i couldnt do it
i fucked up and went out instead
and got wasted
she just doesnt deserve all the crap i heap on her or maddy
im not worth all this
i dont want to be like my dad but when i look at myself i see
ive successfuly managed to turn into a waste of space like him

--------------------
____*Harvey*____

Posts: 76 | From: London | Registered: Feb 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
You're 18.

I think it's SERIOUSLY early to proclaim yourself a waste, as you have plenty of time in your life to turn yourself around.

Did you happen to look at the discussion I'm having with Maddy about your drinking? If nothing else, if you're not at family therapy yet, might you at least be ready to start addressing the alcoholism you did seem to inherit from your Dad?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 67143 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Harvey_1990
Activist
Member # 42222

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Harvey_1990     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
alchohlism? are you saying im a drunk
and how the hell do i get that from my dad

--------------------
____*Harvey*____

Posts: 76 | From: London | Registered: Feb 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
KittenGoddess
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 1679

Icon 1 posted      Profile for KittenGoddess     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Addictions tend to be, to some extent, inherited. So if you have family members who had problems with alcoholism or other addictions, you may be more prone to do those things as well. (Additionally, beyond the genetic tendency, we can learn the behaviors from them as well.)

From what you have said here, I would agree with Heather that it sounds like you may have a problem with alcoholism, or at the very least you have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol. Being unable to stop yourself from going out and drinking is a pretty big sign of this, as is binge drinking.

--------------------
Sarah Liz

Posts: 7316 | From: USA | Registered: Oct 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Harvey, I want to pass one a link I shared with Maddy that is a good evaluation tool for considering alcoholism. As I told her, just based on what you two have shared with me, I easily checked off several boxes for you that do, indeed, suggest you may be or be becoming an alcoholic.

http://aamollys.org.uk/faq.htm

Why don't you go ahead and take a look for yourself, okay?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 67143 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Harvey_1990
Activist
Member # 42222

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Harvey_1990     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
yeah well it stops me from thinking about every thing if i stay in i cant stop thinking my head wont stop going over every thing stuff i dont even want to think about but is in my head all the time when i go out and get drunk it doesnt make me forget it but it blocks it out [Frown]

--------------------
____*Harvey*____

Posts: 76 | From: London | Registered: Feb 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
...and that would be one typical and common symptom of alcoholism. People who have a healthy relationship with alcohol don't use it to escape.

Did you look at that link and read some of the material there?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 67143 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Harvey_1990
Activist
Member # 42222

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Harvey_1990     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
the stuff you sent maddy? yeah some of it
but what do you want me to do with it? i know as much as i want to sit here and blame my dad for this but iant this is mine

--------------------
____*Harvey*____

Posts: 76 | From: London | Registered: Feb 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
  This topic comprises 5 pages: 1  2  3  4  5   

Quick Reply
Message:

HTML is not enabled.
UBB Code™ is enabled.

Instant Graemlins
   


Post New Topic  New Poll  Post A Reply Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Contact Us | Get the Whole Story! Go Home to SCARLETEEN: Sex Ed for the Real World | Privacy Statement

Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.

Powered by UBB.classic™ 6.7.3