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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Pregnancy and Parenting » My daughter could be pregnant!

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Author Topic: My daughter could be pregnant!
mommateach
Neophyte
Member # 22126

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Hello,
I am a Mom who really cares about her children. I care very much who my 17 year old hangs around with. This is why when she chats on the computer, I snoop and read her logs when she is at work. I KNOW it's bad, but I just need to know. I am a very nervous person. Anyway, there were 2 logs when she chatted with 2 girlfriends. To both of them, she said that she had sex with this boy who has been after her all school year. He has called, talked to her @ school, etc. She also told a boy she REALLY likes that this other boy TRIED to have sex with her but she refused. I am unsure what is true...did she or didn't she. I am now very concerned because she last had her period on Dec. 22. She did not get a period on January 22 or there about. This sexual encounter allegedly took place on January 3rd. Now, she has been late with her period before...as much as missing a month. Tomorrow, it will be 2 months. I kind of approached her about it last night. I did not tell her I know about the sexual experience. I did tell her that I am very nervous about her not getting her period. Her answer to me was "I don't know why you're worried if I'm not worried...there is no reason to be worried, Mom!" I made sure I told her if there is a reason that it is OK and she can talk to me about it. My nerves are killing me...I don't know what to do. She is a senior and is going to the Prom with the boy that she really likes who is from a great family. I just don't want her life to be screwed up. Please ease my nerves. I told her that if she does not get her period by Friday, she has to get a test. What has me very nervous is the fact that the 3rd of January is 2 days before ovulation if her period was on target. I am correct that if her period was going to be late, ovulation would be late too?
Thanks for listening!

Posts: 1 | From: Hazleton, PA USA` | Registered: Feb 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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You know, caring does not necessitate invasions of privacy.

No one here is going to tell you how to parent, but it sounds like you already know that what you're doing is a pretty massive breach of trust, and not something likely to instill your daughter's trust in you.

We cannot know what she did or did not do: perhaps you might consider ASKING her, and being honest this time about your snooping?

If you don't chart her cervical mucus -- and how could you? -- you can't know when she ovulates reliably, and irregularity of periods does not dicate same for ovulation. But given her last period, there's no reason to wait longer for a pregnancy test. Now is well beyond a fine time to do so. If she has not started annual GYN visits, a good first step would actually be to schedule those for her now, including a full STI screening, which everyopne should have annually. She can get a pregnancy test at that time as well.

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Heather Corinna
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katherose
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I think i would freak out if I found out _my_ mother had been snooping through my stuff. A better way to go around it might have been to just tell her what you were worried about. If you think she might be pregnant, you could either a)come out and say, "I snooped through your stuff and I think you're pregnant," or b) leave a home pregnancy test out. If she might be pregnant, she will probably take the hint and use it. Also, I find it a little creepy that you know her cycle like that. She is 17, let her be a bit.
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tofutticutie
Activist
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that makes me feel sad. it sounds like you guys have a *fairly* open relationship. Have you considered just talking with her about her sexuality? i've found that as i've gotten older, and realized that my mom accepted my sexuality, i've really enjoyed being able to talk to her about [almost] everything. my mom keeps the conversation lighthearted and enjoyable. maybe don't take things sooo seriously that it makes her uncomfortable to talk about it, but also make her aware of your concerns. she'll probably open up to you:) And then, hopefully you wont feel the need to snoop.

I can see why you'd be worried, but you've got to stop snooping, because your daughter is your friend. try to get information from her. open up to her first, and she will probably follow suit.

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amw17
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Member # 23383

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i am 19 and able to tell my mom everything because she has accepted the fact that i am a mother now myself and there is nothing she can do to stop me and my boyfriend from having sex, since we live togethe.
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X1342666
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Member # 23381

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Egad! my mom is like that but i am fortunate she knows less about comptures than a rock and still has to ask me to help her check her e mail. You really should be more open about it if you snoop with her best interest at heart you should tell her what you did, say you are very sorry for doing it, and that you are concered for her, and secondly, stop doing because chances are she isnt going to trust you at all, my brother did that to me and i still dont trust him with anything meaning i dont even tell him my friends names anymore. she will most likely be mad at you, but think about it, how would you have felt if your mother had read through Your stuff? hmm?
Posts: 2 | From: plano texas USA | Registered: May 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
JamsessionVT
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X1342666, it's really not necessary to add the prying bit at the end. Several people have already stated (including Miz S.) that what the mother did wasn't OK. It's not necessary to restate that, and even less ok to be rude about it.
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SweetHypnotiq
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Member # 23568

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I think if your daughter the type to keep to herself, you might have NO CLUE what shes going through. My mom found out so mant things through SNOOPING AROUND. im glad she did, cuz now, i dont have anything to hide from her. She was worried also when i was late on my period, and she took me to the clinic, and i was 1 month pregnant, at 15!
I lover her to death, shes always been there for me, so if your daughters pregnant, just be there for her, AND talk to her. Let her know you'll always be there.

Posts: 9 | From: Baldwin Park, Ca, U.S | Registered: May 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Superlevel
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Member # 23673

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Edited by the Smurf: ... Not helpful. This user came looking for advice, not to be insulted. Please refer to the guidelines ... And follow them.

[This message has been edited by LilBlueSmurf (edited 05-31-2005).]


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La_bratti
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Member # 23733

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WOW mom....first let me say you are a mother of a teen the same age as many of the users here, so its unlikely many would agree with you, or your methods even if they know its for the greater good.(something to do with that age old fight of adolesence against parents/adults )
...I say good for you mom, I have a very young daughter and try as I might to foster good communication with her now so when she is 17 she will come talk to me, who knows what will happen? BUT If I honestly felt she was in trouble I would tap the phone lines...snoop, follow her, read notes, diary's, or WHATEVER I felt was needed.
Anyway, Your daughter is older and I would say you have to respect her as an Older "child" now...Keeping in mind how you react when she does come to you with something that she thinks is GOD awful....be there to support/help her and not put her down!
GO mom/daughter TEAM (just a corny mom)


[This message has been edited by La_bratti (edited 06-05-2005).]

[This message has been edited by La_bratti (edited 06-05-2005).]

[This message has been edited by La_bratti (edited 06-05-2005).]


Posts: 20 | Registered: Jun 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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