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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Pregnancy and Parenting » so I'm pregnant and..........

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Author Topic: so I'm pregnant and..........
hottness
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ok so I'm pregnant. (14) The father who is 19. Is kinda abusive. we get drunk all the time, and then he wants 2 have sex, but I don't. Thats what kinda throws him all out of wack. So we were over at his house last night and we got drunk. Then we started to talk about the baby again. Once again he told me to have an abortion. I told him that I didn't want 2 then he started hitting me. I didn't really think that I was gonna make it out alive. My question is should I live him? Even though I love him and he is my baby's father? Plz help me.
Posts: 26 | From: utah | Registered: Jun 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
mommy4life15
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Read what I wrote in Support Groups.

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~*~Ashley~*~
Proud mommy to Rylee Nicole!


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Heather
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Moreover, read ALL the replies to your posts you have already made (and do please respond in those posts, rather than making new ones, if you would).

You're also talking about potentially staying pregnant and giving birth: if that is something that is even a remote possibility, you need to stop drinking NOW. Drinking greatly compromises the health of a child AND a pregnant woman.

You should by no means be around this guy ANYMORE. Period. And an abuser isn't someone a child should be around, either. In fact, you should consider reporting him to the police, as he's broken the law more than a few times over at this point: by assaulting you, by having sex with you in the first place.

If you continue to put yourself in danger, we really can't do anything to help you, and same goes for *all* the poor choices you're making.

It's past time for you to seek out help and support from the resources you have already been given or your parents. You clearly cannot manage this on your own -- few people could, especially at your age.

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KittenGoddess
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Sweetie...have you been listening to anything that anyone has said here?

Clearly this is not a good situation for either you or a potential child. You deserve to be in a situation where you are loved, not abused. Nobody deserves to be abused. You need to leave. Immediately. Abuse hardly ever just stops on its own, it gets worse and worse until someone ends up severely hurt or dead. Is that what you really want? And what do you think will happen to your child? Individuals who abuse their partners often abuse their children as well. Do you want your child to be hurt or killed by your partner? No matter how much you may love him hon, he is clearly not showing love for you. Love does not include hitting, ever. So it's time for you to love YOURSELF. And the best way to demonstrate that is by getting yourself out of this situation ASAP.

I am not sure where in Utah you are located, but grab the nearest phone book and find the number of a women's shelter. There are people there who can help you and your child get out of this situation. Secondly, you need to talk to someone you trust about this. One of your parents or another relative, even a close friend. Somebody needs to know what's going on with you. You said in one of your previous posts that if you told your family or friends they would "kill you". I highly doubt that is true. Family and friends are the ones who love you unconditionally and stick by you during the hard times. Sure, we may upset or dissapoint them sometimes, but that's part of being a human. They love you and will want to help you out. And it sounds to me like the one who is more likely to "kill you" is your abusive partner. So have a little faith in your family and friends, let them help you.

Finally, please understand that if you want to carry this pregnancy to term, you MUST seek medical care ASAP. It is essential to have good care during a pregnancy so that both you and the child are healthy. Also, you must stop drinking, immediately. Continuing to consume alcohol while you are pregnant can lead to fetal alcohol syndrome and/or other physical, mental, and developmental disabilities for your baby.

Don't wait on this stuff. Go to your family and/or call your local Planned Parenthood. You need to get out of this situation and you need to do it immediately.

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Sarah Liz
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hottness
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thanx for all of ur help. I don't think that I can just leave my boyfriend like that. I love him and he loves me and my daughter. He is just freaked out the same as I am. He can't take care of another child. So I think thats y he is doing all of this.
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Heather
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Do you already HAVE another child?

Stress or freaking out never excuses abuse or gives it reason. Abusers abuse without reason. It's textbook for those being abused to look for reasons or excuses, but that's your victimization talking. It's not reasonable or logical.

An abuser will abuse when there are no "reasons" at all.

Loving someone who mistreats you, do you think that's a sound choice? Think that's a choice a good parent would make for a child, to put themselves and a child in danger of injury all the time?

I cannot express to you quite how vital it is that you IMMEDIATELY remove yourself from this situation and seek out help.

[This message has been edited by Miz Scarlet (edited 06-17-2005).]


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hottness
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yes I already have another child. I know, but still since I love him so much I can't just leave him. He loves my daughter also. So I couldn't just take her away from him like that.
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Gumdrop Girl
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how old is the daughter?

You need to leave him. He hits you, which means it's only a matter of time before he starts to beat your children. Are you going to wait for him to hit her? No, if you're a good mommy and care about your kids, you take them AWAY from danger. That includes a guy like your boyfriend.

Also, if you want to keep your new baby, you NEED to stop drinking. Alcohol will hurt your baby's brain and cause mental retardation as well as some deformities and disabilities. Please stay healthy for your baby.

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hottness
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She just turned 1 on June 8th. I've tried 2 leave him, but when I did that the first time I ended up in the hospital which made me go into premature labor. I don't want 2 do that again. I want 2 stop drinking but I can't.
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Gumdrop Girl
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He beat you when you tried to leave?

Okay, now let's figure out why you can't stop drinking.

