Donate Now
  New Poll  
my profile | directory login | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Pregnancy and Parenting » dealing with partner's emotions

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!    
Author Topic: dealing with partner's emotions
Dani
Neophyte
Member # 4223

Icon 9 posted      Profile for Dani     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I know it is to be expected that people change when they are paniced or scared, but ever since my boyfriend and I have thought there is a chance I might be pregnant (he's 18 and I'm 16) he has totally changed. He is telling me things like if I am pregnant and decide to keep the baby I will ruin his life (he wants to give it up for adoption), and how I would be ripping away his dreams and things like that. But what about my dreams? What about my need to be with my child? Am I really being selfish for wanting to keep my baby? All he wants to do is sign off for his parental rights to someone else, what should it matter if I keep it or not? Please someone tell me I'm not alone here!!!!!

------------------
~Dani


Posts: 36 | From: Flint, Mi, USA | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Zanney
Activist
Member # 8696

Icon 2 posted      Profile for Zanney     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Okay - the very first thing you need to do is confirm whether you actually are pregnant. As you may have read around the place, the best way to do that is to take a home pregnancy test 10-14 days after unprotected sex (with a repeat test a while later to verify the results). There is no point in either of you getting upset for no reason.

Should a home test indicate you are in fact pregnant, a trip to the doctor or planned parenthood is in order - they can confirm this, and in many cases, offer counselling.

Counselling may be a good idea in your situation. You, and your boyfriend particulary, are obviously quite scared and unsure. Although it is NOT the end of your life, your dreams and amibitions, to have a baby so young, when the news first hits you, it is quite easy to believe so.

Counselling will help you both work through these issues. Ultimately though, it is your body, and nobody can force you to do anything with your baby if you don't want to. Although your boyfriend (may be) the father, which is an important stake, you have every right to keep and raise the child without feeling guilty about "destroying his life".

Good luck to you both!

Rose-Anne


Posts: 419 | From: Tivoli | Registered: Jun 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
confused333
Activist
Member # 6450

Icon 1 posted      Profile for confused333     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
quote:
Originally posted by Dani:
But what about my dreams? What about my need to be with my child? Am I really being selfish for wanting to keep my baby? All he wants to do is sign off for his parental rights to someone else, what should it matter if I keep it or not?

Try and talk to him about it and make a compromise. You don't have to give up everything. But think about what is best in this situation.

Ask him things like, 'what if i were to keep the baby' and see what he says. Because chances are if he doesn't want a baby that much he might not be a supportive father.

If you don't want to give up your baby, don't. You don't have to go along with him, but talk to him, explain your feelings and see if you two can't come to some sort of compromise. You can still live your dream with a child, it just might be a little harder.

And like Rose-Anne said, a pregnancy test would be good so if you aren't you don't need to be worrying about all this.

Good luck

------------------
Why does a rose represent love, when a rose always dies??

Friends are like condoms, they help out when things get hard.


Posts: 473 | From: Virginia | Registered: Jan 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Aria51
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 653

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Aria51     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Y'know what? When I got pregnant, my boyfriend said the same thing to me. I decided having the baby was more important to me than going along with what he wanted, and now I am raising my son on my own. My ex is on his own and doing what he wants to do, and it works out perfectly for both of us.

Of course, if the thought of raising a child without a partner isn't one that sits right with you, that's all good too; however, I just want you to know that if you do end up going it alone, you won't BE alone.


Posts: 1287 | From: Missouri | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
angelicmadrigal
Activist
Member # 8854

Icon 2 posted      Profile for angelicmadrigal     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
quote:
Originally posted by Dani:
Am I really being selfish for wanting to keep my baby? All he wants to do is sign off for his parental rights to someone else, what should it matter if I keep it or not? Please someone tell me I'm not alone here!!!!!

I don't think your being selfish at all. It's completely witin your rights to want to keep your child. If you can provide the child with a safe, loving , nurturing environment then I don't think you're being selfish at all.

AS far as your boyfriend goes he's acting like a child. As far as my oppinion goes if he couldn't handle the possibility of having a child he never should have had sex in the first place. Anyway, as far as giving up his parental rights, who cares if he does, if he CHOSES not to excercise his rights that's HIS problem not yours. Just make sure he fullfils his FINANCIAL obligations to the child. Who knows, maybe years down the line when he grows up some he may actually CARE that he has a child.

I wouldn't expect any emotional support from this guy, so it looks like you're going to have to find that elsewhere in your friends and family.

Oh and try taking a pregnancy test. If you aren't pregnant I still wouldn't suggest hanging around with this guy. What if something like this happens again? Will you be able to depend on him? Probably not.


Posts: 100 | From: Ohio | Registered: Jun 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Dani
Neophyte
Member # 4223

Icon 5 posted      Profile for Dani     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Well I found a way to be able to take the plan B pill Monday morning, so I hope it works. I don't know what to do now. He was never like this before and now that we think there's a chance things might be ok he's back to the person he was before. I don't want to leave him, he's been so loving and supporting in any other situation. Well if anyone else is dealing with something like this you are in my prayers. Good luck to all the soon-to-be-moms and teen mothers out there. After this kind of a scare I have even more respect for you than I did before.

------------------
~Dani


Posts: 36 | From: Flint, Mi, USA | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Gumdrop Girl
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 568

Icon 3 posted      Profile for Gumdrop Girl     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Discussing pregnancy options with your partner: http://www.scarleteen.com/forum/Forum2/HTML/000832.html

------------------
"In God we trust. All others must pay cash..." faw-choon kookie say.


