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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Pregnancy and Parenting » July

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Author Topic: July
tiaxmarie
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I am a 17 year old hig school graduate, engaged, working full time as a manager of a fast food restraunt, make pretty okay money, and have a fiance in the military.

Right now he is in Iraq, but is expected to have a two week leave in July. I track my cycles, BBT, and CM, and have been doing so for about a year. My periods are regular, but I have endometriosis. My doctor told me that I probably will not be able to conceive because of this after age 22-23. Thats pretty young to have children.

My problem is this: I do not use contraceptives due to religious beleifs and personal morals, and it has never been an issue. I have been sexually active for 2 years and never used BC and have never been pregnant. I recently went through treatment for my endometriosis, and most of it has cleared up. According to my records, I should be ovulating during the time my fiance is home.

He really wants to have kids right away, and I am sure we could financially support a child. With the money he gets for hardship duty pay plus housing allowences, benifits, paid education, I think we could easily do it. My only issue is that he is in the service for another four years, and he could be sent to Iraq at any point during this. If i ended up getting pregnant in July, he wouldnt be here for the first 4 months of my pregnancy, and then after he was home, he may miss out of some very crucial times in his child's life.

What I am wondering is if any of you could voice your opinions and tell me if you think its a good idea or a bad idea to not use contraceptives while he is home this July. I will be in ovulation and there is a much higher chance of pregnancy now that I have completed treatment.

I really want a child, but is it fair to take the chance of him/her not having a father for a year at a time?

[This message has been edited by tiaxmarie (edited 06-10-2005).]


Posts: 30 | From: Maine, USA | Registered: Feb 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
amw17
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Well I will put it this way, if you both want to have it then you should both follow your heart. If things end up were ater on you wanna ave kids and u cant there are many resources ot there. So i say just do what your heart says to do. Your heart will never lie to you
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tiaxmarie
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thank you. there is no guarentee I will get pregnant within those two weeks, but I'm kind of hoping I will!
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Heather
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Actually, YOU are likely the most important factor here.

Pregnancy and first-year parenting is HARD, hard. hard. Can YOU handle it on your own for that time?

Talk to some young, new Moms. Get a sense of what you'll need to do on your own and see how you feel about it. Of course, considering your partner is in the military during effectively wartime, hard as it is, it's worth looking at, if the worst happened, you could parent on your own the whole of your child's life, too. How might you manage if you miscarried alone? How will you afford daycare and work at your job when you're on your own? Who would you have as an emotional support system, in-person, while you're pregnant and a new parent? And so forth.

After you look at THAT, then start thinking about your kid as well, about your partner and the rest. But to get to any of that, you'd have to get through -- and want to -- the pregnancy, so start with thinking about you.

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Heather Corinna
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tiaxmarie
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thanks miz scarlet. I spoke with my parents today, and they said they would support me 100% if I did get pregnant in July. I honestly think witht he family I grew up in, and my fiance's family, this child, and myself, would have all the love and support we would need. thank you again!
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KittenGoddess
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Just as an additional note, I know you mentioned he was your fiance, but you did not mention marriage plans. To the best of my knowledge, you would not be elligible for any of the support available to military families unless you were legally married. So while he would receive hazard pay, benefits, etc. you would not necessarily qualify. Love and support are wonderful things, but the simple act of pregnancy and giving birth are expensive prospects if you do not have financial assistance. And raising a child can be very pricey - perhaps even more so if the worst were to happen, as Miz S mentioned. So while it's good that you have supportive people around you, do make sure that you've thought logically about how this would work out.

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Sarah Liz
Scarleteen Sexpert (and Labia Lady)


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tiaxmarie
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thats a good point, thanks. right now i am covered under my moms insurance, an we are getting married at soon as I turn 18. He also receives all of his medical, dental, and other insurances throught the military for 18 months after he returns home, for free, after that, it is discounted for veterans. Im really hoping the worst does not happen, though if it should, I feel confident I would be prepared. Plus, there is no saying that I would get pregnant before he was home for good anyway, after all I havent seen him in five months, and he is only home for two weeks.

