I watched a movie about a woman who had been adopted as a baby searching for her birth mother. She struggled with her identity (or lack thereof) all through her life until finally she was re-united with her mother. Then the fireworks really started: "Why did you give me up?" "Didn't you want me?" "Didn't you love me?" and all the other questions that had played havoc with her self-esteem from the moment she found out she was adopted.
What I wondered was would it be better for her if she had never found out as she never would have had the identity crisis? In this case is ignorance bliss?
Were you adopted? Are you a parent of an adopted child? I want to know what you think.
-------------------- Christianity is about love not tolerance. A friend who never rebukes you doesn't love you at all. Posts: 4 | From: New Zealand | Registered: Jul 2006
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I have two friends that were adopted, and they will tell you straight up that ignorance is not bliss. The people I know would much rather know that they'd been adopted, and they're OK with it. As one of them says, your adoptive parents are your parents.
It really depends on the person. Some people couldn't care less if they met their biological mother, while others feel incomplete without knowing.
Posts: 80 | From: Alabama, USA | Registered: Jan 2006
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I was adopted 3 days after I was born. My birth mother was 16 when she became pregnant with me, and decided to give me up for adoption. I'm not sure how much my birth father was involved in the decision, and I really can't remember how old he was, although my parents did tell me once. (Not that I don't care, just have a bad memory) She went through a private agency, and met my adoptive parents through that. My parents (all four of them, lol) had a few meetings (though never found out each other's names) and everyone decided this was a good match.
I'm 19 now, and legally allowed to search for my birth parents (was last year too actually), but due to recent changes in the Ontario laws on adoption, I can't do so until they fully implement the changes.
As soon as i'm able to, I'll look for them. It's a decision I made a long time ago. Even though I consider my adoptive parents to be my "real" parents (if that makes any sense), I'm still very curious to meet my birth family, or at least my birth mother.
I definitely don't think that ignorance would be bliss in my case, although maybe I would feel differently if I hadn't been raised knowing that I was adopted. My parents told me I was adopted even before I knew what it meant. IMO, that's the best way to go about it. I don't think it's fair to the child to keep them in the dark about this. It's a part of their identity after all.
If a person is surprised with the knowledge that the people they thought were their birth parents actually aren't, I can see a sort of identity crisis thing happening. I definitely don't see it as being a very nice surprise.
So, that's my two cents... Hope it made at least a semblance of sense...
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