I'm worried about my friend, She's having sex with her bf, she's on the pill and everything! but she said if she was to ever get pregnant, she would just beat herself so she ended up havin a miscarriage.
Can people really do this? Why does it make people have a miscarriage?
Beating yourself in the stomach when you think you are pregnant or are pregnant will not cause miscarriage, probably just some bad bruises and stomach pain. DIY attempts to cause abortion or miscarriage will not only not work, but can put your life at risk.
You might want to advise your friend about local resources where she will get real help in case of unwanted pregnancy, and might remind her that using a back up method of birth control with the pill, such as condoms, will lower her pregnancy risk significantly.
if she attempts to cause her own miscarriage, she's at serious risk of things such as not being "successful" and causing her baby to be born with severe defects. or she could rupture her uterus or any other nearby organs (spleen, kidneys, intestine, etc) and cause herself to hemmorhage. both of these are very dangerous to her health and that of a child she could be carrying.
*sigh* if this is how she's going to hndle the situation, then it's pretty clear that she hasn't really thought things through and is probably not ready to be having sex. but i hope you'll be a good friend to her and maybe bring her around to read the articles and tell her what she needs to know before she tries anything dangerous. take care!
------------------ I bust my arse so that I can get somewhere in life, so why am I not there yet?
Posts: 12677 | From: Los Angeles, CA ... somewhere off the 10 | Registered: Jul 2000
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I dunno what to do anymore! She worry's so much, she's a good person really she's 18 so she aint that young. She knows what she's doing i think?!? We're both AVCE Advanced science students So we know what could happen to her if she done something so STUPID!
She's on the pill and she uses condoms but she wont stop worrying that she might get pregant from have sex, She says if something like that did ever happen to her (getting pregnant) her parents would disown her, And i believe this too. Her parents would never support her.
Could she go to a place where they done an aborition with out anyone knowin?
I dunno what to do, All i can do is stand by her, but i am not her mother. What should i do?
I've got to be completely honest here - If your friend is on the pill, and using condoms for all of her sexual activity, and is *still* worried and paranoid about pregnancy, she is in no way,shape, or form ready to be having sex. Really.
No method of contraception is 100%, but if these methods are used as instructed all the time, her chances of pregnancy are very, very miniscule. So, she has 2 options, continue using birth control and relax, or stop engaging in sexual activity that poses a pregnancy risk.
i think what's happening here is that the line is being drawn between intelligence and smart. you can prove Fermat's theorem and still not be capable of making certain decisions. you say your friend is a bright girl, but she's so anxious about the things that can go wrong that she's willing to do something extremely stupid (beat herself until she kills her baby, or herself).
Lisa D is right, your friend either needs to trust her contraception a little more (and she's also right that nothing can guarantee 100% effectiveness against pregnancy except for complete abstinance). or she's going to have to be smarter about her decisions should anything go wrong. If she can't accept the consequences in a responsible manner, then it really would be wise for her to hold off until she is at a point in her life where she can.
i do know where she's coming from. there was a time i was pretty sure if i got pregnant or wound up in any sort of trouble like that, my parents would disown me. maybe they would (but they probably wouldn't). if they did, at least i have enough education to get a job and take care of myself and any child i might have.
It's hard work being a friend, and it's heart wrenching to see them do stupid things, or even say stupid things. When you know a friend is being stupid and irresponsible, it can really get you down.
Do all you can for her, give her the information she needs, send her here, be there to support her and talk things over, maybe even give her helpline numbers for if she gets into a bad situation or just needs someone knowledgable and impartial to talk to (have a look at the British Family Planning Website for where to get help and support in emergencies).
If you do all this and she still persists in having sex she's not ready for, or making irrational threats about what she might do, then just take a deep breath, calm down, and tell yourself that she isn't really your responsibility. There's no point you losing your sanity over this. And there's no point you losing your friendship.
A lot of teenagers are headstrong, and dont like to take advice from anyone when it comes to issues like this, be it friends, parents, or teachers. Believe me, I spent 3 years at senior school screaming about condoms etc., and I still watched my friends go off and have all kinds of unsafe sex that they just weren't ready for. It drove me mad. It's sad, it's depressing, but you can only do so much. Give her the information and the support, but always remember you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink. Sad but true.
So, calm down a bit, try not to lose your cool with her, and just don't get too worked up. Good luck.
------------------ You wanna save humanity, it's just the people you can't stand-John Lennon
Witness the infinite justice of the new century. Civilians starving to death whilst waiting to be killed.
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