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Author Topic: pregnant need help asap
scared teen
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i am 16 years old i am pregnant i am almost 2 months and i am scared my mother is trying to make me have an abortion, my soon to be husband is 19 years old i need to know if 1 can he go to jail for it. and 2 can my mom really make me have an abortion.
Posts: 1 | From: cincinnati, ohio usa | Registered: Jun 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
~jess~
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check out age of consent laws for your state. I would talk to you mom about it and tell her that you want to keep it and you feel like you can handle it. also for more surpport go to girlmom. they will give you more then needed surpport.

edited for link
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i love matt
my world

[This message has been edited by ~jess~ (edited 06-10-2002).]


Posts: 278 | From: Oregon | Registered: Dec 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Milke
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To my understanding, you're legally able to have sex in Ohio, and there's no way you can be forced to have an abortion. Causing anyone to undergo surgery which is both unnecessary and undesired isn't something that any states endorse.
Posts: 5122 | From: I *came* from the land of ice and snow | Registered: Aug 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
DarlingBri
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No, your mother cannot make you have an abortion. Do not allow her to force you to terminate a pregnancy you do not want to terminate.

You do, however, have the legal righ to an abortion in the US if you want one.

Talk to your mother. While this is a difficult time for a lot of families, it is also something a lot of families do have to deal with. It needn't breakdown your relationship forever.

You need to really think about what you want to do. If your mother is pushing for abortion, it's sort of natural to push back the other way and say "no, we're going to have a baby."

In this other thread here, you'll find a list of some issues you may not have considered, and some links to other info about being a teen mom:
http://www.scarleteen.com/forum/Forum10/HTML/000300.html

Have a read, come back if you need to

------------------
Hope this helps,
--Bri


Posts: 848 | From: London, UK | Registered: Aug 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
angelicmadrigal
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You're 16, you're engaged....You're so young.
What does your fiancé think about all this? It is his child too remember, and if the two of you are getting married why in the world is your mother pressuring you into an abortion.

My question is though were you engaged before pregnancy or after? If the answer is after , is that why you're getting married?

On another point, I'd suggest you start making a network of CLOSE friends that you KNOW will stick by you when things get tough.
With your fiancé working to help support you it will be hard, but you NEED to finish your schooling, at least highschool. I KNOW it'll be hard, but you have to MAKE yourself do it.
Are you going to be working outside the home as well? If so make sure you find a realiable baby sitter BEFORE the baby is born.

And why is your mother pressuring you? Have you talked to her about it? YOu're at a delicate age...at sixteen your body in't really ready for childbirth and complications can arise. Maybe she is just as scared as you are? I'm sure she loves you and does not want to see you get hurt. BUT it is YOUR and your finacés baby and it is ultimately your decision. My advice to deal with your mother is be as calm as you can, and try to understand her point of veiw. I know it's hard, but breaking ties with the woman that gave birth to you will make you feel a lot lonelier when you have your own child.


Posts: 100 | From: Ohio | Registered: Jun 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
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quote:
Originally posted by angelicmadrigal:
at sixteen your body in't really ready for childbirth and complications can arise

There is no viable medical information to support that assumption as an umbrella statement. While certainly there are numerous -- mostly economic, cultural, political and emotional -- reasons why 16 is not an ideal age for most women in the western world to become pregnant and rear children, that is not because their bodies are physically unable.

Let's be sure we're not being fallacious to try and make other points, because physically, most women in their late teens are as physically able as older women, and in regard to some medical and physical issues, even more so.

If you're interested in looking into that, I'd suggest a basic OB/GYN manual. There are a couple of very good books explaining that propagaandist stance as well, but they appear to be missing from my bookshelves currently. if you're interested, when they show up, I'll post the titles.

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Heather Corinna
Editor and Founder, Scarleteen

My epitaph should read: "She worked herself into this ground."
-- Kay Bailey Hutchinson


Posts: 67076 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
angelicmadrigal
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Actually I think you're the one that is mistaken. The female body is NOT normally finished growing at the age of 16, therefore having another living thing growing inside of you takes up the energy in the body of the young woman that would NORMALLY be being used for her own growth.

