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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Pregnancy and Parenting » my young sister may be pregnant

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Author Topic: my young sister may be pregnant
LunaPooka
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I am so very scared for her right now. She is 14. She had a condom break a week and a half ago and missed a few pills on her last pack. She's feeling naseus and her boobs hurt. I took a pregnancy test to her, but I told her to wait and take it in the morning for a more accurate result. She finished her last period about 3 days before the condom break.

I'm going to have a difficult time sleeping tonight. I'm more scared for her than if it was me having the scare.

I really want to be there for her regardless of the outcome. If it's negative, I want to help her follow through with her decision to use an easier method of birth control, like depo. If it's positive, I want to make sure she makes the right decision for her. My mother and brother will both try to influence her decision (in opposite directions) and I want to keep that from happening.

What can I do to best help her?

Posts: 5 | From: Illinois | Registered: Nov 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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It sounds to me like you're batting a thousand already.

Even if she has other negative influences, having just one fully supportive person -- you -- can make ALL the difference. If you can support her no matter what, then she has a best-case scenario here.

I'd also suggest, if the test is positive, helping her find a good reproductive options counselor to talk with to help her figure out what choice is best for her. In Illinois, you've no shortage of pro-choice resources.

(Just one FYI? Depo can be REALLY hardcore, and may create some bone mass problems in women as young as your sister. So, while having a reliable method of birth control is key, you both don't want one that isn't healthy for her AND if she's unable to communicate with partners so condoms are used properly, and remember to take pills, it may be more productive to talk with her about how ready she is for sex, period, first and foremost.)

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
LunaPooka
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I'll definitely be taking her to Planned Parenthood soon for confirmation on the results of the home test. A counselor is an excellent idea. I want definite unbiased information. We have the Hope Clinic that isn't too far from us and that may be a resource we end up tapping. I'm sure they have counselors there. I've been reading up on things tonight, just in case I need the information in the morning.

One thing is for sure, my brother cannot find out. He would verbally berate her and call her a baby-killer if she even thought about abortion.

But I will support her no matter what. It's her body and her life and no one else has the right to tell her what she should do. She will be the one to live with whatever decision she makes and she has to pick what is right for her.

That said, I'm against the pill in her case. I don't even trust myself to take a pill everyday and I'm relatively responsible. And it really doesn't seem worth all the stress it's causing right now. I discussed lots of options with her when she first started birth control.

I'm on the Ring right now, and I love it. But she doesn't think she would be able to insert and remove it. (In my opinion, she shouldn't be having sex if she can't touch herself intimately, but that's not going to make her stop now.) Depo was my first method of birth control and from what I understand, the calcium supplements are essential while on it. My doctor said it gets a bad rap in the US because our diets are so bad.

I gave her the sex talk when she was 8 and I've brought it up from time to time since then. I talked to her about being ready, being in a relationship, safer sex, std's, and birth control.
She's made her decision and I feel I gave her as much information as I could. She's made mistakes, but I can't protect her from everything. I've been providing her with condoms whenever she needs them and stressed that she needs to use them every time.

She's going to call me first thing in the morning. Sigh. I hope I hope, I hope it's just a scare. All those factors could easily add up to a pregnancy. But I know I shouldn't start to worry until we know.

I already told her that I will support her if she has to make a decision, regardless. I just hope she isn't faced with that.

Posts: 5 | From: Illinois | Registered: Nov 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
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Just double-checked on the Hope Clinic for you:looks like a good choice.

(And oh boy, you're in THAT part of Illinois: no fun place to be for choice issues. used to have to drive that way to see friends in St. Louis, and twice, I got tailed just because of my bumperstickers. pretty harrowing with all the anti-choice billboards everywhere. My sympathies.)

Per birth control, when it comes to that, I'd just suggest she talk to her GYN or clinican about all her options. If she can't take a pill every day, she can't take calcium every day either, and you can research some more and see that bone mass an adolescents per Depo are a big concern of a lot of GYNs and pediatricians (calcium supplements are what are gerenally advised for older women, past all of puberty on Depo: the concerns really are larger with younger women, and if your doc is just dismissing that, I'd be wary). Her clinican could, for instance, let her try a ring in the office to see if it could work for her. The patch is also an option.

