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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Pregnancy and Parenting » I want a baby ?

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Author Topic: I want a baby ?
LollySocks
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I'm 17 and for the past few years, I've wanted a child of my own. I had sort of a "pregnancy scare" with my bf last month, but I actually really want a baby. He called me once, pretty randomly, and asked me what we'd do if I got pregnant. He told me he'd have to quit doing all the things he loves to do and get a job, and spend a lot more time with me. He doesn't know this, but him telling me all that got me really emotional. I want one and he doesn't. I know it would be inconvenient right now, since we're both still in school and whatnot, but I can't get over wanting one. [Confused] What should I do?

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-Lauren-
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I'm wondering, given what you posted about your body image/eating problems, if you're maybe seeing a baby/the way your partner would treat you as a way to fill an emotional void, without really thinking through the reality of what it would entail?
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LollySocks
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I've considered that. But I really don't thing that's the problem. I just want to get married and have kids really early, obviously. I love kids so much and just want one. Is that not normal?

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break down, rebuild, repeat.

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eryn_smiles
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"Normal" is a troublesome word i think. But sure, feeling like you want a baby is a reasonable natural feeling. Its just a matter of whether actually having a baby at this stage of your life would work well.

Have a read of this:
http://www.scarleteen.com/article/reproduction/i_want_it_now

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Lolly: one big suggestion I always make when we get asked this -- and we do a lot -- is to go out and find another teen mother to talk to, hang out with, get a realistic idea of what her life is like.

It is often a tough haul, tougher than it will be even just a couple years down the road. So, if it's something you're earnestly considering, you'll want to be able to really know what you might be looking at in terms of both the long and the short term.

You might also, too, listen to a partner saying they'd need to quit doing all the things they love doing: someone who has to do that does not tend to wind up a very happy person. And not only are you likely invested in your partner's happiness and well-being, you probably also want a co-parent who isn't unhappy and feeling like they had to give up everything. It also sounds to me like he may be making clear that this really would not be what he wanted, so you might also consider the strong possibility of being a teen single parent, and how that might work for you or not.

I find it can also be helpful to try and put the shoe on the other foot: would a child, knowing where you're at in your head and heart, and in what you have truly available to give them right now, see you as an ideal parent? Would they really want to be your kid as much as you want to have them around? When it comes to parenting, since we usually do have a choice as to whether or not we do so, it's so important to remember that our needs, as adults, are secondary, and that we can cope a lot better if they're not met. We can't say the same for children.

[ 05-18-2008, 10:53 AM: Message edited by: Heather ]

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ItsAGirl
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I know exactly how you feel Lolly, I have no idea why but last year my whole life was turned upside down with my uncontrollable desire to have a baby! (I blame the movie Knocked Up! [Razz] ) My husband and I talked about it a lot, and he was convinced it wasn't the right time, but my body and mind told me otherwise. Well, I did end up getting pregnant, and I'm due in a few days actually and we couldn't be HAPPIER. We're in a satisfactory financial situation, we're in a great place mentally and in our marriage, and even though we're young and unconventional, this is a great thing for us. My husband, who didn't want me pregnant in the start, has become the most excited person on the planet and he's even more excited than I am! [Big Grin]

Anyway of course, all people and situations are different, but I just want you to know I understand completely what you're feeling, and you aren't crazy or "abnormal" at all. You and your boyfriend will know what's right for each of you, and realistically maybe it's just not the same thing. At this point the best advice I can think to give you would be to evaluation your relationship with him, and your feelings about children, and make sure they are compatible. Maybe not right now, but what about in a couple years? Or, maybe not ever, in which case wouldn't you prefer to be with a man who shares your desires? Just some things to think about..

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*Due June 3rd 2008*
<3

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Star07
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Everyone has dreams. and yours, right now, is to be a mom. that's ok. i think most girls have that dream to some degree, thats why we play with dolls when we're little.
i think that kids are great- but having babies can wait until you can give them the best possible life you can provide. you owe your children-to-be that, i think.

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lala2768
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I think its perfectly normal to want a baby, especially if you are in a stable relationship... it just feels like the next step, on top of the want.
I agree profusely with Star07 that you owe your future children the best future you can give them, which is when you have a job that pays enough to buy everything you need for the baby - and they need a lot of stuff!!
While ultimately, it is up to you (and your boyfriend!) what you decide to do concerning this, maybe you should work part time in a nursery for a few months.
That way, you have something to help you make your decision. If your friends have babies, babysit, do full days, just to make sure you really are ready.
If, after all that, you still decide you want (and can cope - that part is imperative) a baby, talk to your boyfriend with no qualms, and no hinting, about it.
The worst he can do is say he is not ready - and that is something you must respect, just as much as he should respect you are.
Hope this was helpful! Just ignore me if it wasn't!

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