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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Pregnancy and Parenting » pregnant??

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Author Topic: pregnant??
Member # 15351

Icon 1 posted      Profile for confusedmom     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
This is actually a question for my friend...I know you're all prob'ly thinking, yeah sure...But honestly it is. I've already had my baby. My friend just found out that she is pregnant, she is now in a relationship for about a month and a half and she the guys she was with before wasn't serious, just kinda "pals" I guess you could say. He's not in the picture anymore. She thinks she should just tell her b/f that it's his but don't tell the real father at all. She thinks because the men involved are both black, they won't know the difference. I think that's scandalous but she doesn't see it, I wanted to know what ppl thou7ght of that so I can show her.
Posts: 21 | From: Regina, SK, Canada | Registered: Nov 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Member # 653

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Your friend needs to be completely honest. There may be health issues in the biological father's family that could seriously affect this kid's future -- cancer, heart disease, etcetera. AFAIK, she could also get into legal trouble for misrepresenting who the father of this child is.

She owes it to herself, to the child, and to both men to tell the truth.

Posts: 1287 | From: Missouri | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 7343

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I totally agree with Aria51 on this one.

If your friend and her current beau end up breaking up, and end up with a legal battle, chances are the first thing the guy's lawyer is gonna ask for is a paternity test. Which, obviously would be a huge issue, and once the guy finds out the baby isn't his, there is going to be a whole mess of legal problems. He can ask for all the money he has payed, back!

On another side, if your friend decides to put the child up for adoption, then she is going to need consent from the biological father, or once again, major legal problems.

just because her current boyfriend is not the biological father, doesn't mean that he cannot be a role model for this child. If things work out between them, he can be a valuable influence in this child's life.

A friend of mine, never put the father on the birth certificate. She didn't want the father to ever have anything to do with them. Which meant she could never get any support from him. In her case, it was the best option. In her son's case, the biological father never fought her over it either (mostly cause he is not a very nice person, but I digress....). This certainly isn't an ideal situation. A decision that should not be taken lightly. If it is something that your friend thinks might be best, then she needs to see a family lawyer. I see you are in Canada, so you can get a legal aid lawyer, who will discuss family law issues for you for free, or at a discounted fee. It is in your friend's best interest to at least look into it, if she thinks it is gonna be 'messy'.

Tell your friend, there is no other course-be honest.

Mommy, my boogers are yummy. Here try some! (I real conversation with my 2.5 year old)

Posts: 234 | From: Ottawa, Ont, Canada | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 15693

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She should be honest. It would be just plain stupid for her to tell another man that its his kid. Itd hurt him, the baby, and most likely her in the end. my opinion..
Posts: 29 | From: Augusta, Georgia, USA | Registered: Nov 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 15351

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Hey all, thanx for the advice...I showed this page to my friend and she was shocked, she didn't know that all of that stuff could come out of what she was thinking of doing. She wouldn't listen to friend of 10 years, but she'd listen to you guys!! haha how's that for a trusting friendship? Well just wanted to say she's keeping it and going to tell the father he's a daddy and her b/f that he's not the dad but can be as much a part as he wants.

Posts: 21 | From: Regina, SK, Canada | Registered: Nov 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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