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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Pregnancy and Parenting » Well this is going to be confusing...

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Author Topic: Well this is going to be confusing...
John_Bonsan
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As I said in my previous posts, my girlfriend is expecting twin girls in January. Now, my brother's wife just delivered their daughter last Thursday. I have a sister who's eight months, and my girlfriend has a brother who's nine months. At first I thought "Oh this will be great. They'll have so many people to grow up with." And now, I'm just wondering, how am I going to deal with all these different roles, all at the same time? I have to play father to my girls, uncle to my neice, brother to the other two. From where I am now, it seems like it's going to be so confusing.

Any suggestions on how I should take on all these role seperately? Should I treat all of them the same? The way I act to my brothers is not the way I'd act to my daughters...But since my sister and my daughters will be around the same age...I'm just so confused on how I'll need to tackle this situation.

Posts: 103 | From: New York | Registered: Jul 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
logic_grrl
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If you think about it, you probably deal with all sorts of different roles in your life already: you're a son to your parents, a partner to your girlfriend, a brother to your brother, a student to your teachers, a friend to your friends ...

And yet, you probably don't find that confusing at all.

Your relationship to your daughters as a parent (where you have parental responsibility and very direct involvement) is naturally going to be different from your relationship to your niece or your girlfriend's brother. They may be the same age as your daughters, but you're not in the "parent" role to them, and you don't have to be.

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"Do not be daunted by the enormity of the world's grief. Do justly, now. Love mercy, now. Walk humbly, now. You are not obligated to complete the work, but neither are you free to abandon it." - the Talmud

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John_Bonsan
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Those roles are different though... Throwing the whole be being a parent into the equation just makes things so much different. I've always been a son, student, friend, brother...so it's natural. So within the next 4, 5 months I'm going to have to adjust to being a father and an uncle. And being a brother to a little sister. The thing that really seems weird is that it won't feel right considering my sister an equal to me, and having to be an authority figure to my daughters. That's what's really getting me...
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LilBlueSmurf
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You werent always a partner or a student ... There are roles you grow into and being a parent is going to be one of them.

Having a sister and daugthers around the same age need not be such a conflict. The roles are not the same and you can be both at the same time.

I think you may find this easier as time goes along ... Right now there are a lot of unknowns for you and that can make situations in which you're unsure of yourself and your abilities seem even worse.

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~ unknown

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