((Yes, the statement I made is a genralization. I myself was finished growing at the age of 14, but that is not normally the case for most girls.))

Also the fact that you're assuming I know nothing of teen pregnancy and some of the medical risks that INCREASE the younger the woman is. In fact an aquintance of mine's mother nearly died ( and she seemed to be a perfectly healthy 16 year old) when she was born. Just as certain risks increase as a woman gets older (say in her late 40's and early 50's) there is an increase of certain helth risks to the mother and child the younger the mother is. If you'd REALLY like some documenaion on this I am SURE I can find something reputable.


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Heather
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If you have information supporting that as something which is physical only -- NOT based on inadequate heathcare, lack of prenatal care, poor nutrition, poverty levels and the like -- I certainly would like to see it.

Because in working in this field full-time, en masse, for well over five years at this point, I have yet to see anything which states as much that is NOT propaganda in terms of those risks for your average 16-year old that is based on physiology and physiology alone.

I'm not assuming you know nothing about this, madrigal, but based on other posts of yours and your statements here, I was led to assume that human sexuality and reproduction was not something you had intensive background, experience or education in. It's fairly clear some of your knowledge there is limited, and given what I do for a living (this),I can usually make reliable judgement calls in terms of a users knowledge base by reading a few of their posts in the same way an English professor can look at an essay and get a good idea of how much a student knows about syntax or grammatical structure. If I am mistaken in that assumption in terms of you, my apologies.

In the interim, you'll find that highly reputable organizations like the Mayo Clinic and the American Association of Obstetrics clearly state again and again that they have NO data to support that complications in pregnancy in teen women are because of their age and body development alone.

Even a report like this one -- http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/news/fullstory_8024.html -- which finds some risks and complications which are higher in teems (yet also other data which shows that teen women do not have certain risks women older than their teens do), makes clear that in finding those risks, there is not evidence that supports that being so due to age alone, and every reputable medical source I know of which has studied teen pregnancy over long periods of time has nearly always found clearly that teens do NOT usually recieve or seek out adequate prenatal care, information on nutrition and adequate nutritional supports, and lifestyle changes that all pregnant women need to make, which greatly influences pregnancy risks for anyone of any age.

Lastly, in terms of physical development, that certainly CAN be a factor, especially when you are talking about pregnancy in those below their mid-late teens. However, given a few other important factors (earlier ages of sexual development over the last 20 years, differing rates of not just overall growth, but phases of puberty, changes in national and international nutrition and obstetrics), from all the currently available information from the most reputable medical sources, thus far, I have yet to see any evidence that suggests we can simply state it being about age such as "16 is too young," because of physiological issues. And because any of us may know one or two people who had problems with it, we cannot reliably take a leap and then say not only that it must be a problem for all teens, but that it also must be physiologically based because that would SEEM to make sense.

And I'm not going to support those sorts of leaps here at Scarleteen because misifnnormation, or very subjective information, doesn't help any of us to be informed. If, as any one can, I or another staffer or volunteer errs in the information we give, I'm glad to have that corrected, but it needs be corrected with data just as reliable and proflific to support the correction as there was for the original stance.

------------------
Heather Corinna
Editor and Founder, Scarleteen

My epitaph should read: "She worked herself into this ground."
-- Kay Bailey Hutchinson

[This message has been edited by Miz Scarlet (edited 06-28-2002).]


Posts: 67076 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
angelicmadrigal
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[QUOTE]Originally posted by Miz Scarlet:
If you have information supporting that as something which is physical [b]only -- NOT based on inadequate heathcare, lack of prenatal care, poor nutrition, poverty levels and the like -- I certainly would like to see it.</b>

I'll see what I can dig up for you.

As far as my experience goes, it's not part of my TECHNICAL education. I'm Sr. major in Inernational Studies actually.
However I have worked with our local teen pregnancy task force here in my hometown, as well as our local teen pregnancy support group. I've also been involved in the Girl Scout Contemporary Issues Program....one of which involves teen pregnancy.

I will agree that aqaquate prenatal/postnatal CARE, and the resources available to pregnant young women is MORE of a problem than the physiology is HOWEVER I refuse to concede that the lack of final development in girls age 12-16 is still an issue.