Thank you all for all your advice, it had made me think of a lot of things I wouldnt have thought of on my own.


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KittenGoddess
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I'm not sure how your mother's insurance works, but with some policies, you would be covered (ie. the pregnancy would be covered) but as soon as you gave birth, your child would not be covered by your mom's insurance (unless you were to do something like sign over custody to your mother). Insurance is tricky stuff and you have to make sure you check everything and read all the fine print before you assume that anything will be paid for. You will also want to make sure that you are clear about what his insurance will be for when you marry (and thus could receive coverage under his policy). Insurance does NOT pay all of the bills. There can still be deductibles and co-pays that may be high depending on what policy he choses. The insurance he receives after he leaves the service may not be the same as it is while he is serving. Some services may not be covered and there can be additional requirements (such as requiring him to go to a VA hospital to receive certain treatments or tests) depending upon what level of service he qualifies for. Additionally, sometimes family members do not quailfy for continued insurance once the service member is no longer in the service.

I'm not trying to convince you not to consider a pregnancy here. But as someone who deals with insurance issues in a medical office on a daily basis, it is incredibly important to make sure that you really are clear about these things before you make a decision. Simply giving birth can cost several thousand dollars without insurance. Even with insurance, there will still be costs and there will at least be some time during the process where you will have to be off work. Should something be wrong during the pregnancy or afterward, that could lead to more bills and more missed work. Again, I don't want to paint a bleak picture here. But these are all things that it is important to research and consider very carefully before plunging headlong into a decision like this. It's fine to say "we can do it" or "oh, it'll all work out", but it generally works out better with less stress and angst for everyone involved when you have really sat down and gone over the fine points. Talk to other young military mom's so that you understand what that's like. Have your mom contact her insurance and inquire about your coverage in the instance of pregnancy and birth. Have your fiance call his representative and discuss how his insurance during and after his service period will cover you and any child you have. And then sit down and actually commit the numbers to paper. How much do you really make? How much does he really make? In the event of something bad happening, what would be his income then (or what would you, as his wife, receive)? How much is a pregnancy going to cost? Are you talking about doing this on a shoe-string or could you comfortably manage? Would waiting leave you in a better position? Just a few more things to consider.

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Sarah Liz
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tiaxmarie
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Just a little update: We got married! July 16, 2005! Happily married for one month today. More good news. My last mentral cycle started on June 23, 2005. He came home for a two week leave on Thursday July 7th,and returned on Saturday July 23rd. According to my records and calculations I should have ovulated on July 9th or 10th, on a 30 day cycle, ovulation on the 14th day. Anyway, to make things a little less confusing, It is now August 16 and I am almost 8 weeks pregnant. I am expecting our precious baby around the end of march 2006! Everybody is excited, and we couldnt be happier. I know being a teen mom will be hard, but I know with the support of my new husband, and our families, everything will be fine. He hopes for a girl, while I, a boy, though either will be fine with both of us. The best part; no morning sickness yet, just happy days. Thank you all for all you advice and support!
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wilddove
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congratulations, i hope everything works our well for you itsounds like you have a very caring supportive family
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gubblebum
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quote:
Originally posted by tiaxmarie:
According to my records and calculations I should have ovulated on July 9th or 10th, on a 30 day cycle, ovulation on the 14th day. Anyway, to make things a little less confusing, It is now August 16 and I am almost 8 weeks pregnant.

Congratulations! Just a question, though: How can you be 8 weeks pregnant if you ovulated on the 9th (assuming you were correct with your calculations)? That was only 5 weeks ago.


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LilBlueSmurf
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It usually depends on how you count. You can go from your last menstrual period (LMP) or from the predicted ovulation or conception date.

The LMP date is usually about two weeks earlier than the conception date. Most people (doctors included, from what i've seen) go by the LMP.


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