Posts: 12677 | From: Los Angeles, CA ... somewhere off the 10 | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Aria51
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 653

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Aria51     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
From the Plan B website:

Plan B is an emergency contraceptive or "morning-after pill". It can prevent pregnancy if taken within 72 hours after unprotected sex (if a contraceptive fails or if no contraception is used). Plan B contains levonorgestrel, which is a synthetic hormone (progestin) commonly used in birth control pills. Plan B is not the same as an abortion pill. It does not work if you are already pregnant.


So if it's been more than 72 hours since your unprotected intercourse, and if you are definitely already pregnant, don't bother taking Plan B. Instead, consult a physician.


Posts: 1287 | From: Missouri | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
duckling
Neophyte
Member # 9531

Icon 1 posted      Profile for duckling     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Hm. This whole thing with your boyfriend is worrisome. It seems like he's really not thinking about you or your baby at all, which is a bad sign. The bottom line is that if you are pregnant and you decide you want to keep your baby, you're going to need some support from him. Talk to him about that, and make sure you have an adult whom you trust to talk to about possible pregnancy. You don't have to go through this alone...school counselors (who, as far as I know, will keep pretty much anything you say confidential), a teacher, your parents, the parent of a friend...but it's good to have an adult's input and guidance. Good luck!
Posts: 36 | From: US of A | Registered: Aug 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Zanney
Activist
Member # 8696

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Zanney     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
quote:
Originally posted by duckling:
You don't have to go through this alone...school counselors (who, as far as I know, will keep pretty much anything you say confidential)

Just a note duckling:

Doctors and counselors are bound to keep everything confidential unless the wellbeing of their patient is under threat (eg: they state their intent to commit suicide, in which case the relevant people are notified). Other than that, anything that is exchanged with such a professional must be kept in confidence.
So yes, talking to a counsellor is a good idea.


Posts: 419 | From: Tivoli | Registered: Jun 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Aria51
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 653

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Aria51     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
quote:
Originally posted by duckling:
The bottom line is that if you are pregnant and you decide you want to keep your baby, you're going to need some support from him.


While support from the boyfriend is nice, if one party isn't willing to freely give it, it isn't a necessity -- emotional support can come from anywhere.


Posts: 1287 | From: Missouri | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
negative*nancy
Activist
Member # 877

Icon 4 posted      Profile for negative*nancy     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Okay, directly from the mouth of the horse.

My childs father said the exact same things as your boyfriend.

Frankly, it's not his decision to make, whether or not you keep your child. Period.

This does however, mean that you are directly related to this person for THE REST OF YOUR LIFE, something that i probably didn't think too much about when i got pregnant. I assumed he would be much like other young fathers and take off.

He did stick around however and periodically likes to make me absolutely miserable.

Don't get me wrong, he can be helpful and supporting, but he is also really immature, and has trouble handling the responsibility.

I am glad though, that he has decided he wants to take an active role in our son's life.

We try to co-parent as much as possible, but we both have VERY different ways of parenting, although there is a middle ground (albeit a small one)

If you are in fact pregnant, it's a good idea to sit down and talk about being a parent, and your beliefs about the subject.

Also, one thing i would have done differently with my X, is i would have gotten him more involved with the pregnancy.

Anyway, i gotta take off because my son just woke up from his nap...


Posts: 361 | From: toronto, ontario, canada | Registered: Aug 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
confused333
Activist
Member # 6450

Icon 1 posted      Profile for confused333     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
quote:
Originally posted by Dani:
Well I found a way to be able to take the plan B pill Monday morning, so I hope it works.

So I guess you decided not to keep the baby if you are indeed pregnant?

------------------
Why does a rose represent love, when a rose always dies??

Friends are like condoms, they help out when things get hard.


Posts: 473 | From: Virginia | Registered: Jan 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Gumdrop Girl
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 568

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Gumdrop Girl     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
confused, that's not quite how emergency contraception works. if Dani is already pregnant, she can't take those pills. The pill packet will most likely include a pregnancy test. If it comes up negative, she can still take Plan B to prevent an implantation. If it comes up positive, then Dani will definitely need to have a talk with her boyfriend.

------------------
"I am so smart, I am so smart, s-m-r-t....I mean s-m-A-r-t." Homer J. Simpson
"Mmm ... floor pie!" Homer J. Simpson


Posts: 12677 | From: Los Angeles, CA ... somewhere off the 10 | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
confused333
Activist
Member # 6450

Icon 1 posted      Profile for confused333     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I know how the how emergency contraception works. I was just wondering that if she planned on taking those, had she decided she didn't want to keep the baby anyways.

------------------
Why does a rose represent love, when a rose always dies??

Friends are like condoms, they help out when things get hard.


Posts: 473 | From: Virginia | Registered: Jan 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Dani
Neophyte
Member # 4223

Icon 14 posted      Profile for Dani     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I only used Plan B to try to keep from getting pregnant, I would still keep the baby if I do get pregnant, but if there was a way to prevent it I was going to try. I took a pregnancy test today that came out negative *BIG HUGE GIGANTIC SIGH OF RELIEF*. But if something happened that it might be wrong I would still keep the baby, even though it would be so difficult.

------------------
~Dani


Posts: 36 | From: Flint, Mi, USA | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
negative*nancy
Activist
Member # 877

Icon 4 posted      Profile for negative*nancy     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
even though the test came out negative, you should probably take a blood test to be sure.

there is a chance of an HPT producing a false negative.


Posts: 361 | From: toronto, ontario, canada | Registered: Aug 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

  New Poll   Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Contact Us | Get the Whole Story! Go Home to SCARLETEEN: Sex Ed for the Real World | Privacy Statement

Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.

Powered by UBB.classic™ 6.7.3