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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Pregnancy and Parenting » Girlfriend is pregnant. :S

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Author Topic: Girlfriend is pregnant. :S
joel
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So my girlfriend is pregnant. She's 17 and wants to keep it.
My concern is that she plays a lot of sports and does a lot of extracirricular activites.
I'm just wondering whether sports like volleyball are dangerous or whatever and what sort of effects stress can have on her. :S
I've tried getting her to slow down but shes pretty stubborn and Im sort of worried shell hurt herself or burn out or lose the baby or something.

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KittenGoddess
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Has she been to see a doctor yet? If so, her doctor should be able to speak with her about the activities that are okay and those which are not at various stages of pregnancy.

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Sarah Liz

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Heather
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Just for the record, pregnant women can absolutely be active women -- in fact, it tends to be very healthy for both a mother and a developing child -- and physical activity is not considered to be a likely cause of miscarriage.

But Sarah's suggestion is smart for more than one reason: as a pregnant teen, she is way more likely to have health problems for herself or her fetus if she doesn't get good prenatal healthcare than she is by being involved in sports. So, helping her get that care is a sound way you can help and be supportive if you're looking to be so.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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joel
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She went to the doctor and he told her to take it easy...Shes not really listening...She does everything and she never stops...Like...shes out of her house by 6:30 am and usually not home until 9 or so...
Shes looking really worn out and Im worried it could hurt her or the baby or both...
Shes really stressed and I dont know to make her slow down a bit. [Frown]

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orca
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How far along is the pregnancy exactly? Unless she has any medical conditions, it's not dangerous for her to be up and about like that early in a pregnancy. Once the pregnancy is further along, she's probably going to start slowing down anyway because of the changes that will be going on in her body. Our bodies are actually pretty smart about telling us when we need to take it easy. [Smile] The important thing is that she take her prenatal vitamins, get enough food/calories, get regular sleep, and go to her appointments. You have to remember that women have been doing this for a loooong time, and many women carry pregnancies while taking care of several other children or working full-time jobs (or both!), and often up until the day they deliver.

Have you read any pregnancy books? Reading a couple might help ease some of the fears you've been having. You might also talk to your mother or her mother about their pregnancies and about some of the concerns you are having.

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Listen, strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.--Monty Python and the Holy Grail

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joel
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Shes somewhere around 9 weeks. Shes had trouble with anorexia which worries me a lot I guess. I never really thought of women who work while pregnant. It actually helps to be reminded of that...
Maybe I should talk to my mom. Havent thought much about that really.

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Heather
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Has she discussed her eating disorder with her OB/GYN? Because that certainly is something for her to bring up as a health concern.

Are you two planning to co-parent? If so, it sounds like it might be helpful for you to go with her to her next OB/GYN visit so that you can ask your own questions of the doctor. Might you ask her about doing that?

But yes, to reiterate, all through history and globally now, most women are not stopping their lives when pregnant. Plenty of women not only work through a pregnancy, but even do hard labor, like tilling fields, while they are, and do just fine.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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joel
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Im not really sure whether shes talked about it with her ob/gyn...I didnt go with her when she went, but I will go next time as long as shes up for it I guess. :S
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Heather
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Have you two yet talked about your involvement with this and what she wants?

In other words, have you talked about co-parenting together, and also what she wants your role to be during her pregnancy?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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joel
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Well she asks me what I want and what I think she should do and about how we can make things work and we talk alot about taking care of the baby when it comes along and being together and stuff. :S So I guess we have. Were together like 80% of the time so I dont know...And its mostly my mom helping her out with everything and stuff. :s I dont know.
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Stephanie_1
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Orca made a good suggestion about asking your mom about her pregnancy, because it can help to answer a lot of questions you may have about what types of things will be happening over the next few months. Why not see if your girlfriend would be comfortable asking her too? It sounds like she's been a really good support person for the both of you.

By doing this, the two of you would be able to talk afterward about some of what you heard and how it makes you feel. It's a good way to really lay your feelings on the table for one another and to be able to support each other with any concerns you may have.

That's great that you've really started to talk about expectations. How are you feeling about the talks you've had with her so far about her expectations of you throughout the pregnancy and after the baby's born?

[ 01-20-2009, 10:59 PM: Message edited by: Stephanie_1 ]

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"Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side" ~Anon

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joel
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My mom is genuinely an amazing person. My girlfriend is starting to get a bit more comfortable asking and talking to my mom about being pregnant and everything which Im assuming a good thing...
I feel great about how everything's going and I really want to help her as much as possible and I'm happy that she's including me in all of her decisions and everything...
My only concern is that shes been extremely tired and worn out these past few days and she seems like shes getting really stressed but when I ask her she says she's fine...But I don't really believe her. :S

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Stephanie_1
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It's always a good thing to have a basis for what to expect. Your girlfriend talking with your mom - especially with how supportive she's been - is a good thing. It gives her a safe place to turn with questions and concerns. Also, just having someone that's been through something before can be a helpful place to turn for support.

If she's only around 9 weeks along, then she's still in what's considered her first trimester. Fatigue is actually common in the first trimester, and it's thought to be that the rapidly increasing levels of the hormone progesterone may be the cause. Most women feel more energetic once they get to the second trimester - and it'll likely come back toward the end of the pregnancy when she's carrying more weight because of the baby. If you're concerned about it, you can always ask at the next appointment.

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"Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side" ~Anon

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joel
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So my next question...
She miscarried last weekand shes obviously having a hard time dealing with it..How can i help her understand that its not her fault? [Frown]

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Heather
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Well, did her doctor she saw when this happened provide her with any information and support resources? That would be pretty standard care.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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