(They might also be able to talk to her about limits and boundaries with partners, too: sometimes, hearing things from a more distanced third party can be of help.)

All that said, Luna, you sound like you are and have been stellar here, and are one helluva a big sister. Your sis is in really good hands, here.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
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One last thought before I go to bed.

Just wanted to make sure that you or your sister didn't think that her having sex previously, and what she continued to choose to do, was like being unable to unwind a clock.

In other words, just like anyone else, once we start to become sexually active, if for any reason, that's not beneficial to us, we can always choose to take a break from it until it is again. Since at 14, the majority of young women who are sexually active aren't usually (there are exceptions, of course, but they're just that) having the best time ever sexually or emotionally with it, and it's a lot more stressful for them than it is for many women even just a couple years older, AND clearly managing birth control is a challange for her, if you haven't, it really might be worth having some discussion about how it's sage sometimes for any of us, at any age, to take a vaca from partnered sex when the time just isn't best for it.

I think we often forget how a lot of younger women don't have many people reminding them of that, and often have to deal with a lot of pervasive (and generally negative) cultural messages that once they've agreed to sex once or in a given relationship, they are henceforth obliged to have it, or may as well continue to, since they are seen as "sullied" in some way already. No matter what she chooses to do, it's important she does hear from someone she knows doesn't have an agenda and cares about her well-being, exclusively, that she isn't in any way obligated to keep having sex if it isn't what she wants, for herself, or feels up to managing right now.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
LunaPooka
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You mean there are places that don't have anti-choice billboards everywhere? :-)

I don't even notice it anymore. The billboards are nothing when your Catholic high school shows you a video of supposed aborted fetuses with Meatloaf's "I Will Do Anything For Love" playing over it.

We are lucky to have the Hope Clinic and a Planned Parenthood nearby.

I was quite a few years older than her when I was on Depo. So perhaps that's why I haven't heard about this risk to really young girls.

I will definitely remind her that she doesn't have to continue to have sex. I really hadn't even thought of that and it's a good idea. But her and her boyfriend are so far up each other's butts that they actually refer to themselves as being "married". I also know that it's much easier to slip down that path once you've already been down it and I'd rather she be on some kind of birth control anyway just in case.

The little stinker forgot to call me this morning.

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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I think you can make that reminder and she can still be using a relaible bith control method: seems to me that those things combined are really the optimal approach.

quote:
The billboards are nothing when your Catholic high school shows you a video of supposed aborted fetuses with Meatloaf's "I Will Do Anything For Love" playing over it.
Lordisa.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
LunaPooka
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Well, the test came up negative. I still want confirmation. We're on Day 4 without power after this crazy ice storm. I haven't had much of an opportunity to do anything but keep warm. Did you know that Panera's free WiFi blocks your site? In fact they block the whole sex education catagory!
Posts: 5 | From: Illinois | Registered: Nov 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
jay_d
Activist
Member # 31787

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Did you know that Panera's free WiFi blocks your site? In fact they block the whole sex education catagory!

Courtesy of NYRA et al...

https://www.stupidcensorship.com/cgi-bin/nph-surf.cgi

http://www.scarleteen.com.nyud.net:8090/
(works as www.anything.net + nyud.net:8090)

http://razorthought.com/surfsafe.html

http://maazy.tripod.com/maazy.html

https://server3.kproxy.com/

-
...etc. The author of this post neither supports nor condemns the circumvention of censorship. Before undertaking any action, please consult with a qualified attorney to find out if such actions are legal in your area. Etc...

Posts: 54 | From: Cyberspace | Registered: Dec 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Hohum
Activist
Member # 29073

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If only we all had big sisters like you! My best friend has an older sister who I asked once about such things, she basically told me that sex would hurt like all hell and during your yearly they used a steel brush which was shoved up your vagina! Needless to say that scared me away from the gyno for many a year.
Posts: 79 | From: USA | Registered: May 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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