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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Pregnancy and Parenting » Should we try for a baby?

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Author Topic: Should we try for a baby?
pinkprincessprincesspink
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Ok, my bf and I have both come to the conclusion that we wanna have a baby, BUT, here's the catch, we want to do it without having sex, is there still a pretty good chance that i can become pregnant even without sex???
Posts: 66 | From: Carmi, IL, USA | Registered: Mar 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
idunno
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Is there a reason that you don't want to have sex to conceive a baby? The only ways that I know of that u can conceive without intercourse is artificial insemination or invetro-fertilization. Are you sure that you and your boyfriend are ready to have a baby right now in your life?
Posts: 17 | From: St. Catharines, ON, Canada | Registered: Apr 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
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...and yet, from what I can tell from your posts (and I may be mistaken) you aven't even started getting annual GYN exams yet, which you should do well BEFORE tryng to become pregnant in ANY way.

Even an immaculate conception, after all, were such a thing possible, would require prenatal care and your body going through pregnancy and labor, and if you're ready to parent, the least you're ready to do is the barest basics of the most vital first healthcare for a child.

You've also expressed that a pregnancy would create giant conflict in your family: http://www.scarleteen.com/forum/Forum10/HTML/000974.html, and expressed that you aren't emotionally ready for sex (http://www.scarleteen.com/forum/Forum3/HTML/005989.html), and I assure you, pregnancy and labor require the same sort of readiness, only vastly more so.

You're also 16, if I've gotten it right, and your boyfriend is only one year older. Where's your income coming from to support the giant costs of raising a kid?

(And I'm also on board with being very curious as to what the scenario is that you want to avoid sex with a hetero partner, and yet become pregnant and give birth.)


Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
pinkprincessprincesspink
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Well....I really don't know whhy i don't want to have sex, i guess it's beacuse the whole concept of sex kinda freaks me out a bit.But you have asked some questions that I never even thought of asking and I don't have the answer to either.........
Posts: 66 | From: Carmi, IL, USA | Registered: Mar 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
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Well, then it's time to look at those, because they're all really essential.

If, for instance, you can't feed, clothe, care for and house a child all by yourself AND yourself -- even if your partner suddenly isn't your partner anymore, which happens to a WHOLE lot of women sure it'll happen to everyone but them -- it's pretty unfair to a kid to be considering bringing them into the world intentionally.

When considering intentionally becoming pregnant, for a woman of any age, it's your kid you need to be thinking of first, before anyone else. YOU want a baby (which already sends off red flags, since babies don't stay babies for long at all). Why? Can you say with a good degree of certainty that it is in the best interest of a child for you to parent right now, rather than a bit later, when just providing for them alone -- practically, emotionally -- would be far less challenging even a few short years from now?

(And if sex freaks you out, I can all but promise you that labor would throw you for a serious loop. Havng a bowel movement on a table in a surgery room with a room full of nurses and a doctor, for instance, isn't for the skittish or shy. Labor isn't like it is in the movies. Do you know much about it? Have you talked to women -- especially women your age -- who have been through it? Talked to very young mothers? Listened to their stories about their daily lives? That's something you can do pretty easily when thinking about this stuff.)

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Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
pinkprincessprincesspink
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I understand what you are saying, I really do.
But I guess I can just wait to make the dreams of motherhood come true. Thank you for everything.......<sigh>

Posts: 66 | From: Carmi, IL, USA | Registered: Mar 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
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De nada.

And why the sigh? If later means a happier, healthier kid, and a more prepared parent, that is in NO WAY a bad thing.

That's what SHOULD be the goal, and by all means, if parenting is a dream for you, you can devote plenty of time to it right NOW by getting prepared: by finishing your education, by starting to take care of your reproductive health now, by researching ALL aspects of pregnancy and parenting, by getting a savings account going, etc.


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pinkprincessprincesspink
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Well the sigh was becuase i don't know how i can tell my bf....seeing as how he was really wanting to be a dad.
Posts: 66 | From: Carmi, IL, USA | Registered: Mar 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Gumdrop Girl
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Well, if your boyfriend is on his own, got a place to live and makes his own money, he can FOSTER a kid. Better yet, he can volunteer with Big Brothers and Big Sisters of America. They are an organization that puts adults with disadvantaged kids. He becomes a mentor to this kid, spends quality time together, learning things and ahnging out. It's great! And it helps keep an at-risk kid off the streets.

As for having a kid, trust me, if he can't meet the legal requirements to take in a foster kid, he's gonna have trouble getting the resources to raise his own. Let that be a decent measure of parental readiness.

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Heather
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(And if he really wanted to be a PARENT, in any way that wasn't just about him, then he really wants to be a GOOD parent.

Good parents don't rush in because of their own wants: they think about what is best for their kids.

And if he doesn't care much about being a good parent, better he's no parent at all.)


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pinkprincessprincesspink
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Ok first off we both have loving families that would not just discard us if i got pregnant and he is already a parent...but he has no contact with this chid beacuse of distance reasons
Posts: 66 | From: Carmi, IL, USA | Registered: Mar 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
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No one said anything about you not having loving families (though you, in the post of yours I linked to, did state your family would NOT accept a pregnancy).

If you two are going to be the parents... well, you two need to be able to be the parents. How do you think your parents might feel if you told them you PLANNED to become pregnant -- this isn't accidental -- and planned to rely on their support, housing, and financing without consulting them first (do you have any idea how much a childbirth alone costs, let alone raising a child? Is your boyfriend already paying child support for his existing kid for that matter? If not, why not?)? If you are still considering this and know you cannot pay for and care for a child yourselves, have you TOLD your parents what you'd like to do and asked if they want to be responsible?

Is this last post you or your boyfriend talking?

We've pretty much said our peace here: Scarleteen as a whole is not supportive of people having babies recklessly, or for their own aims, with the child's best interest being second in line. It really is that simple. Obviously, you get to make what choices you want to make regardless, but you asked what some of us thought, and we shared it.


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pinkprincessprincesspink
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just forget i ever mentioned
it ok...i've alreafy talked to him and i told him that we obviosly can't handle this right now.......so you win, no baby!

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ladydexter
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quote:
Originally posted by pinkprincessprincesspink:
just forget i ever mentioned
it ok...i've alreafy talked to him and i told him that we obviosly can't handle this right now.......so you win, no baby!

This entire thread wasn't about "winning". You wanted opinions, we gave. It is extremely difficult for a teenager to raise a child - even with supportive partners and parents. Take it from me. Mom was one of seven, and only two of the seven didn't have babies to care for as teenagers. Any of my aunts and uncles will tell you how hard it is to raise a child when you are really little more than a child yourself.

Babies are very expensive, and difficult to care for, was all we were saying, and that you should consider your financial status, and also your emotional status, before taking on that responsibility. It is ultimately your decision, but you need to be sure you can support any child you bring into this world. Babies, much like dogs, are not just for Christmas - in having a child, you sign away the next eighteen years of your life to care for it, and so many teenagers in this day and age don't realise the amount of work that having a baby takes.

We're not here to tell you "hell no, you're too young!" - we're trying to make you see all the angles, and consider things you might not have done when you thought about this.

Fostering and indeed babysitting are alternate options if you really do want to care for young children - and babysitting can be a fantastic demonstration of how demanding babies can be. Take it from the girl who babysat her cousin when she was only young - babies are hard work!


Posts: 336 | From: Manchester, UK | Registered: Apr 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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