Do you crave alcohol?
Who buys the alcohol?
Where is your family? Your parents?
Did they drink?
Your boyfriend drinks all the time, does he make you drink with him? Does he put booze into your drinks when you don't want it?

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LA County STD Hotline 1.800.758.0880
Toll free STD and clinic information, and condoms sent to your door for Los Angeles County residents.
1 in 3 sexually active people will be exposed to a STD by the time they turn 24.


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Heather
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Hottness, I'm confused.

In this post -- http://www.scarleteen.com/forum/Forum2/HTML/006819.html -- you report that you started having sex at 13. You report that you are 14 now. Your daughter just turned one on June 1st, which means you would have become pregnant in August or September of 2003, when you were 12?


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hottness
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yes I do crave alchol sometimes. He buys it. Whenever he drinks I have 2 drink with him.

for mis scarlet. I never said that I started having sex when I was 13. But yes I did start having sex when I was 12.


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hottness
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my parents haven't and never will drink. c they are mormon. so am I sort of
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mommy4life15
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Hon, he is abusive. You need out now! No one should make you drink or hit you or force you into sex!!! No one! Thats rape and abuse. Go to the police, he can't hit you if he is arrested. It doesn't matter if he says he loves you or if you love him. If he hits or forces you into things you don't want to do then he can't possibly love you. Do you want him to start hitting your daughter? What if you were to be 4 months pregnant and he punches you in the stomach? What if you had a miscarriage? He would be in jail for murder. Seriously, think about your children and get away from him.

------------------
~*~Ashley~*~
Proud mommy to Rylee Nicole!

[This message has been edited by mommy4life15 (edited 06-17-2005).]


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hottness
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I CAN'T!!!!!!!!!!
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ladydexter
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Can't is not a viable word here.

I work in a child abuse solicitors. I see people every day who were raped, beaten, sexually assaulted... and every last one of them ran away. Even the ones who had been placed in care homes ran away to protect themselves.

If a seven year old kid can run away from the bad man who tried to rape him, you can up sticks and leave too. Don't say you can't. No amount of love can excuse abuse.

And I think you'll find leaving him will help with your alcohol dependency.


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hottness
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I just want to let everyone know thank you for all your help and support. I am now living with my x boyfriends mom. She is the only one who cares about me right now. I am getting prenatal care for me and the baby. If it wasn't for you guys I don't think that I would be here right now. My boyfriend wouldn't have killed me, but I would have killed myself. Thank you for all of your help.

hottness


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Heather
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You should be informed that at your age, you cannot simply move to another adult's house legally, something another adult will well know. You will all need to do so through social services, even if your parents gave permission. They cannot simply relinquish/exchange custody of a minor in this regard.

Your school will notify this woman of that very shortly and your parents as well. If you are getting government/welfare assistance to care for your first child -- which I can only assume you must be to pay for her costs, since you can't work at your age -- your agency will also make this clear.

(And FYI, did you visit that link? Because you did indeed say there you started having sex at 13, not 12.)

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Heather Corinna
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hottness
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I didn't mean 2 put that I started having sex when I was 13. It must just b a typo. Thanx for the info.
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hottness
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um... Ok I have another question. Can falling down the stairs cause a miscarriage?

Thanks for everyone who has replied to my topic. It helped me a lot.


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LilBlueSmurf
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Yes. If you think you're experiencing a miscarriage, you need to seek medical help immediately. Get offline, go to the hospital. If you can't get there by yourself, call 911.
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hottness
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Thanks a lot for all of ur help.
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hottness
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Just to let you all know I wasn't having a miscarriage. Just thought I would let u all know.
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LilBlueSmurf
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Did you see a doctor? Bleeding from the vagina during a pregnancy is never a good thing and should always been looked into.

If you haven't seen a doctor, and you ARE experiencing bleeding right now, you really can't know that you're not having a miscarriage ... You're putting your baby and your own health at serious risk here by waiting.

That all said, i don't really see how you could've been to see a doctor in such a short amount of time, or how you've come to decide that what you're experiencing isn't a miscarriage.

Please do clarify.


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hottness
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Like u would know how long it would've taken me. I went and saw my best friends mom who is my doctor and she said that I wasn't having a miscarriage.
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JamsessionVT
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hottness, there is no need to be rude. Smurf was simply asking a clarifying question. There have been a few discrepancies in your story (you DID, by the way, say that you started having sex when you were 13) and in order for us to try and help you, we need the the whole story.

(just paying credit where it's due. Smurf's been nothing but patient and investigative in dealing with this, so she deserves big props ~gg)

[This message has been edited by Gumdrop Girl (edited 06-27-2005).]


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hottness
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I am really sorry for being rude to all of u. Especially Smurf. And as far as me saying that I started having sex when I was 13 it was a typo. Just to clarify I started having sex when I was 12. Which story do u want?
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Heather
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We do not want ANY stories, and that's the issue here.

As made clear in our user guidelines, we not only ask -- but require, for any users continued use of the site -- that users be honest when posting here.

That is especially critical in posting about crisis situations such as domestic abuses and statuatory rape matters, because it allows us to determine both what advice we're giving and when it may be time to try and track a user by their IP/email and call in extra help for them outside the site.

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Heather Corinna
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ST homepage ST blog about Heather & Scarleteen


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