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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Pregnancy and Parenting » Boyfriend

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Author Topic: Boyfriend
Member # 27142

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I'm having some problems with my boyfriend and open dialouge on the topic of pregnancy and the "What ifs..." that must inevitably come with sexual activity. There's protection involved-- but nothing's 100%, and we both understand that. I myself was concieved while my mother was on the pill...

Now, normally he's very open with me, and pretty mature about such conversations, but every time I try to tackle "What if we find ourselves dealing with impending baby?" he just freezes, rabbit-in-headlights style, and says we'll cross that bridge when we come to it (i.e. hopefully never) and it doesn't bear thinking about, never mind discussing.

But the problem is, I think I need to talk about it. Just in case. Because if at any time in the future I find myself pregnant, I'll probably panic if I don't have some sort of plan-of-action worked out already. I'm just the kind of girl that needs to know "the plan". [Smile] And obviously any plan has to involve his support.

Anyone else ever had such a problem? Thoughts on what to do?

Posts: 17 | From: London | Registered: Jan 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
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Souns like you need to draw a hard limit: this is a very reasonable need.

What I'd suggest is something to the effect of, "Look, I need to discuss the what-i's NOW, and until we can, I'm not comfortable having sex with you anymore."

Which, again, is reasonable: he's not the one who could wind up pregnant, you are, and this is a HUGE part of your sexual life and psyche. It's also incredibly wise to have this discussion, and personally, I wouldn't advise anyone in an ongoing sexual relationship where procreation is a possibility to BE sexually active until they can have it.

Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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