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angelicmadrigal
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quote:
Originally posted by scared teen:
i am 16 years old i am pregnant i am almost 2 months and i am scared my mother is trying to make me have an abortion, my soon to be husband is 19 years old i need to know if 1 can he go to jail for it. and 2 can my mom really make me have an abortion.

********************************************
Something else I forgot to suggest is IF YOU and your fiancé decide to go ahead and have this baby make sure you have means of getting aqequate care ( both physical as well as mental).

I hope I didn't scare you earlier.

At any rate I'm not sure waht you and your boyfreind's economic situation will be BUT babies are EXPENSIVE. A canister of formula alone can cost 13 to 15 dollars, and tose go fast. BUt fear not, if you need financial assistance Programs like Women Infants and Children (WIC) are out there to help you if you need it. Don't be ashamed if you need help. Also check with your local community department of health or family services and see what kinds of prenatal/postnatal programs are available, and encourage your fiancé to go with you.

You CAN be a good mom it just takes work, but there are peple out there willing to help you get there.


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DarlingBri
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There are plenty of perfectly healthy teenaged mothers who delivered babies with NO problems. I really do not want to entertain fearmongering on this boards; thanks so much for understanding that.

As for babies being expensive, I think we have numerous posts that enlighten teenagers on both what the financial costs of children are and what your life as a young mother may be.

However, let's stop with the formula assumptions right now. Yes, that is an added expense. Breast feeding, however, is free and is the best nutrition you can give an infant. The World Health Orgainisation and the Ammerican Association of Pediatricians all endorse breastfeeding until at leat one year of age. No formula can compare with breast milk.

Some women may choose not to breast feed or find it too difficult ot have other problems, and that is FINE. But please, let's not encourage a default assumption that formula feeding is the first recourse.

quote:
and if the two of you are getting married why in the world is your mother pressuring you into an abortion.

FYI, the marital status of this couple is neither here nor there. Being married is not a good reason NOT to terminate a pregnancy, and being unmarried is not a good reason TO terminate a pregnancy. Scarleteen is Pro-Choice, and that means every woman makes her own choice specific to her personal life circumstances. Martial status is but one part of that, and for a lot of people, it's insignificant.


Posts: 848 | From: London, UK | Registered: Aug 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
angelicmadrigal
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quote:
Originally posted by DarlingBri:
However, let's stop with the formula assumptions right now. Yes, that is an added expense. Breast feeding, however, is free and is the best nutrition you can give an infant. The World Health Orgainisation and the Ammerican Association of Pediatricians all endorse breastfeeding until at leat one year of age. No formula can compare with breast milk.
FYI, the marital status of this couple is neither here nor there. Being married is not a good reason NOT to terminate a pregnancy, and being unmarried is not a good reason TO terminate a pregnancy. Scarleteen is Pro-Choice, and that means every woman makes her own choice specific to her personal life circumstances. Martial status is but one part of that, and for a lot of people, it's insignificant.

*******************************************
First off I was using the formula comment as an EXAMPLE (both of the expense, and what sort of things W.I.C. does provide). I'm well aware of the benefits of breast feeding, but I ALSO know not everyone does it.

Secondly, the forum MAY be pro-choice, but I am personally not, but we won't go there, and that's the last time I'll post that.

Thirdly, since the young lady said "soon-to be husband" I assumed that meant they were engaged, my fault sorry.

Lastly, It didn't sound to me like the girl WANTS an abortion, it sounds like her MOTHER wants it for her. I'm just trying to give a a practical oppinion to what I think is a very poor situation in a nice way, rather than saying what I really think of what the girl's mother is doing to her.


Posts: 100 | From: Ohio | Registered: Jun 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
DarkChild717
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Keep in mind that in the late 1700's and the early 1800's, girls were married with children right around 14 and 15 years of age, sometimes younger. Men were much older, as they generally needed land and wealth to get married, but the life expectancy was much lower as well. Just thought I'd point that out.

Back to the topic at hand, my question is why is your mother trying to force an abortion on you?


Posts: 2789 | From: The Evergreen State | Registered: Jun 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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